by Eve Newton
“Devon!” I shout at him. “Get off him.”
“No,” he shouts back me. “He did this to you. He left you for dead with that monster. He betrayed you, he doesn’t get to walk away from that.”
“Devon,” I say again and this time I go to him. He is throttling Cade and I can’t have that. I put my hand on his shoulder and he shrugs me off.
“Don’t,” he says. “Do not try and distract me.”
Christ, I am seriously losing my touch today. I hear Cole stifle his snicker behind me but ignore him as I try again. “Dev, sweetie. Let him go. He is my charge; you have no right to do this against my wishes.” I might not be good with the distraction techniques today, but he will not outright defy me. “Let him go,” I order him again.
He howls in frustration and with a final squeeze, he lets Cade go and gets up. He is furious and I brace myself for a lambasting, but he just shakes his head at me and stalks off into the other room. I look down at Cade and he is gray and gaunt and looks so close to death, I am surprised he is still alive. I kneel next to him and he turns from me. I expect it, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
“Please leave us,” I say to my husbands and Lincoln. They hesitate, about to argue, but go when I shoo them away. “Cade,” I say softly. “This has to stop.”
“Go away,” he rasps at me and struggles to sit up.
I gently push him back to the floor and force him to look at me. He looks so sad and so lost it breaks my heart. “If you hate this so much, why not end your own life?” I ask him. It sounds unduly harsh, but I must wonder why he chose to give me up to break our tie. Revenge, I suppose.
“Don’t you think if I could, I would have by now,” he spits out at me.
I close my eyes. I guess it would be a difficult decision to end yourself. I make a choice and open my eyes. I breathe in deeply and say, “Do you want me to do it? I will take out your Faerie Silver and stay with you, if that’s what you really want.” I don’t want this for him. I want him to accept what he is now and move on with his life, but I can’t force him. I see that now.
He shakes his head and holds his wrist up. His contradicting actions confuse me, so I just stare at him for a moment until he slits his wrist open and shows me that his Faerie Silver disc is no longer embedded in him. My eyes dart straight to the window, where the curtains are wide open, letting in the sun, bathing us in bright light.
I sit back on my heels in shock. “What?” I ask in disbelief. “How?” I grab his wrist and stare at it, expecting somehow to see the Silver in his slowly healing wound.
“You,” he says in disgust. “That’s how.” He tries to shake me free, but he is weak, even more so than me and I let him go.
“Fuck,” I say as the implications hit me. We had wondered how different he would be with me siring him after my Queen Power was given to me. He can walk in the sun, like Sebastian. I am still afraid to try it myself and have never taken my ring off. I suppose I probably can now. “What else?” I ask quietly. “What else have you tried?”
“Everything,” he says shortly. “Destroying you was my last effort, but as it turns out you are as indestructible as you think you are.” He hauls himself to his feet and staggers slowly to the bed. I know how he feels, I think grimly, as I watch him. I won’t offer to help him, as he will just reject me. “You can go away now,” he says as he flops down onto the bed.
“Cade,” I say, standing up myself. “You cannot live like this. You must get healthy.”
“Why do you even care?” he asks bitterly. “I betrayed you.”
“Yeah you did, and I am still here to help you,” I say as I sit gingerly next to him. I am no snob, but ergh, this place is rank.
“Don’t want help,” he slurs.
I close my eyes and sigh. He is starving himself as well by the sounds of it. “Cade, when was the last time you fed?”
He goes even grayer at my question and turns on his side away from me. “Don’t know,” he says.
Err, what? “Cade, please, you must feed. How can you prefer to be like this than strong and healthy?” I am at a loss. I have no idea how to handle him.
He turns back to me and regards me with unfocused eyes. “I don’t want to drink human blood, Liv.” He enunciates each word, so I get the point. “Why don’t you get that?”
“You are a Vampire!” I shriek at him as he gives me a scathing look. “You have to!” Yep that’s pretty much all I have in my repertoire. Nice going, idiot.
“I really don’t,” he replies and turns back onto his side.
“Cade,” I say, losing my patience. “This is ridiculous, enough is enough. You are going to drink, and you are going to come home with me. Now!” I prod him to make my own point.
“Don’t want to,” he says sullenly. “I am not a monster; I don’t want to live off people.”
“So just feed from me then,” I say suddenly. If that is his issue, that he doesn’t want to feed from humans, then I will have to do. Can’t say that I am fit enough for it at the moment, but I am just going to have to pull on my big girl panties and deal with it. I see that give him pause and I press the issue. “If you don’t want human blood, then just use me. It can be enough with the proper care, but Cade, you need to come home.”
He turns back to me and says, “You still look like Hell. What is the point in us both feeling like crap? Just forget about me and get yourself strong.”
“Don’t be a fool,” I say. “This martyr act has gone on long enough. I know you hate what I did to you. I know you hate what you are. I know you hate me, but it’s tough shit. It’s done. Man up!”
He blinks at me. “I don’t hate you,” he says. “I hate what you did, but I don’t hate you. I’m sorry about giving you to Remiel. I was desperate and he told me…”
“I know,” I say and take his hand awkwardly. Oddly enough, he lets me, and I take that as a good sign. He closes his eyes and looks a little less haggard. My presence here is already affecting him, but he needs to feed. There is no getting around that. “Will you drink?” I ask him tentatively.
