by Debra Webb
“Was he conscious?” Abby heard herself ask in that same dull tone.
Roger shook his head. “Luke rode over here in the ambulance with him. He hadn’t come to when they wheeled him through those doors.” Roger nodded toward the set of pristine white doors marked “Authorized Personnel Only.”
Her eyes were still riveted to the doors as they suddenly sprang open. Matt Hugh and another man, a doctor she presumed since he wore scrubs and a stethoscope, strode toward them. Abby’s breath caught in her throat. Please, she prayed again, don’t let this be bad news.
Jenny flew into her father’s arms. The lines of concern around the elder’s Stone’s eyes were telling.
“Matthew is stable,” the young doctor announced. “He has a concussion and a broken arm, but there aren’t any internal injuries—”
“Is he conscious yet?” Abby interrupted, saying the words no one else seemed to want to say out loud.
“Not yet. We’ve found nothing in his tests to suggest he shouldn’t be conscious. The MRI was fine. Everything is fine. Sometimes, particularly after a trauma, a patient just decides not to wake up for a bit. It doesn’t happen often, but this appears to be one of those times.” The doctor eyed Abby speculatively, probably trying to determine who she was and how she fit into all this. “Unless his condition persists beyond the next couple of hours, we’re not overly concerned.”
Seemingly from far away, Abby heard him responding to Jenny’s questions. Every moment Abby had spent with Matthew flashed before her eyes. The way his arms felt around her, the way he smelled, his taste. Everything inside her knotted into a throbbing mass of pain.
This wasn’t the way it was supposed to end.
Her stories always had a happy ending. She didn’t do serious or gut-wrenching.
“Abby.”
She pulled herself back to the present. “Yes?” She met Jenny’s worried gaze. Her eyes were red and swollen, her face drawn with the pain Abby herself felt deep in her chest.
Somehow Jenny managed a watery smile. “The doctor asked if one of us could stay with Matthew and try to wake him up. You know, talk to him and see how—or if—he responds.”
Abby attempted a smile, but her lips wouldn’t quite make the necessary transition. “Go ahead, I understand. I’ll wait out here for you.”
Jenny shook her head, more tears sliding down her pale cheeks. “No, Abby, you don’t understand. Dad and I want you to do it.”
“Me?” Abby had to be confused. She couldn’t have heard right. Why would they let her be with Matthew? She wasn’t family. Abby’s gaze darted to Matt Hugh. He nodded his silent approval.
“Hurry,” Jenny urged, “the doctor’s waiting.”
Abby shifted her attention to the young man in scrubs. Somehow she began to walk. She had no idea how she managed the feat, but the next thing she knew she was matching the doctor’s quick strides as they moved down the long white corridor beyond those double doors.
He paused outside the door to Matthew’s room. “Talk to him about anything you think might make him want to wake up. We need him awake.”
Abby nodded. She held her breath when he pushed the door open and ushered her inside. A nurse noted something on a chart, then scurried out. The door closed behind her, and Abby was alone with Matthew. She continued to stare at the IV bags hanging next to his bed for a time, unable to bring herself to look at him just yet.
She took the three steps necessary to bring her to his bedside. A sterile white sheet covered his long legs. The fingers of his right hand captured her attention next. A smile trembled across her lips. Thank heavens he hadn’t broken his right arm. He could still draw. And with that thought, the memory of their lovemaking in his studio slammed into Abby with soul-shattering force.
When she’d recovered from the blow the memory dealt her, she continued her visual examination. A white cast was molded around his left arm. A blue hospital gown, worn soft from use, covered his chest. The corner of a white bandage peeked past the gown’s collar. He’d obviously hurt his shoulder in the fall.
Abby moistened her lips and forced her gaze to his face. She closed her eyes against the image. His features were drawn, his skin ashen. Another bandage covered his forehead. Dried blood was matted in his hair.
Inhale... exhale, she commanded as she fought the rising nausea. “Okay,” she murmured. She opened her eyes and assessed the overall damage. “Not so bad, Stone,” she said, her voice wavering. “I think you’ll live.” Abby reached down with trembling fingers and took his right hand into hers. Her heart leapt when his fingers curled around hers.
“Don’t you make me cry again,” she scolded, fighting another wave of tears.
For the next hour, Abby stood next to Matthew’s bed, holding his hand and spilling her guts to him. She told him her whole life story, even the details of her disastrous marriage. She explained how her father wanted so badly to mold her into a clone of himself, but she had resisted. She’d become her own woman and made her own way, for the most part. He was still her father, and occasionally did fatherly things like trying to marry her off to the latest Ivy League graduate interning with him. Nerds who were always good choices for husband material in her father’s opinion, but never Abby’s.
Matthew moved restlessly and made unintelligible sounds at times, but his eyes never opened. At the moment, Abby would give almost anything to see those amazing blue eyes. She brushed her lips against his cheek and told him the secret she held in her heart.
“I love you, Matthew Stone.”
A soft knock sounded behind her and Abby turned as Jenny slipped quietly into the room. “How is he?” Though she was talking to Abby, her eyes never left her brother.
