by James Hadman
I hiked up my cloak and waded the stream where it shallowed as it crossed the beach. The raven complained but retreated as I approached. I was within a few feet now and could see that the animal was a dead land otter. But if it was dead, why had I seen it move? The answer, a small form, detached itself from the dead otter and staggered toward the pool, which had a wide band of ice around its margin.
I walked over and looked closely. There was no doubt. The otter was dead. How sad that she’d left her baby to die, too. Could I prevent that? I didn’t know, but I could try. The little thing began whistling plaintively, slithering back and forth on the skim ice in front of its dead mother. I sat down next to the carcass and waited patiently in the gathering dusk. As I’d hoped, the cold and hungry baby climbed back up the beach on wobbly legs and tried to nurse its dead mother again. The poor little thing didn’t even struggle when I picked it up and tucked it inside my warm cloak.
Raven’s Bones. The tiny otter knew what it wanted. It wanted milk. It tried to nurse, nuzzling and kneading my breasts, and even fastening onto one of my nipples. The same twinges I’d felt while watching Arrow nurse her puppies happened again. How peculiar.
“Poor little Kushdaka,” I whispered when it gave up trying to suckle me. “I have no milk for you, but I know who does.” This little thing might survive if I could get Arrow to accept it to nurse.
I had barely embarked on my path to become a shaman and already one of Father’s most important spirit animals had come to me. The mother Kushdaka not only gave up her life, she gave up her baby. I would save the little otter, so it could accompany me on my spirit quest.
I had my first Yek, as I knew shamans referred to their spirit animals. I would need to have a ceremony to honour the dead mother and then I’d have to “cut her tongue”, so she could talk to me. I had a sketchy idea of what this entailed, so I picked up the dead otter by the tail. I’d take her with me so Sky Shaker could make sure I performed that task correctly.
On the way back to camp, I held the baby under my cloak to keep it warm, but it was still trying to nurse. Having it knead my breasts with its tiny paws while mouthing my nipples made unusual sensations course down my body, intensifying as they flowed down over my belly to center in my womanhood. What a strange and wonderful experience. I was excited.
Chapter Three
When I rounded the rocky point and the camp came into view, I could see Olga and Elena at the fire cooking pieces of halibut we had brought along.
Wind Spirit, who was supervising, looked at me in the dusk and said, “Well, look who’s back. I thought you were going for water. Where’s the box? Disappearing like this is the reason you’re never going to make a good wife.” The nephews were smiling as Mother fussed at me. “Here we are, camped out in the middle of winter and a long way from anywhere. You should be helping me get everyone fed...” Her voice trailed off as she heard gasps from behind her. I had stepped into the firelight holding the dead otter by the tail.
“What is that you’re carrying?” she asked as I put it down.
“Father’s otter spirit came to me on my walk, Mother. He sent me my first Yek.”
The nephews began muttering, crowding closer to the fire, and exchanging worried glances. Mother walked over and looked down at my find. When she looked up, she was frowning.
“Raven’s Bones. That’s a Kushdaka.”
“I know,” I said. “That’s my first Yek.”
“You must get that dangerous thing out of here before the Kushdaka’s mate comes for us all,” she said, trying to sound firm, but her voice was quavering. Starting toward the carcass, she said, “If you won’t get rid of it, I will.”
“Don’t touch my spirit animal, Mother. My father’s Kushdaka spirit sent her. She’s not here to harm us. Look. The spirit even sent me one of its children.” I opened my cloak, took out the baby otter, and held it up. The baby began to squirm, missing the warmth and darkness of my cloak. Everyone gaped at the tiny animal.
“I will raise this Kushdaka up to be big and strong, so he can take care of me on my spirit quest.” The nephews were pointing and chattering, but Wind Spirit looked shocked.
