He shook his head. “Not yet. Not completely. I think she is well on her way to being feral, though.”
The word slashed at Tyson as if it were a punch. He had tested the feral line. Dipped his toe in to see how it would feel. His had been an instant drop where Lee had a slow and steady descent. Owen blamed himself. Knowing Tyson, he was doing the same. They were a family and they had abandoned her when she needed them most.
As a wolf, she seemed calmer. He took that as a bad sign. It meant she was becoming more comfortable in her fur than her human skin. Tyson was still lying on the floor stroking her. He was nose to nose with Lee, softly whispering to her to hold on.
“Owen?” Mira asked from the doorway where she and her sister were standing.
Both Owen and Lee’s heads turned. Mira smiled sadly at Lee. “Hey.” The wolf watched her for a moment then returned her head to the floor with complete indifference toward Mira.
“I called Lylia she is prepping a room for Lee.”
Right. They needed to move her. Having her in his house would allow him to watch over her and hopefully help bring her back.
“Tyson, help me get her in my arms.” Both men stood and together they lifted and adjusted her so Owen could carry her.
Mira already had the doors open and was waiting by her jeep. He stopped long enough to kiss the top of her head before handing Lee off to Tyson who held her while he got in the backseat. Lee was given back to him. She groaned as he got her settled.
“Here,” Mira said to Tyson and tossed him her keys. “I’ll drive your truck so you can be with them.”
His hand clenched around the keys. “Thank you,” he said sincerely.
“Go. We’ll be right behind you.”
Tyson tore out of the driveway and sped back to the house. Lylia had done crowd control and they met no one as they parked and carried Lee inside. There were three rooms in the east wing that were basic, but comfortable. No one stayed in that corridor unless absolutely necessary. They were reinforced, monitored and heavily guarded. These rooms were meant to hold a wolf. Lydia was waiting outside of the first room. He walked past her and straight to the bed where he put Lee on the bed. Ever since they pulled out front, she had begun to pant heavily.
“The cameras are all on. Dave tested everything right before you got here. He’s in the control room now.”
“Thank you. I’ll head there in a few minutes.”
Tyson did a walkthrough of the room and bathroom to make sure there was nothing glaringly dangerous. Unfortunately, wolves who were in the position Lee was in also tended to be suicidal. Tyson gave the all clear and came to sit on the end of the single bed where Lee laid. She was still in there. He could see a glint of stubbornness in her eye.
“Got a plan?” Tyson asked.
“Nope,” he said and Lee’s eyes flicked to him, listening.
“So we wing it.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “We wing it.”
*****
She woke with a fogginess in her head. Her mouth was dry as she swallowed trying to wet it. Why did she feel half drunk? Her body was exhausted. She wasn’t sure she could move even if she wanted too. Lee tried to remember what happened before she fell asleep. Owen and Tyson were holding her down. Owen was apologizing profusely about something.
Oh right, they sedated her.
It all came back to her in perfect clarity the horrific events of yesterday. This was not good. They would now ask her the questions she didn’t want to answer. The ones she didn’t even ask herself. Lee didn’t even want to talk, let alone bare her soul to them. And she’d be put under a microscope until they felt her well enough to leave. There was no escape for her at this point.
It took someone shuffling their steps for her to realize she wasn’t alone. That came to no real surprise either.
“I know you’re awake,” Tyson said tiredly.
Lee opened her eyes. Tyson sat in the corner of the room in a folding metal chair. His appearance matched his voice. Tyson looked as if he had slept in that chair. His eyes flicked to the bedside table where a glass of water sat. Lee reached for it greedily.
“Sleep well?” he asked with a hint of a smile.
She didn’t bother responding.
“Yeah, I don’t suppose you did. Changed a few times on me.”
So that was why she had been sedated as a wolf and woke up in her body.
“Lee, do you remember anything?”
She drank a few gulps of water and then put the glass back down. She was trying to figure out what she would say when he spoke again.
“Yeah, I figured you’d be stubborn. Look, I get it. You don’t want to talk. Either you are refusing to or you just can’t. Sometimes when the line between human and wolf begins to blur, you lose the ability to talk. I hope for all our sakes that it is the first one.” Tyson leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He ran a hand vigorously down his face trying to wake up.
Lee paused at his statement. Was she just being stubborn or had her voice left her? A flood of anxiety rushed through her.
“In case you haven’t put it together yet, you are going feral.”
Lee dropped her eyes. Yeah, she had put that together. It was one of those things she didn’t want to admit to herself, like an alcoholic admitting they had a drinking problem.
“So you do know,” Tyson said reading her. “Well, I’m not going to lie. That pisses me off. You knew and you didn’t ask for help. You didn’t come to me or Owen or even Chuck. Was your head so far up your ass that you thought we wouldn’t care? Lee, at least have the decency to look at me.”
Her eyes flicked back up to Tyson.
He was concerned for her, even showed the love he had for her on his face. It was the first time in months that she saw Tyson, just Tyson, and not a man mad on behalf of his mate and best friend. He looked like someone had just died, like he was still in denial about it.
