by Shana Norris
A man in a police uniform pushed through the crowd. He reached down, grabbing Jude around the waist and snatching him off the ground like he was nothing more than a rag doll. Jude twisted, but the police officer held his arms pinned to his sides.
“Break it up!” the man roared, spittle flying from his mouth.
Jude panted, but he relaxed slightly and stopped fighting against the officer. His face was red and the collar of his T-shirt was torn. Carter got to his feet, wiping at the blood that trickled from his lip.
“What the hell is going on here?” the officer asked. He looked around at each of us, but no one answered. “Well?” he snapped.
I looked from Carter to Jude and then back again. I was definitely better at being persuasive than physically breaking up a fistfight. “Please, officer, it’s nothing,” I said, trying my best at a smile. “A misunderstanding.”
The officer considered me for what felt like forever, then sneered. “Yeah, sure, sweetheart. Whatever this is, I want it off the property. Or else someone’s taking a ride to the city jail. Understand?”
He released Jude and I held my breath, expecting him to fly at Carter again. But Jude just looked at me. I couldn’t tell what it was that flashed through his eyes. Hurt, anger, sadness. My heart clenched as his gaze locked with mine.
“Whatever,” Jude growled. “I’m going.” He turned and walked away, not looking back at me.
The police officer crossed his arms and glared at us. “All of you out,” he snapped. “Now.”
I watched Jude walk away, his T-shirt snapping in the wind as he moved across the grass. A touch on my shoulder made me jump. Ashton. She had gathered our empty cups and napkins, and kept looking at Carter, who was rubbing his swollen lip.
“Let him go, Hannah,” she said. And I did.
Chapter Fifteen
“Hannah, please talk to me.”
I sat in one corner of the couch, my legs curled up under me and my hands squeezed tightly together in my lap. The light knocking on the door continued, but I didn’t move to answer it.
“Hannah,” Jude said. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
Aunt Lydia walked into the room, pulling her hair back into her messy bun. “I guess peace and quiet is impossible today,” she said.
“Sorry,” I mouthed to her. It was late afternoon and I’d been avoiding Jude’s calls all day. Now I’d been avoiding his knocks for the last fifteen minutes.
Aunt Lydia raised her eyebrows and nodded toward the door. “I think he’s covered the apologies already.”
“Were you painting?” I asked quietly.
She shook her head. “It’s my day off. Although, taking a day off when I don’t paint any other day is kind of ridiculous, isn’t it? It was Ashton’s idea that I take one day a week to free my mind.” She stopped and smiled. “You know, listen to the sounds of the neighborhood.”
Jude knocked again. “Hannah, are you in there?”
“Today, the neighborhood seems especially lovesick and whiny,” Aunt Lydia commented.
I rolled my eyes. “He’s not lovesick. We’re not in love. We’re not even dating or anything. We’re friends. Or were. Until he decided to make it complicated.”
Aunt Lydia sat down next to me and stared at the door. We both sat there for a moment, just listening to Jude’s continuous knocking.
“It doesn’t sound like he’s giving up any time soon,” Aunt Lydia said.
My phone started to buzz and ring on the coffee table.
“I hear your phone ringing, Hannah,” Jude called through the door. “I know you’re there. Just talk to me, please?”
“Talk to him,” Aunt Lydia said.
I groaned and covered my face with a throw pillow.
“I thought you hated him.” I said.
“I don’t even really know him, do I? Isn’t that what you tried to tell me before? We all have our bad moments, Hannah. What counts the most is how we make up for them.” She nodded toward the door. “You need to give people the chance to make up for it instead of cutting them off. Hear him out. I’ll be right in the next room if you need me.”
She left me alone with the knocking on the door and the ringing of my phone. I knew she wasn’t really talking about Jude. I still hadn’t returned my dad’s calls. I wasn’t ready to deal with that mess yet, so I stood and crossed the room. One problem at a time. I took a deep breath and let my face relax into a neutral expression.