Abby sighed. “Pretty much the same. He seems to be moving around a little more now. The nurse said that was a good sign. But he still hasn’t opened his eyes,” she said defeatedly.
Jenny patted Abby’s arm. “You need a break. Dad’s outside, he wants to take you to get something to eat.”
Abby shook her head. “I’m not really hungry.”
“You have to go, Abby,” Jenny insisted. “You need to—”
“No.”
The command came from the bed. Both women whirled to stare down at him. His eyes were open. Hope bloomed in Abby’s chest. He was awake and trying to talk!
“Oh, thank God!” Jenny cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hugged Matthew in spite of his mumbled protests. “I’ll get the doctor!” she said to Abby when she finally drew back.
Abby watched the door close behind her. She could hear Jenny shouting all the way down the hall.
“Abby.”
The sound of her name on his lips squeezed at her heart. “Yes. I’m here.” She moved closer, leaning over the bed rail. “I’m glad you’re awake,” she murmured, then produced a trembling smile for him. He might be banged up, but he was still the best looking man Abby had ever seen. God, how she loved him.
Wincing, he lifted his right hand to touch her face. “You came back,” he whispered, then smiled. His full lips were dry and chapped, but still agonizingly perfect. Her own lips burned with the need to taste his.
“I wanted to make sure you were all right,” she explained carefully, trying not to give her real motivation away.
“I’m glad you came back.” The pad of his thumb slid across her cheek, making her shiver. “I love you, Abby. I want you to stay.” The sincerity in his eyes affirmed his words.
For all two seconds Abby felt a complete and utter happiness. He loved her. The answering words flew to her lips automatically. “Matthew, I—”
The door burst open as the young doctor and a nurse bustled into the room, Jenny and Matt Hugh right behind them. Abby had no choice but to step back, allowing the medical professionals access to their patient.
“Welcome back, Matthew,” the doctor declared. He pulled a penlight from his pocket and started the examination.
Jenny and her father held each other and cried their tears o
f joy. I love you, Abby. The ramifications of Matthew’s words hit Abby with instantaneous clarity. Feeling giddy with relief and exhaustion, she backed out of the room.
I love you, Abby. Matthew’s words played over and over in her head as she moved faster and faster down the long, deserted corridor. He loved her, wanted her to stay. The burden of decision pulled at her, sent fear surging through her body. Could she walk away from her life—all that she had worked for—to be with Matthew?
Matthew wanted a wife and children.
He wanted Abby to stay.
She couldn’t breathe. She skidded to a halt in the lobby and tried to take a deep breath. The room spun wildly around her. She wanted Matthew, didn’t she? Hadn’t she admitted to herself that she loved him? But staying would mean giving up everything. And how could she survive moments like this? Every time he raced off to save the day she’d go crazy until he returned, safe and unharmed.
“Ohmygod,” Abby blurted. She couldn’t marry Matthew. She could never be what he would want and expect in a wife. She could never live with the fear of losing him... like today.
“Abby, is everything all right?” Roger took her arm and pulled her to one side. She hadn’t realized that she was blocking the main corridor. “I was on my way to check on Matthew. Is he any better?”
“He’s awake,” Abby managed past the lump in her throat. She had to get out of here. “The doctor is with him right now.”
Roger breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank the Lord.” He frowned. “Are you all right? You look as if you’ve had the fright of your life.”
She had, Abby realized. She’d just been presented with the chance to have the only man she’d ever really loved. The only man she’d ever really wanted deep in her soul. And she couldn’t have him—couldn’t take the chance.
“I’m okay.” Abby squared her shoulders. It was a lie. She would never be okay again.
“Roger, Abby!” Breathless, Jenny slid to a stop between Abby and Roger and threw her arms around them. “The doctor says Matt is okay! He could even go home in twenty-four hours, but the doctor said the neurologist will probably want to keep him in the hospital an extra day just for observation.”
Abby squeezed her eyes shut and said another silent thanks.
“I’ve got to get back,” Jenny enthused. “I’ll see you two in a bit.”
Abby drew in a bolstering breath. She knew what she had to do. If she stayed, she and Mathew both would wind up getting hurt. If she left now, before any further damage was done, they’d both be much better off. She couldn’t possibly be what Matthew wanted. If she tried and failed she would hurt him. She just couldn’t take the chance.
“Roger.” She turned to the man still standing at her side. “I’m late for my flight.”
A bewildered expression on his face, Roger replied, “Oh. You don’t want to see Matthew again?”
Abby winced. Want had nothing to do with it. “I’m not very good at good-byes.” She attempted a pleasant smile, but failed miserably. “Do you know anything about dead batteries? My rental car won’t start.”
Roger looked undecided, he glanced from Abby to the corridor beyond her. “I don’t want to miss the last flight,” she urged.
Roger finally smiled. “Sure. I can handle that.”
“Good.” Abby forced a smile. “I’ve already stayed too long.”
I have a career to get back to, she added silently, knowing how hollow that would sound if she said it aloud.
And I won’t take a chance on causing Matthew any further pain. She loved him too much.
