Nako swallowed to hear the thoughts he’d entertained echoed out loud. “But beyond it is even more greatness.”
“The boundless reaches of outer space. They have not lost their mystery for you?”
“Every now and again while I’m on a patrol, I’ll look beyond the hull of my ship as if for the first time and see it. It still catches me by surprise.”
“It’s wonderful when that happens, I imagine.”
“It is. And grounding. It puts me in my place.”
Enhik laughed softly. “We should all go to space for extended periods. Are you leaving again soon?”
“Not soon enough. Fleet Command has another month of parties to trot me out for before I can escape.”
“Ah. You’re a man who would perform the job and move straight to the next. No accolades required.”
“Or wanted.” Nako eyed the man standing next to him. “You’ve petitioned for de-clanning.”
Enhik tensed. “Is that what this meeting is about?”
“It wasn’t on the original agenda I had planned. I only heard about it this afternoon. I was wondering why you’re suing for it after all this time.”
“With all the new clanning laws that have been passed, it seemed the right moment to sue for official independence.”
“Though my parents have allowed you to live apart all these years?”
“Nako, I need this declaration of de-clanning. I was not meant for your other parents. I tried those early years, but—I can’t. That being said, as little as you care to hear it, I have always been proud to be your father.”
“I know.” Nako pulled a deep breath into his lungs. Let it out. “I’m sorry. For the terrible things I’ve said against you. For cutting you out of my life.”
Silence stretched between them. At last, a tear trickled down Enhik’s cheek. “Your loyalty to your other parents is nothing to apologize for. You were hurt by my actions, by the perception that I rejected you along with them.”
“You were there, every day, telling me I was the center of your world. Then you left. You visited, but—I didn’t understand. If I were so important to you, you’d have stayed.”
“You were my one joy in that household, Nako. I kept thinking if I just concentrated on you, I could make it work. After all, the others were good to me. They were and are a fine clan any other Imdiko would be content with.”
“That’s what I thought. I couldn’t imagine how you could find fault with them.”
“We were too unlike each other. Our personalities wouldn’t mesh, no matter how many compromises we made. Truth be told, I never wanted to join any clan.”
“I wasn’t aware of that.”
“I was devoted to my books, my studies, my students, lively discussions with my peers, and quiet contemplation. I couldn’t bear the distraction of clanmates and the constant demands of such a relationship.”
“What of my demands?” Pain stabbed at him. Enhik was saying he’d wanted to be free of them all. Including Nako.
“You were different. You never felt like the burden that my arranged clanship did.” His father’s gaze softened. “You brought such joy. And insight! Watching you discover how life works, witnessing you learning your place in it, carrying out a dream and discarding it for another—it was wonderful to see you explore all you could be. Even if the intense love I have for you hadn’t been a factor, I could have studied you for years on end. Forever. But you belonged in your other parents’ world. I couldn’t take you with me, no matter how it tore me apart.”
“So you had to choose.” And the choice wasn’t me. The old bitterness threatened.
“I was drowning in that household, even with you to distract me. The anxiety and depression that came from living with people whose goals were so dissimilar from mine was a crushing weight. Then you went to training camp, and I had nothing to hold onto until your visits. Each morning, I rushed to go to work to escape the others. Every day, it grew harder to go home. Until one day, when I couldn’t force myself to do so.”
Insight occurred, along with a long-buried memory of coming upon Enhik sobbing in the corner of Nako’s playroom, unable to respond when the frantic child had tried to soothe his parent. That had been only months before he’d left for training camp. “You were on the brink of an emotional collapse.”
“Not on the brink. I’d fallen over the cliff.” Enhik scrubbed the wetness from his cheeks. “It was not my intention to wreck our relationship, Nako. But I accept responsibility for having done just that. You had the right to be angry with me.”
