by Jeff Rivera
“Hey baby thanks for the compliments. I’m glad you’re feeling better. You sound much better.
“Hey maybe things will get better with you and your parents, you never know. I wish I could say the same for my moms. You’re lucky. But just don’t let them make you think anything about me that’s not true cause you know who I am. They don’t.
“I believe in your dreams too Mija. I know it. I know it in my everything baby. You’re going to be big, grande and I’m going to buy all your rolas.
“I’m proud of you for standing up to Wiggie. He ever touches one hair on your head y le doy en su madre! Pinche socroso. But we won’t have to worry about him anymore cause—”
“Wait a minute, wait a minute. Now, who’s Wiggie? You lost me,” Louise said.
Dio stared at the floor. “Her . . . pimp.”
“Her what? You seemed to gloss over that tiny little fact. Jennifer hooks?”
“Hell no, not anymore. She got out of it. Don’t judge her.”
“I’m not. I just wondered.”
“She’s not just some stupid street hooker. She had a hard life. It was the only thing she could do to survive. I know her.”
“I know you do. I wasn’t judging her. I used to volunteer at the halfway houses. I know what those girls go through. Most of them are bright girls, just been through a lot.”
Dio got lost in his thoughts. He had to admit it was hard at first to even think about going out with someone who had hooked on the side, but that’s what was so special about Jennifer and him. They could see beyond what other people could see. They saw the soul inside. They saw the real person.
Dio remembered the night when he and Jennifer sat on top of the monkey bars, just like they did when they were in junior high. The moonlight shone through the trees and there was nobody else around, just them. Dio remembered the first time he reached for her hand and she took his. It just felt so right.
She smiled. “I’m going to be a star one day, you know,” she said.
“Yeah?”
“Really, I am. Just have to get enough together for my demo.”
“I believe you,” he said.
He hadn’t heard her sing in years, but he didn’t have to. Sometimes you just know things; you don’t even have to see them. You just know.
“You still haven’t cut your hair?”
“Nope.”
“Just like Samson,” they both said at the same time and laughed.
“I like it, though,” she said.
“Like yours, too.”
His hand reached for her soft hair and his finger brushed against her neckline, so soft. His thumb stroked her olive-colored shoulders and he looked into her seductive dark eyes and he knew, they both knew, they were in love.
“You’re beautiful, you know.”
She smiled. “Well . . . I try.”
“You don’t need to,” he said, and kissed her. He tasted her bottom lip, their tongues playing tag lightly, his hot passionate breath driving her wild. She had to catch her breath afterward.
“Wow,” she said, smiling.
A smirk spread across his face. “What?”
“You . . . you’ve grown up.”
She looked at his pretty eyes. For a guy, he had curly eyelashes.
Why do guys always have the nicest eyelashes? she wondered.
“I hate my life, you know. I hate doing what I do,” she said, breaking away.
“But you don’t have to.”
“I won’t live with those . . . those other girls. I’m not like them. I don’t trust girls anyway—that’s why I don’t have any girlfriends. And I won’t live in some halfway house. People steal your shit.”
“You can live with me. I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind.”
“You’re sweet, but I’ve got to make it on my own. I just hate the way people look at you when you’re on the street. They think that’s all you are, just some street whore. But I’m not. I’m not, Dio. People don’t know. I had to get out of my parents’ house. I had to.”
Dio knew she was right. If it was anything like it was when they were little, he didn’t blame her for running away again. Her parents would say awful things to her, things parents should never say to their children. They never did believe her when she told them that her uncle had raped her. They just called her a liar and a slut.
He could tell she was trying not to cry. He held her close and rubbed her shoulders.
“I tried so many times just to get a regular job, but without parental consent, without an address of my own, without decent clothes . . . and Wiggie, my . . . my pimp, he’s so . . . so cruel, Dio.”
“He ever hit you?”
She looked at him. “Worse than that.”
“I’ll kick his ass.”
“No, no, don’t. It will only make it worse. I promise. It’s just for a few more months, then I’ll have enough to be on my own for good and I’ll be able to stop.”
He lifted her chin with his finger and looked into her beautiful eyes.
“You’re going to be a star, just like you said. I can feel it. Will you sing me something?”
She smiled through her tears. And out of her beautiful, luscious, red lips came this voice, this powerful melodic voice of an angel. She closed her eyes as she sang and a smile spread on her lips. She was good. She was damn good.
“Music is medicine, you know,” she said.
“You ever listen to Marvin Gaye?”
“No. Who’s that?”
“You’re a singer and you don’t know who Marvin Gaye is? You know, from Motown. Now that’s some deep shit. We ought to go back to my place. I got some in my room.”
“’Kay.” She smiled.
“You going to finish reading that letter you wrote, or what?” Louise asked. Dio snapped back to reality and continued.
“. . . first thing I’m going to do when I get out is get us a place to stay together and it’s not going to be in some shit hole either. It’s going to be a nice place like in Summerlin or even the Lakes. I’m planning it all in my head. That’s what I do to keep my mind off all that goes on here. They have us cleaning out all these calles outside in the middle of no where. There’re places where there’s hardly any cars so I don’t see how it gets so messy. Makes me think twice about throwing shit out the window that’s for sure.
