by Karina Sharp
“Journey,” Jack sighs.
“Jack…”
“Stop.”
I continue to attempt to ravish his manhood with my mouth. “Journey, you should stop.”
I freeze. Not, “Journey, not now,” or “Journey, this isn’t right.” No, he said, “Journey, YOU should stop.”
The flush of pure humiliation rushes up my neck to my cheeks, leaving a path of embarrassment that manifests itself in pink all over my face.
Making up for his poor turn of phrase, he corrects himself. “We should stop. We shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves.”
It’s too late. I’m already thoroughly mortified. Unable to look him in the eyes, I mutter, “I’m just going to freshen up. I’m cold.”
With the blanket wrapped around me, I attempt to scurry away from Jack’s presence. Jack’s firm hold wraps around me. He leans his head down to mine and kisses me passionately. These kisses are the kisses I remember. They’re the reason I looked forward to that one week a year, every year. They’re the reason I become putty in Jack’s arms and realize what I’ve been missing all of these years- what I gave up so many years ago due to my own fears and misgivings.
After floating on air with no one else but Jack and his embrace, we come back down to Earth.
Jack’s eyes gleam as he speaks, “I didn’t mean to upset you. I loved what you were doing, probably a little too much, but I don’t want to rush this. I feel like-”
“You don’t have to say anything, Jack. I get it.”
A short silence ensues that Jack breaks along with our embrace. “You ready for that shower?”
My eyes blink rapidly, bringing me back to the here and now. Jack exits out of my sight as I stand, vexed by his spell.
Jack returns from the master bedroom promptly and asks, “T-shirt and jersey shorts okay?”
“Perfect.”
Jack flashes me a coy smile, causing my heart to palpitate. If I don’t hurry, I will have to make this shower a cold one, so I awkwardly take the clothes from Jack’s hands and begin walking up the stairs toward where I think a guest bathroom should be. I probably should have paid better attention on the tour he gave me.
Jack disrupts my concentration when he says, “I hope you don’t mind, I already turned on the master shower to warm up and put clean towels out.”
“Right,” I respond as I slowly walk in a confused circle. “Down there, I suppose.” I point to the first floor with my index finger. There’s a peculiar silence of which I am aware.
“Yeah,” Jack chuckles.
I feel silly, but feel as if I need to say something to help ease my nerves. “I thought so. I was just testing you.”
Red in the cheeks, I descend the grand staircase, walk through the master bedroom, and into the large master bath. I remember it from last time I was here, but not in such detail. The decor is stately and clean. The tall ceilings make the white marble tile throughout the room seem more luxurious. There’s a separate shower with about twenty-five different nozzles that shoot water at you that sits beside the large, two-person bathtub.
I sit on the frigid tile floor of the shower, allowing the warm water to wash over me and soothe my aching soul. What am I going to do with myself after this weekend is over? I’m so ashamed of my actions earlier, I just want to bolt out into the rain, but that would be stupid. I’ve messed around with many men before, then we acted as though it was business as usual afterward. I was never mortified afterward like I am now. Ugh… I have one horrid track record of making bad decisions.
I peel myself off of the shower floor and prepare for one of the most uncomfortable and embarrassing nights of my life.
Chapter 16
Jack
I wanted so badly to continue with Journey and fall into a state of pleasure we could both enjoy, but I didn’t want to be selfish and put us in a place that is pushing too far, too fast. After all of these years, I finally have her back in my life. I never once forgot about her, and wondered if she thought about me in the same fashion. I would love to take her into my bed and ravish her all weekend, but we are different people now. I’ve missed her like mad, but I want to do this the right way. She’s the most precious thing to me, and I aim to let her know.
Journey walks out of my bedroom with wet hair, causing it to have a darker red hue than usual, and her soft skin has a new sheen. Her face looks refreshed, yet her body language tells me she’s anything but. I half expect her to say something to break the ice, but she remains silent and chooses a chair by the end of the couch opposite of me.
Instrumental music quietly plays from the sound system in the room while Journey looks at her fingers in her lap, nervously.
“I made up a guest room for you while you were in the shower,” I say in an effort to cut through the silence.”
Journey’s eyes look up beyond her upper lids and without raising her head, she replies, “Thank you.”
I heave a sigh and move to the other end of the couch, next to her chair. She raises her head, looking to me questioningly.
“Hey, you don’t have to feel uncomfortable now. It was not my intent.”
“I’m still a little ashamed, that’s all.”
“Ashamed of what, exactly? Ashamed because I turned down your offer to pleasure me? Ashamed because you could’ve given me an orgasm in about thirty seconds flat?”
“Ashamed that I went from zero to sex in the blink of an eye when it would seem as though your brain was not going down the same path.”
“You think that when I was kissing you, I wasn’t undressing you in my mind? Not even close. At that moment, I wanted to feel you and taste you. I wanted to feel your body tremor with my mouth on you. I still want to. Why would you think otherwise?”