He was selfish, wanting things his way to the point that he gave himself a breakdown. Or maybe he really wasn’t capable of living with his clanmates. Who am I to judge, when I’ve made so many similar mistakes? In any event, it’s too late for him to give me the father I deserved. I have to let it go. I have to stop it from eating me up inside, from allowing it to influence every decision I make.
“I can admit you had your reasons for leaving. I acknowledge you did what you thought you had to.” Nako fought for the words he knew were true. Fought to overcome the slight his younger self screamed that Enhik had to pay for.
“I’m grateful to hear you say that. Thank you for understanding.” A light had ignited in Enhik’s eyes.
“I wouldn’t say I’ve reached the point of understanding. I’m still coming to terms with this. Maybe I won’t be able to, not fully.” Nako forced himself to relax, to unclench his fists, which had tightened with the tension of decades of betrayal and loss. “But I’d like to try. I’d like to have my Imdiko father in my life again.”
Enhik’s smile was tremulous, as if he tried to fight it off, afraid to let in long-held hope. “Tell me what you would ask from me.”
“Continued patience. If you really want me as your son, you’re going to need it.”
“As much as the infinite reaches of space?” Hope was growing in his father’s expression, despite his obvious efforts to keep it in check.
Nako considered and grinned. “Not that much. More like all the drops of the ocean.”
Perhaps not that much either. With forgiveness came freedom of his soul, and its lightness beckoned Nako to unburden himself at long last.
Chapter 25
One month later
The crowd filling Fleet Headquarters’ arenalike ceremonial chamber was the largest yet, as befitted the final formal celebration of the war’s end. Piper was impressed by this particular ceremony despite a month’s worth of observances. The parade, the fighters flying in complicated formations, the speeches, the concert, the historical warrior dance—all had been extraordinary.
Even Ob had been honored for his part in stopping Bi’is’s plot against Kalquor. A commemorative plaque was to be installed in the Hall of Heroes. He was the only Tragoom to be accorded such respect by his people’s longtime enemy. The massive crowd seated in the open-air chamber’s tiers had chanted his name as Nobek Girek proudly carried the absent hero’s award around the oval parade route before them. Citing his new job, Ob had sent his regrets about not being able to attend. Piper suspected he didn’t fully trust Kalquorians to not kill him should he dare to set foot on their planet. Maybe he was right to be suspicious, but she was disappointed he hadn’t come just the same. She missed the big, smelly lug.
Piper stood with Ulof as the final tributes were paid by Admiral Hobato, head of the Imperial Fleet. He presented Nako and Terig with the fleet’s highest honors for their bravery and service to the empire.
The pair were a sight to behold, in their dress uniforms that hid most of their scars but none of their strength, their long hair pulled back in neat queues to reveal their nobly marked faces. Were these upstanding men really the same ones responsible for the welts on Piper’s backside, fading after their last tryst four days earlier? Her grip tightened on the civilian holo-award for bravery she’d received minutes before. She licked her lips at the delicious memory of the spankings and what had come afterward.
Then
she stifled a sigh. Opportunities for privacy had been few and far between since arriving at Kalquor. First had been the rounds of questioning. Then she’d spent a couple of weeks in a hospital’s research wing, her version of the virus being studied and typed and developed into a vaccine that would keep the Kalquorians immune to the fatal variety. There was hope the entire Kalquorian race would be inoculated by year’s end. At that time, the infected Earthers in stasis would be freed to live out their lives wherever they wished.
Finally, she’d been released from playing guinea pig. Then had come the news vid interviews and war’s end celebrations. Piper hadn’t dared to refuse to attend any of the functions, because those were her best chance to remain close to Clan Nako. With the exception of Ulof, who’d resigned his commission with the fleet, they were in good standing once more. No doubt Nako and Terig would be placed on duty as soon as the pomp had played out.
Unfortunately, attending so many events that ran late into the wee hours—a duty for the officers of Clan Nako, as far as Fleet Command was concerned—meant that everyone was exhausted at the close of the day, ready to lose themselves in sleep. Stim tab use was carefully rationed for active fleet personnel unless an emergency situation was ongoing, so they’d had to schedule their sexual antics for every few days.
