by Daniels, J.
I needed to talk this out with someone.
After laying Marley in her crib, I rushed downstairs, phone in my hand and number waiting to be dialed. I swiped the baby monitor off the counter and peeked into the family room.
“Stay in here, okay?” I said to the kids. “I’m just going out on the deck.”
They were stretched out on the couch and deep into their iPad time. Their eyes remained focused on their screens as they nodded in answer.
I stepped outside and called Sydney. Time for our weekly check-in.
“Hey, Jenna,” she answered as I crossed the deck. “How are you? What’s going on?”
“I fooled around with Nathan.” The words tumbled out of my mouth. I held onto the rail, registering her breathless gasp. “So, uh, how was your Fourth?”
“U-um…it was good!” She cleared her throat. “Hold on one second.”
I heard shuffling through the line, then my brother’s deep, questioning voice. They must’ve both been off for the day. A heavy door closed. I pictured Sydney on her front porch and smiled when the glider made noise beneath her weight. It was old and had been left there by the previous owner.
“How was my Fourth?” Sydney hissed. “How was yours is the better question. What happened? Tell me everything.”
I breezed through my recount of the holiday, leaving off heavy details but offering enough that she made little noises of approval in my ear. Until I got to the part when Nathan dug around in his nightstand for cash.
“Oh…wow. Wow. That’s incredibly awkward.” She groaned in discomfort for me. “Jeez, did he have any idea how bad that looked?”
“He caught on right away,” I said. “He felt terrible for it. Apologized…a lot. I had to stop us though. I mean, I kind of work for him. There’s no other way I can look at this.”
“Well, yeah, you pretty much are an employee at this point. I can see that.”
“And the thing is, I don’t even need to be paid. I love spending time with Marley. This isn’t a job to me.” I frowned at the rail. “But he’s adamant about paying me. I can’t do things with Nathan and then accept money. Even if we worked it out to where he was somehow wiring me the cash, it’s still there. And, like, God forbid, what if the transaction messed up and tripled? Do I pay him back? Do I just hold all the money? I’d be thinking about this while we were having sex. I know I would.”
Sydney’s laugh cut with a groan. “Ugh, Jenna…I’m sorry. That sucks.”
“It really does.”
“So, you two just called it off?”
“I suggested we wait until the summer is over and I’m no longer watching Marley for him. Nathan agreed. Honestly, I’m not sure he’s even ready for something right now.” My eyes fell to the baby monitor beside me on the rail. I watched the lights flicker in response to Marley’s adorable sleeping noises.
Holy crap, I loved that little girl.
“Things just happened really fast,” I said.
“Well, slowing down isn’t the worst idea, then. I’m sure it’s complicated for him. Not only because of Marley, but with Sadie…”
“Yeah.”
“Two months isn’t that long,” Syd considered.
“It isn’t, and it is…but we have to wait.”
“If it’s what you both agreed on, that’s probably what needs to happen.”
“Nathan said it was for the best. Of course, he also said it wouldn’t be weird. But this morning when I got here—”
“Weird?”
“Pretty much.”
She sighed. “I’m sorry, Jenna. Maybe it’s just too soon, you know? It’ll get better.”
“I hope so. I love how it used to be.”
We could still be us. I thought we could. Just the us we were before the party. I didn’t think I could handle Nathan full-on flirting while we waited this out in the friend zone.
Talk about torture. Nathan flirted really well.
“There’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about.” I lifted my head and looked out at the beach, at the little sandcastle we made this morning. Marley loved building those. “Travis reached out to me today about our date. Remember I told you we spoke after seeing each other at Wax?”
“I completely forgot about that.”
“So did I…”
“What did he say?”
“He wants to know if I have any free nights coming up, and I’m wondering if there is any reason why I shouldn’t go out with him. Before the Fourth, I didn’t really have one…”
“Well, you said Nathan might not be ready for anything right now, and you both agreed to put on the brakes. Honestly? I’m not sure you have a reason not to go out with Travis.”
“Me either.”
“It’s just a date. It might not even lead to anything. Plus, Travis is really hot. I met him once.”
“He’s definitely hot.”
“So is Nate though. They’re both super fun to look at.”
I laughed, keeping to myself how super fun Nathan was in every way. Naked ways especially.
“Don’t think and answer me—do you want to go out with Travis, Jenna?”
“I think I do…”
“So do it. Dates are fun. And you’re overdue for one.”
“It has been a while.” I leaned forward and braced my weight on my elbows. Syd was giving me the push I needed. I’d wanted to go out with Travis before. What was stopping me now? Nathan wasn’t ready…“I’m going to do it,” I said, voice steadier now. “I’m going to go out on a date with him.”
“Awesome!”
“Mama, you’re going on a date!”
I pushed off the rail and spun around. Olivia had her head poking through the slider and was currently beaming at me.
“Cool! When?” she shrieked, her voice carrying.
“Sweetheart, please go back inside,” I requested, bringing a finger to my lips. “I’ll be in in a minute.”
“Okay! Woo! A date! A date!”
“Olivia, shh!”
I winced, looking back at the monitor as the slider pulled shut. The lights flickered typically, then all five dots lit up and held bright as Marley’s cry came through the little speaker.