“Because you rejected me. It’s been so long, and I have so much to tell you, but maybe I was simply hoping to return things back to the way they were when we first met. When you told me to stop, for a minute I felt guilty and unwanted. I guess I kind of thought I deserved to feel that way because of all of the things I’ve done.”
“You made a few mistakes in your past. You’re not the first and you’re certainly not the last. Plus, look at everything you’ve done to change the stereotype. You’re an independent woman who is a doctor. I shouldn’t even have to say anything else. How many people in this country become medical doctors?”
Her head continues to hang. “A small percentage.”
“Exactly.” Journey looks to me, eyes filled with sadness, and my heart crushes. “Journey, you deserve much better. You need to know you’re special and a princess, and I’m going to teach you. Have you ever truly dated someone?”
“Sure, Jack. I had a fiancé before I left for Maine.”
My chest feels crushed as if someone sprayed me with a fire hose of shock. She promised her heart to someone else? It is only logical that many men would be taken in by her. She’s a catch in every sense of the word, but hearing it confirmed leaves me feeling...confused. Stunned. Hurt.
“You- You were engaged?”
She shrugs with her eyes cast downward. “I was, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was for all the wrong reasons. I was pretty much his arm candy.
“But, you wanted to spend your life with him?”
“No. I mean, maybe at the time I saw it that way, but I quickly realized it wasn’t for me. We weren’t engaged but for a few months, and it truly was out of convenience. We weren’t really compatible and it was based more on...oh how do I describe it...physical looks?”
“How long were you together total?”
“Does it really matter? It’s old news that I really don’t care to talk about. He was a doctor at the hospital I worked in, we met for drinks regularly, and helped one another de-stress, if you catch my drift.”
So, she had moved on and she did have another relationship. A serious one. If I’m going to prove to her that we are more than those young adults we were on spring break, then it’s time to start acting the part.
“Did he actually date you? Court you?”
“Court me? Seeing as how we’re not in the eighteen hundreds, no, no one has courted me.”
“I’m going to do more than wine and dine you, Journey. You’re going to see what true romance is and how you are indeed a treasure.”
“Oh, my sweet, sexy Jack…”
Did Journey just call me hers?
Her cheeks flare in embarrassment as the realization of what just slipped out of her mouth comes to her.
My chest tightens in excitement, but I play it down for her sake. “Just Jack will suffice.”
“Fine, Jack, what do you propose we do the rest of the evening? The rain doesn’t seem to be letting up.”
“I don’t know. Ideas?”
“You tell me. You’re the one who is courting me. What do reunited couples do together when their past quality time consisted of partying and sexing?”
“Honestly? I have no clue, but I’m looking forward to finding out.” I grin like a smitten fool. “I think a good starting place could be you sitting next to me?” What started as a confident statement, ends as a question.
“A very good place, indeed.”
Journey leaves her seat, making her way over to the couch next to me. As she travels, she picks up the soft throw I had draped across the back of her chair. She settles beside me, placing her head against my arm and the blanket over the two of us.
“Cold?”
“I’m getting warmer,” she grins.
We fall into conversation with ease, just as we always have. Journey relays to me some of her experiences in medical school and more about her attachment to her Barbie dolls. After a few hours, it’s as though we haven’t been without one another for more than a few weeks. Everything that felt natural before, has returned, only this time it feels more than natural- It feels right. Being here with Journey in the flesh, rekindling our once lost connection, is exactly my kind of wonderful.
A peculiar sensation wakes me and my eyes open to see a smiling Journey directly in front of my face, nose-to-nose.
“Psst… You wanna move to a bed?”
I wipe sleep from my eyes, realizing that I am still on the couch in the last position I remember being conscious.
She continues, “We fell asleep on the couch. It can’t be super comfortable to you, so come on, I’ll tuck you in.”
A sleepy smile spreads on my face as I slowly rise from the couch. Journey’s still here. We fell asleep with one another. All is right with the world.
Journey leads me by the hand to my bedroom, pulling back the blankets of the bed for me to get in.
“Aren’t you going to sleep too?”
“Yeah, I thought you said you made up a guest room for me.”
“About that... I didn’t really. It’s not as though you can’t sleep in there, but I kind of fibbed. I was secretly hoping you would wind up in my bed.”
“Is that so? Are my intentions that transparent?”
“No, but my hopes were that high.”
“Good. I didn’t really want to go into the guest room.”
I grab Journey by the waist and pull her into the bed next to me. She squeaks in surprise, but quickly stills, wrapped in my arms. Together, our breathing slows, our bodies relax, and we fall back into a peaceful slumber together.
Chapter 17
September
Journey
“Who are the flowers from?” Jenny asks as I place my nose to the petals and take a big whiff.
I turn to Jenny with what I can only assume is an expression of lust mixed with warm and fuzzies.
“Ohhhh…” she responds in understanding. “How come you don’t talk much about him?”
“He’s kind of a private person.” I read the small card placed inside of the large bouquet of orange mums and yellow flowers that perfectly represent the colors of fall.
