by Chris McCoy
“Declan,” said Debbie, standing at the bottom of the staircase, stunned. “Ted.”
Declan lifted his head and looked at his wife. He put down Adeline, walked toward Debbie, and lifted her up, kissing her.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that,” he said. “You are more perfect than I even remembered.”
“Oh, my Declan. My Declan my Declan my Declan.”
“I’m back,” said Declan. “For good. I’m back.”
“I can’t believe it,” said Debbie. Her eyes were wet.
Ted walked up and hugged his mother, and Adeline followed. Slowly, Grandma Rose shuffled over and joined the embrace.
It was the first full-family hug the Merritts had ever had.
XXV
Monday.
Ted nervously walked into school. His and Carolina’s return had been all over the local news, and since they’d come back together, it was just assumed they had run off with each other. Neither of them said anything to curb the rumors, because it was by far a more believable explanation than the truth.
Between classes, everybody looked at him like he had just returned from the moon. No one approached him, and in general, he was treated with awe. Many of the students in the school had younger siblings, and over the weekend, they had been listening to their siblings’ shrieks of happiness as their abstract companions returned.
In Mongolia, Oochkoo Bat awakened in her drafty room to discover that her miniature fire-eating yak, Mandoni, was once again sleeping in his normal spot on the floor of the closet.
In Iceland, Halldor Gundmondsson pulled open his window blinds and saw his rhinoceros friend, Bjarni, stomping around in his yellow raincoat and a new pair of galoshes.
In the African country of Eritrea, Natsinet Tenolde found her leaf-nosed bat, Gongab, sitting on top of her house.
Though none of Ted’s fellow students said anything, many of them simply had a feeling that Ted’s return and the arrival of thousands of imaginary friends were somehow related.
Halfway through the day, Ted took a deep breath.
“You ready, Scurvy?” said Ted.
“Aye,” said Scurvy. “Let’s go.”
Together, they walked into the cafeteria.
Ted stood in line to get his food—meat loaf with a side of macaroni and cheese, and an apple juice—and then took his tray and walked into the seating area, where everybody was staring at him. He looked around for a table and spotted one in the far corner where his exchange student friend Kettil was eating alone. As Ted walked over to Kettil, the cafeteria was so quiet that Ted could hear his own footsteps.
“Hi, Kettil,” said Ted.
“Hej,” said Kettil. That meant “hello” in Swedish.
Ted sat down and started to eat, trying to ignore everybody’s eyes. And then …
“Hey, want some more company?”
It was Carolina, holding her own tray.
“Sure,” said Ted.
Carolina sat down next to him and the cafeteria gasped.
“May I sit?” said Czarina Tallow to Scurvy.
“Please do, m’lady,” said Scurvy.
“A YO YO AND A HO HO!” yelled a familiar voice. It was Duke, marching over from the popular table. “LOOK WHO HAS RETURNED FROM THE SEVEN SEAS.”
“Quit it, Duke!” said Carolina.
“You’ve had your fun, Carolina, but you’re at the wrong table,” said Duke. “Come on.”
“I’m sitting with my boyfriend,” said Carolina.
“YOUR BOYFRIEND?” said Duke.
“Really?” said Ted.
Carolina nodded.
“Don’t be stupid,” said Duke, grabbing Carolina’s arm. “Come on.”
“Don’t you touch her,” said Ted.
“Oh?” said Duke. “You’re telling me what to do?”
Ted thought about this.
“Yes I am,” he said.
Because Ted’s hands were under the table, Duke couldn’t see that his birthmark was rapidly changing color. Ted could feel the limb getting warmer, and then—snap!
Ted willed his arm to stay underneath the table and not fly around freaking everybody out. Down by his knees, Ted could hear it rapidly building something, plucking atoms out of the air.
Then Duke realized that something was grabbing his shirt.
In its talons.
An enormous bald-headed condor stepped out from underneath the lunch table and spread its wings.
“Rrrack!” said the condor, tightening its claws around Duke. “Rrrack!”
Ted’s forearm quietly reattached itself to his elbow, its job done.
“What the—” said Duke.
Scurvy leaned close to Ted.
“I think tha condor wants tah go out,” said Scurvy.
Calmly, Ted walked over to the cafeteria’s outside exit and opened the door. With Duke firmly in its claws, the condor took a few hops out the door, stretched its wings, and soared off into the afternoon sky.
Ted closed the door and walked back to his table, where he took a bite of his meat loaf.
“Where’s it going?” whispered Carolina.
“I believe condors are native to California,” said Ted.
Everybody in the cafeteria was staring at Ted. The lunch ladies stood motionless, holding their spatulas. The popular kids were trembling. Ted needed to say something.
He stood up.
“Hi,” he said. “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Ted Merritt.”
Silence.
“It’s been a weird couple of months.”
End of Book One
THIS IS A BORZOI BOOK PUBLISHED BY ALFRED A. KNOPF
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of
the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or
dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2009 by Chris McCoy
All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Alfred A. Knopf, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
McCoy, Chris.
Scurvy Goonda / Chris McCoy.—1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Ted Merritt is eager to replace his imaginary friend, a bacon-loving pirate, with real friends, but soon he is led from Cape Cod, Massachusetts, into a world of discarded “abstract companions” who are intent on wreaking vengeance on the human race.
eISBN: 978-0-375-89354-4
[1. Imaginary playmates—Fiction. 2. Pirates—Fiction. 3. Interpersonal relations—Fiction.
4. Adventure and adventurers—Fiction. 5. Family life—Massachusetts—Fiction.
6. Massachusetts—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.M478414457Scu 2009
[Fic]—dc22
2008039290
Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.
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