by Richa Resa
“Leaving that aside, are you sure you want to marry my daughter?” he asked me once again.
“Yes. It is the right thing to…do, sir,” I said, uncertain.
“I’m not asking if it is right or not, Joshua, I ask do you want it or not?” he said roughly, downing his drink in one go before setting it down.
“Yes, sir…I want it for my child.” I stated the truth. A silence consumed us while he looked at me calculatingly.
“She isn’t threatening you, right?” he asked after a long pause.
“No, sir.” That was far away from the truth.
“The women of this house can be deceptive, Joshua,” he warned me.
I had isolated myself for the past three days in my house, drowned myself in alcohol, relived every moment that I could with Eunice, and cried for the pain I had made her go through. There wasn’t anything left for me to live for besides my child. I stood at the door of our bedroom with a glass of whisky in my hand remembering the sweet times I had spent with her here, her giggles, her laugh, and her sweet voice. Life without her was always different, it always would be. I let the amber liquid burn my throat as I emptied the glass in one gulp.
The house bell rang, drawing me out of my memories. I thought of not responding, hoping whoever it was would go away. However, they didn’t come with any intention of leaving because the ringing grew constant. Irritated by the buzzing noise, I walked down to see who the hell wished to disturb me. When I opened the door and saw her standing there, my blood boiled. She was the last person I wanted to see right now. My eyes diverted towards the bags by her side—what was she playing at?
“Anne.” I paused. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m shifting here, Joshua, with you.” She walked past me inside the house, leaving her bags to be carried. I was shocked. She walked in like she owned the place, making me angry. I didn’t care to pick her bags up. Walking after her, I grabbed her arm, making her spin around.
“Why?” Anger coursed through my voice.
“Because I carry your child, dear.” Getting out of my grip, she let her hands wander on my abdomen. “You are the father of my unborn child and are my future husband,” she said seductively. Pushing her hands away, I stepped back in horror. Future husband?
“Are you out of your fucking mind? Why in holy hell would I marry you?” The anger boomed in my voice but it felt like it didn’t affect her because of her calm composure.
“Because I won’t bring this child into this world until we’re married,” she threatened, coming close, leaving just few inches between our faces.
“Do you hear me, Joshua? If you don’t marry me soon, I won’t let you see your child. I will run far away from you—with. Your. Child. You know, I can’t have my child named as a bastard, so do one god-damn right thing and marry me!” Her long nails dug in my jaw as she shouted. “Do you understand?” she asked, gripping my jaw harder than before. Getting out of her grip, I rubbed my jaw. She was no longer the Anne I knew. This woman in front of me was menacing and cunning.
“I won’t do such a thing, run wherever you want. I have rights over my child, so you can’t run for long. Moreover this is my child. I take all responsibilities of it—all! It won’t ever be called a bastard. Marriage is out of the question. Do you hear me, Anne? I am never going to fucking marry you and let you stay in this house,” I seethed. This sure angered her, because the next thing I felt was a sting on my cheek.
“You will fucking marry me, Joshua. I’m not Eunice, who would sit there and wait for you to come to your senses. I’m not your whore, I’m the mother of your child, and I ask for some respect from you and society. I don’t want to be seen as your fucking whore, so do the respectable thing by marrying me and making me your wife. You think you have rights over this child? Huh? True, but if there isn’t going to be me, there will be no child. Living a life with no respect as your whore isn’t in me. I would rather die with this child rather than live that kind of life.” Her eyes burned with anger and determination. Her words settled a fear inside of me; she wasn’t going to back down. The look in her eyes told me her threats weren’t empty, that she would go a long way to accomplish what she wanted. She was too cunning and dangerous, something I didn’t see before. Now I had to pay the price, I had to lie down in the bed I had made. I already had lost Eunice and everything with her, the only reason for my survival was my child and I couldn’t let it go too. I was defeated; I had to do what she wanted for the sake of my child.
“Give me time. I would marry you but I need time. I just got divorced three days back, just give me few months—” I said in a defeated tone, only to be interrupted by her screeching voice.
“Months! No fucking way. I can’t give you months, do you hear me?”
“I just got divorced, please understand. I can’t marry you right away. Just think about how it will…ruin my…image.” I tried to negotiate with her, coming up with the best excuse I could. Her eyes lost some of the burning anger within them and she stood there in silence, thinking about all.
“Four weeks, I give you four weeks. You and I are getting married after four weeks, Joshua. If you want to see your child, you marry me in four. Weeks. And that is final and my last decision. I stay here from now on, and it would be good if we start acting like a real loving couple.” Her eyes narrowed in slits at me.
“I don’t like to be made fun of, Joshua. I’m not Eunice, I am Anne. I don’t like to be humiliated by other people. So it would be better, my dearest future husband, that you don’t bring shame to my name. So act like my loving boyfriend and future husband, and I promise you both of our lives will be simpler.” Her hands wrapped around my neck while her voice remained dangerous.
