by Shana Norris
“You have no idea,” I told him. “Once, I made the mistake of telling my mom I wanted a ballet themed birthday party. I was thinking, like, a ballerina on the cake and maybe I’d run around in a tutu. But Mom decided that the party would be an actual ballet. So she found some ballet instructor to come and try to teach all of us how to dance Swan Lake. I remember the ballet instructor trying to convince my mom to just let us do some warm up routines or something, but no, Mom insisted on the actual Swan Lake dances. I was the Swan Princess, and it didn’t matter that I didn’t actually know any ballet. I was expected to perform, and so were all my friends.” I laughed. “I think some of them stopped being my friends after that.”
Jude cringed. “Yikes. My birthday parties were always just a cake from the grocery store, some half-melted ice cream, a bag of chips, and then we’d climb trees and watch TV until everyone’s parents came to pick them up.”
“Lucky,” I muttered.
“Hey,” said a voice at my side. I turned to find Carter standing there, his hands in his pockets. Ashton and Kate were watching, nervously, from the other side of the room.
I glanced at Jude, who was looking at the floor.
“I wanted to say happy birthday,” Carter told me. “I didn’t get a chance earlier.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
Carter nodded. “Well, I’ll let you get back to eating.”
He turned to leave, but then Jude said, “Hey, Hawthorne.”
Carter stopped, his body tense under his T-shirt. He looked Jude up and down before answering. He still had a yellow bruise under his left eye and a scab on his lip. “Yeah?”
Jude ran a hand over his head. He had his own yellow bruise on his chin. “Look, I wanted to apologize. For what happened. It wasn’t cool, and I’m sorry.” He held a hand out to Carter.
Carter looked at his hand for a moment, then reached over and shook it. “It’s okay. It’s nothing.”
“Seriously,” Jude said. “I’m really sorry.”
Carter shrugged. “I understand. Let’s just forget it and move on. Okay?”
Jude nodded. “Okay.”
They fist bumped and then Carter disappeared back into the crowd. Ashton and Kate shot me a relieved look before turning back to the party.
I looked at Jude. “So that’s how guys make up? Fist bump and everything’s cool?”
“Sure, I guess,” Jude said. “What did you want us to do? Hug it out?”
“That might have been entertaining,” I said.
Jude rolled his eyes. “Come on, Cohen. Let’s party before you get any more crazy ideas.”
We tossed our plates into the trash and found a little place in the middle of the gyrating crowd where we could dance. The room was hot with so many moving bodies and soon I was sweating, but I barely even noticed as I danced. I didn’t dance often in crowds, but right then, I didn’t care. Jude grinned as he bumped me with his hip, and I laughed and bumped him back. We kept hip bumping in the sweaty crowd as the music pulsed around us.
A crash and then a shriek interrupted the party atmosphere. Someone stopped the music and everyone froze in place.
“No. No no no no!” It was Ashton’s voice, full of panic.
I pushed through the crowd until I reached the fireplace, where Ashton knelt next to the giant vase, which now lay on the floor, broken into a hundred tiny pieces.
She glared up at the scrawny boy who stood over her as tears slipped down her cheeks. “I can’t believe . . .”
“Sorry,” the boy said, holding up his hands helplessly.
“Do you know how long it took me to make this?” Ashton said quietly, almost to herself. “I cut myself a hundred times working on it!”
I started toward her, but stopped when Carter knelt next to her, slipping one arm over her shoulder. “You should go,” he told the boy. To Ashton, he said, “Maybe you can fix it.”
Ashton shook her head, still crying. “My parents are going to kill me.”
Carter pulled her into a tight hug. “Shh. It’s okay. You can use the glass to make something even better. It’ll look amazing once you’re done.”
“You think so?” Ashton asked.
Carter nodded. “I know so. You’re a great artist, Ashton.”
Ashton smiled at him, blinking through her tears. Then she threw her arms around Carter’s neck and pressed her lips to his. Carter looked surprised for a moment, then he hugged her closer, kissing her hard over the broken vase.
