by Richa Resa
She was right; he was gone and lost. I had seen the coldness in his eyes telling me he was lost, but I ignored it, thinking it was normal. I wanted to try to talk to him, but every time he looked at me, there was fury and coldness in his eyes. I knew there was only one option left—to wait. Wait for him to find his way back to me, to our love, and clear out the darkness in my life…
That was five months ago, but still he hadn’t returned to me; his burning hatred had only grown. The flames of hope within me were now being extinguished. The fire that had provided me the strength to keep going was dying.
I was drawn out of my thoughts when I heard someone calling my name.
Looking up, I saw my friends waving at me. I hid my worries and pain behind a masquerade because reliving that memory of hatred had only amplified my pain. Three of my friends came in and hugged me.
“How have you been, Eunice?” Shelly asked with sympathetic eyes.
It was evident she knew about everything, there was no way it could have been hidden from her. She was Alex’s wife, Joshua’s best friend, and I knew he would have told her. Alex had called me many times to check on me. There were times when he couldn’t keep an eye on me, or I would not answer him, which would make him worry. Maybe that was why he told Shelly about the misery of my life. It was reasonable; they loved each other and shared their problems. Alex was scared that I might do something suicidal, but I had always told him I wouldn’t. I hadn’t grown that weak yet; a little flame of hope still resided in me, even after everything.
“I’ve been good. How have you all been?” I answered, plastering a smile on my face.
It was better to keep my worries and pain to myself rather than make others worry for me. I didn’t want to be a hindrance to anyone’s happiness.
“It’s been awesome!” Clarisse yelled, enthusiasm bubbling out of her.
She had always been the most energetic member of our little group of friends. She was a paid model for a fashion agency.
“Yeah, only for you. Nothing like that for me at all,” said Nora with an exhausted look.
I raised an eyebrow at her, wordlessly asking her to explain. She was my best friend, the one who had been there for me for far too long, even back before Joshua came into my life. She’d been trying her best to bring me back, but it hadn’t worked. I knew it saddened her at times, so I decided to wear a mask of happiness in front of her and others, but on the inside, I was dying and numb.
“I have been dead tired with so much work piling up. I have too many meetings every week and then too many outside the country. I am unable to get my beauty sleep.” She rested her head on my shoulder.
I patted her shoulder. “My poor baby,” I crooned while chuckling, only to have her lean into me more.
I saw Shelly smiling at me.
“Oh, shut up. It was your decision to be a lawyer. It comes with too many files and problems. You should have decided to be a model like me with luxurious pay and amenities,” Clarisse said proudly.
Nora rolled her eyes. “I’m content with what I do and I love helping others rather than dolling myself all up,” Nora retorted, batting her lashes.
They always found a way to quarrel.
“Stop it, both of you,” Shelly chided, narrowing her eyes at them. They grew quiet and slouched back in their seats.
I chuckled, before bursting into laughter. Soon the others at the table joined me. It felt good to laugh, not because I was forced to, but because I felt like it.
“You need to laugh more, Eunice. It looks good on you.” Nora smiled at me.
I smiled wide at this. However, good things didn’t stay too long in my life. As expected, my smile was wiped away as I saw the love of my life enter the restaurant with Anne. An expression of pain crossed my face. All my friends turned to see where I was focusing and saw him. As if he could feel our stares, he turned to look in our direction, only to have his eyes connect with mine.
All I could see was the burning fire of hatred towards me as well as a hint of iciness, as if he were taunting me for losing him.
Chapter 2
Joshua
I saw her staring at me, her shocked brown eyes looking right at me. They didn’t look as lifeless as I had made them out to be in the past few months. I knew my actions and silence had been slowly killing her, torturing her, but I couldn’t stop. I had become accustomed to her strained tears; like a sadist, I had grown to love her suffering. She had torn my world apart from the evilness in her heart. The woman in whose eyes I had made love blossom was gone—she had been replaced by the bitterness of a bitch and evilness of a woman whom I had once loved.
