“Since you mention it, yes.”
“Dammit, you can’t just up and leave us again,” Rygel spoke a half plea, half order. “You can’t do it alone.”
“Did I say otherwise?” I asked, wide-eyed and innocent.
Before Ly’Tana slapped me, I, laughing, rolled out of range and stood up. “Very well. You realize we all can’t travel that range as we are.”
I gestured toward the jagged peaks dominating the northern sky. “First, horses cannot traverse them, nor can they survive long without feed. Until next summer, there won’t be anything green or edible.”
Now I saw expressions of doubt, sharp calculating stares at the cliffs and snow covered mountains. Ly’Tana still pinned me with her eyes, as did Arianne. Though Ly’Tana couldn’t read my mind, my sister could.
I rubbed Tashira’s ears, caressing down his black face. “Neither can Tarbane,” I said softly. “The griffins could never survive, either. Hunting will be very scarce. There will be no fires or wood to burn to keep them warm.”
Bar hissed and Feria screeched in denial. Lion tails lashed in unison.
“This isn’t just my decision. Those mountains made the decision for me.”
I had them at last. Realization finally dawned on the warriors as they shook their heads, muttering under their breath to one another. Corwyn frowned and Kel’Ratan smoothed his bristling mustache. “You still can’t go alone,” he rumbled.
“I say we leave the horses with the griffins and Tarbane and pack food on our backs,” Witraz said. “We can still come with you, m’lord.”
I smiled at him, at his fierce loyalty. “I admire your courage, my friend,” I said. “But men on foot, loaded with provisions, would travel for months before reaching the top of the world.”
“Winter solstice is less than a month away,” Ly’Tana added, her anger gone.
“Only one species here can survive both the cold and find food necessary for survival.”
“Wolves.” Kel’Ratan’s voice silenced all the protests and the anger.
“Choose carefully,” Darius said. “You need only a small pack. There isn’t a lot of room in here and too many will be detrimental.”
I half-nodded to his comment, smiling at the worry I now saw on many faces. The bond between men and wolves had grown so strong, the warriors feared I’d command one of their wolves to accompany me. Those wolves chosen may not come back. Only Tor dropped to his knees, his arms around Kip’s shoulders, dreading I’d choose his beloved friend as one of my companions.
The wolves themselves lacked their usual eagerness at following me. Their expressions wobbled between grinning jaws and high tails to slack ears and eyes that darted between me and their chosen companion. They, too, would come with me should I order it. Yet, their loyalty was now divided. They wanted to fight with me, yet could they abandon their new friends?
“Seven of us will go,” I said slowly, measuring each face, as though still making up my mind.
“Seven is a very powerful number,” Darius commented.
“Silverruff, Thunder and Little Bull,” I said as each wolf named stepped forward, heads and tails high. “Along with Ly’Tana, Kel’Ratan and Rygel.”
“But,” Kel’Ratan began, frowning and confused. “You said humans can’t–”
I grinned at Ly’Tana, who caught my intent before her cousin or anyone else save Rygel. “Well, my love?” I asked. “You like being a bird. Think you might enjoy life as a wolf?”
“She’d make an excellent she-wolf.”
“I would indeed.”
“Oh, no, no,” Kel’Ratan stammered, his blue eyes bulging. “You can’t think that I–”
“No,” Arianne shrieked, setting off pandemonium.
As she ran toward me, Shirel at her heels, Bar screeched and half-leaped, half-flew the short distance to Ly’Tana. Feria also screamed, rising up into the air to swoop low overhead, hissing, clicking her beak in agitation. The warriors and wolves talked and growled all at once–relief their wolves weren’t chosen and anxiety that their future queen was.
With Ly’Tana yelling at Bar to shut up, Kel’Ratan babbling that he can’t be a wolf, wasn’t there some other way, he can stay human and will keep up, no problem, he won’t slow us down, Arianne shrieking at me that she won’t stay behind, Feria screaming like a shrewish fishwife it was a wonder I heard Darius at all.
“Good luck with this one.”
“I’ll need all I can get,” I grumbled.