Kate’s eyes met mine over their heads. She wiggled her eyebrows up and down and I couldn’t help grinning.
When the party drifted to an end, I climbed into Jude’s truck and we rumbled down the road back toward Aunt Lydia’s house.
“This is definitely the best birthday and the best July 7th I’ve ever had,” I said as Jude pulled into Aunt Lydia’s driveway.
He cut the ignition and then turned toward me. “It’s not over yet.” He leaned over and opened the glove compartment, producing a small wrapped box from inside.
My mouth dropped open. “You didn’t have to get me anything,” I told him.
Jude smiled. “I wanted to. You can’t have a birthday without a few gifts.”
My heart pounded against my ribs as I peeled back the wrapping paper. I opened the small box inside, holding my breath as I waited to see what it might be.
I laughed at the gift inside. “When did you buy this?”
“After the first time I took you to Chimney Rock,” he said. “I knew you’d make it to the top eventually, so I wanted to have this ready for you.”
I lifted the small keychain from the box, unable to keep the smile off my face. It was brass and on the front it read, “I CLIMBED CHIMNEY ROCK!” over a picture of the rock.
“It’s not much,” Jude said. “But everyone needs a new keychain every now and then, right?”
“Thank you,” I told him. “It’s perfect.”
He leaned forward and hugged me. “Happy birthday, Hannah.”
Chapter Nineteen
My eyes popped open at the light streaming in through the window by my bed. I smiled as memories of the day before flashed through my mind— finally making it to the top of Chimney Rock, yelling from the top of the world with Jude, the birthday party with my friends, the ride home with Jude later.
It had been one of the best nights of my life. It had been the most amazing summer I’d ever had. I wanted to hold on to that, the happiness from a real birthday party with real friends. I wanted my life to always be so happy.
I pushed back the covers and hopped out of bed, eager to see what else the summer would bring for me.
“Morning,” I said as I padded into the kitchen. Aunt Lydia sat at the counter with a mug of coffee between her hands. She didn’t answer as I walked over to the coffeepot and poured a cup for myself.
“Hannah,” she said when I sat down. “There’s something you need to see.”
Aunt Lydia’s forehead was creased with a deep line right between her eyebrows. Her mouth was thin and straight, her lips pressed tightly. Something twisted deep in my gut as she took the newspaper from her lap, unfolded it, and held it toward me.
My hand shook a little as I reached for the paper. I wanted to suspend time, to keep myself in that moment before I saw whatever it was that had Aunt Lydia so serious that early in the morning.
The headline glared at me from the paper. “President and CEO of Willowbrook Bank & Trust admitted to rehab for drug addiction.”
Everything went silent. I didn’t move as I stared back at my dad’s smiling face right there on the front of the business section. It was the file photo they always used on stories about him, taken a few years ago, before his hair had started turning gray. He looked young and healthy, not at all like a man addicted to pills.
I became aware of a pounding in my ears, growing louder each second. It took me a moment to realize it was the sound of my own heartbeat, pulsing through my veins. My head felt like it would explode. I wanted to scream as loud and
as long as I possibly could.
Not now. Not when I was just getting everything together in my life. Not when Dad was almost done with his rehab. Not now. Not ever.
Aunt Lydia put her hand over mine. “It’ll be okay, Hannah,” she said gently.
I dropped the paper, turning it over so I didn’t have to look at the photo. “How? How will it be okay? Everyone will see this.” My eyes widened. “Does it mention me? Am I in that article?”
From the way Aunt Lydia’s frown increased and her forehead scrunched into deep lines, I knew the answer. I could imagine the words in my mind, the ones they always used. “Daniel Cohen is a native of Willowbrook, North Carolina, where he lives with his wife Marilyn and daughter Hannah. He built Willowbrook Bank & Trust from the ground up over the past fifteen years, starting with a single branch in Willowbrook.”