Maintain the image of perfection, I thought.
I could maintain the image of perfection, no matter how bad things got.
Jude’s eyes widened when I opened the door, his fist in mid-air. He immediately let it drop to his side and looked to the floor, then ran it quickly through his hair. “I didn’t think you’d ever answer,” he said.
I leaned against the doorframe. “I didn’t think I would either.”
We stood there, facing each other in silence as a car passed. Somewhere in the distance, a dog barked then ripped down the road to chase the car. Some kids laughed, running after the dog. Everything seemed so normal out there, so much easier than what was going on inside Aunt Lydia’s house.
I stood up straight and smiled slightly. Image of perfection, I repeated to myself, even though my heart was racing.
Jude ran his hand through his hair again. He looked so nervous, even scared—I wavered, resisting the urge to wrap him in a tight hug.
“I’m a mess, Hannah,” he started. “I tried to hide it, I tried to get back into some normalcy, and then I go and screw everything up. Like I always do. Liam was the one who knew the right things to say and do. He was the one who kept me sane. Without him, I . . . I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
It hit me then just how lonely he must have been, spending all those months since his brother’s death cut off from the rest of the world. A hollowness ached inside me that I hadn’t felt since coming to Asheville. Back in Willowbrook, I was surrounded by friends and school clubs and awards. And yet it wasn’t until I came to Asheville that I stopped feeling so lonely and empty.
I crossed my arms, trying to steel myself against the look on his face. My mom’s words rang in my head. I wasn’t weak. I wasn’t in love. He couldn’t show up at my door, say a few words, and then I’d fall all over him. It didn’t work that way in the real world.
“Even if Liam was here, you couldn’t keep relying on him for the rest of your life,” I told him. “Sooner or later, you take control of your actions.”
He nodded. “I know. And I’m sorry for what I did last night. You weren’t answering my calls. I wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry that things went too far, I’m sorry if you feel like I pushed you or took advantage of you. I never meant . . . I just . . . I want my friend back.”
I heard Aunt Lydia moving around in the kitchen. I didn’t want her to know what had happened between Jude and me. I stepped onto the porch and pulled the door shut behind me, then sat down on the steps.
Jude sat next to me, his arm brushing mine. Someone was mowing a lawn in the neighborhood, and the smell of freshly cut grass hung thick in the air. The sun sank toward the tree-covered mountains in the western sky behind the houses of the neighborhood.
“I needed time to myself,” I said. “I told you before, I’m not looking for a boyfriend. I just got out of a relationship, and I was totally irresponsible at the end. There’s too much for me to think about right now. It makes me do stupid things. The wrong things.”
I couldn’t tell him that meeting his mom and seeing the way she was, the way she reminded me of my own mother, terrified me all the way to my bones. And I couldn’t tell him the truth about my dad.
Jude picked at a long piece of grass that swayed over the side of the steps at his feet. “We can forget it happened. I never set out to try to make something happen between us. It just did. But it doesn’t have to continue. I want you as my friend, for as long as you’re here.”
He gently took my hand in his and looked at me. His ey
es were still swimming with fear, but confidence, too.
“I care about you more than I’ve cared about anyone else since my brother,” he said.
His words made my anger soften. I nodded. “Just friends. I can do that.”
He looked at me and smiled, the relief evident in his eyes. “Let’s just go back to where we were,” Jude said. “We follow the rules. Don’t make things complicated. Be honest with each other.”
I bit my lip. Honesty, that was still my biggest problem. But I didn’t want to ruin the moment between us.
I nodded. I would keep following the rules, but not the new ones that had gotten me into trouble. “Rules are good,” I said.
“Do what scares you.” Jude bumped my shoulder with his. His eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, sending my heart plummeting into my toes. “I have a surprise for you, if you’re up for it.”
I pressed my hands together between my knees, trying to hide the shiver that ran through my body at his touch. Maintain the image of perfection. Unaffected, distanced, in control. “I’m not sure how much I like surprises.”
