by J. S. Scott
“I care about you, too,” I answered eagerly.
“This is about way more than just wanting a fuck,” he rumbled.
“I know,” I breathed.
This was about us. The two of us together. The way that we fit. The way he made me feel.
“Dammit! I can’t wait anymore,” he growled.
I couldn’t wait, either, so relief flooded over my body.
My hands stroked over his back, and I lost myself in the feel of soft, heated skin over hard, ripped muscle.
I felt his hot breath on my lips, his mouth so close to mine that my heart was galloping inside my chest.
Kiss me.
Kiss me.
Kiss me.
“Fuck it,” he snarled, right before his mouth closed over mine.
There was a moment of ecstasy as I felt the dominance of his kiss.
And then…nothing.
“Noooo!” I cried out as my mystery man faded away.
Inconsolable after losing something so wonderful, I started to sob.
*****
“No dammit! No!”
I heard myself screaming as I shot up to a sitting position in my bed, tears flowing down my cheeks, and my heart beating violently.
I let myself cry. My pain was still so damn acute that I needed that outlet.
What the hell? I’ve already had the dream once this year.
It had never happened a second time during the same holiday season.
When my emotions and my body finally quieted, I swiped the tears from my face in confusion.
“Why did it happen again?” I whispered into the darkness.
I’d been happy when I’d finally gone to bed earlier.
Jackson and I had shared burritos, and watched a movie together after we were so full that we could barely move.
I was getting more and more used to the way he looked at me, and I was even getting accustomed to him calling me beautiful.
He’d left after the movie, but not without getting a promise from me that I’d spend time with him the next day.
Unlike the last time I’d had the dream, I hadn’t been unhappy when I’d went to sleep.
In fact, just the opposite.
I’d been looking forward to hanging out with Jackson again.
I flopped back down on my pillow. “The dream was different this time. More…personal,” I mused aloud.
My dream guy had never really spoken about emotions. He’d never told me that he cared.
Everything had always played out sensually. But this time, I’d actually felt some of his torment.
“Weird,” I muttered, reminding myself that it was just a dream.
I took a deep breath in, and then let it out, willing my body to relax.
It was just a stupid dream.
I just wished that it didn’t put me through such an emotional wringer every single time it happened.
I had no idea why it had occurred a second time in the same year.
I just hoped it wouldn’t happen again.
I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes.
I have to get some sleep. Jackson said he’d be over early.
Thoughts of Jackson quickly squashed the lingering effects of my dream, and I fell back to sleep easily with a smile on my face as I remembered the lovely evening I’d had with Jackson.
Chapter Seven
Hayden
The next several days were…magical.
Even though I kept up my pretense that Jackson and I weren’t dating, I found myself becoming pretty enchanted with his tendency to romance me.
It wasn’t like he was really trying. His gestures weren’t artificial or fake. In fact, when he brought flowers—which he did every time I met him at my door—Jackson usually handed them to me with some grumbled excuse that I found completely endearing.
I’d been wrong when I’d said that Jackson was probably a charmer with every woman he met.
It seemed he was only out to conquer…me.
Don’t get me wrong. The guy was polite when he took me out to restaurants, or to attend one of the Galveston Christmas events. But he absolutely did not flirt with pretty waitresses or store clerks.
If we were out together, the only female he seemed to want to impress was me.
“Take another blanket,” Jackson insisted.
I smiled at him, and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders.
I was learning not to argue with him when his protective instinct kicked in. He’d just badger me until I took whatever precautions he thought were necessary.
Okay, the guy was more than slightly bossy, but he didn’t get obnoxious when he was concerned about my welfare. He was just so damn persistent that he’d eventually wear me down.
And honestly, it felt so good to be with a guy who actually cared about whether or not I was happy, comfortable, and safe.
Jackson cares about my needs, something that has never happened before.
“It’s not exactly cold,” I said as I looked up at him from my seat on the sandy beach.
Jackson and I had turned on all of the lights on our decks, which gave us some dim light out near the water.
The plan was to watch the sunset, and then, if we weren’t too cold, try to do some stargazing since it was a wonderfully clear night.
When Jackson had suggested it, I’d been a little surprised. It was probably the most romantic thing I’d ever done with a guy.
This is not a date. This is not a date.
I’d been chanting my mantra in my head for the last several days, but the words were getting harder to hear with every moment I spent with Jackson.
He was so gruffly sweet sometimes that my heart was pretty much a puddle at my feet.
Every day, I expected him to leave.
And every morning, he was back at my door with another idea of how we could spend the day together.
“This should be good,” he said, obviously satisfied with the way the blankets were spread out on the sand.
Neither one of us had a jacket on. I had donned a sweater before I’d come out to the beach area, and Jackson was wearing a dark green thermal shirt that looked amazing with his dark eyes.
I smiled as I looked at the pile of blankets he’d brought out to make sure I didn’t get cold.
He’d set this whole event up.
I was just along for the ride.
