But Jack shrugged. “I suppose I thought we’d figure something out,” he said.
Louise couldn’t speak. Had things changed so much that she had to explain to Jack that nothing would be further from her mind than “starting again” financially at the age of 50? Did Jack not realise that a mortgage took 30 years to repay and that he had barely ten years of working life remaining? Was it only accountants who thought about these things? Did Jack really think that he would be a prime of lifer, what the accountants and actuaries called anyone aged between 25 and 55, forever? Jack was already in his fifties – had he no idea that his working days were already numbered, and his promotional prospects already severely inhibited by his age? Did he not know that the universities were producing more and better trained graduates of every discipline every year, young professionals who would be nudging him out of his current role, if not devising new ways to solve the problems he currently solved and therefore rendering him redundant?
Was it only professional women who were painfully aware of this perennial surge of natural forces, and this manifestation of glorious youth and its impact on the career of the middle-aged professional?
She spoke gently, as to a child. She reached over and touched her friend’s arm. “Jack, the most you can hope for is to calm your family down, and help them through his time. Perhaps one day you will meet someone else who has also torn away from their life, and-”
“That’s you!” Jack smiled at her. “You walked out of a bad marriage. You walked away from financial comfort, and started again.”
Louise stopped. He was right. Then she shook her head. “But it was different for me. Jeff was going and I stayed. I didn’t leave him – I just refused to follow him. And I had a financial plan. I already had assets – I already had a rental property I’d bought before I got married, to use as collateral on this place.” She gestured to the townhouse they sat in. “And while Jeff went ahead and moved, knowing I would not follow him, I didn’t disrupt the kids or do anything to actively break our family. Jeff did that.”
“How convenient for you,” said Jack.
“Yes,” agreed Louise. “It was.”
But Jack would not be deterred from the original topic. He sat back and looked at her. “So the answer is no?”
Louise sighed. She had been hoping to avoid an out and out rejection. She liked Jack. And yes, she found him attractive. Despite being over-tall and over-bald and wearing think glasses, he was otherwise in good shape and he was great company. Intelligent, friendly, even sexy in a quiet way, Louise could have been attracted to Jack under different circumstances.
But in this situation, there was something stopping her. Louise knew that she could never brush away the memory of Julia crying, open-mouthed, at the thought of losing her husband. If it meant being single for the rest of her life – and it probably did, she had to admit – Louise knew that she could not walk off on the arm of her friend’s husband as though it was a decent way for a 50 year old woman, and mother of three young people, to behave. She would be the husband thief; the home wrecker. She would have to move – and to what?
Louise looked at Jack and saw a different man to the one who had presided over so many social gatherings in his comfortable home, beside Julia, his wife. She saw the other Jack. This one had been married a couple of times already; was laden with debt; was completely reliant on his job for income; only had a car because his employer provided him with one; and, given his track record, might tire of her after five years, which was how long it had taken for him to tire of his last wife, Julia.
And Julia had handed over all her income to him, and had no children herself. Louise would never hand her income over to any man; and she had her own family to rear. She had absolutely no intention of assisting in the raising of Jack’s remaining three children – all of whom she liked well enough, but not nearly enough to live with.
Suddenly Louise had to confront something she had only been slightly aware of about herself. There were elements of the romantic relationship which she clearly saw as “wealth transfer” arrangements. Her own marriage had been a wealth-transfer arrangement. Jeff had transferred some of his wealth to Louise and their offspring, and Louise had provided the family life and stayed slim. That was the unwritten deal. And when the marriage had ended, Louise had withdrawn the family and Jeff had withdrawn the wealth. Neither of them was surprised; and neither of them had harangued the other. It was understood that this was what would occur.
What Jack was suggesting was an opportunity to divest herself of assets carefully collected and protected over long years of work and self-denial. And there was only one answer Louise could give.
“It’s a no,” she agreed.
Chapter 14 – Loss
It was July 2009 and Louise was at Diana’s, at their regular book club meeting. She finally answered her mobile because it had rung incessantly and Louise thought that one of the kids couldn’t find the Milo or something. She answered the phone impatiently.
“Louise, it’s Jane.”
“Hi Jane, can I call you back? I’m at book club.”
“Sorry, no.” Jane sounded very definite. “It’s urgent. Have you heard the news?”
Louise left the living room where a dozen women had gathered to discuss Tim Winton’s latest book, and listened to her sister. “No,” she said. “What is it?”
“Are you sitting down?” Jane asked.
Louise sat on a kitchen stool. “Yes,” she said. “Tell me.”
“Craig Senger has been killed.”
“What?”
“It’s on the news. He was at the Marriott Hotel in Jakarta and he was blown up today by a terrorist, a suicide bomber.”
“Oh my God,” said Louise. “I’ll go straight home and call you back.”
“Okay,” said Jane.