“You’ll like this one,” he promised me.
#
“So . . . where are we going, anyway?” I asked as Jude’s truck rumbled up and down the hilly road.
His mouth curled into a sly grin. “You’ll see. Just be patient.” He took his hands off the wheel, reached out and flicked my nose. I squealed and grabbed the wheel. He grabbed it back, slipping his hands over mine. I quickly snatched them back, folding them into my lap, and went back to pretending to admire the green mountains as we rolled by.
Just friends.
I’d suspected he was taking me to Chimney Rock again, but that changed when Jude started driving in a different direction. I watched houses and buildings pass as we drove on, but I had no idea where we were headed.
After a while longer, most of which I spent trying to pester Jude into telling me where we were going, we turned down a road with a sign that read: University of North Carolina Asheville. The campus opened up before us, spread out across lush green hills.
“What are we doing here?” I asked.
“There’s a new astronomy tower,” Jude said. “Just opened to the public. We’re going up there and look at the stars.”
My heart jumped into my throat as Jude found a place to park. I tried to focus on other things as we made our way across campus. It was quiet, with only a few people walking through the grass and along the sidewalks. I tried to imagine it during the fall, when students would be everywhere. It felt so peaceful, nestled among the blue mountains. I sucked in a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill my lungs and calm my nerves.
We found the astronomy building and climbed the stairs toward the observation roof. I gripped the stairwell tightly in my hand as we made our way higher and higher.
We emerged into the warm early evening air at the top of the building. There were a few people already on the roof, some adjusting huge telescopes and others standing near the wall surrounding the roof.
“You okay?” Jude asked me.
I gulped, but nodded. “I’m fine.”
“Come see the view,” Jude urged me.
I let him lead me toward the wall, telling myself to keep taking deep breaths. My feet dragged as we got closer to the edge.
“It’s okay,” Jude told me. He reached for my hand, entwining his fingers in mine and squeezing tightly. “Just squeeze my hand when you’re scared and I’ll squeeze back to remind you that I’m right here.”
I squeezed his hand as hard as I could and I felt him squeezing back. He stood so close to me, my shoulder brushed his bicep as we moved.
“I’m right here,” Jude whispered to me. Even though we weren’t alone, it felt like we were the only two people on the roof. Twilight fell around us and stars pricked the night sky.
“Just look at the view and don’t think about anything else.”
I stepped up to the wall with Jude close at my side and did as he said. I looked out at the lights that dotted the trees and mountainside around us. I looked at the last bits of the orange-purple sunlight as it disappeared toward the mountains along the horizon. It was breathtaking, a sight I would never have seen if Jude hadn’t urged me to look.
“It’s beautiful,” I whispered.
“See?” Jude said. “You never know what you’ll miss out on if you let fear hold you back.”
I turned to look at him and found my nose so close to his. My knees felt wobbly all of a sudden, and if Jude hadn’t been holding my hand, I might have lost my balance.
Clearing my throat, I stepped back and turned toward the telescopes. “Are we allowed to look through them?” I asked, hoping he couldn’t hear the weird high-pitched tone in my voice.
We spent the rest of our time on the roof talking with the students and professors manning the telescopes. They did allow us to look through them and they pointed out constellations and planets in the sky above us. Jude tried to help me find Ursa Major for about twenty minutes.
“It’s right in front of you, Hannah!”
“It is literally light-years away, jerk,” I said, trying not to let him see me smile while I struggled to distinguish it from countless other stars.
He stood right next to me until I found it. “Next time you’re afraid of being up too high, just remember there’s always something above you,” he said.
“That was amazing, Jude,” I gushed when we climbed back into Jude’s truck later.
“I’ve been waiting for the telescopes to open to the public,” Jude said. “I’ve always loved looking at the stars.”
“I’ve never done that before.” I said. “I mean, I’ve been camping and seen the stars, but I’ve never actually looked through a telescope before. How can something seem so close and faraway at the same time?” I wondered out loud.