“It’s perfect,” I assured him as I watched him plop down next to me on the bed of blankets.
It was probably still around sixty degrees, so I could have done without the blanket wrapped around me.
Jackson had stacked the blankets below us in layers so the cold from the sand didn’t seep into our bodies.
I don’t think I really need to worry about that.
The moment Jackson’s body brushed against mine, I was burning up.
I watched, bemused, as he picked up a thermos, poured some of the contents into a mug, and handed it to me before he filled a cup for himself.
“What’s this?” I asked, putting the mug close to my nose to smell it.
It had a heavenly aroma.
“Hot chocolate,” he rumbled. “Should keep you warm.”
I took a sip. “Peppermint?”
He grinned at me as he moved close enough for our bodies to touch shoulder-to-shoulder. “Christmas hot chocolate,” he teased. “Spiked with coffee liquor and peppermint schnapps.”
I took another sip. “It’s really good. Where did you learn to make it?”
I already knew that Jackson didn’t cook, which is why I made him breakfast every morning, and we ate out in town every night.
“My dad makes it for Christmas every year. My older brother, Levi, and I used to sneak into the kitchen when we were teenagers to swipe some of it, even though we weren’t exactly old enough to drink it legally.”
I bumped his shoulder. “Juvenile delinquents,” I teased.
“Naw. We didn’t drink too much. Neither one of us wanted to get in trouble. We didn�
��t want to get kicked out of football.”
I sighed softly as the sun creeped lower in the sky. It was so amazing to have the beach to ourselves. There was nobody in either direction, and there wasn’t likely to be since the sun would be going down soon.
“So your brother plays football, too?” I asked curiously.
Jackson was quiet for a moment before he finally answered. “He used to. Honestly, he was probably better than I was in high school, but he messed up his leg in college in an accident. He had to drop off the college team, even though he was one of the best players in college ball.”
I let myself lean against Jackson’s body as I said, “That must have been really hard for him.”
I nearly purred as he put his arm around me and pulled me into his massive body.
“It was,” he confirmed. “But it never stopped him from encouraging me to follow my own dreams. He’s a good guy, even though he’s a workaholic now. He changed a lot after the accident. He insisted on making me part of Gillette Engineering, even though I was still playing ball. Levi went on to get his PhD. I stopped after getting my master’s degree so I could play pro ball. He wanted me to do it.”
“What did you want?” I asked curiously.
“I wanted to play pro ball. I told Levi to do his own thing. But he set up the firm for both of us anyway. He wanted to make sure I had a future after football. Not that I really need it. I made a fortune playing for the NFL. And I invested it well.”
“Do you want to be part of Gillette Engineering now?”
“Hell, yeah,” he answered. “Levi has built up the company to be one of the best. He’s one hell of a problem solver when it comes to mega projects.”
“And you don’t think you can add something to the company now that you’re retiring from playing ball?”
“I’ve always been involved,” he informed me. “Levi always consulted with me, and kept me in the loop. But I feel so damn guilty about the fact that he’s done most of the work so far,” he said unhappily.
“Don’t,” I advised. “You’ll put in the work eventually. I felt that way myself because my sister started our veterinary clinic a few years before I graduated. Amy is really gifted. So she graduated early. But we share the workload now. I sent her on a long vacation once I joined the clinic.”
“I don’t think my brother even knows what a vacation is,” Jackson joked. “My brother is all business. But thanks for the reassurance.”
“In ten years, you won’t even remember that Levi started the company. It won’t matter,” I told him. “You have decades to make it up to him. Sometimes that’s just what older siblings do. It’s kind of funny that we both ended up working with our siblings.”
“Levi and I planned things out when we were teenagers,” Jackson said gruffly. “It just didn’t work out quite the way we planned.”
“That’s called life,” I teased, and finished off my mug of spiked hot chocolate and set the mug aside. “And I didn’t like it that Amy started our clinic before I graduated, either. But now, a few years later, it really doesn’t matter. We both work hard. This time off is the first time I’ve taken a break since I started there a couple of years ago.”
Jackson polished off his mug of hot chocolate before he said, “My rescuer of animals.”
“I can’t save them all,” I said sadly. “Unfortunately.”
He moved behind me, and pulled my body between his rock-hard thighs. I leaned my back against his front, relishing the solid support of his enormous body.
He wrapped his arms around my waist. “You make a difference,” he said huskily. “Even if you don’t save every single animal. But why do I have a feeling it breaks your heart every time you lose one, even if you save a hundred.”
I felt my heart rate accelerate. Sometimes, I felt like Jackson knew me better than anyone, even though we’d just met a short time ago. My heart did ache every single time I lost an animal. “It hurts,” I admitted. “But I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else.”
“You’re an amazing woman, Hayden Longmont,” Jackson rasped into my ear.
“I’m nobody special,” I argued.
“Don’t say that,” he growled. “You are special, Hayden. You’re probably the only one who doesn’t know that.”