I cuddled the baby close to my chin and walked over to Arrow’s bed. She lifted her head and whined in recognition. Her tail thumped a greeting, but her pups were nursing, so she didn’t get up. I knelt down and petted her, letting her smell my hands with their unfamiliar scent. She wagged again, so I put the baby otter between her front paws. She nosed it a time or two, turned it upside down and began to lick it clean. The otter protested a bit, but it could smell milk and quickly latched onto the closest teat. I watched it kneading and making sucking noises on a teat that was much more rewarding than mine had been and smiled. Arrow had accepted the otter and now she had three babies. I patted her head and told her what a good dog she was while quietly congratulating myself. My adoption scheme was successful.
The situation by the fire was much less so. The nephews were gathered together by the fire opposite from the otter carcass and I could hear one of them talking about going back to Klawak and leaving me here.
“You can’t keep those things, Daughter,” Mother said. “They’re dangerous. Even that dead one is big medicine. The little creature you found is surely the soul of a drowned person. If you don’t get rid of them, I fear the nephews will abandon us.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Mother. Shamans sometimes wait years for a spirit sign that is nowhere near as powerful as this. They live in isolation and starve themselves waiting to find an animal willing to give up its life to give them power. Less than a moon after I made the decision to become a shaman, my first spirit experience has happened and it is no usual spirit experience. Father’s most important spirit animal has come to me. Not only did that mother otter sacrifice herself to give me power, she also sent me her baby to raise, so I’ll have an escort to accompany me in the spirit world. I want to take the dead otter to Sky Shaker and have her show me how to cut her tongue, so I can use it to start my medicine bundle.”
“Daughter, you know I trained to become a shaman myself, so I have experience in these matters. You have no idea how much danger you have placed us all in with your reckless actions. You must get rid of those things now. Pitch that dead one in the water and throw the little one in the fire. Here, I’ll help.”
“You’ll do no such thing, Mother. Both Kushdakas are mine and so is their power.” I aimed a cold stare at Mother and each of the nephews in turn. No one would meet my eyes. “If any of you so much as touch my otters, you will answer to me.” To reinforce what I said, I let my hand stray to the haft of the sharp iron knife Uncle Park had made for me several summers ago. I always carry it in a sheath tied to a thong around my neck.
After that confrontation, supper was a subdued affair. The nephews were obviously hostile muttering as they glared at me. Wind Spirit was no help. She was silent and wouldn’t look at me as we ate. This was a problem. I needed to come up with a plan that would keep the nephews from abandoning us while safeguarding Mother and me without giving up my otters. I considered returning to Klawak with the nephews and getting a more experienced crew, but then I had a better idea. I wanted to take the dead otter’s carcass to Sky Shaker, so she could help me cut her tongue, but I saw a way I could sacrifice the body and use that act to gain control of this situation.
Despite their negative reaction, these boys were young and they were my relatives. Surely, I could bend them to my desires. To get my way I would treat them to my first shamanistic performance.
I picked up the dead otter, walked back to the fire, and sat down on the opposite side from my nephews. I unsheathed my knife and began skinning the animal. I started at the mouth and painstakingly removed the hide in one piece, dissecting the cartilage of the nose and ears, and leaving them attached. My nephews watched with cold hostility as the pale carcass emerged from its dark brown pelt. Then, I separated the feet
and removed the hide from the tail just as Father had taught me. When I finished, I turned the skin right-side-out, carried it over to my sleeping area, put the hide in a halibut-skin bag to conceal its scent from the baby otter, and put it away.
I returned to the fire, picked up the carcass, and stepped out to the edge of the firelight. With my back to my audience, I stood motionless, facing the windy darkness. Holding the otter carcass in both hands, I began what I hoped would be an appropriately frightening chant, changing the pitch of my voice, repeating phrases time after time, and letting the volume of my chant rise and fall. I stopped abruptly, fell to my knees over the dead otter, pulled out my knife, and cut out her tongue. I got up, holding the severed tongue in my bloody hand, and displayed it to my nephews.