“Do you think we should leave?” Anne asked from beside me.
The pretty brunette whom I had taken a great liking to since I was betrayed had somehow found her way into my life even though we were not permanent or in love. I had had my share of women after having my heart broken. Looking at her, I was brought back to the present. I once again looked at Eunice and saw her surrounded by her friends. I could see disgust for me in Shelly’s eyes. Both she and her husband, Alex, had tried to stop me, but I wouldn’t, not until I took away Eunice’s soul and tore it apart like she had done with mine.
“There is no need to,” I said politely, feeling my lips twitching. “Come with me.” I headed towards my lovely wife’s gathering.
I could see pain in her eyes as she looked past me at Anne, just like I wanted.
“Hello, beautiful ladies.” I greeted the small gathering while standing right next to my wife.
“Hey, Joshua. How have you been? Haven’t seen you in a while,” Clarisse asked.
“Great, actually. Too busy at work, cracking big deals, building relations, long hours at the office and much more. However, I enjoy it, you know. Success is my key to happiness,” I said, while looking at my wife from the corner of my eyes; I found her head hanging low, maybe in shame.
“That’s great. So what are you doing here?” Shelly asked with, a strained smile on her lips.
“Anne and I are out for lunch, actually. We were discussing some strategy for an upcoming project to see that it boosts our company’s image. We ran late so we decided to have lunch together,” I said, looking straight at Shelly, only seeing distaste lurking in her eyes.
“Why don’t you both join us? We were just going to order, and maybe we can catch up. I bet Eunice would love your company,” Clarisse said, smiling at Eunice.
However, she didn’t know how much I despised my wife. If only she knew the truth, then maybe she wouldn’t have made the request and might not even have sat beside her. Only I knew the real woman behind that façade of my loving wife, Eunice—the woman I had once worshipped. But no longer; she was gone, and I was too. I let hatred in, and a different side of me take over because she had forced me to be this way.
“I don’t think it’s my cup of tea. Moreover, I don’t want to spoil your afternoon,” I said, while slipping a sweet smile over my face, which was difficult for me with my wife so close.
“Oh come on, Joshua. It’s not like we’re talking behind your back or gossiping. I think you could bear the torture of sitting with us. Can’t you?” Shelly said, looking between me and Anne.
I could see the hidden loathing on her face for both me and Anne, but I didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion but mine. I couldn’t understand her reasoning for making me stay, but still I wanted to know what she wanted this time. I looked around and found four set of eyes looking at me besides Eunice, who wanted to look anywhere but at me.
“Okay, I’ll ask someone to add a pair of chairs to the table,” I said, and looked around for a waiter.
Soon two chairs were added to the table.
“Excuse me, can you put one here and the other one here?” Shelly asked sweetly, and now I could see the reasoning behind her push to make me stay.
“Anne, why don’t you come and sit here beside me, so Joshua can sit with Eunice. At last we can have a look at the two lovebirds togeth
er,” she said politely. If she thought this could change anything between me and Eunice, she was wrong. Much to my dismay, I took the seat beside Eunice and was hit by the very alluring fragrance of lavender and roses. That sweet smell of her perfume still drove me crazy to no end and made me remember the sweet memories we had shared. I wanted to lose my resolve of hating her and engulf her in my arms, but I controlled myself. I had to control this urge to devour her and divert it to someone else.
As I looked at her, my mind was engulfed in the sweet memories we had shared, the ones that had made me fall for her. We were just mere friends, but then I started noticing her as more than a friend. It didn’t take us long to be together; a friendship of more than a year turned into a love that I never wanted to release. In the span of a month, she had me wrapped around her finger. She enchanted me and bewitched me with her sweet nature, kind heart, soft milky skin, and those eyes. Her entrancing eyes had invaded all my thoughts and senses. I wanted to be something before I could ask for her hand, and in just three months, I had my company set up with Alex beside me as my partner. I was successful and felt I was finally worthy of her; that was when I moved forward and asked her to be mine forever. I felt like I was at the top of the world when she said yes to marry me after four months of being together. She made me happy, content, and at the same time, wild and possessive. However, all that was gone now; she was no longer the same and neither was I. She brought this on herself; she had changed my love into a dark, wicked hatred for her.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when I found something soft touching my hand. I looked down to see that it was Eunice’s finger brushing against mine. In an instant, I pulled my hand away. Her touch now made me burn in hatred rather than with the flames of love. Looking up, I could see everyone staring at me, but I didn’t care at all. I could feel Eunice’s pain rolling off her in waves. I looked at her and saw her masking the obvious with a smile, but her eyes said the opposite.