“I’m fat,” I said unhappily.
“Lusciously curvy,” he corrected.
“I’m way too tall and big boned,” I tried again.
“Statuesque,” he argued. “Tall enough that I don’t have to bend down too much when I kiss you.”
My heart skittered. He hadn’t kissed me. Did that mean he planned on doing it?
“I can be stubborn,” I warned him.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’m as bullheaded as they come.”
I snorted. “Like I haven’t figured that out?”
“When are you going to realize that everything about you makes my dick hard?” he asked gutturally.
“Probably never,” I said with a small shrug. “I’ll never be thin. I was never what my parents wanted, and neither was Amy. I guess I was taught at a pretty young age to think of myself as defective. And then it was verified by every single guy I’ve dated.”
“Then I guess it’s my job to prove to you that you’re beautiful,” he answered, his words muffled because he’d buried his face into the side of my neck.
Strangely, Jackson already had started to convince me that I was worthy, which was almost a miracle to me. “I guess I just want somebody to think I’m okay the way that I am,” I said in a tremulous voice.
“I get that more than you know, sweetheart. And I more than accept you. I adore you,” he said hoarsely.
I shivered, the roughness of his voice washing over my soul. “You’re a celebrity,” I reminded him. “You have the whole package, Jackson. You’re smart, incredibly good looking, and thoughtful. Why would a guy like you want a woman like me?”
“If you say that one more time, I’ll show you how much I want you,” he said in a foreboding, dangerous tone.
I hesitated for minute before I said it again, “Why would a guy like you want a woman like me?”
Truth was, I needed him to kiss me. Desperately.
Chapter Eight
Hayden
I found myself on my back, with Jackson’s body on top of mine in a heartbeat.
His expression was fierce in the waning daylight as he looked down at me. He caught my wrists, and pinned them over my head.
“Take it back. Tell me you didn’t mean it,” he warned.
I wasn’t sure if he was joking or serious at that point. But I needed him to kiss me so badly that I shook my head emphatically. “No. I won’t take it back.”
“Then I have to assume that you want me to touch you,” he said in a husky voice.
Our eyes locked, and my heart was hammering against my chest wall.
I nodded slowly. “I do. Please.”
His expression was tormented, like he was torn between leaving me alone, and devouring me whole.
“You’re so damn beautiful, Hayden,” he rasped. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”
He’s afraid of me backing away.
Like that would ever happen?
I wanted this man like I wanted to take my next breath.
“Please,” I said breathlessly.
I could feel his warm breath on my face as he growled, “Fuck it. I can’t wait another damn second for you.”
I moaned the moment his mouth took mine, reveling in the way he dominated my lips, and explored every cavern of my mouth.
Jackson was everything I wanted, so much better than my dream man because he didn’t disappear.
He kept marauding, ravaging my senses until I felt liquid heat flowing freely between my thighs.
He nipped at my lower lip, and then soothed it with his tongue.
Jackson tasted like hot chocolate and decadent sin, a combination that I knew was dangerous, but I didn’t care.
; I tilted my head when he buried his into the side of my neck, his mouth devouring the sensitive skin there.
“Jackson,” I said with a needy sigh.
“Hayden,” he answered in a sexy baritone. “Tell me that you know that you’re beautiful.”
He was insistent, and cajoling.
“Let go of my wrists. I want to touch you,” I pleaded.
He lifted his head and our eyes met and clashed. “Tell me.”
His eyes were tumultuous, boring into mine in a stare so intense that I blurted out, “I believe that you think I’m beautiful.”
He stopped restraining me, sat up and pulled me onto his lap. “I guess I’ll have to settle for that right now.”
“I’m heavy,” I protested.
“You’re fucking gorgeous, and if I can’t fuck you, I want your ass right here,” he answered as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.
I relaxed into him as I said, “I probably would have let you fuck me.”
I felt raw, emotional. Jackson was turning my world upside down.
“I can’t,” he answered roughly. “There’s something you need to know about me first.”
“You’re married?” I squeaked.
“No, my little worrier,” he said, his voice soothing and patient.
“Girlfriend? Fiancée?”
“Hell, no. I told you that I wasn’t a player, Hayden.” He sounded disappointed. “You can look up my stats, and personal information on the computer.”
I’d hurt him, and I hadn’t meant to do it. “I know that. I guess I just got panicky.”
I still didn’t understand why someone like Jackson was trying so hard to make me happy. No man had ever given a damn whether I was happy or not.
“I’m sorry,” I said contritely. “I guess I’m still trying to figure out what you’re doing here with me. It isn’t about you, Jackson. This is all about me.”
Honestly, it was about my own self-image. It wasn’t Jackson’s fault that I had no confidence in myself when it came to men.
“It’s okay, Hayden. You’ll figure it out eventually. Hey, check out the sunset,” he requested.
He wasn’t going to tell me his secret. Jackson was using an evasion tactic. I knew it. But I let the subject die.