Chapter Ten
The elevator glided to a stop on the tenth floor of the Time-Life Building. Abby stepped out and headed straight to her office. It was late and most everyone had gone home. A few procrastinators still worked furiously against the swiftly approaching deadline. The September issue had to be put to bed tonight.
Abby had no deadline worries... her cover story on Matthew Stone was finished.
She was thankful she made it to her personal space without running into anyone still hanging around. She didn’t want to see anyone and she didn’t want to talk right now.
Nothing about her space had changed. But why did everything feel so different? Nothing felt right any more. Abby tossed her purse onto her desk and walked across the office to the wall of windows. She stared blankly for a long while at the sliver of the Hudson River visible, then shifted her gaze to the young man in a button-down shirt and hundred dollar tie practicing his golf swing in one of the sleek offices in an adjacent skyscraper. Maybe he was like her, nothing to hurry home to.
Even the fervent activity on the street below couldn’t ease the sinking feeling she felt right now.
Abby scanned her office, and thought about the accolades she’d hung with such pride on the upholstered walls. They seemed empty and unimportant now. Those uncharacteristic tears threatened her composure once more. The hot, salty droplets slipped uninhibited down her flushed cheeks, making the threat a reality. Nothing would ever be the same. She would never hold Matthew in her arms again... she would never feel his lips touch hers... but he would always be in her heart.
Later, when Abby had pulled herself together, she made the long walk down the hall to Jim Strickland’s office. Jim answered after her first light knock at his door. Somehow she’d hoped he wouldn’t be in, but of course he was. Jim didn’t go home until an issue was closed.
“Well, well, you’re here.” Jim stepped around his desk and gave Abby a friendly hug. “Welcome back, Ab.”
“Thanks, Jim.” With a shaky breath she held out the folder that contained the piece on Matthew. “Here’s your story.”
“Excellent, Abby.” Jim accepted the folder. “There’s a new development that I want to make you aware of,” he said mysteriously.
“What’s up?” She sounded distracted even to her own ears.
Jim smiled proudly. “You,” he told her. “As of today, you are now a senior writer. I signed the paperwork just this morning.” He stuck out his hand. “Congratulations, Abby. No one deserves this promotion more than you.”
Abby shook his hand, too weak with regret to manage anything beyond a limp excuse. A pathetic facsimile of a smile edged the corners of her mouth upward. “Thank you, Jim.” She had worked long and hard to reach this day. This is what she had dreamed of all through college—making it to the top one rung at a time. And she’d just climbed another rung.
“You’ll have to call up one of those numerous admirers you have and go out and celebrate.”
Abby looked around the room, her anxiety unexpectedly mushrooming out of control. She had to get out of here—she felt like the walls were closing in on her. “Sure.” She nodded to her boss and friend. His final words were lost on her as she hurried from his office.
Senior writer.
I love you, Abby.
She made her way back down the long, beige corridor, her head spinning. Nausea rose as she fought to contain her unruly emotions. She had to think. To sort this all out.
“Abby, wait up!” The voice of her friend and colleague, Gloria Harris, called out from behind her.
When had Gloria gotten back from maternity leave?
Clinging to her last shred of composure, Abby paused outside her cubicle and waited for her friend.
“Hey.” Abby managed a brittle smile when she neared.
“Oh, Ab.” Gloria threw her arms around her. “It’s so good to see you.” She drew back and frowned. “Why haven’t I seen you since the baby and I came home from the hospital?”
“I’ve been really busy. And... and Jim sent me on an assignment for a while.” She chewed her lower lip as guilt stabbed at her insides. Gloria was a really nice person. One of those “I can have it all” types. Married last year, a mother this year and still managing a career. But Abby was the one getting the promotion.
“Well, you have to see my pictures,” Gloria enthused. She fanned the handful of snapshots for Abby’s perusal. “Isn’t she
just the most beautiful child you’ve ever seen?”
One by one Abby studied her pictures. Father and daughter, mother and daughter. The three of them looked so happy together. Was it really possible to have it all? To hold on to it for a lifetime? To be satisfied with your career when you really couldn’t give it everything you had?
Gloria chattered on about her new baby girl, but not much registered with Abby. She felt as if she were outside her body looking at the scene.
She didn’t know who she was any more or what she wanted. The promotion she had anticipated had only left her feeling empty. Her friend’s happiness only made her feel lonely. She had to get out of here.
Gloria finally took her pictures and headed toward the elevators. Abby stalled a moment to gather her purse from her desk, but she ignored the stack of messages. They could wait until morning. Rapidly losing the battle with her composure, she rushed to the elevator. Luckily Gloria was already gone. Abby stabbed the call button and forced a patience she didn’t feel. When the elevator didn’t respond swiftly enough, she hurried to the stairs.
Tears glazed her vision as she hurried down one flight after the other. A shudder wracked her weary body as she flew out onto the sidewalk, but she refused to give in. She stopped for a minute, gasping for breath. Abby leaned against the massive building for support until her breathing slowed and she felt some sense of control. She didn’t care what the people passing by thought. The sights and sounds of New York that she had once loved gave her no comfort at all.
The city hadn’t changed... her job... her office hadn’t changed.
But she had changed.