“So Joshua, are you going to come to the charity ball this evening?” Nora asked, looking straight at me.
The charity ball for cancer this evening was one of the biggest events I was invited to attend with my wife. However, I was going to let it pass, as I wasn’t willing to go anywhere with said wife.
“No, I won’t be attending. I have important matters to resolve this evening, though I’ll be sending my gratitude through a generous donation,” I confidently said, so no one could detect my lie.
I had no work or matters to resolve besides being with Anne between the sheets. I just didn’t want to bear the presence of my wife and pretend to be in love when I loathed her.
“Oh, that’s too bad. We were looking forward to it. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen you and Eunice together at an event. Usually you either come alone, or with Anne, or your secretary. You know it would be good for you to be seen together. Everyone still envies the love you share,” Clarisse said. If only she knew the love we shared now was nothing but hatred.
“Why don’t you go to the events with Joshua any more, Eunice? You should come; it would be a good change for you,” Nora chimed in.
“I just don’t feel well enough and the business world isn’t meant for me, you know,” she said with a small, fake smile plastering her lips.
She never knew about any of the parties because I never asked her.
“Enough of all of this. Eunice, you should go. These events might be good for your health. Why don’t you come with us tonight?” Nora asked.
“You should go, Eunice. If I didn’t have some business to take care of, I would come with you. Clarisse is right; this might be a good change for you,” I said sweetly and saw Shelly look pleased from the corner of my eyes.
She could imagine as much as she wanted that we would get back together, but I wouldn’t let that happen.
“That’s a really good idea. It would be a good change for you, and maybe you would be able to persuade Joshua to come too,” Shelly suggested.
I looked at Anne, and I knew she felt out of place besides being bored. We were supposed to be alone rather than in the company of my wife, but I would make it up to her tonight.
“I don’t think I would be able to make it even if God asked me. I’m drowning in work,” I said, looking straight towards Anne.
Her eyes met mine, and I saw a smirk on her lips. I guessed she knew what work I was talking about.
“Okay, I guess you should come with me. I have to go to this event too and don’t have a date. You could be my plus one and I could be yours rather than being bored all alone. You know we’ll both enjoy tonight and we might even find some men to mingle with. I don’t think Joshua would mind, as he is so engrossed in his work that he doesn’t even have time for his own wife,” Nora said while raising a brow and looking at me.
I felt a burning anger within me at the thought of Eunice with any other man. I wished to crush any man who dared to touch her. This pure feeling of jealousy burned right through my veins. Hearing my own thoughts, I felt amused. I would dare to kill someone for just touching the woman I despised the most in the world. What kind of sick man was I? What had she done to me? I looked away from them and set my eyes on Anne. One glance at her and I was able to forget every feeling I held for Eunice, leaving only hatred.
“I would, if I didn’t have this new client who is very insistent and urgent. I really need to satisfy this client of mine,” I said to Nora while looking at Anne from the corner of my eyes.
She seemed extremely pleased with my answer.
“I understand, Joshua. I know you’re doing all of this for Eunice and yourself,” Nora said, but she was so wrong.
We ordered our meals while conversation filled the table. Even Anne was enjoying it, but Eunice wasn’t. The main reason was Anne. Eunice was long forgotten as Anne joined in with Nora and Clarisse in some gossip. Shelly, on other hand, couldn’t stop giving me death glares, but I didn’t care about her at all.
“Please excuse me,” Eunice said politely and walked away from the table toward the restroom.