He swallowed, holding her eyes another moment before dropping his head. “It’s hard seeing you like this and knowing how it is affecting everyone outside that door knowing full well that I had done the same damn thing.”
There was a click from the door as the lock flicked open. Tyson snapped his head up when the door knob turned. “Not yet. Give me another minute,” he said loud enough for the person on the other side to hear him. Tyson looked at her, his eyes losing that glassy sheen that had been gathering. “I need to say this and Lee needs to hear it.”
They both waited a breath watching the door and then the lock flicked again.
“Sadie,” he said in explanation. “She wanted to be in here when you woke but I asked for a moment alone first. I’ll make this quick. When I went feral it was instant. It was brutal and there was no chance of turning back in that moment. It took me a year to find any part of my humanity worth saving. You are still falling, Lee. You have a chance to stop this but it is up to you to do so. None of us can make that decision for you. All we can do is parade ourselves in here and tell you what you wouldn’t let us these past few months. Hopefully, you believe us. Hopefully, you see how much love you have around you.”
He stood and stretched his neck out until he heard a pop. Lee frowned. She had told him not to do that. Knowing what she was thinking and not saying, Tyson grinned. “Yeah, I know but you’d be doing it too if you slept in that chair. I’ll hold Sadie off for a bit so you can do what you need to do,” he said motioning toward the bathroom.
She wanted to say “thank you” but couldn’t find the will to open her mouth.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Vince had a few days to calm down after his fight with Lee and now he was trying to decide what he wanted to do. He could let her go and move on with his life—it’s not like they had dated much—or he could fight for them and the possibility they had.
Since he found himself standing outside of the Wick, his subconscious must have been trying to tell him something. Vince was halfway through the door when he saw the notice posted.
He frowned and then looked inside. It was all but dead. Only two people sat at the bar. This was the lunch rush. Usually, he was lucky to get a seat. Well hell, he’d missed something hiding out in his house these last few days. He’d been licking his wounds. Something he hadn’t wanted to advertise to the world. Lee had knocked him back in their fight. Her stone-faced admission of not caring for him cut deep.
Sadie was typing vigorously on her phone. With a frown, she put it away and sighed. When she looked up and found Vince settling in on the seat in front of her she looked surprised to see him. Surprised and furious.
“What’s with the sign?” he asked as she busied herself with getting him a glass of water.
“Shorthanded,” she said shortly.
Someone had apparently heard of their fight and had chosen sides.
“With Lee out, I’m covering pretty much everything. Chuck agreed to only be open for lunch until-”
Vince cut her off. “What’s wrong with Lee?”
There was that surprised look again. She frowned looking down the bar at the other patrons. Sadie lowered her voice. “You don’t know? How don’t you know?”
“Know what?” Vince felt his stomach constrict. Lee hadn’t been online since their fight. He had begun to check hourly after the first two days. Admittedly he worried over her, as hard as he tried otherwise.
“Chuck sent me to her house to talk. Apparently, she had agreed to see me and settle everything, but when I got there she was shifting back and forth.” Sadie lowered her voice again. See glanced back down the bar and then leaned in. “She started turning feral. We’ve been trying to bring her back but she’s so stubborn. Hasn’t said a word since we found her.”
Vince felt like she had just punched him. “When did this happen?”
“Um, Monday morning. So two days ago. I’m sorry, I thought you knew. I just figured because of what happened that you were still mad.”
His lips pressed together in a line to keep him from snapping at Sadie. “How would I have known?”
She sighed. Her exhaustion showing. “I don’t know. I don’t know how anyone knows but this is the pack we are talking about and everyone always knows everything.”
Sadie grabbed his untouched glass of water and took a sip from it. “I’m closing down soon. Here isn’t where I need to be.” Sadie put down the glass and then looked at him. She was considering something. Vince was too. How fast could he get to Lee’s house and would they let him see her after the fight that apparently everyone knew about?
“She’s at Owen’s. East wing,” Sadie told him.
He nodded. “Thank you.”
“Don’t go if you don’t mean it. She can’t handle any false hopes right now.”
“I’ve never given her anything false,” he said and left.
*****
Sitting in a room with nothing to do but listen to the stream of people coming through the door and talk to her about what she was doing to herself was worse than any torture she could have imagined. The way some of them said she needed to snap out of it was insulting. Didn’t they know that if she could snap out of it, like she was in some daydream, then she would? Did they truly think that she was enjoying herself? Lee felt like she was being split in two and molded into one at the same time.
She never spoke to them. Half of the people just wanted to see if it was true, that she was going feral. They’d peek their head in the door and stare at her, one out of five might try to say something to her but nothing would come out. What do you say to a person who has given up on everything? Owen always caught them. In fact, he was having trouble keeping everyone out. He’d then ask if she needed anything or if she was alright but she didn’t speak. Not that she couldn’t. Lee was sure she was able to speak but the prospect of that function might have been taken from her, terrified her. It meant she was worse off than even she imagined. So she kept her mouth shut and ignored him.