“Could you bring my bags to my room, my loving boyfriend?” she asked in her sweet, sickly voice, bending her head to the side while biting her lower lip. That look would have been enough for me to take her to bed before, but not anymore—it disgusted me. I nodded, to which she kissed me on my cheek, leaving a smear of her red lipstick. Stepping away, she walked upstairs to the guest room. I wiped away the mark on my cheek, rubbing it hard to get rid of it. It disgusted me, everything about her disgusted me at this moment, but I had to do everything for the sake of my child.
I had dug my own grave. Now I needed to lie down in it.
“I’m doing this because I want to, sir,” I told him, but it felt like I was reassuring myself. He sighed.
“I don’t want history to repeat itself,” he mumbled to himself. “I won’t say I would give you or my daughter my blessings, though I can promise you that I would play the part that is expected of me,” he said painfully.
“Yes, sir.”
“Joshua, if you want to step out, you can. There is no one forcing you, I don’t want to see anyone hurting anymore. I don’t want Eunice hurting more.” I looked up to him in a jerk, his eyes glistened with moisture.
“I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.” My voice barely came out as a whisper. I knew my every action would have an effect over Eunice even if she’d left me. It would pain her knowing I was marrying someone else within a month of giving her a divorce. After so long, I prayed and I prayed that Eunice had enough strength to bear the pain of this action of mine. I prayed for her to be all right.
“I think you and Anne should leave. I’ve had enough of both of you today. I would really be thankful if you both leave before I lose control over myself and say something that could hurt others,” he said, his voice weak.
“Yes, Mr. Edgings.” I stood up and walked away. He knew that Eunice would be hurt and it pained me to know that I couldn’t do anything about it. I was crying from the inside because of what I was going to do. My heart ached for her. She was my first and only love. I could never stop thinking about her.
“Mr. Edgings, please tell her I’m sorry.” My voice sounded desperate.
“You should say that to her yourself, Joshua,” he said without looking at me. He paused before speaking again.
“I hope she can bear the pain of you and Anne getting married. Hope it doesn’t break her again. Good day, Joshua.” I closed the door with my head hung low. She would always have to pay for my wrong actions.
Chapter 21
Eunice
“Are you out of your mind, Eunice?” Nora shouted while Clarisse looked at me in disbelief. I sat on the couch comfortably, staring at the invitation in my hand.
“I’m not.” My voice came out cold.
“You are freaking out of your mind, Eunice! You’re talking about going to that wedding! God, you confirmed your invitation, send back the RSVP, and you didn’t consider telling us. Clarisse, say something.” She gave her a pleading look to intervene.
“I don’t think she’s going to change her mind. It’s clear she hasn’t listened to anyone.” Her eyes told me she knew everything.
“Listened to anyone? Don’t tell me you knew about it?” Nora asked her. Clarisse averted her eyes. I didn’t care if she told her. I was going and that was my final decision.
“Her parents and Anne’s father came while you were on your trip. I called them as soon as she decided to go there. Anne’s father was sure this was Anne’s doing, or her mother’s. Her parents tried to talk her out of it. They freaking begged her to change her decision! Even Anne’s father begged her and tried to reason with her to not fall for their games. However, she didn’t care, she has been so distant and cold that even the pleading look in her parents’ eyes couldn’t make her change her mind. The tears that welled in her mother’s eyes didn’t faze her. She is no more the Eunice that was our friend. The Eunice I knew has locked herself deep inside, waiting to have someone break her walls. Something needs to be done to break the walls around her heart. I don’t know what will affect her, but something needs to,” Clarisse said before picking up her bag and walking out.
“One more thing, Eunice.” She stood at the door.
“If you do something like before, I will haunt you in your grave until you are back alive.” Her eyes glistened with tears showing pain and concern. She walked out with tears in her eyes. I wanted to console her, go there and hug her for once and tell her everything would go back to normal but I couldn’t. I was surrounded by the invisible walls that I had built to save myself. If those walls were brought down, the pain and hurt I experienced from leaving Joshua forever would come splashing back. I would crumble under the heart-wrenching pain. I would be lost again and I didn’t want that. I couldn’t bring those walls down without something to hold on to. I needed something to make me feel better but nothing could. Him choosing his child over me broke me into a million pieces, and slashed my heart, leaving me with too many deep wounds. Everything I had known about love had burnt itself to ashes. There wasn’t any more me and him, but the pain of its realization waited for me beyond those walls. Those walls made me stronger but I knew they hurt those who cared for me at the same time. I willed myself to stay strong. I didn’t care about the game Anne was playing but I wanted to show her that I wasn’t affected at all. I wanted to show her that whatever she did wouldn’t affect me. Nothing they did could affect me, and that was why I had to go there.
“Are you still going to sit there so unfazed, Eunice? Why are you doing this? It scares us. What you’re doing is insane and it makes us afraid. Have you ever thought how it affects us? I know you’re hurt, but this is no way of coping. Why can’t you just see the pain in our eyes from your actions?” Nora questioned. She stared in my eyes and it felt like she could see deep in my soul. I felt so exposed that it scared me. I looked away from her deep stare. Walking away from her, I stood by the window looking at the sunset.