Ulof shifted the award he’d been given from one hand to the other, drawing Piper’s attention back to Hobato’s speech.
“…and though you abandoned your post and your fleet, you never abandoned your empire. Along with their gratitude, the Imperial Clan has granted me the privilege to announce pardons for your crime of desertion.”
Cheers and applause rang out from the crowd as the Imperial Clan, standing next to Hobato and surrounded by grim Royal Guardsmen, bowed to Nako and Terig. The pardons had actually been granted weeks before, but the announcement had been delayed for this grand occasion.
Able to mutter an aside to Piper under cover of the noise, Ulof said, “The ancestors know I’m proud of my clanmates, and they deserve all the accolades they can get, but will this ever end?”
Piper smiled reassuringly at him, understanding the true source of his irritability. Ulof’s enjoyment of being recognized as someone who’d contributed something noble was dampened by the pressure of his upcoming assignment. With the conclusion of the holiday, he had to tackle his new posting as an apprentice to The Terracreation Company’s team of terraformers. He’d been accepted to train on Earth Two, a currently lifeless planet being developed as a new permanent homeworld for displaced Earthers.
Nor would he be alone embarking on a new start. Nako and Terig had been charged by the fleet to lead Kalquor’s security team for Earth Two, as part of the Galactic Council of Planets’ combined effort to re-home the Earthers who filled refugee colonies. The planet was located in an unclaimed system, leaving it ripe for attack from hostiles and plunderers. A special class of ruthless, brave warriors would be required to protect it during its development, and Fleet Command had agreed that Nako and Terig fit the bill.
Ulof’s place in the scheme, initially exciting, now scared the hell out of him. His insecurities had grown over the last few days.
Piper stroked his arm. “When today is over, you’ll be closer to realizing your dream.”
“And making a fool out of myself. The only reason they’re taking me on is because of influential people.”
“Remember, you stumbled upon your cooking career by sweeping the prison’s kitchen floors. It took time, but you made that happen. You’ll do the same with terraforming.”
In the background, Nako was thanking Hobato and the Imperial Clan for giving him and his Nobek a second chance. Piper gave Ulof her full attention, however, lending him what belief she could to prop him up as his faltered.
His gaze on her face warmed, and he gave her the transforming smile that rendered him impossible to not love. Her heart hurt at the prospect of being separated from him and the other two. For warning the Empire of the Bi’isil threat, she’d been made a full Kalquorian citizen, with all rights and privileges of that race. Unfortunately, that did not extend to hitching a flight to Earth Two with Clan Nako. Only members of those clans involved in terraforming Earth Two and protecting it could go. She would be left behind on Kalquor.
She had no idea what to do with herself after that day. Most likely, she would have to find work. As a citizen of Kalquor, she was allotted a basic allowance and living quarters, but Piper had the need to be productive. She could pick up a waitressing gig and resume the studies interrupted by Armageddon.
Anything was possible—except what she wanted most of all.
She watched as Nako and Terig bowed to the crowd, accepting their thunderous accolades. Then, at last, the final ceremony of the holiday was over. The pair turned to her and Ulof, beaming as they headed over.
Once Earth Two was ready for colonization, she might have her life figured out. If they remained posted there, she could join them. Or if they were posted elsewhere, by then she could have attained some skill that would allow her to go with them.
Maybe then, I can win the clan I love.
Pretending she wasn’t thinking heavy thoughts, Piper smiled at the two men joining her and Ulof. “Listen to them cheering. You have Kalquor at your feet. Not bad for a trio of pirates.”
“Ha! They’d be singing a different tune if I’d asked Hobato if he was going to talk all damned day. I almost did.” Nako glanced around to ensure he wasn’t overheard.
Terig had hated the attention, and he shoved Ulof towards the exit at the back of the podium with urgency. “Let’s get out of here before somebody else decides to give another speech. I don’t need another admirer telling me how great I am.”
