by Abbie Adams
"Is that what this is about? Delaney sharing my room? What's the matter, marshal, feeling left out? Pissed off that your girl isn't at your beck and call every moment?"
"You want the truth or do you want me to assure you that all is perfectly fine?" he asked, her derisive tone indicating her anger.
"Oh, trust me, I want the truth."
"Are you quite sure?" he asked, not missing the emphasis she'd put on the phrase.
"Sure, why not?" she asked, shrugging as if unconcerned whether he believed her or not.
"Because I'm not sure you can handle the truth." Before she could deny his words, Tripp reached out and took her arm, not allowing her to pull it out of his grasp as they reached the end of the sidewalk. Instead of crossing the street, he pulled her to the side to a small alley between two buildings. "This isn't about me or even about Delaney, who, by the way, is angry and afraid that you are too weak to handle the truth. I don't feel that way. I don't believe you are weak but I am afraid that if you don't do something, you will never truly recover."
"I'm fine," she countered. "Dr. Norwood said I'm healing remarkably well and I'll be as good as new in no time."
"Will you? Is that why you wake up every night screaming?" When she just stared up at him, he shook his head. "Sure, your wounds will heal and perhaps your heart will as well. But, can you honestly tell me that you believe your soul will ever heal?"
Yanking her arm free, she glared up at him. "What kind of fucked up question is that? You don't know a single thing about my soul!"
"I know you are terrified you don't have one anymore," he said, his words gently spoken. "I know what killing a man does to one's soul. I know how seeing the horror done to another out of nothing but evil chips away at my soul. I know that moment when you swear there cannot be a God because if he existed, how could he allow his children to go through such terror, such pain? And though I do not know all that you experienced, I know that until you let it out… until you allow the rage to break free, your soul will be trapped."
She didn't speak and neither did he. They stood, one enraged and the other calm, staring at each other, neither giving an inch. Finally, she gave a strangled sob. "I… I can't…"
"Not alone," he agreed, "but, Damaris, you can if you'll let me help you."
"Everyone has tried to help me but…"
"No, everyone has tried to assure you that you are safe, that you need not fear any more. That you are loved, but they don't understand this and I don't really want them to. Because this need is something born of evil. To understand they'd have to experience the worst of mankind, to walk through the darkest pits of hell like you did. I would not wish that on anyone," he paused and reached out, drawing her to him. "But, you survived, honey. Now, let me help you come out the other side."
"How?"
"I'll show you," he said, giving her a small hug and then, tucking her hand in the crook of his arm, stepped from the alley. They were silent until they reached their destination.
"Are we going to ride?"
"Not today," Tripp said as they walked past the livery to the blacksmith a few yards away. "I've spoken to Ben and he's agreed to help."
"Help with what?"
"You'll see." He led her towards the open area where there was a forge, the sound of metal striking metal resounding on the air. Sparks flew as the anvil smashed down onto iron as Ben shaped a horseshoe. Spying them, he nodded and using a set of long tongs, plunged the hot metal into a pail of water, steam rising as the hissing of cooling metal replaced the ringing tones.
"Good afternoon, Miss Donahue," Ben said, "Are you ready?"
"I'm not sure," Damaris answered, looking around the area. "Ready for what exactly?"
"To rid yourself of demons," Ben answered casually. "I've got it all set up for you. Trust me, by the time you're done, you're gonna feel a whole lot better."
Damaris turned to look up at Tripp, who shrugged a little sheepishly. "Yup, there's that trust again but, well, why don't you give it a shot?"
They followed Ben to the wall to find a board had been attached and yet there were dozens of nails protruding from the surface, most barely sunk into the wood. "Here, put these on." Damaris took the gloves Ben offered, her brow furrowed even as she drew them over her hands. "You can start with this one but if it gets too heavy, you just let me know and I'll get you another."
"Why do I need a hammer?" Damaris asked, staring at the tool that looked like a toy compared to the large sledge hammer Ben had been wielding just a moment earlier.
"How else you gonna pound nails?" Ben asked, wagging the hammer up and down.
Tripp explained, turning her slightly until she was facing the wall. "Don't think of them as nails. Let each one represent some memory, some pain you experienced, some horror you've seen. With every strike of the hammer, let the anger go. Shout, scream, hell, curse if you need, but, Damaris, exorcise the demons. If you go through the rest of your life just breathing… just surviving, then you might as well have died in that river. Don't let those fucking bastards win… Smash them and obliterate their hold on you… because until you do, you will never be able to love again… your soul will never be free."
She stared at the wall and then turned and took the hammer. Both Ben and Tripp stepped away, not speaking as she remained still. Finally, a hand reached up to brush against her cheek, wiping a tear away and then she raised the hammer. The first blow was soft, barely striking against one of the nails, but still, the men remained silent even as the next several blows mimicked the first. It wasn't until they heard a sob that Tripp spoke.
"That's right, honey. Let it out. Get mad… it's all right to be angry… it's all right to feel rage. Smash them, Damaris, smash them all."
And she proceeded to do just that.
Chapter Twelve
"I hate you," Delaney hissed, coming out of the bedroom she shared with her sister to find Tripp the next morning.