“I talked to your mother,” Aunt Lydia said. “She’s already getting calls from her friends and colleagues.”
“When is she coming home?” I asked.
The line between Aunt Lydia’s eyebrows deepened. “She’s not coming home right now.”
I pulled my feet onto the barstool and hugged my knees to my chest. Of course she wasn’t. Marilyn Cohen’s perfect world couldn’t deal with this. She would take care of herself, hiding away in Paris, pretending the family’s problems didn’t exist while the rest of us were left behind to pick up the pieces.
“Hannah.” Aunt Lydia reached for me, but I didn’t want her sympathy or her kindness. I jumped up from the chair and raced down the hall, slamming the door of my room behind me as I crumpled to the floor.
#
My phone rang a few times, but I didn’t answer it. I didn’t even look at it. I wondered if it was Jude, but then I couldn’t decide if it’d be worse if he was calling or he wasn’t. I lay on the bed, curled into a ball with the covers pulled up to my chin, unable to make myself small enough. I wanted to turn myself tiny, so tiny I’d disappear.
For once, I knew that I couldn’t hide behind the “Perfect Hannah” mask.
Aunt Lydia tried to get me to eat, but I couldn’t get out of bed. I fell asleep off and on throughout the day. When I was awake, I stared at the ceiling and tried not to think. When I was asleep, everything I’d ever done wrong in my life replayed in my dreams. Maybe this was my payback for being mean to people, for tearing them down in order to get to the top. I had always tried to follow the rules and be the best, be someone worthy of attention. But now all eyes were on me and all I wanted was for the whole world to disappear.
My phone buzzed again. I sighed and reached for it, cycling through the messages on my screen.
Ashton: I’m so sorry! Let me know if I can do anything 4 u.
Kate: Hugs!!! I just heard. If you need me, call!!!
Natalie: OMG!!!! Is that news about your dad true???
Ashton: Call me!!
Natalie: My dad says your dad better not have spent our money on drugs.
Ashton: U OK???
Kate: Hey, girlie, Ash & I are really worried. Call us!
Natalie: Guess we know now the real reason you didn’t want me to come to Paris.
I deleted the rest of the messages from Natalie and the other people from back home that I didn’t want to talk to. I left the ones from Ashton and Kate. It was oddly freeing now that they knew the truth about my family and who I was.
Finally, the only one still unread was from a number I didn’t recognize. I’m really sorry, Hannah. I hope you’re okay. –Avery
I stared at the message for a long time before deleting it. Then I scrolled through my contacts, found the name I was looking for, and pressed the call button.
He answered on the second ring.
“Did you give Avery James my cell number?” I snapped.
There was silence, then, “Hannah?”
“Of course it’s me, Zac,” I said. “Don’t pretend you don’t still have my number in your phone. You gave it to Avery, didn’t you?” I was shocked at the harsh sound of my voice—turns out the Old Hannah was back in full force.
“Yeah,” my ex-boyfriend, Zac Greeley, now Avery’s current boyfriend, admitted. It was weird to be talking to him on the phone after not speaking to him for over a month. “She wanted to text you. She’s worried about you. We both are.”
I sat up, pushing the blanket off of me. “Well, don’t be. I’m fine. Everything is just fine. So go back to your perfect world with your new girlfriend and forget about me.”
“I could never just forget about you,” Zac said softly. “We were friends once, before we started going out. Remember that? I’d like for us to be friends again.”
I remembered the day Zac asked me out for the first time. We had been working on a paper for history in the school library, Zac at the table next to mine. I had offered to help him out, each of us taking parts of the research work. He made me laugh, and I helped him get his paper done.
“So,” he’d asked later that day as we packed up our books, “you, um, ever go out to the movies?”
“Sometimes,” I’d said, trying to be coy. “If there’s anything worth seeing.”
“We could go check something out. Together, I mean. See if there’s anything good.”