He breathes in deeply. I am sure he is going to refuse so I give him no choice. I take my hand out of his and slit my wrist. His nostrils flare as he smells the blood and, hoping that I am no longer poisonous, I place it to his lips. Fortunately, I am also slow to heal as he doesn’t accept it at first, but then he grabs it and with a noise of revulsion he starts sucking. I can feel it affecting me, but I don’t push him away. He needs this more than I do. I have half a dozen people who will take care of me. He has no one else to look after him. Only me. His color starts to come back, and he no longer looks like he is at death’s door. He must feel the change go over him as he suddenly shoves my wrist away and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
“We can do this,” I say to him. “I will take care of you.” I stroke his face and he turns into me content. It lasts all of about a second before he sits up and shies away from me. I snatch my hand back as he glares at it and I wonder what I did wrong.
“Don’t touch me like that,” he says fiercely. “Don’t ever touch me like that again.”
I bunch my hands into tight fists in my lap, my cheeks flaming in humiliation. I have been rejected plenty in my time, but never quite so vehemently and by my own charge no less. “Sorry,” I mumble, but I don’t know what I am apologizing for. I didn’t mean it in the way that he obviously thinks I did. It’s not like that. I don’t have feelings for him, I just want to look after him.
“I can’t do this,” he says as he turns from me again. He is slipping away, and I curse myself.
“Yes, you can. Cade, I won’t touch you like that again, but you need some contact with me. You are in bad shape,” I tell him. He isn’t convinced, so with cheeks burning brighter than the fires of Hell I add, “I don’t have feelings of desire for you, Cade. I don’t want you like that. Please, understand that.”
“Isn’t that how you are supposed to feel about those you turn?” he chokes ou
t.
I shake my head. “No, not all the time,” I say.
“You lie,” he accuses. “I see how you are with Devon and Cole; you can’t keep your hands off them.”
“Because I love them,” I say simply. “I was in love with them before I turned them. Do you understand the difference?”
“I-I don’t know,” he says sadly. “I don’t know anything anymore.”
“We will figure this out, Cade. We do not have to be together in that way just because we are tied to one another. But you need to be close to me, even if it is just like this,” I say, indicating the wide-open space in between us so he has a visual.
He stares at the space for the longest time and then he scoots a bit closer to me. “Why does it feel this way?” he asks. “Why do just a few centimeters make so much difference?”
“Because my blood is running through your veins. It calls to me,” I say, hoping that this explanation doesn’t freak him out again. “The longer the time, the less the need to be near me,” I add quickly.
“How long?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I say. “It’s different for everyone, dependent on the bond.”
“Oh,” he says. “So, it will be less time for me than Cole?”
“Probably,” I say as I have no idea, but want to reassure him.
He nods and uncertainly reaches for my hand. I let him hold it loosely and he sighs. “I don’t know what to do about these feelings that I have for you,” he says with his eyes closed.
I am quite glad that he wasn’t looking at me as he said it. There has been enough shame for one day.
“Do you love me?” I ask, hoping I am right in thinking that is a resounding “no.”
His eyes fly open at that question and he shakes his head. “No!”
“Then you do nothing. They will go away on their own.”
“When?” he asks desperately.
Ah crap. I have no fucking idea. I shrug and he huffs in exasperation. “So, will you come home with me?” I ask.
“Will you do as you said before?” he replies. “Just you?”
I nod. “Yes, of course,” I say immediately. We have turned a corner here and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize our shaky foundation. I will just have to try and limit his feedings as much as possible for now.
“Fine,” he says. “What do I do about them?” He tilts his head towards the other room, where I had practically forgotten four eavesdropping toads are waiting for me.
“I’ll talk to them,” I say. “It’ll be okay.” I pat his hand and then he lets me go. I get up and open the door where, as expected, they are all hovering, every word we said overheard. “You can go now,” I say to them. “Leave us a car and we will drive back.”
“Liv,” Cole says, but I shake my head at him.
“Just go,” I say and CK grabs his arm. Lincoln throws me his keys and takes CK’s other arm and without another word they go, looking as pissed off as two Vampires and a Werewolf can be.
Devon just stands there with his arms crossed. “I’m not leaving you alone with him,” he says. “I don’t trust him.”
“Dev, it’s fine. Go home. I will see you shortly,” I say and open my arms for him to hug me. He does and he holds me close.
“Please be careful,” he whispers. “I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you again.”
“I will, don’t worry,” I say.
He lets me go and yells at Cade, “If even one hair on her head is damaged when she gets back, I will make you suffer in ways that you can’t even imagine, before I kill you.”
“Dev,” I warn him, and he scowls at me before he leaves us.
I turn back to Cade. He is sitting on the bed with his feet planted on the floor and his head in his hands. I sit quietly next to him, waiting for him to say something first. When he doesn’t, I realize I am going to have to say something about going away tomorrow.
“Erm, I know this is epically bad timing, but I have something that I have to take care of, and I won’t be around for about a day,” I say.