“Damn it,” I whispered, grabbing the monitor off the rail.
“Aw, I hear the sweet girl,” Sydney said. “Call me later, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. Bye, Syd.”
“See ya!”
I ended the call and headed back inside the house.
* * *
I was upstairs getting Marley ready for bed when Nathan got home that night.
“Daddy’s home,” I said, smiling at her sweet face as it popped through the pajama shirt.
I could hear Oliver and Olivia greeting Nathan below me. The enthusiasm in their muffled voices was unmistakable. I wondered if they’d ever react differently to seeing Nathan.
Marley dropped the little book she was holding and grinned, her breathing excited now. She stood and tried squirming away from me.
“Hold on.” I giggled, catching her around her waist. “Pants first.”
We finished getting dressed. Then I took a small towel and rubbed her curls dry. They bounced around her face.
“You’re so pretty,” I said, kissing her cheek twice. She smelled like sweet lavender soap.
“Hey.”
At Nathan’s voice, I turned my head and peered behind me. He was standing in the bedroom doorway.
“Daddy!” Marley squealed. She tumbled over and pushed to her feet, rushing around me to get to him with the book in her hand.
“Hey,” I said, smiling at the two of them. Nathan scooped her up. “How was work?”
“It was okay.” He smiled at Marley and kissed her. She giggled against him.
I reached for the toy basket and began to clean up the mess around me. I dropped stuffed animals into the bin. “We built another sandcastle today. Marley is becoming a pro.”
“Oh yeah?”
His tone made me pause. He soun
ded bored, like what I’d shared meant absolutely nothing to him, which was never the case with Nathan. He always absorbed every bit of information I shared about Marley and practically begged for more.
I lifted my head to figure out why.
Nathan was staring at me.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Everything’s fine. Tell me about this date you have coming up.”
My mouth dropped open. No, she did not. I sighed and resumed the cleanup. “Olivia shouldn’t have told you that. She was listening in on a conversation she shouldn’t have heard.” I shifted the basket aside and stood then, meeting his serious gaze.
Could things get any more awkward? I was worried we’d barely scratched the surface.
“Okay, I think we need to talk. And I’d rather do it here in front of her than downstairs in front of them, if I had the option.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“You being different with me.” I crossed my arms under my chest. “You said things wouldn’t be weird, and I think they’re pretty weird.”
“How am I being different with you?” He reached up and pulled at the knot in his tie, loosening it.
I cocked my head. “Come on, Nathan. You barely spoke to me this morning. And yesterday…” I trailed off, pinching my eyes shut.
Shit. I didn’t want to sound needy. He was allowed to have a day to himself. Why did I say that?
A ragged breath left him. I opened my eyes to find Nathan’s gaze suddenly gentled.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he said. “I was short with you this morning and I shouldn’t have been. I guess I’m still trying to figure this out.”
“I’m trying to figure it out too.”
Nathan pressed his lips to Marley’s temple and watched me.
“I haven’t agreed to the date yet, but I am going to,” I said, dropping my arms and inching closer. “I mean, unless there’s a reason I shouldn’t…”
Here I was, provoking him again. I couldn’t help it though. I hadn’t planned on telling Nathan about my date with Travis, but now I was oddly grateful for Olivia’s eavesdropping. I needed to know how he felt about this. If we were waiting the two months solely because of the money issue, that was one thing. But I didn’t think we were.
Nathan simply kept watching me. He remained silent.
“Um, did you hear what I said?”
His eyes narrowed playfully. “Yes. Surprisingly, I can hear you up here.”
“Oh, ha ha.” I lightly shoved his chest. “You’re hilarious.”
He smiled at me then. I felt heat burn across my face. I missed this—playing with each other. This was so easy. Why couldn’t we keep doing it?
“Who’s the guy? Do you know him?” Nathan asked.
“Yeah, I do, actually. He’s Jamie’s older brother…you know Jamie, Tori’s fiancé.”
“Surfer?”
“Yep.” I nodded. “I haven’t seen Travis in a long time. Our families used to live within five minutes of each other.”
“Nice guy?”
“Uh…sure, he’s nice.”
“So, he’s a family friend?”
“I guess so, yeah.” I tilted my head, confused. “Why are you asking so many questions about him? Are you interested?”
“Oh yeah. He sounds cute.”
I laughed. Nathan held my gaze for a moment, and then he looked down.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Nothing.” He lifted his head and peered at me. “I was just thinking that there isn’t any reason why you shouldn’t go out with him.”
“Right.” I forced a smile, hiding the disappointment I couldn’t help but feel.
Nathan shifted Marley to his other arm and turned toward the door. He took a step and then paused, looking back at me. “I’m really sorry about this morning, Jenna.”
I didn’t need to force my smile a second longer.
I turned off the light and followed them out of the room.
Chapter Fourteen
NATHAN
One Week Later
Hey. I’ll probably be home close to 11 tonight. Got behind on a few things. Is that ok?
Yep, no problem!
Thanks
It was twenty after eleven when I finally pulled into the driveway.