Louise excused herself and ran the 3 blocks to her house. She hurried inside and turned on the television. She called the kids into the lounge room and explained what had happened.
Louise had first met Craig when she was pregnant with James. Actually, his sister Cate had babysat James and on occasion Craig had, too. He had been about 15 years old then. Craig had taken James to see ‘The Lion King’ when it first came out in 1992. He had finished school; done his degree; and gotten a job at Austrade. He had married his best friend’s sister and was working in Indonesia. Now he had been killed by a complete stranger who had never met him and who was upset about something that Craig had no involvement in; and no control over.
And Craig’s father had died suddenly just a few months before. How would his mother Joan– and Cate – cope?
*
Louise tried to call Cate but all their phones were engaged for days. “It is so frustrating being so far away when something like this happens,” she complained to Jane.
“Don’t worry,” said Jane. “I’ll go over to see them and take them some food. And I’ll send flowers from both of us.”
“Thanks Jane,” said Lou helplessly. “I can’t even come up – I have no one to look after the kids for me here in Melbourne.”
“Couldn’t James watch them? He’s old enough,” said Jane reasonably.
Louise scoffed. “Unfortunately the ongoing battle for supremacy between James and Camille makes that impossible.”
“Can’t you send them to stay with friends for a night?” Louise could sense that Jane thought it was important that everyone gather around Craig’s mother and sister.
“Jane, I wish I could.” Louise was miserable. “But they are still rattled about Jeff leaving. I really can’t.” Louise frowned and made a decision. “I’ll fly up for an afternoon.”
When she had finally gotten through on the phone to Cate, they had both burst into tears and not spoken much at all.
“I’m so sorry,” said Louise finally. “I want to help but this is so awful. There is no help.”
“I know,” said Cate. “Crying is the only sensible thing to do.”
*
; Louise sat with Jane and Cate and Joan in Joan’s little kitchenette. They had eaten a meal that Jane had brought with her, and Joan was refilling their glasses with wine. Joan had arranged some photos of Craig around the lounge room, and it was oddly comforting to see his lovely face looking so well and normal as they discussed their feelings. They didn’t discuss the event though. Everyone knew that Craig’s young wife had been called upon to identify her husband’s remains after the bombing. It didn’t bear thinking about.
“Everyone has been so kind to me,” Joan was smiling. “I have not had to cook a meal since it happened.”
Cate nodded her head. “I’ve taken a year off work,” she stated simply.
Louise was surprised. Cate was a very senior accountant at one of the major federal government departments. Then Lou realised that she had been with Cate and Joan for almost 3 hours and had never seen either of them without tears in their eyes; or the strained expression of someone who is reminding themselves that there are other people present, and that they must hide their true feelings. Their hearts were broken. Cate might show up at the office but she would not be able to engage her mind in her work. Her mind needed to heal as well as her heart.
“Good girl,” said Louise.
Joan nodded too. “It was the only way,” she explained, looking fondly at her beautiful girl. Joan had worked hard her whole life. She had married Andrew in her early twenties, after becoming a Registered Nurse. Shortly after Cate and Craig were born, Andrew had developed bone cancer and had been bedridden for many months while he recuperated from the invasive cure. Joan had worked night shifts and must have survived on four hours sleep a night most nights for years. But Cate and Craig had grown into attractive, hard-working, intelligent people – the sort of kids all parents dreamed of having but most didn’t achieve. And Joan and Andrew asked for nothing more from life. When Cate married, Andrew had stated that it “was the best wedding I have ever been to”. It was the best wedding anyone had ever been to. Cate was beautiful. Her husband was an educated, handsome young man –and they were both professionally qualified and employed.
When Andrew had died unexpectedly, the family had been distraught; but given his long history of survival against the odds, not overwhelmed with shock as well as loss. But losing Craig was different. Losing Craig was just wrong.
Chapter 15 – Man talk
It had been two weeks since Julia and Jack had split up, and Louise had barely seen Julia. She didn’t know whether Julia wanted to be alone, or was incapable of reaching out but badly needed company. She wanted to support her friend but didn’t want to intrude if she wasn’t wanted, or in case Julia resented her after Jack’s thoughtless confession. It was a tricky situation.
In the end, she “ambushed” Julia as she walked past Louise’s townhouse one afternoon, which she had to do twice a day to go to, and return, from work.
“Julia!” she said with a smile. “How are you? Can you drop in for a coffee?”
Julia smiled at her weakly and adjusted her direction so that she could come into Louise’s house.
“I’ll just put the kettle on,” said Louise.
Julia stopped inside the door, unable to stop the flow of tears. She looked at Louise. “I can’t do this,” she said, and retraced her steps out the door.
But Louise wasn’t going to let her go. She followed Julia to her own house, and when she slammed the door so that Louise couldn’t follow, Louise went around the back and let herself in by the backdoor, which was never locked. Julia was in the kitchen, drying her eyes.