Piper fell into step with the men. “It’s true, though. You are great.”
“Yes, but I’ve grown tired of hearing it. My ego can’t get any bigger than it already is, so now it’s just a lot of blah-blah-blah.”
Chuckling, they did their best to hurry out, Nako taking Piper’s arm to help her navigate the swarming crowds. Despite their efforts, it took almost an hour to escape. Everyone had to stop them, speak to them, thank them, and share some anecdote to prolong their moment with the heroes.
At last, the four managed to make their way out of the arena and into the corridors that led to the suite Clan Nako and Piper had been assigned. Drinks and a tray of finger foods awaited in the modest main room of the suite. As soon as the rest verified they weren’t hungry, Terig got to work demolishing the tidbits, as he always did when such treats were laid out for them. Nako poured them a round of bohut.
“You won’t know what to do when food and booze no longer magically appears wherever you go,” Ulof teased his Nobek.
“They won’t? Isn’t this part of my reward?” Terig paused in his feasting long enough to loosen his hair so that it swung to his shoulders.
Nako sat on the nearby lounger and propped his feet on the table. “Better than medals and commendations. The amenities almost make it worth all these awful ceremonies. Admit it, Ulof. You enjoy others cooking for you for a change.”
“It’s been nice, but I’ve had my fill of speeches and others telling me about the moments when they were brave too. Let’s never save the empire again. And if we do, let’s hide where we can’t be found and honored.”
“I’ll drink to that. You’d think we were the only fools out there fighting Bi’is that day.”
Piper had a sudden realization. “I haven’t seen Clan Piras since the end of the war. Why hasn’t the fleet put them on tour? How did they manage to avoid all this recognition?”
Terig stared at Nako. “Yeah. What the hell happened to that clan? They weren’t listed among the honored dead that I recall.”
“They’re alive and well, according to Admiral Tranis. And they certainly deserve far more of the glorious torture we’ve endured, as far as tributes are concerned.”
“Damned right they do. Besides sending in the fleet to stop Bi’is’s invasion, t
hey were the reason Earth’s Holy Leader was captured and has to face trial by the Galactic Council.”
“They were also behind the Laro Station Massacre.”
Terig groaned. “The attack that killed so many loyal Kalquorians and gave Piras the opening to stop the Holy Leader.”
“I’m surprised you forgot. Relatives of those who died because of Piras, Kila, and Lokmi aren’t going to be quick to forgive those deaths.”
“I take it they’ve been sent into retirement elsewhere, to live in secret.”
Piper blinked as she absorbed the information. “Wow. They had to leave everything behind? Their families and friends? Do they have to stay in hiding for the rest of their lives?”
Nako shrugged. “Maybe.”
Ulof’s gaze narrowed at his Dramok. “You don’t sound very convincing.”
“If you ask me, that clan is a little too good at the spy game for the fleet to let them cool their heels in some secret paradise. Including their engineering genius of a Matara. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re roaming around Bi’is somewhere, phased and keeping an eye on those bastards.”
“It makes sense, even with the Galactic Council keeping that kingdom under guard and buttoned up tight.”
“I wonder if Bi’is will ever recover, what with all the leaders locked up, slaves freed, and assets stripped to pay reparations. Not to mention they’ve been confined to their space and cut off from all the other worlds,” Piper mused.
Terig echoed the gloating tone she’d used. He raised his glass to her. “Fuck ‘em. Fuck the big-eyed bastards sideways. If Piras is out there, I hope he blows up Bi’is. His enemies would forgive him then.”
Nako laughed and raised his glass too. “To Clan Piras. May they live long enough to be absolved.”
After drinking to his Dramok’s toast, Ulof put down his glass. “Speaking of things worth drinking to, I’m out of this uncomfortable, fancy shit. So long, Imperial Fleet. You and I are officially done.” Without further ado, he began to strip off his dress uniform.
Alien Outcast (Clans of Kalquor Book 12) Page 26