“I just want to show them I am strong. To tell them I won’t be affected by what they do. If I don’t go I’ll become weak in their eyes and everyone else’s, and I can’t let that happen. I have been humiliated in front of everyone enough because of them. She sent the invitation to me just to rub salt in my wounds. She thinks I’m weak and everyone else does too. Him getting married just a month after our divorce conveys that he was waiting to get rid of me to marry her. All those people who gossiped about me not being a good wife will have something more to gossip about after this wedding. I will become an unworthy person, someone looked down on, and a weakling who can’t stand for her own. That is why I need to go, to show them I’m not fragile. I’m not a doormat who will always be walked upon. If I don’t go, I will once again be feeble in Anne’s eyes, like I always was. If my going can change how society sees me then I will go. I need that. I need to show that his every action doesn’t make me weak, but makes me stronger. I need to go there to show them I am not what they think.” My eyes were on the setting sun but my mind was somewhere else. A fire burned within me, not of revenge, but to prove who I was.
“So there is nothing that can be done to change your mind?” she asked, only to be answered by my silence. I heard her breathe out a defeated sigh.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” I could hear the worry and uncertainty in her voice. She was my friend, someone whom I could rely upon. I knew going to the wedding would affect me somehow. I would either build more walls around me or just break down. I needed someone to be there for me if I fell.
“Just be there to hold me when I fall,” I said, turning around and looking straight in her eyes. I trusted her. “Hold me when I’m the most defeated and vulnerable one.”
“Eunice.” She enveloped me in a warm hug. “You never have to ask for that. Everyone who loves you will be there for you always,” she consoled me. He also said something like that to me once, only to leave me broken and unwanted. I hoped that no one did that to me again.
***
The smiling people in their designer dresses greeted me as I exited the car. Nora’s driver had dropped me at the church. She wanted to come, but I had stopped her. This was my battle to fight. She told me that she was just a call away if I needed her.
Looking at the decorations, I could take a guess that this was all Anne’s doing. Joshua never liked too many flowers and decorations. He loved simplicity, and maybe that was why he turned into such a complex man.
Rather than going inside the church like every other guest, I turned away and walked through the other entrance. I didn’t know why I was doing this. My aim was to show them I wasn’t weak, but I was going to meet him. My heart was ruling over my mind. It felt like my heart was yet in denial that he was getting married today.
I had no idea where I walked to. Was it the correct door? What if it wasn’t the groom’s, but bride’s room? What would I say to him? Would I break down seeing him there or would I stand strong? Would someone stop me? Or recognize me as the weak and distressed ex-wife? My mind wandered with these questions while my heart ruled over my body. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of a door. I didn’t know what I was doing here. With shaky hands I knocked on the door.
“Come in.” The voice came clear, devoid of emotions. I knew it was him. My heartbeat raised to the sky, scaring me that the walls I had built would tumble down. I didn’t know how long I stood there, but the thought of making him see I was strong took me over. My hands turned the door knob.
I need to prove I’m strong. I’m not weak. The words chanted in my mind. Taking in deep breaths, I walked inside. He wasn’t dressed up, nor looking at himself in the mirror. He sat facing the wall on a chair, with a glass of amber liquid in his hand. It felt like he was a prisoner here.
“Is it time?” he asked, and I was sure he didn’t know it was me. He sounded cold and distant, like he did previously with me. Taking in strength from my inner mantra for strength, I composed myself.
“Not yet.” I was confident in myself and it reflected in my voice. He stilled in shock. The gulp he was going to take came to halt. He slowly turned and his eyes met mine. He looked like the perfect groom. He looked the complete opposite of the Joshua I saw a month back. No dark circles, no unshaven face—nothing like a defeated or troubled man.
�
�Eunice.” His word was barely louder than a whisper.
“Hello, Joshua. You’re a handsome groom, I must say.” His eyes were on me.
“Congratulations on a new wife and a family. Cheers to a new life.” I strode towards him and took the glass from his hand, downing the liquid in one swift movement, our eyes never losing sight of each other.
“What are you doing here?” His question to me was not in anger, shock, or fear, but he sounded concerned.
“Don’t worry, I’m not a wedding crasher. I was invited like all the other guests.” His eyes widened to the size of saucers.
“Who invited you?” he asked, anger flashing in his eyes.
“Your lovely wife-to-be.” He stood stunned.
“Anne.” The name came out laced with distaste. Minutes passed and I stood there, seeing a storm of anger in his eyes.
“You shouldn’t have come, Eunice.” His eyes softened when he looked at me.
“Why, so I couldn’t see you getting married? You didn’t want me to be here in your happiness, Joshua? I thought you wanted to make amends with me. Wasn’t that what you talked about right before we made love that night? Or was it all a lie?” Flashes of that night passed through my mind as I stared at him.
“You know it wasn’t a lie, Eunice.” He took a few steps away from me. “I wanted to make amends with you. I was adamant on getting you back by seeking your forgiveness. But things changed. I came to know I couldn’t have you back and it broke me that someone else was going to be the mother of my children.” He turned around and faced me. I could see the sadness lurking in his eyes.