Sadie had visited a few times. She brought her books to read. The pile was growing on the small side table. Lee never touched them. Sadie must have taken this to mean she didn’t like any of the titles but that wasn’t it. Lee just didn’t want to do anything. Hours would go by and all she could say she accomplished was staring at the same spot on the wall. She slept eighty percent of the time away, which she thought was an accomplishment. Her mind just didn’t want to function. It was happy to hide its self away for the moment.
How long this moment was supposed to last was still up for debate. When she thought of anything other than the wall in front of her, her chest would tighten to the point it crumbled. Breathing became harder as all those pieces began to pile up on her heart and lungs. Soon, she feared she wouldn’t be able to find breath at all.
Chuck brought her lunch. He never said anything. They would sit in silence while he ate and she didn’t. Then he would grunt and push the plate closer. She found it best just to humor him and eat half of what he brought even if she would just get sick later. Water and broth were about all her stomach could handle and even that was iffy.
Owen had been, by far, the worst. He had turned off the cameras before he came in. Lee wasn’t sure what to expect from him when she saw the little light go out on the camera that faced her bed. He slipped inside, pulled the metal chair everyone seemed to sit in over to her bed and sat down. He didn’t speak for a few minutes but instead of lapsing back into a daze like she tended to do, Lee’s focused stayed on him. His presence, an unavoidable truth she couldn’t ignore.
Finally, he lifted his head and said. “I can’t save you and that kills me. Nothing I say will make much of a difference either because of the distance we have had lately and that’s my fault.”
She wanted to tell him that it was her fault, all of it.
But nothing came out.
“I snapped at you and pushed you away like you were nothing. But Lee, you have never been nothing. You are the opposite of nothing.” Owen rubbed a hand down his face. “That sounded better in my head. I had all these things I wanted to say but they aren’t coming out right.”
Lee hated watching him suffer, especially over her. She moved her hand from where it had gripped the blanket to cover his. Owen’s shoulders fell at her touch. He wrapped her small hand within both of his and brought it to his lips, kissing her fingertips. “I love you and I know you love me. I need your forgiveness, Lee. I need it like I need to breathe.”
Lee’s head was hung so low that she couldn’t even see where he held her hand. She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t even want to listen to him. It was her fault for the heartache in his voice. Wouldn’t he just be better off without her in his life? Obviously, she didn’t bring any joy to it.
“Lee,” he said lifting her chin with a light touch. “You’re not in a good place right now and that means your thoughts are twisted. You are seeing the bad in everything and missing out on the good. There is so much love in your life but you can’t see any of it right now. You’ve got depression. I may only be a vet but I know the signs. Lee, you are clinically depressed.”
She frowned at him. Depressed, sure, but it wasn’t that bad. She swallowed. It wasn’t.
Owen wiped away a tear that had begun to gather but hadn’t fallen. “I’ve asked everyone who has spent time with you lately about any signs of suicide. You know that is why you are here, being monitored, right?”
Her chest tightened and she found the next breath harder to take. She would know if she was suicidal. She was trained to know these things. Still her breath came more rapidly. She hadn’t had any thoughts about killing herself. So this was just silly. Giving over to the wolf was not the same as suicide. It just…wasn’t.
Wasn’t it?
Wasn’t letting herself be overtaken by the wolf where she would eventually be killed once every part of her human side was lost the same thing as killing herself now? Wasn’t it mo
re cowardly to let the wolf do the dirty work?
Was she really thinking about which way was more honorable?
Jesus, she was depressed.
Owen squeezed her hands. “I’ve lost you,” he murmured as his eyes flicked over her face looking for any sign as to what she was thinking. Lee closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she had to strain herself with releasing it slowly. When she opened her eyes it was with the decision that she would deal with all of those confusing thoughts later when she could analyze them alone.
She squeezed his hand back, silently asking him to continue.
“Can I help?”
She shook her head.
His face fell. “Alright.” He took a breath. “Well, I’m going to try anyway. Lee, I’m asking that we forgive each other for the pain we caused one another. We fight,” he said with a smirk that held no real amusement, “it’s what we do. Let’s alleviate the guilt all around and just let it go.”
She nodded her head just a little bit but he had seen the motion. She would forgive him, always would. And he could forgive her, it was his choice after all, but Lee didn’t forgive herself. Not yet, maybe not ever.
Owen moved to the bed where she sat and pulled her against his chest. “Thank you,” he said kissing her head. Lee gripped his shirt and held on to him. It was a small comfort she needed and allowed herself the pleasure of having.
“I feel lighter,” he told her.
Strangely, so did she.
*****
Had it not been for Bluto, the cat, on his lap, Owen would have been pacing. Every alpha he talked to had confirmed. There were a dozen packs between New York and Maine and every one of them was coming. Canidae had not only increased up their antics with him but everywhere else it seemed. They wanted a solution and so did he. The problem Owen was having was Lee.
He had gotten through to her earlier. Everyone else left her room feeling worse than when they went in but he knew she had been listening to him. Owen didn’t know what it meant as far as her recovery but hopefully, it gave her something to think about. He didn’t know how leaving for a few days would affect Lee. Mira and Owen would leave next Saturday, which gave him seven days. Someone in this deep of a depression would not recover in seven days.
On the Edge (Adirondack Pack Book 3) Page 19