He had said it so shyly, so sweetly; he wasn’t anything like the self-assured sons of my parents’ friends and business associates. He’d said it as if my response was the most important thing in the world to him, as if he had everything to lose if I said no.
My ear ached now from how hard I was pressing the phone against it as I blinked away the memories. “You still want to be my friend even after what I did to you?” I asked, more softly.
Zac laughed. “Even after that. You know,” he said in a quieter tone, “if you had wanted to end things between us, all you had to do was talk to me. You didn’t have to pay someone to do it for you. I mean, it worked out and all, so thanks for that, but I would have been happier if you had just been honest.”
Rule #1: Don’t complicate things. Just be honest.
I sighed, my shoulders sagging. “I’m really sorry, Zac. It’s easier to let other people do the dirty work for you.”
“I know,” Zac said. “But it’s usually better in the end if you do it yourself.”
I liked talking to him. That was the reason we had started dating in the first place. Zac was different from everyone else I knew. He was honest and looked at everything with such a simple mindset. He threw himself into everything he did and he never ran away when it got hard. He had known the real rules of life all along.
“So, how are you really?” Zac asked. “I saw the paper. I’m so sorry, Hannah. I never even knew your dad had a problem.”
“No one did. No one was supposed to know.” I sighed. “But it’ll be okay. Eventually.”
“It will,” Zac assured me. “You’re strong, Hannah. You’ll get through this and people will move on to new gossip in a few days. They always do. That’s the thing about gossip—one day, you’re the center of attention, and the next, they’ve forgotten your name.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Zac. I needed to hear that.”
“No problem. And I meant what I said, about us being friends.”
“I’d like that,” I said honestly. “Tell Avery I’m fine.”
There was a knock on my door, so I said good-bye to Zac and then the door opened. Ashton and Kate stepped hesitantly into the room, single file, each with a concerned smile.
“Hey,” Kate said, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed. “How are you doing?”
I shrugged, running a hand through my hair. “It hasn’t been the best day of my life.” I looked between the two of them. “What are you doing here?”
“We’re your friends,” Ashton told me. “We wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
I let out a short laugh. “You want to be my friends, even with what you now know about me and my family?”
Ashton tilted her head to the side. “I don’t understand why you thought you had to keep
it all a secret from us. We would have been okay with it if you needed someone to talk to about all of this. But we’re your friends, and we’re here for you.”
My vision blurred as tears stung my eyes. I blinked quickly, trying to keep from crying and looking like even more of a mess than I already was. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Kate lunged at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me into a tight hug. Ashton joined in and the three of us fell backward, laughing and shrieking. They were nothing like Natalie or my other friends back home. I couldn’t imagine Natalie ever standing behind me during the hard times. We crammed into my bed and stared at the ceiling.
“Have you talked to Jude yet?” Kate asked.
I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, just like Jude. “No, I’m afraid to face him. I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me for lying about my dad and letting him believe he was dead.”
Ashton patted my shoulder. “He will, but you need to talk to him soon. He needs to hear everything from you, not from the news.”
I knew she was right, though I knew it would be one of the hardest things I’d ever have to do.
When Ashton and Kate finally left, I pushed myself out of bed. I walked over to the mirror and looked at my reflection.
I was Hannah Cohen. I wasn’t perfect, but I was strong. I could handle this. I could handle anything.
That was one of the best lessons my parents had taught me.
Chapter Twenty
Jude was bent over the open hood of his truck when I stopped my car in his driveway. A blue T-shirt with “Normal Is Boring” written across the front hung from the tree limb on the other side of the yard, swaying back and forth in the breeze.
“Hey,” I said as I approached.
Jude didn’t look up, but his shoulders tensed. He continued twisting at something on the engine with a greasy wrench, his forehead curled into a scowl. As soon as I got close enough to see his face, how angry it was, I wanted to turn right back around. But I pushed forward.
“So,” I said, hugging my arms around myself. “Hope you’re having a better day than I am.”
Jude grunted, but still didn’t look away from the engine.