"Delaney…"
"No! Don't speak to me! Damaris did nothing but cry all night. God, how could you be so cruel? Why can't you just leave her alone?"
"Because I can't," Tripp said, his heart torn and yet he knew he was right. "Just give her some time…"
"Get out! I never want to see you again. Leave my sister and me alone!"
"That's enough, Diamond," Gabe said, "Trust…"
"God, I'm sick of that word! Trust! I trusted you to keep her safe and yet she is worse now than before!"
"No, she is finally beginning to truly heal. You know we'd never do anything to cause her pain but she can't heal if she doesn't release the horrors she's lived through."
"You are all mad," Delaney cried, her fists clenched.
"I'm ready." The words were quietly spoken and yet were enough to silence Delaney who spun around to find her sister behind her.
Tripp only nodded and though Delaney reached out to try to stop Damaris, Gabe took her arm and pulled her away. "Let them go, chiquita."
Every day for a week, Tripp would escort Damaris to the blacksmith shop. Every day there was a new board, row upon row of nails waiting for her. Every day she'd take the hammer Ben offered and would not stop until each nail head was buried deep within the wood. She screamed, she cursed, she sobbed and yet each day spent driving the nails was also spent driving away the demons that had possessed her for months.
On the seventh day, she stood, her entire body trembling as she stared at the board. While Tripp and Ben watched, she began to pry the nails loose, dropping each one to the dirt until the board was nothing but holes. Turning, she handed the hammer to Ben and then knelt to gather up the nails. Still, without speaking, she went to the brazier where a fire was constantly burning and threw the nails into the flames, returning again with the rest of the nails, adding them to the blaze. Finally, she removed the gloves and turned to the men.
"Thank you," she said. "I am done."
Tripp smiled at the woman standing before him. Her hair was disheveled, her skirts dusty from the dirt, h
er cheeks dirty and streaked with the paths of her tears and yet, for the first time, there was life in her eyes.
"Yes, I think you are," he agreed and this time when he opened his arms, she willingly stepped into them, returning the embrace.
"Thank you, Ben," Damaris said softly.
"No need for thanks, Miss Donahue," Ben said, his words a bit hoarse with emotion. Clearing his throat, he chuckled. "If you ever want a job, come see me. You wield a hammer better than most men." The soft giggle she gave had all three smiling and Ben blushing when she gave him a kiss on his cheek.
Walking back towards the saloon, Damaris paused. "I'm very sorry that I've caused Delaney to be so angry at you."
"That's not your fault," Tripp assured her. "She loves you very much and… well, I understand."
"I thought you abhorred lying," she said and it took Tripp a moment to realize she was teasing.
"I do," he confessed. "I'd prefer to believe that one day Delaney will forgive me but even if she doesn't… I wouldn't have changed a thing."
"I believe you," Damaris said. Upon their return, Tripp turned to leave. "Aren't you staying for supper?"
"Not tonight."
"I'd not thought you were a man to give up so easily. Or were your words only meant for a crazy woman?"
"What do you mean?"
"You said that without love life isn't really worth living. Tell me, marshal, do you love my sister?"
"With all of my heart and soul," he answered without a moment's hesitation.
"Then, sir, I suggest you remind her of that fact." Lifting onto her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to his cheek and then pushed through the batwing doors, leaving him to consider her words. Tripp hesitated, his hand on the swinging door and yet, allowed it to drop away.
"She doesn't love me," he murmured, turning away.
"She does."
Turning back, he saw Delaney standing in the door way. "I'm so very sorry. I… was wrong… so wrong. You were right but I just didn't…" She didn't need to continue as Tripp grabbed her, crushing her to his chest.
"God, Delaney, I thought I'd lost you…" He allowed his kiss to speak to her as he took her mouth, not pulling away until they were breathless. "I love you Delaney Donahue."
"You do? You really love me?"
"I've loved you from the moment I laid eyes upon you and I will never stop loving you."
Delaney's smile lit the room and filled his soul. They kissed again and again until Gabe spoke. "You're blocking my door."
"Gabe!" Jewel scolded with a laugh.
"Supper's getting cold and you know how I feel about my family being late to the table," Nettie said and the rest of the gems gathered all giggled at the sight of the familiar wooden spoon waving in the air.
Tripp grinned and Delaney blushed as they broke apart. Supper was a grand affair; good food was shared as well as laughter as the last of the past was set aside. Nettie was cutting huge slices of chocolate cake when she looked up.
"Pardon me for interrupting but I just wanted to speak to Miss Donahue for a moment."
"Yes?" The crowd laughed when the sisters both spoke at the same time.
"Oh, um, I meant Damaris," Ben said.
Tripp didn't think the explanation was truly necessary as the man hadn't looked away from Damaris since entering the room. "You're a bit late for supper, but welcome to join us for dessert," he offered.
Ben approached the table and as Opal moved to sit on John's lap, he accepted the now vacant chair next to Damaris. "I just wanted to give you something." He placed a paper wrapped object in front of her.
"Oh, you didn't need to…"
"It's not much, but, well… I thought you might like it."
"Open it, Sissy," