But fear and worry kept her feet planted to the spot as she leaned back against the wall for support.
“I’ve finally connected with Lila’s parents,” Denny was saying, as if ignoring Trista’s other question. “They’re back from their trip and they said they could help me out. I just have to figure out what to do about the cows.”
Lila’s parents? What to do about the cows? What was Denny talking about?
“Uncle Ben said he knew of a place I could take them,” Denny continued. “If I can’t, I’ll have to sell them before I leave.”
His words thudded like a cleaver in her soul. Leave?
“So you’ll keep the trucks when you go?” Trista asked.
“I’ll take them with me. Leave a couple here to finish off this contract. They’re what make me money. It’s the only way I can get my stake together. I have to think about the future.”
Evangeline stifled a sob at the words Denny used. The same ones her father always used. And now he was making the same choice her father always made.
Go to him. Tell him that you matter to him. Tell him you want to be involved in this decision.
Evangeline beat down the insidious voice. She had no claim to Denny or any input into his decisions. Besides, there was no way she was pleading or begging. She had done enough of that with her father. She had even come close to doing that with Tyler before she’d seen him with that other girl.
Dear Lord, I can’t do this. I can’t be left behind again.
Evangeline waited another moment, her feet rooted to the floor, clinging to a slim hope that Denny would say something that would change everything.
But all she heard was the clink of silverware and Ella’s burbling voice.
Evangeline pressed her hand to the sharp pain in her heart. She was losing them both. Denny and Ella.
And he hadn’t had the decency to tell her himself.
She dug down deep and pushed herself away from the wall, blindly stumbling over Denny’s work boots.
She caught her headlong fall by grabbing the bench close to the door, but she’d misjudged the distance and fell to her knees.
“Who’s there?” Denny called out.
Evangeline righted herself, scrambling to her feet. But just as she was about to reach for the door handle she felt Denny catch her by the arm.
“Evangeline. Are you okay?”
She was far from okay, but she wasn’t telling him that.
Instead she gathered the few remnants of pride she had left, shook his hand off and turned to face him.
“I’m fine,” she said, her voice cool.
“But your dress...”
Evangeline looked in the direction he was pointing, dismayed to see a large rip in the skirt of her favorite dress. The one her father had bought her the last time he had come rolling into town. Said he had bought it at some upscale store in the United States.
Not that it mattered what her dress looked like when her life felt torn from top to bottom.
“So, you’re leaving?” Evangeline asked, holding her head high, her chin up, trying desperately not to cry like she had the first time she had seen Denny. When he had come to give her news of another disappointment in her life.
But this one hurt so much more.
“Is that why you didn’t call me?” she challenged. “Because you’re planning to leave?”
“I had too much to think about. Too much to organize.”
“Was I somewhere on that list of things you had to organize?” she asked, unable to keep the challenging tone out of her voice.
The sudden frown on Denny’s face showed her she was being dramatic again. But she didn’t care. She had heard him. He had his plans in place.
Denny grabbed the back of his neck with his hand, pulling down. “Yes, I was going to talk to you. I just needed...” He sighed and looked at her. “I had a lot to organize. To plan.”
“I’m sure you did.” She grabbed the door handle, unable to keep up the pretense that her opinion mattered. That she had any part in his future. “I better let you get back to your plans.”
“Evangeline. Wait. I can explain.”
She stopped. “Explain what? Explain how you made all these plans without thinking I might want to be involved? Explain how you are leaving?”
Exactly like her father always left?
“It’s for a while. Just until—”
“You get your stake together.” Evangeline released a harsh laugh, repeating the words he’d spoken only minutes ago. She had heard this too often.
No. This time she would be in charge. This time she would be the one leaving.
“You know what? Let’s forget it,” she said. “I don’t want you to feel you have to involve me in your plans and I’m thinking you’re not the right person for me, after all.” She felt her words spilling out of a place of hurt and pain and a history of disappointment. But she couldn’t stop them. “I don’t think this would have worked.”
Stop. Stop.
But Evangeline didn’t listen to the voice of reason. She was beyond that.
“So I guess this is goodbye,” she said.
And then, before he saw her tears fall, she turned and ran toward her car. She got in and as she drove away she glanced in her rearview mirror.
Denny wasn’t even watching her leave.
She looked ahead, barely able to see the road through the tears filling her eyes. She blinked them away as sobs gathered like a storm in her chest.
What had she done? What had she said?
The truth. Denny was leaving. And he hadn’t bothered to let her know why or to ask her for her input. She didn’t matter as much to him as she’d thought.
Somehow she made it back to the store. Once inside she ran up the stairs to her bedroom, where she dropped onto the bed, letting the tears and sorrow overtake her.
And with them, reality.
Denny was no hero, after all.
Denny was just like her father.
* * *
“You need to go after her.” Olivia stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at Denny as he gathered up the dishes from dinner. He had been busy all evening sorting out his cows, trying to decide which ones to ship and which ones could go to his uncle’s ranch, so dinner had been late. Trista had left yesterday for a job interview and Olivia had taken Ella for a long walk. They had gotten back just when Denny had returned from a day of truck driving.
Of course he’d had to make supper. At least Olivia had washed Ella up, fed her and put her to bed.
“You need to talk to her,” Olivia continued, hugging her knees against her chest.
“And say what? Come away with me and be my beloved and live in a broken-down trailer while I’m gone for fourteen hours a day driving a gravel truck?” Denny snapped as he rinsed off the dishes. “Oh, yeah, and take care of my kid from another woman? Be a part of my disaster of a life?” Denny clenched his fists on the counter, stopping the flow of angry words.
“You might have given her the chance to think about it,” Olivia retorted.
Denny had entertained that thought a number of times. But he didn’t know if Evangeline’s feelings for him were strong enough to withstand the scrimping and scraping type of life he could offer her. And he couldn’t put himself through that again. Because seeing Evangeline leave would devastate him in a way that Lila’s leaving never had.
No. It was better this way.
Not much better, but at least he hadn’t made a fool of himself by declaring undying love to her before she’d said goodbye to him. This way he could leave with some measure of pride.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Denny said, growing quiet as he started setting the dishes in the dishwasher. “I have Ella to think about now. I can�
�t complicate my life any further. And you heard her. You heard her tell me it’s over.”
He hadn’t wanted to dwell on Evangeline’s angry words. On one level it made leaving easier.
But on a deeper one they’d rent his soul and heart in two.
Olivia didn’t reply and Denny hoped the subject was closed. Thankfully, Trista had kept quiet about the matter. She seemed to understand, better than Olivia, what Denny had to deal with.
“And you don’t mind leaving Ella with Lila’s parents?”
“They’re good people. I know they’ll take care of her.”
“But they’re not her father.”
“You think I want to leave Ella with Lila’s parents?” Denny asked, grabbing the box of dishwashing soap and dumping some into the dispenser. “You think it isn’t killing me to think of leaving that little ragamuffin with someone else while I head out for days at a time?” Never mind thinking of Evangeline, who was now out of his life.
“But there has to be another way,” Olivia said.
Denny was quiet a moment. “You could help.”
She released a tight laugh. “Sorry. I can’t.”
“Of course you can’t.” As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted his harsh tone. He had always been there for his sisters. For once he wished they could be there for him.
“I’m not in any position to do anything for anyone else” was her enigmatic reply. “Maybe later.”
“I don’t need later. I need now.” Denny shut the dishwasher and started it up.
“Trista has that job she’s heading for in a week. Adrianna is still gone. And who knows where Nate is,” Olivia replied.
“Whichever cutting horse competition is going right now,” Denny said. “Not that I could count on that loner to stick his neck out for a kid.”
Denny sighed then as he heard Ella rustling around in the crib, and his heart contracted. He had come to love that little girl with a love so deep it scared him. He had promised himself he wouldn’t let anyone close, but she had ingrained herself in his heart.
Her and Evangeline.
The thought of Evangeline created a twist of sorrow so strong, he almost groaned.
Evangeline. The woman who filled a space in his heart that no woman had. He had lost her, but he had to try to find some way to keep Ella.
“So what are you going to do? You can’t stay here,” Olivia said.
“That much is obvious.” Denny took in a long, slow breath. “I don’t want to talk about this now. I have a hundred phone calls to make.”
“I’m going for a walk,” Olivia said.
“I need you to stay with Ella.”
“I spent the whole day with her,” Olivia returned. “I need a few moments to myself.”
Then, without a backward glance, she walked out the door.
Denny blew out his breath and shoved his hands through his hair. Just once he wished things would go his way, he thought, feeling a stab of self-pity.
As soon as the thought formulated he pushed it back. He had problems to deal with, and dwelling on his bad luck wouldn’t help. And he had to keep himself busy.
It was the only way he could keep thoughts of Evangeline safely tucked away in the furthest reaches of his mind.
Chapter Fourteen
“‘The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him....’” Evangeline ran her fingers over the words of Lamentations, letting their truth soak into her soul. She had been reading her Bible more regularly of late and somehow Lamentations seemed to speak to her, especially that passage.
“Please forgive me,” she prayed, closing her eyes. “Forgive me for not putting my hope in You. For thinking I can find happiness in other places than in Your presence. Forgive me for not putting You first in my life.”
As they had for the past three pain-filled and empty days, her thoughts skipped back to Denny and that horrible moment at the ranch.