He looks up at me and I see just the barest hint of the old Cade in his eyes. “When did you ever have good timing?” he asks.
I chuckle and say, “Probably never. My point is that now that you are back with me, if I leave you again, I don’t want you to go downhill again.”
“So, are you saying you want me to come with you?” he asks.
Oh, crap, no. That is a bad idea that makes me shudder. “No, you can’t I’m afraid. I am going to be with my mother.”
“Then what?” he asks.
Good point. What am I trying to say here? I take a breath and bite the bullet. “I guess what I am trying to say is that I should give you something more today, something to get you back on track and keep you from sliding while I am gone.”
He looks at me as if I have grown another head and says, “No! No, that won’t be necessary. I will be fine until you return.”
I should just accept that, but I know he will be worse off for being with me and then me leaving again so soon. I am setting myself up for the rejection of my lifetime, either that or the biggest mistake I will ever make, but it doesn’t stop me from crawling into his lap. He leans away from me but doesn’t push me off. He looks confused and conflicted about what to do. I link my hands around the back of his neck and say to him. “Just take as much from me as you feel able.”
He thinks about it for a long time before he does what he needs to do.
About an hour later we are in the car and driving home. We are both silent, lost in our own thoughts. He has his hand in mine and we sit like that for the entire ride. As we near home, I say to him, “Will you come back to work? You know, when you are ready?”
He looks at me in surprise. “You want me to?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I say. I think it will be the best thing for him to get back to as close to normal as possible.
“You trust me?” he smirks at me and I laugh in surprise. We are close to the banter we used to share.
“Well, in spite of your bad choices, yes I do,” I say.
“Humph,” he says. “I always knew you were a fool.”
“Oh?” I say archly. “Do you plan on betraying me again? I am not so sure you could top last quarter’s performance.”
His hand tightens on mine and I squeeze it back to show him I mean no harm, but we can’t dodge around this subject.
“No,” he says softly. “Never again. You can trust me.”
I nod briskly and say, “Well, will you then?”
He deliberates and then says, much to my amusement, “What, now that I am your charge, I don’t get to sit around in a life of luxury?”
I snicker at him because even if I offered him that life, he would refuse it point blank. It is just not his style. “Nope,” I say. “You have a lot of making up to do. Lifetimes,” I add with a little smirk.
He glares at me. “Yes, lifetimes,” he repeats glumly.
I bite my lip, cursing myself for reminding him precisely what I was trying to avoid in this moment. “Cade,” I say, but he sighs.
“It’s okay. We can’t skirt around this issue anymore. My name is Cade and I am a Vampire,” he says with a sidelong look at me. “Yes, I will come back to work.”
“Yay,” I exclaim quietly. “When do you think that will be?”
“Eager, much?” he says.
Actually, I am eager. Eager for him to return to normal, but also eager because I have a project that I need him to get on as soon as possible. I was going to ask Nico, but this would be so much better.
“What do you want me to do?” he asks, reading my thoughts.
“There is something of the utmost secrecy that I need you to do. It is highly sensitive and, well, to be honest, it is downright intrusive, but I just need to know,” I say.
I have piqued his natural interest in all things covert and he forgets about everything else as he pulls off the road and turns to me with a concentrated look. “What
is it?”
“No one can know. You are the only one who can know about this,” I say, getting worried now and wanting to take it all back.
“Liv,” he says and sighs. “I really don’t want to get swept up in all of your drama again. I will come back to work, but this time there are going to be massive boundaries. I already have a list.”
Of course, he does. That doesn’t surprise me one bit. He is very fond of his lists.
“No drama,” I say quickly, although that remains to be seen.
“What then?” he asks.
“I need you to…there is something off about…” Ah, just spit it out, woman. “Devon is up to something shady and I need to know what it is,” I say in a rush and he blinks at me before he turns away with a sigh of complaint.
He pulls back onto the road and says, “No chance.”
“Cade, please,” I beg him.
“If you want to know so badly, why don’t you just ask him?” Cade says.
“Because he won’t tell me!” I say in exasperation. “He is keeping it from me for a reason and I want to know what it is.”
“How do you know he’s keeping something from you?” he asks.
“I know my charge,” I say. “I know him too well and he has been acting strangely since I came back from the Dark Fae Kingdom in March.”
“How so?” he inquires, unable to stop himself.
“He has been avoiding me. He won’t look me in the eye, he is moody and brooding and defensive, even evasive, and we haven’t been together properly in months, coma notwithstanding. It is almost like he doesn’t want to and that,” I slam my fist on the dashboard of my Aston Martin, “is the surest sign.”
“Christ,” Cade mutters. “This is drama, Liv. I want no part of your sexual goings-on. You want him to fuck you, then just ask him to.”
I glare at him and his crass choice of words. “I don’t want him to fuck me,” I say haughtily. “I want him to be with me, properly.”
“Lady, you have not changed one bit,” he says, and, in spite of this conversation, I smile as we are definitely back to “our normal” now. “And speaking of, two husbands? How does that even work?” he asks and then adds, “No wait, don’t tell me. I really don’t want to know.”