I used my key to get into the house and secured the door behind me. The family room was dark, minus the glow emanating from the TV and the light spilling into the room from the kitchen.
I walked around the couch and peered down at Oliver and Olivia. They were at either end, heads on the pillows and eyes closed behind their glasses. Jenna was curled up on the love seat, lying on her side. She was asleep as well.
I turned the volume down on the TV, then moved into the kitchen and headed upstairs to check on Marley. I’d wake Jenna and her kids when I came back down. I didn’t see any harm in waiting a few more minutes. They were obviously tired.
After turning on the hallway light, I stepped into Marley’s room and walked over to her crib. She was asleep on her stomach with her knees tucked under her and her butt stuck up in the air, her cheek pressed to the mattress. I didn’t know how she could be comfortable in that position, but she was. Marley slept like that a lot.
Bending down, I grabbed the blanket she’d thrown out of the crib and tucked the soft satin around her.
I decided to get changed before heading back downstairs and strode into my bedroom, tugging at my tie. I got undressed and pulled on a pair of shorts, tossing my clothes into the hamper against the wall. As my head pushed through the neck hole in my T-shirt, Marley began to cry.
“Damn,” I whispered. I worried I’d woken her when I gave her the blanket. I should’ve left her alone. I couldn’t help it though. What if she got cold in the middle of the night?
I pushed my arms through the sleeves, slid my glasses back on, and moved quickly down the hallway.
Marley was on her knees when I entered her bedroom, gripping the rails as she peered between them. Her crying grew louder and sharper. Tears streamed down her face. They glistened in the hallway light.
“Shh, it’s okay. Come here.” I lifted her out of the crib and drew her against me.
I figured I could rock her back to sleep in the chair, keeping the bedroom light off for that reason, but when my lips touched her forehead, I jerked back to peer into her face and remained on my feet. Her skin was on fire.
Panic quickened the pace of my heart. I forced myself to breathe. She definitely had a fever. Fuck! When was the last time she felt bad and what the hell did I do? My mind went blank.
I began aimlessly pacing in front of the crib as I tried to soothe my daughter with back rubs, which seemed to be doing absolutely nothing for her.
“Okay…shh, it’s okay,” I chanted.
Marley screamed and rubbed her face against my shirt. I began to feel nauseous.
“Baby, what do I do? What do you need?” I asked.
Jenna rushed into the room, staggering a little when she noticed me. “H-hey!” Her whisper was startled. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I heard her crying on the monitor in the kitchen.”
Relief dipped my shoulders. Thank God she was here.
“She’s burning up,” I said.
“Oh no. Is she?”
Jenna walked over and felt Marley’s face with her palms, and it was incredible how quickly her presence comforted me. Nearly half the worry I had been feeling slipped away.
“God, she is. She’s been fine all day…Sweet girl, what’s wrong?” Jenna frowned and rubbed Marley’s back.
“What do we do?” I asked. “Should I take her to the hospital?”
The nearest one was twenty-five minutes away. I didn’t know if I could stand her screaming like this for that long. I needed to do something for Marley now. She was obviously in pain.
“I don’t know what’s bothering her. She won’t tell me,” I said.
“Let’s take her temperature and see how high it
is first. We can get her cooled down.”
“How?”
“Cold compresses. Or a bath if we need to.” Jenna peered up at me. “Where’s your thermometer?”
“I think it’s in the bathroom.”
Jenna followed me into the hallway bath. While I searched for the thermometer, she gathered washcloths out of the small linen closet while reassuring me everything was going to be okay.
How did she know I needed to hear that?
“Here.” I pulled a basket out from underneath the sink and fished through wads of gauze and a collection of various sizes of Band-Aids. I pulled out the thermometer and passed it to her.
“Ooh, you have the good kind,” Jenna said.
“I do?” Fuck yes, I had the good kind. Whatever the hell that meant.
“Yep. This one reads fast. Watch.”
Jenna held down a button, waiting for it to beep. Then she swiped the rubber head of the thermometer just below Marley’s hairline down to her temple while my daughter continued to wail. When the device beeped a second time, Jenna held it out so we both could read it.
My eyes jumped to her face. “A hundred and one is bad, right? That’s high.”
“It could be worse,” she was quick to say. “My kids have had higher temperatures.”
That news was oddly comforting.
“I wouldn’t rush her to the hospital unless it keeps getting higher. Let’s see if we can bring it down.”
“Just tell me what to do. I’ll do anything.” I wiped tears from Marley’s flushed cheeks. She wouldn’t stop screaming.
Jesus Christ, what was worse than this? I felt completely helpless here.
Jenna put the thermometer away and moved the basket, freeing up room on the counter. “Okay. Is her medicine in here? Do you have children’s Tylenol or ibuprofen?”
I opened the cabinet on the wall and scanned the row of bottles and toiletries. “I have both.” I grabbed them with one hand.
“Let’s do Motrin first. It’s a little more powerful,” Jenna said.
“Can you…?” I held out the bottles, my other arm clutching Marley.
“Yep.” Jenna checked the dosage, then measured out some of the thick pink liquid into the tiny cup provided and brought it to Marley’s mouth. “It’s cherry flavored. She should take it okay.”