Then I let out what I hoped was a suitably bloodcurdling shriek. Everyone jumped back. A couple of nephews covered their ears and they all looked sick. I was pleased. This was going just the way I wanted. I chanted a stream of gibberish in a screechy voice and tucked the bloody tongue into a pouch for safekeeping. When I stopped the racket I was making, the silence was a relief for me, too. I picked up the skinned carcass as a mother might cradle her child. I walked through the circle of firelight, past my stunned audience, and into the darkness. I stood at the water’s edge, shrieked one last time, and pitched the carcass into the fast-moving current.
When I returned to the fire, I saw stark terror on the faces of my nephew. Good. Now they were more afraid of me than they were of the otter. I wouldn’t have any trouble controlling them. I raised my bloody hands and intoned.
“With her blood and her tongue, the Kushdaka shares her secrets with me. She tells me she will take your spirits as playthings if you fail to do my bidding.” I lowered my hands and softly said, “Get some sleep. We leave for Howkan at dawn.”
The nephews looked at their feet, and then at each other, everywhere but at me.
“What we’ve seen here is big medicine,” muttered the oldest.
“I’ve wondered about Abraham’s Copper Spirit,” said his brother. “She’s always been strange–not like the other girls. Now we’ve seen why. She talks to spirits.”
Another said, “I don’t want to risk making her mad. Let’s hurry up and take her to Howkan.”
Wind Spirit looked at me and shook her head. “Come here, Daughter,” she said. “I’ll clean you up. We all need to get some sleep.” I let Mother wash the blood from my hands and arms. I was tired but elated at the same time. Not only did I have my first spirit animal, but my performance had been a huge success. I hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with my nephews any more this night.
I needed to feed Arrow before I went to bed. So, I took her a piece of dried salmon. Her tail thumped a greeting and all three babies were rolled into a ball, snug and warm against her belly. I bedded down between Arrow and Mother under the shelter of my big canoe.
As I snuggled down next to her I said, “Do you think my ceremony impressed the nephews enough, so we can get a night’s sleep?”
“I don’t think we have to worry,” she said, and we slept.
11 March, 1778: I awoke before dawn and roused the slaves who got the fire going. I took more salmon to Arrow. She and her family were doing fine. After a night of nursing, my little Kushdaka’s belly was round. When she had eaten, Arrow got up, dislodging the pups from her teats and went to relieve herself. I guessed the otter and the pups were about the same age. As I had seen at the pool when I found her, the baby could walk a few wobbly steps. The puppies had begun walking, too. I don’t know why, but I decided my little Kushdaka was female. I checked her belly, but there wasn’t an obvious clue to indicate whether she was a boy or a girl, but it didn’t matter. She was beautiful and she was mine. Arrow returned and the pups quit trying to nurse each other and found her teats. I looked down and admired Arrow’s little family. She and I had been together for a long time. I’d gotten her when I was fourteen, going on six summers ago. We were very close.
I went back and joined the others for a quick meal. The nephews were looking at me as if I’d grown a third eye in my forehead. That was somewhat disconcerting, but useful, as Mother and I required their cooperation to get to Howkan. After eating, we loaded the canoe. I bundled up against the cold, settled my little family in a cozy nest next to me in the stern and took the steering paddle.
The nephews pushed off and paddled out to catch the fair current that swept us through the narrows. When we reached the open bay beyond, they put up the mast, then I set the wind-wing and we sped toward Howkan. The chilly day passed uneventfully as we ran down the passage. Points of land in the blue distance ahead gradually turned to green. Those behind us faded to blue. All the while, little whitecaps marched along beside us only to fall astern as we sped along.
It felt good to be steering my canoe back down the familiar channels I had last traveled with Father. Oddly enough, retracing the path that we had taken together made him seem closer rather than accentuating my loss.
Just before dusk, we flew down the passage in front of Howkan. We approached the beach and I turned the canoe up into the wind and furled the wind-wing. The nephews paddled us ashore, hastily stepped out on the beach, and looked relieved.