“Silence!” I bellowed, my voice roaring over and crushing the insanity.
The entire camp halted, mid-tirade, to stare at me. Wolves sat with tails coiled primly about paws, as warriors glanced at one another, upset. Kel’Ratan looked as though I’d struck him upside his head. Corwyn scowled. Both griffins gaped, beaks ajar, shocked into silence. The Tarbane brothers bent their heads together, whispering. Tuatha watched me closely from between Silverruff’s paws, his blue eyes anguished.
Hushed, Arianne advanced on me, furious, with her new panther, baring her teeth and hackles ridged along her spine, at her heels. I stopped both in their tracks with my pointing finger and my glare.
“Negative,” I said into her angry face. “I fully expect to die up there, as you well know.”
Her mouth opened in denial until I took one threatening step toward her. “If that happens, you are the last of our line. You, of all here, are the only one I will not have accompany me.”
At last, Arianne broke. “Dammit, Raine,” she said, tears flowing down her hollow cheeks. “That’s not fair.”
“No one said life was fair, little cat,” I replied, my tone softening. “This choice was taken from us long ago. If I don’t come back, go home to Connacht. Corwyn will go with you. He’ll help you raise an army and take back our country. You’ll be Queen, Kit.”
“Kit?” Ly’Tana asked, her fair brow furrowing.
As Arianne scowled dangerously, I grinned. “Her wolf name. Kit. As in a baby fox.”
Ly’Tana chuckled, her humor growing into a full blown laugh. “That’s why she’d never admit to what the wolves called her.”
“And to think I hated being called ‘little cat’,” Arianne fumed.
I looked a question to Corwyn, who ceased his scowl and nodded. “You’ll return, my liege,” he said gruffly. “Of that I’ve no doubt. But if I’m wrong, I’ll see her onto the Connachti throne. You have my word.”
“What about the rest of us?” Witraz asked, his arms wide as he glanced about the mountains. “We can’t stay here to wait for you.”
“Return to Li’s village,” Ly’Tana replied. “He’ll give you sanctuary, and look after you. If we succeed in freeing Darius, we’ll meet you there.”
“How will we know if you’re successful?”
I gestured toward my sister. “You’ll know.”
“If we fail,” Ly’Tana went on slowly. “Go home.”
“You won’t fail, Your Highness,” Rannon said fiercely. “You’ll be back, I know you will.”
“I do hope so,” she replied, smiling.
Bar restrained himself no longer. Wings half-spread, his raptor’s eyes glazed with pain, he let out a long moan–a cry of such heartfelt grief my throat thickened upon hearing it. Ly’Tana paled, tears filling her eyes as she turned to her loyal friend.
“Come on,” she murmured. “Let’s go for a walk.”
Ly’Tana walked across the snow, Bar towered over her as he followed, his head bent over her shoulder. I watched them for a space, his wings shielding her. I hoped whatever she said gave him hope and comfort. While I knew my death awaited me, there was still a chance she and the others might survive to return. I intended to make damn sure they did.
I caught Rygel’s eye and jerked my head toward my sister. He received my message and hugged her close, letting her weep against his shoulder. Did her sight told her he’d return to her? Did she know Rygel would live while I didn’t? Did she fear for us both? My own sight told me nothing at all.
“Isn’t there another way?” Kel’Ratan begged.
“There is,” I replied, my tone sharp.
At his expression of hope, I said, “You can stay with the warriors and I’ll choose another.”
“No, wait,” he said, panting, afraid. “I’ll do it. I can’t leave her, or you, I can’t–”
Compassion took hold of me. I gripped his shoulder, hard. “It won’t be so bad, Red. Trust me.”
“To be changed into–”
I glanced at his faithful Nahar, waiting behind him, his tail wagging and his amber-brown eyes bright, happy. “Look at it this way. You and he can finally understand one another.”
As Kel’Ratan gazed sharply at his wolf, I strode away, into an open area, away from the chatter and confusion that still rode high. Tashira gazed after me, ears up and huge liquid eyes sad. He stood beside his silver brother, who didn’t watch me, but instead eyed Rygel sidelong.