Thank you for “journeying” back into my life. (Get it?) This is step 1 of courting you. Step 2 is asking you if you would like to go apple picking with me. I anxiously await your answer. -JJ
“He must be coming out of his shell if he’s sending you flowers at work.” Jenny snatches the card out of my hand. “JJ? I can’t think of a JJ in town. Joel Jerrard? No, he moved a long time ago.” Jenny continues to attempt to unmask the curious JJ as I shake my head at her futility.
Teresa comes around the corner from the exam rooms. “Wow! Who are these from?”
“A mysterious Mr. JJ,” Jenny tells Teresa, handing her the card.
“Oh? I wonder who that could be…” Teresa ponders aloud.
“I don’t know who it is, but he has Journey all bent out of shape if you even mention the mere idea of him.”
I shake my head. “You two are hopeless.”
In actuality, I want to tell them who the flowers are from. I really want to shout out in the middle of the town square that I have been spending time with and am possibly in love with Jack Croft, but alas. I respect Jack’s desire to live a private life. Even if it’s very frustrating to me.
***
It’s become quite routine to have dinner at Jack’s. He’s an excellent cook. Whatever the culinary form of a green thumb is, he has it. One thing that’s beginning to eat away at me is his evasiveness. I get his desire to not be a public figure or simply fly beneath the radar, but his reluctance- no, not reluctance, refusal -to feed me more than just enough information to answer my questions and quell my curiosity is really beginning to irk me. Okay, not irk me...it’s pissing me off. I feel like I’ve been patient enough. I’m tired of filling in the blanks and making assumptions based on the bits of information he gives me. At this point, if he doesn’t trust me enough to open up to me, why are we wasting our time?
“How was your day?” I inquire as I begin to chow down on my homemade stir fry.
“Fine, just busy with work stuff. Yours?”
“Fine, just busy with work stuff,” I parrot sharply.
The sound of forks meeting with plates and chewing is the only noise to be heard for a while.
Jack gently clears his throat and attempts to meet my gaze, but I refuse.
“Is everything okay?”
“Fine. How about with you?”
Tension builds as Jack places his fork down on the table, laces his fingers, and places them on the table.
“Are you sure about that?”
I mull over my response for a moment, taking deliberate forkfuls of food into my mouth and looking directly at him as I think. I am annoyed, but exactly how I want to approach the topic, I’m not sure.
“What do you do for a living, Jack?”
“Huh?” Jack wrinkles his brow in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I want to know what you do for a living. Your answer of ‘business,’ and the like, isn’t going to cut it anymore. When someone asks me what I do, I don’t just say, ‘doctor,’ and leave it at that.”
“Where is this coming from?”
“It’s coming from the fact that even if I could tell people you’re my boyfriend, I wouldn’t even really know what to say about him other than ‘he’s hot, he doesn’t live with his parents, he’s in business,’ and a few other random facts about you. Do you know how that feels? Do you know what it’s like to feel that you’re not trusted enough by the man you’re essentially dating for him to tell you what the flip he specifically does for a living? Do you hear how asinine it all sounds?”
Jack is pensive and quiet for a bit. “I hadn’t realized that you cared to know more about my work.”
“What?!? Of course I care to know! I care to know everything about you!”
Okay, I realize that I’m beginning to get very fired up and probably half yelling, half squealing right now, but I cannot deny the fact that this has almost become a make-or-break thing for me.
“I’m sorry, Journey. I’m not used to giving out a lot of information about myself to people.”
“I’m not people! Or at least, I thought I wasn’t.”
“Of course you’re not.” Jack sighs, then I sense some hostility coming from his body. “You left me, Journey.”
“Come again?”
“You moved on. We parted ways in Mexico, we lost touch, and you moved on. I never moved on, but you did.”
Ouch. My shoulders fall forward and my head droops. “I did, but I didn’t. Trust me, I so didn’t. And I’m here now. I’m very sorry for the time we had apart, and if I could take it back I would, but I can’t. The only thing we can do is move forward; however we will never work like this.”
***
Over the next few weeks, the rift between us continued and Jack remained less than superfluous in speaking about anything regarding him personally. In addition, he was less that eager to meet me out for lunch or even go shopping with me. He’s not a hermit, just holed up in his massive lair, as we would walk on the beach, stay in quaint bed and breakfasts on the weekends, and of course he went grocery shopping, but never with me.
Little by little, it was nibbling away at my core. I couldn’t shake it. It was always there in the back of my mind, taunting me, until I couldn’t take it anymore. I deserved to have a boyfriend who did more than support me in spirit or go out with me in the community. I decided the best way to maybe take a first step would be to invite him to accompany me to the competition in Boston.
“I was thinking that maybe you could join me at the girls’ competition this weekend. It’s a big day for them, and I’m going to be super nervous. Plus, I’m pretty proud of them and want to share one of my passions with you.”
Jack’s eyes dart around the room, and I can already see what his answer is going to be. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. I’m not sure that some people will be too happy to see me.”
“Why would they be unhappy to see you? What would their beef with you be?”