Since my canoe was such a familiar sight in Howkan, only a small group of villagers gathered to welcome us. While we were unloading the canoe so the nephews could carry it up the beach, freezing rain began to fall, making me glad we would be spending the night in a snug house. Wind Spirit led our little procession to Sky Shaker’s house with Olga and Elena following. I carried Arrow’s little family wrapped in a warm fur and she stayed close.
To enter Sky Shaker’s house, one had to step up and through the open mouth of the Thunderbird. The entry portal was cut through the base of a totem that towered over the house with watchmen on its top in the Haida fashion.
Once inside, I could tell that the wind was picking up. Gusts were pushing smoke back into the house where it floated in layers above our heads. Mother and I exchanged glances. We were happy to be in a warm house again regardless of a little smoke.
Sky Shaker was sitting wrapped up in a warm robe at the edge of the fire pit. “My spirits told me to expect company and I hoped it would be you two, but they didn’t tell me you were bringing all these handsome young men,” she said, gesturing at the nephews. “Please, everyone make yourselves at home,” she said and told a slave to roast enough salmon for us all.
“My goodness, Abraham’s Copper Spirit,” she said, looking up at me “you’ve certainly grown.” Leaning heavily on her carved stick, she struggled to her feet to greet us. She was not much taller standing than she had been sitting, but her diminutive figure somehow projected an aura of power. Mother embraced her and Sky Shaker kissed her cheek.
“It makes my heart glad to see you again, Wind Spirit. You have been away far too long.” She paused as if searching for the right words and then continued. “I am so sorry it took the tragic death of your wonderful husband to get you to come and visit me. We will all miss him terribly”
Wiping away a tear, Mother said, “You’re right about that. His passing has left my heart wounded.”
The salmon was scarcely warmed through before the nephews fell on it like a pack of wolves. When they had eaten their fill, they asked where they could bed down.
“Show our young guests to their sleeping areas,” Sky Shaker said to a house slave. The nephews picked up their gear and followed her.
I was getting ready to take Arrow and the babies up to my sleeping area when Sky Shaker said, “Come and sit down beside me, Child. You make me nervous towering over me like that. I believe you get taller every time I see you and such beautiful red hair. Sit right here,” she said, patting a spot next to her and I did. Then she turned to Mother. “Is she married yet?”
I was holding my bundle of babies in my lap and Arrow, the anxious mother, was nudging my leg with her muzzle.
Sky Shaker glanced at me, blinked and said, “Raven’s Bones. What have you got in that bundle? Is that a baby?”
“I wish I could say yes,” said Mother. “Those are babies, but they aren’t human. She has two puppies and a little Kushdaka she found on the way here in there.”
“A Kushdaka. Oh, let me see.”
I opened my bundle and Sky Shaker looked at the two tan pups and the darker otter. “Raven’s Beak! That is a Kushdaka!”
“Go ahead. Tell Sky Shaker how you came to bring such a dangerous animal into her house.”
I smiled at my great aunt and explained that Father’s spirits had come to me and informed me I must become a shaman.
“You are a famous and powerful shaman, Auntie, and that’s the reason I’ve come to you. After the Otter Spirit told me that Father’s spirits were now mine, I was afraid. His spirits are so powerful and dangerous I knew I would need help to learn to control them.”
I went on to describe finding the baby otter. Then I told Sky Shaker how I wanted to bring her the mother otter’s entire carcass, so she could show me the technique for cutting her tongue, but I had to settle for only removing the dead mother’s tongue. I had to sacrifice the otter’s carcass during the performance I gave to frighten the nephews into giving up their plans to abandon us.
“The show she put on was really good,” Mother said. “She definitely terrified the nephews.” Sky Shaker looked thoughtful and then she nodded.
“What you have told me is quite convincing. I believe you have discovered your destiny,” she said, reaching a gnarled hand over to caress the little otter’s head. With the trust of the very young, the pup nuzzled her hand, pushing her nose against her palm, looking for a teat. Sky Shaker smiled, her face creased into hundreds of laugh lines as she petted the baby. “My goodness, it’s so soft. When it grows up it could be an excellent companion to help you find your way through the spirit world.”