I sent him a quick gesture, ‘hold on, I’ll be back’.
Tashira dipped his muzzle in acknowledgement.
“Feria,” I called tiredly.
As though waiting for just this moment, she replied with a sharp shriek and a rapid succession of chirps and hisses. No doubt I’d just been berated for ignoring her important needs. She half-flew, wings wide, hopping in long jumps, following and still haranguing me.
Away from the crowd of men, wolves and horses, I turned to her. “Listen here, my girl.”
My firm tone halted her tirade in its tracks. Her eyes widened in dismay, her right front talon raised to half-mast. She chirped a question.
“I need you to do me a favor,” I said, modulating my tone. “Look after my sister for me, will you? You know you can’t come with me.”
Feria raised her beak to shriek yet another denial. I stepped inside her front legs and grabbed her beak before she could utter a sound. Clamping it shut, I growled, low in my throat. Her yellow eyes widened.
“Listen, damn you,” I snarled, my wolf coming forth. “Be sensible. I won’t have you die up there in a quest you don’t even understand. Maybe I’ll come back and maybe I won’t, but either way you’ll stay with my sister and protect her as you would me. Or you can go home as I once told you to.”
Feria hissed from beneath her shut beak. Her raptor eyes flattened.
“Then go with Arianne. She’s a good person, you’ll love her. She can even talk to you, and understand you, if you let her.”
Feria groaned.
“I know, I don’t want to lose you either. But my fate is my own. It’s not yours to share. Arianne will live long and you’ll be happy with her. Will you do this? For me?”
I slowly released her beak as she stared down at me, her eagle’s eyes miserable. “I told you once you can’t go with me,” I said, grief settling into my chest. “This is why. I won’t let you die on my account.”
Feria snaked her talon behind my back and pulled me to her. I wrapped my arms around her feathered neck, burying my face in her fur-feathered mane. Her head dropped over my shoulder. “I do love you, girl,” I said, my voice muffled. “For good or ill, we must go our separate ways.”
She released me slowly, gazing down at me. Finally, her right talon rose to shoulder height and hung there, waiting. I managed a weak grin as I grasped it with my own right hand. “You sure know how to make a fellow feel guilty.”
She hissed, her beak wide. You should.
Yanking her talon toward me, I jerked her off balance, bringing her face within an inch of my own. I stared deep into those raptor depths, capturing and holding them tight.
I grinned. “Learn to get along with Bar,” I said. “He’s not a bad fellow, if given half a chance.”
Feria snatched her talon from my grip and reared back, hissing. Her wings whipped frigid air and loose snow into my face.
I shrugged, still grinning. “Your choice, of course. But I think you’ll be the ultimate loser.”
I walked back toward the chaos that once was a peaceful camp, Feria stalking behind me and grumbling under her breath. I ignored her, knowing she’d keep walking toward Arianne as I veered to the left. Toward Tashira, where he waited.
His muzzle extended toward my hand, his miserable eyes on me, he said, “I knew life with you would be an adventure.”
“All adventures must come to an end, lad.”
“I swear I won’t eat much. I won’t be any trouble, honest.”
I smiled as my throat shut down tight. “I once offered to die for you, my brother. I won’t have you die for me. This isn’t your fight.”
“Change me into a wolf, too,” he said eagerly. “I like wolves, some are my best friends.”
I chuckled, caressing his soft face. “You’d starve inside two days,” I said softly. “We couldn’t feed a wolf your size.”
“Don’t leave me behind, Raine.”
“I have to, Blackie. Go home to your father.”
He turned his head away. “I can’t. I don’t want to.”
“Then stay with Arianne. You know she loves you.”
He turned to gaze past his huge, shaggy shoulder at Arianne, Rygel and Shardon, saying their own private good byes. “I wouldn’t want to piss off Rufus,” he said. “He’s not big, but he’s potent.”
A chuckle surged past the blockage in my throat. “I’ll make certain Ly’Tana lives,” I murmured. “She’ll come back.”
“I don’t want her,” he snorted. “I want only you.”
“Blackie, I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t think that’s in my travel itinerary.”