Any number of times she had reached for the phone to call him, but stopped herself. He was the one at fault. He was the one who didn’t think she needed to be consulted. He was the one who made all the decisions. He was the one who was leaving.
She wasn’t giving him any more power than he already had. It was the right thing to do, she had reasoned.
Then why did it hurt so much?
She covered her face with her hands, stifling a sob. She had been brokenhearted when she’d first met Denny. She should be used to it.
But this was far worse. Because while she and Tyler had been dating for years, in some corner of her mind she’d intrinsically known their relationship wasn’t built on anything lasting.
Tyler was romantic. Attractive. He’d had a good job and done all the right things. Brought her flowers and expensive gifts, taken her to the best restaurants.
And yet, it wasn’t until she’d started spending time with Denny that she’d realized what had been missing with Tyler.
Sincerity. Humanity. Selfless giving. And a simple faith in God.
So why had Denny done this to her?
Evangeline pushed herself up from her chair and, restless, walked down the stairs to the store. It was late evening and the security lamp at the back of the store shed a weak, pale light over the wooden floors, casting shadows across the bookshelves that mingled with the shadows from the streetlights outside. Evangeline had spent these past few nights here, taking inventory, rearranging books and creating new displays, trying to keep busy.
For so much of her life the store had been her everything. But now it was simply a building that held a booming emptiness left by Denny and Ella’s departure.
She knew he hadn’t left yet. Renee and Mia kept her updated even though she didn’t ask. Thankfully they’d sensed she didn’t want to talk about Denny though she had seen a question in Renee’s eyes more than once.
She stopped at the children’s section, thinking of the plans she had been so excited about a couple of months ago. The plans she would implement when her father signed the store over to her. That idea had consumed her life at one time. Now it didn’t seem so important.
She looked around the store once more. There was nothing to do here unless she wanted to rearrange the sections one more time in a useless bid to keep her mind occupied. She was about to go back up the stairs when the sound of footsteps reverberated in the hallway.
Who could be here? Who had a key to that door?
Her heart leaped in her throat. Denny.
Her feet barely touched the floor as she ran through the back room. A sliver of light shone out from under the door leading to the hallway.
She yanked it open in time to see a man inserting a key into the door of the apartment. Not much taller than her, he wore blue jeans, a wool sweater and a straw fedora.
Not Denny.
And as she caught the faintest whiff of cherry tobacco she realized who it was.
Her father.
He looked up as Evangeline’s heart quieted in her chest and she found her breath.
“Hey, sweetie. Didn’t think you would be in the store,” Andy said, straightening and walking toward her.
Evangeline’s heart twisted as she rearranged her expectations and reactions.
“Daddy” was all she could say.
Then, in spite of his absences and the accumulation of disappointments of the past few years, she ran to him and let him enfold her in the shelter of his arms. She pressed her face against the rough wool of his sweater, inhaling the smell of his pipe tobacco, letting her thoughts slip back to happier times.
For a moment she felt her sorrow overtake her and a sob crawl up her throat. Her dad was here. He would make everything better.
But then reality intruded and Evangeline pulled away from her father’s embrace. Her dad
had probably come because he needed something.
“So, what brings you back here?” she asked, disappointed at the faint trembling of her words.
“You, of course.” His voice held a note of hurt. “I told you I would come.”
Evangeline only nodded, still trying to adjust her emotions. “Do you want some tea or coffee?”
“Coffee would be great. I’ve been driving all day.”
She gave him a quick smile then walked back into the bookstore, flicking on a few lights as she went.
“Wow. Looks good in here,” he said, pausing by the back of the store to look around. “I like the new displays.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“So where were you putting that kid’s corner you were talking about?”
“Over there, beside the cash register.” Evangeline pressed her lips together, a painful yearning gripping her at the memory of Ella toddling around that corner of the store, waving a rattle and laughing at the sound, sitting on the floor stacking cardboard boxes on top of each other.
When Denny had decided to leave, he’d broken her heart twice. Once for him and once for Ella.
“It’s a great idea, poppet,” Andy said approvingly. “What were you planning to do here?”
“Why don’t we talk about that over a cup of coffee?”
Her father shot her a puzzled look that Evangeline ignored. She fought down her resentment at her father’s blithe attitude. He didn’t know what had just happened, she reminded herself. The last time they had talked she was full of plans for the store he was to sign over to her.
She had been so excited at that time.
Those expectations seemed like years ago instead of mere weeks. So much had happened to shift her expectations of life and love in that time.
She banished the thoughts and strode up the stairs, her father slowly following her.
A few minutes later she had a plate of cookies set out for him and a cup of coffee.
“Did you make these yourself?” he asked as he dunked one in his steaming mug.
Evangeline nodded. One of the many things she had kept herself busy with the past few days.
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