He shook his head. “Liam had a telescope, when we were younger. But we were never very good at picking out constellations.”
As we drove under a street lamp, the light illuminated an envelope on the dashboard in front of me. I saw the familiar logo of Willowbrook Bank & Trust, my dad’s bank. A sickening sensation churned in my gut as I noticed the bright red words: Past Due—Third Notice. I bit my lip and forced myself to look away from the envelope.
It was dark when we got back to Aunt Lydia’s house. She was sitting on the front porch when we pulled up, drinking a glass of sweet tea.
“I guess she was waiting for us,” I said, rolling my eyes as Jude cut off the ignition.
“Are you in trouble?” Jude asked. “Are we past curfew?”
“It’s only nine-thirty,” I pointed out. “If my curfew is this early, Aunt Lydia is the one with the problem.”
“Well, as long as it was worth it,” Jude told me. “Breaking curfew and all.”
I grinned. “It was worth it. Thanks for making me climb up to the roof. I had a lot of fun.”
He raised his eyebrows in the dim glow of the porch light that shone through the windows. “Really?”
“Really,” I assured him.
We climbed out of the truck and walked toward the porch where Aunt Lydia was still waiting.
“I’m sorry we’re out so late,” Jude said, holding up his hands in surrender. “It’s all my fault.”
Aunt Lydia looked at her watch. “I suppose I’ll let it slide this time,” she said in a fake stern voice. She wagged a finger at us. “But next time, I want you home by six.”
I shook my head. “Don’t listen to her,” I told Jude. “She’s trying to drive me crazy.”
“It’s what aunts are for,” Aunt Lydia said. She pulled her feet down from the wooden railing and sat up in the old porch swing. “Actually, I was waiting out here to ask Jude if he might like to have dinner with us tomorrow night.”
Now I was certain Aunt Lydia was trying to drive me crazy. My eyebrows shot up my forehead as I stared at her. What was she doing, asking Jude to dinner? She hadn’t said anything to me about th
is before.
“You don’t have to,” I said quickly, turning to Jude. I was kind of hoping he’d say no. I couldn’t imagine a night with Jude and Aunt Lydia together.
“I’d love to,” Jude said.
I wrinkled my nose. “Really?”
Jude leaned back against the porch rail, a wicked gleam in his eye. “One on condition.”
I didn’t like that look on his face. “What condition?” I asked.
“That you cook for me,” he said, poking my side.
Aunt Lydia clapped. “That’s a great idea. It’ll be fun, Hannah.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t cook.”
Jude shrugged. “Then I guess I’ll stay home and eat a can of cold soup.”
“Now you can’t do that to him, Hannah,” Aunt Lydia playfully scolded me. “He’s a growing guy. He needs a good, filling, home-cooked meal.”
I glared between the two of them. “You’re evil. Both of you.”
“It’ll taste better if you cook it,” Jude said. I could tell that he was enjoying this.
I sighed. “Fine. Any requests?”
“I’m a steak kind of guy,” Jude said, rubbing his chin. “With steaming mashed potatoes. Real ones, not the box kind. And lots of butter.”
“You’ll be lucky to get pizza,” I snapped.
“And don’t forget the most important ingredient,” he said.
“What’s that?” I asked, imagining Jude sending me off in search of some spice that didn’t actually exist.
He thumped my nose with his thumb. “Love, Hannah. It has to come from the heart.”
I swatted his hand away and marched up the steps toward the front door. “If you two are done tormenting me, I’m going inside.”
Aunt Lydia and Jude were laughing, but I scowled at them before heading inside the house. A few hours before, I was ignoring Jude and suddenly I had agreed to cook a steak dinner for him. Begrudgingly, I picked up my phone to search for recipes—and all the take-out places within thirty miles—and saw the little blue balloon telling me I had missed a call.
Not from Jude, but from my dad.