“If you don’t,” he snapped, great eyes blazing. “I’ll cross into the next world and drag you back if I have to.”
I leaned my cheek against his brow over his forelock. “If anyone could do that, you could.”
“Just come back to me,” he begged softly. “Please?”
“I make no promises,” I said, shutting my eyes. “But I’ll try.”
“I reckon that’s all I can ask, right?”
“Only too right,” I replied, past the grief that threatened to cut off my breathing. “Come on, I have one more I have to talk to.”
Still sitting between Silverruff’s huge paws, he watched me approach with fear and hurt in his wide blue eyes.
“Poor bugger,” Tashira said. “He knows what’s up.”
“Yes, he does.”
I’ve never been very good with goodbyes and here was my third in less than an hour. Being me, I saved the worst for last. Tuatha could never understand, not until he was old and grey, why I had to leave him. This time, I knew he’d not forgive me.
“Papa?”
I dipped my head in acknowledgement to Silverruff. “Come with me, son.”
I walked away, Tuatha pacing me. Growing tall now, he topped my knee at his withers, his head as high as my hip. Already, he could run and keep up with the pack. His ears stood fully erect, and his inky black coat rippling like silk over rapidly maturing muscles. Fully grown, he’d be a wolf to rival Thunder in sheer size and weight.
A short distance from the camp, I halted and hunkered down, on eye to eye level with him.
The pain in my son’s voice told me how wrong I was. He understood very well indeed. “You’re going away.”
“I must.”
I stroked my hand over his head, down his ears. Tuatha turned his muzzle into my hand, his eyes shut tight. Had he been a boy, I knew he’d weep. My throat shut down, cutting off my breath, and my chest hurt. I’ll never see him grow up. I’ll never see the adult Tuatha would become.
He might be a big boy now, but deep inside he was still the little whelp who needed his papa. Butting me onto my ass, he crawled into my lap and thrust his upper body under my arm. I bowed over him, holding him tight, unable to speak, my hair hanging in my face.
“You have to kill a monster,” he said, his voice muffled.
“Yes, lad.”
“This is important?”
“It’s the most important thing in the wo
rld.”
Backing out from my sheltering arms, he sat and stared up at me. “When I’m big, will I be as brave as you?”
I cupped his chin, trying to smile. “You’ll be the bravest wolf ever.”
Tuatha pulled his face from my hand and stared away, across the treacherous mountains. “Will it be all right if I don’t–”
He stopped, swallowed and tried again. “–if I don’t watch you out of sight?”
“I suppose so,” I replied, puzzled. “May I ask why you don’t want to?”
“If I watch until you’re out of sight, you won’t come back.”
“Where’d you get that idea?”
He flapped his ears. “I just know.”
“You realize the monster might kill me.”
“I know.”
“That doesn’t mean I won’t watch over you. Even from across the great barrier, I’ll still be with you. Forever.”
He glanced up at me finally, his black tail flipping back and forth. “That’ll be good, Papa.”
I drew him in close, hugging him against my chest. “Never, ever forget how much I love you.”
“I love you, too,” he said. “Just come back.”
“I’ll do my best.”
He slid from my embrace. “No goodbye, Papa,” he said, his tail still wagging. “There’s no word in wolf-talk for the human word goodbye. Just say, ‘I’ll see you soon’.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
With that, he trotted across the snow to Arianne and Shirel. Ghost abandoned Darkhan to greet him with bright eyes and a busy tongue. Tuatha accepted her mothering with a calm stoicism, as though understanding her need to nurture. Perhaps he’ll need her mothering now.
“That’s one smart kid,” Tashira said. “Where does he get it?”
“My side of the family, obviously,” I replied, rising and brushing loose snow from my britches.
“You wish.”
I flashed him a quick grin. “Time to get this show on the road.”
Apparently, Ly’Tana and Kel’Ratan made their farewells to the warriors and their wolves, as Rygel and Arianne walked toward Tashira and me, hand in hand. Shirel and Tuatha followed on her heels, side by side. Shardon followed close, but like Tashira, if I read his grief-stricken eyes correctly, knew he must let Rygel go.
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