“They have us going to school too. They say I’ll be able to get my G.E.D. by the time I graduate from boot camp. Ain’t that a trip? And to think the teachers in school used to say I’d never graduate.
Love
Playboy”
Louise seemed lost in his words.
“They thought you were stupid or something?”
“Pretty much.”
“Did the same thing to me when I was growing up.”
“Yeah?”
“Yep. Maybe you got a learning disability or something.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s when you’re real smart inside, but you think differently. Or you can’t read as well or you can’t focus. There’s lots of different kinds. Both my daughters got it, too. They also got two hard heads. You ought to have your teacher or somebody test you for it.”
Dio shrugged. Maybe she was right. Maybe that’s why he had so many problems concentrating all those years in school.
“Well, any idiot can tell you’re as bright as can be. What were they thinking?”
Dio smiled. “You think?”
“Of course I think.”
“Jennifer was the only one back then that would say anything encouraging to me. I was thirteen and I was going to commit suicide. I’m serious.”
“What? At thirteen? Just from the way your teachers were treating you?”
Dio nodded. “And my moms, just had me down all the time.”
“Your mom, too?”
“Yep. She just didn’t know what to do with me, that’s all.”
“She beat you?”
Dio laughed. “Guess you could say that.”
Dio had a smirk across his face. “Doesn’t matter. Was a long time ago.”
“They send you to social services?”
“Foster homes? Shit. Not soon enough. Nobody believed me anyway. Mom had a way of hurting me without leaving much bruises. They just thought I was in fights and shit, and I was. I tried to tell one teacher once, but . . . then my mom found out.”
Dio chuckled.
Dio remembered that day clearly. He was just thirteen.
“You stupid, stupid, stupid boy,” his mom said, in a drunken stupor. He looked away, but she had him cornered against the wall. He could smell the tequila on her breath.
“You’re trying to break up this family, aren’t you?”
“No,” Dio said.
She slapped him across the face sharply. “Liar.”
He bit his lip, not giving her the pleasure of seeing him cry.
“What did you tell that teacher? Tell me!” she said at the top of her lungs.
“Nothing.”
She grabbed him by the chin and shoved his face back against the wall. His head ached from it.
“I don’t let little liars in my house, Dio. You want to be on the street again tonight? Huh? Let those bums you hang out with take care of you. See if they want you. ’Cause I sure don’t.”
Dio’s nose flared. “Good, ’cause I don’t want you either. You’re a horrible mother.”
Her hand came across his face so fast he didn’t know what hit him. She didn’t let up, over and over and over again, until he was on the floor in a fetal position.
She stopped suddenly, her hand quivering.
“Que descanse en paz, what would your father think?”
He hated when she said that. She knew it got to him. Even at the age of thirteen, he couldn’t help but think that somehow he had failed his father.
“Why you laughing about it?” Louise asked.
Dio looked up at her. His eyes teared. He wiped them as quickly as he could with his sleeve.
“You still have a lot of anger inside of you, Dio. You’ve got to find a constructive way to get that out.”
“Let’s talk about something else. ’Kay?”
“You know none of that was your fault, don’t you?”
He shrugged. “Yeah, I know.”
“Can I just ask you one thing about that, Dio?”
“What?”
“Where’s your mom now?”
“Who cares? Probably rehab again.”
“She’s on drugs?”
“No, drinkin’. Just hope my little brother’s okay.”
“You’ve got a little brother, too?”
“Yep.” Dio smiled. “That’s my little motherfucker, too. We all tight, too.”
She smiled. “That’s wonderful. Wish my daughters would get along every once in a while.”
“I’m like his gladiator, don’t let nobody mess with him. He’s going to be a tough little man, too, when he grows up.”
“Maybe Jennifer can take care of him once she gets home.”
“Maybe. That’s what Jen used to do when I was younger. Used to go over to her house and crash at her place whenever my mom took it too far. Got tired of my mom’s yelling and screaming. She’d take me in, even when her parents didn’t like it. We both had it hard, real hard.”
“She was abused, too?”
“Not like fists and stuff, but . . . the things her parents used to say . . . put her down and shit, call her a whore. No wonder she ran away. We were best friends since we was little. Always had each other, always will. At least I hope.”
He just looked at Louise awhile until she snapped back and realized she was staring.
“Hmm. Well, my life hasn’t exactly been a bed of roses either, but one thing I learned is that in the long run, everything happens for the greater good.”
“What’s that mean?”
“I mean, even if things seem really awful now, there’s always something good that comes out of it. You’ll see. If you two weren’t abused so much as kids, maybe you wouldn’t have had much in common. Listen, if you two are soul mates, if that’s what you got, Dio, you’re lucky to have her. Hold on to it. Never let it go, ’cause you may not get another one.”
She started stirring the pot again.
“I’d never want another one.”
“Well, just don’t settle. Trust me on that,” she mumbled.
Dio watched her for a second, as she was lost in her thoughts again, stirring the pot.