The talk only came to a halt for a few seconds. I knew it was torture for her to see the woman I respected more than her.
“Excuse me for a moment,” I said.
I could see Anne questioning me, but I just gave her a wink and followed Eunice. I wanted to see the raw pain she felt. I was going to wait for her to come out from the washroom, but that was when I saw another passage towards a small balcony. I didn’t know why, but I found my feet taking me there involuntarily. One glimpse of her cream dress made me recognize Eunice standing there. Her chestnut hair flowed with the wind. I could see her deep in thought with silent tears escaping her eyes. I was supposed to enjoy her misery, but at that moment, I couldn’t. She looked broken and pathetic. I didn’t know what to do; it felt like there was a battle inside of me, good against evil.
“Couldn’t you just take her and leave?” I heard her ask in a strained voice.
“No, I just couldn’t stop myself.” The words instantly fell out of my mouth.
“All I have left is my friends, Joshua…can’t you just leave me alone with them? Do you have to take away even the last source of my happiness?” she asked, finally facing me. Those eyes were back to being lifeless and filled with pure pain. In any other time, they would have haunted me, but not now. She was a vicious and cunning woman. She had me turned me into this man.
“I wish to take away every happiness from your life, Eunice, and replace it with the worst kind of pain. I wish to take your soul away and tear it apart like you have done to mine,” I said, venom lacing my voice. A new set of tears rolled down her face and I wished to feel contentment and happiness from it, but I didn’t. Not wanting to be there any longer, I walked away, but not before having a last glance at her.
Returning to the table, I quietly sat down and saw that our food had arrived. Anne looked furious, while Shelly, on other hand, looked triumphant. I guessed something had passed between them. Eunice joined us a few minutes later,
and I found her shifting too much in her seat. I glanced at her—she looked very uncomfortable. As my eyes revolved around the table, I saw Anne giving her a death glare; for a mistress and a good friend, she was really doing wonders to Eunice. The meal passed in small talk about everyone’s life and the time to say goodbye came soon. After a long time I found myself doing something I hadn’t for a long time, I kissed my wife. It was just a peck but somehow I found myself wishing to taste her soft lips. I could even feel myself softening up. It was hard for me to keep up with my emotions. It was just for show, I told myself. Just to make people think that everything was all right between us. Then why did I want to kiss her instead of feeling forced to? Eunice and the others left to go shopping while I and an unhappy Anne made our way towards the office. I didn’t care about Anne. I knew how to please her and make her happy. It was possible with a flick of my finger, but I didn’t care about her at all.
All the way to the office, all I could think about was that small kiss for show. What was happening to my resolution to make her pay for her sins? I wanted to hurt her, and I would do that. I couldn’t let her be happy, and I knew the best way to torture her soul. I knew the one thing that would completely break her and both please and benefit me: I was going to strike her where it would hurt the most…
Chapter 3
Eunice
His words echoed through my mind for the rest of the day. I wish to take away every happiness from your life, Eunice, and replace it with the worst kind of pain. I wish to take your soul away and tear it apart like you have done to mine. However, I don’t know why I felt like that small little peck said something else entirely; I was scared of believing that he would love me again out of the blue. He got this intense, sick pleasure from hurting me, and I was afraid that he would lead me on so I would believe he loved me, that he had returned to being the Joshua I fell for, and in an instant, break me with his sick game of insulting me and being with other women. I had started losing hope that he would ever love me again or want to be with me, and it drove me crazy to think I had lost him. I put all my faith, love, and hope in this relationship, and to think that some incident would disintegrate it all leaving me void of all feelings. There would be nothing left for me to live for without him, and nothing would be better than ending my life. I knew I was choosing a path of pain, heartbreak, and suffering, but I just couldn’t give up on him, myself, or our love. His sick pleasure in hurting me would stop one day, and the darkness that had clouded his eyes, making him unable to see the truth, would drift away. I hoped that a bright ray of love would once again flourish in our lives, engulfing us in each other’s warmth.