“Has Jack been to see you yet?” she asked.
Louise looked surprised. “He dropped in a week ago, the day he came to get some things from here. He didn’t stay long.”
Julia nodded. “He’s probably waiting for the dust to settle. Did he tell you?”
“I already knew,” said Louise, then, seeing that her reply was distressing Julia, added “that you two were having problems. You had already told me.”
Julia shook her head. “Did he tell you that he wants to be with you? That that’s why he left me?”
Louise was lost for words. Julia smirked at her and nodded her head. “If he hasn’t yet, he will soon.”
“Julia, you have to know that I am not about to start a relationship with your husband. Not now, not ever.”
Julia shrugged. “He can be pretty persuasive, and you two get along well.”
“Julia!” Louise was becoming upset herself. “I know how hurt you are, but please! I’d better go.” And she left.
*
The years passed and the kids grew taller. Louise would soon be 50, and James 21. Predictably, Stephanie had dumped James a few months before his own VCE exams, expecting that she would meet more and better young men from richer families as an undergraduate medical student at Monash University.
When it turned out that all she met were other hot-house flower progeny, Steph tried to return to James; but he was wary of her now and his heart had healed hard. He was polite but would not be drawn back, and she finally stopped calling and, resigned to her fate, learned Mandarin in her spare time.
James was a lovely boy, but a bit absent-minded. Louise had despaired of him, and when he was applying to Melbourne University, had joked with him about his inability to organise himself.
“James, I want to discuss something with you.” Louise was in James’ bedroom and surreptitiously tidying as she spoke.
James turned from his computer, rolling back his swivel chair so that he faced his mother. “Sure, Mum,” he said. “What is it?” He glanced longingly at the computer screen.
“It will take a few minutes, so could you please turn that off?” She was still speaking in a friendly tome but the threat was evident.
James sighed and turned off the screen. “Okay, what is it?”
Louise decided to ignore his tone, which said “Here we go; but if I don’t put up with you, it will just take longer, so I might as well get this conversation over with – even though it will be of no use or benefit to me.” She looked at James and spoke softly.
“James, you are about to start university. The first year at university is not especially hard –“
“If you are studying arts,” James smiled.
Louise smirked at him. Her undergraduate degree was arts and James was enrolling in science, so she fully understood his slight.
But Louise was not to be diverted and she continued valiantly.
“There are one or two things young people should understand in order to make the most of all the opportunities offered to them.”
James rolled his eyes. “I know, Mum; I’ll work hard and pass everything.” He was bored already.
“No, Mr Smarty Pants – that’s not what I mean. I wanted to tell you that this is the start of the magic 5 years.”
“What?” Finally she had his attention.
“From the age of 18 to the age of 23, almost everyone you will meet in your age group will be single. Added to that, you will be at university – an environment catering almost exclusively to people aged 18 to 23 who are single.”
“So?”
“So! This is the best opportunity you will ever have to find Miss Right!”
James chuckled. “Mum, I plan to find lots and lots of women.”
“I know you do, James. And that is fine, so long as you don’t forget to get one for yourself. Don’t spend so much time window-shopping that you miss the big sale.”
“What are you talking about, Mum?” James was interested and confused.
Louise settled herself on the end of James’ bed. “When I was at uni, I had so many men interested in me that I thought it would last forever; that I had all the time in the world, and I was in no hurry to choose. Then – I hit 24 – and without my realising it, everyone else had pretty much settled on someone and I was the only single person left! After that age, even when I did meet someone, it turned out he already had a special girl tucked away somewhere.
“Rea
lly?” James was disbelieving.
“Really,” Louise nodded. “If I had my time over, I would have taken more care to select a single guy from all the nice ones I met at uni when I was an undergraduate. That is where most happily married couples met each other. Some people meet at work, but if you are in a profession that attracts mostly guys –“
“-like engineering,” added James, who was aiming to become an engineer.
“-like engineering, that may not be a profitable strategy. This is the prime time for you to find a partner. And you, my boy, need a good woman.”
James smiled at her sheepishly. “Oh, I do, do I?”
“Yes, you do!” Louise was serious. “I have coddled you your whole life. All you have ever had to do is take the odd shower and eat what I put in front of you.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“That is exactly my point! You need to find a beautiful, kind, intelligent girl who likes to cook and who loves you and who you enjoy being with; and university is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet local women of your own age who are intelligent and ambitious and hardworking and single – and who want to meet a young man! It’s natural! I just don’t want you to be one of those people who don’t seem to realise that this is just a window of opportunity – it won’t last forever.”
“Like you?”
“Like me,” admitted Louise. “Good fortune is making the most of the opportunities you come across. This is one of those golden opportunities.”
James must have listened in between rolling his eyes because no sooner had he begun engineering than the lovely Kim had appeared in their home. And she could cook.
Morning in Melbourne Page 12