“That what you did? Settled?” Dio asked.
She stopped stirring for a moment.
“Well, that’s a nosy-assed question if I ever did hear one. Why you always gotta be so nosy all the goddamn time?”
“Well, you asked me all these nosy-assed questions and I can’t ask you?”
Her stirring became more aggravated. She mumbled to herself, then stopped and threatened him with the wooden spoon.
“I will say this,” she said. “Any man that don’t appreciate what he got’s gonna lose it one day. That’s why I say you show her you care about her. You treat that woman right. Show her she’s secure in your arms. That’s what you do and she won’t have no reason to run off. Now get back to work.”
Dio obeyed. He wondered what her life must be like. He figured her husband must have treated her pretty badly or she wouldn’t have made those comments.
He was just glad to have someone to talk to, to give him advice from a woman’s perspective. He wished his mom could have been the type, but she never was. Well, maybe not never was. Things were different before his dad got killed. But that was then, and after that she was a different person.
Dio waited until she left the room, then he added more to his letter. He was too embarrassed to read it to Louise, but he couldn’t help but tell Jennifer a little bit about her.
They have me working in the kitchen, lavando platos and shit and you know how I hate that but I met this real cool mujer named Louise. Es bien suave, at first I thought she was just white trailer trash but I got to know her better and she always gives me good advice. She’s kind of like a aunt or a mom or something to me. She gots no teeth in the front and her hairs all stringy but it’s funny after you get to know her, she’s nothing like she looks on the outside. She’s like this beautiful person. She’s soft inside but hard on the outside. I guess kind of like me sometimes.
She’s been through a lot of shit I can tell. She doesn’t talk much about her home life. She acts real tranquila about it but I can just tell. She seems real triste sometimes. She’s got problems with her hijas or something.
Seems like everyone here gots some drama. Even Simon, you know that tirile I told you about? The mulatto one? Found out his family has a grip of feria, but he’s got the same problems I do. His parents don’t want him either.
I miss you baby. I need you. I can’t wait to hold you again and to smell you. That’s what I miss the most about you. Sounds dumb but it’s true. I miss the smell of your hair and kissing your soft lips. That’s what I imagine before I go to bed every night. I think about you. About us.
Oh, before I forget. I got good news. Guess what? Our whole squad just got promoted to the next level. Just one more level to go, dark squad then we’re out of here.
By the way, is there any way you could have somebody spend some tiempo with Daniel? He don’t really got nobody he can play with in our hood. I just don’t want him hanging out with the wrong people and getting in with the wrong crowd you know? I know your parents live in a much nicer area maybe if he can at least see that there’s better things out there for him, that life don’t have to be in the barrio, maybe he’ll turn out all right.
I worry about him. And my mom’s not exactly the best influence on him. You know? Hope you can help.
Love,
Playboy
“Get a move on!” Jackson blurted.
Dio looked to his side, where Grossaint was gaining on him. They were about to face the la
st wall in the obstacle course and Dio was actually in the lead. He climbed the wall, almost losing his footing. He landed with a thump, his heels aching from the hard desert floor, and started toward the hurdles, one after the other. Dio had never run faster in his life. He was lost in himself, just him and the world, with Grossaint as a distant memory as he burned up the rope—one hand over the other; finally he touched the top and slid down as Grossaint was just halfway up it.
Dio gave him a wink and raced to the finish. Jackson clicked on the stopwatch.
“9:03.”
He seemed dazed by the time Dio had made. The squad cheered him on. He cleared his throat.
“All right, all right. Don’t get too excited. Not bad, Radigez. Not bad.”
Grossaint raced up to Jackson.
“9:47.”
“Sir, Trainee Grossaint requests permission to speak,” Grossaint said.
“Go ahead.”
“Sir, Trainee Radigez didn’t touch the top of the rope all the way. He’s supposed to—”
“Who’s the senior officer here, Grossaint?”
“Sir, you, sir. But—”
“But nothing.”
“Sir—”
“But nothing!” Jackson barked. “Stop being so petulant. What is petulant, Grossaint?”
Grossaint looked at him, dumbfounded. “Sir, I . . .”
“No, no, and no! Not, ‘Sir, I.’ What is it, Grossaint? Haven’t you been doing your studies?”
“Sir, yes, sir. But—”
“Sir, Trainee Rodríguez requests permission to speak, sir.”
“Go ahead.”
“Sir, petulant is an adjective meaning moody, ill-tempered, and whiny.”
“That is correct, trainee. You ought to follow Trainee Radigez’s lead, Grossaint, and get to your studies. There are no excuses in life, Grossaint.”
Dio smiled at Grossaint.
“Yeah, there are no excuses in life, Grossaint.”
“That’s so gay. Oops, sorry, Simon,” Grossaint said, sitting on his bunk.
Everyone laughed. Dio watched Simon shrink into his shell. He nudged him.
“Say something.”
But Simon just stared at the floor.
“Why do you let him knock you like that, homes?”
Simon shrugged.
“You can’t just let him push you around. Gotta stick up for yourself.”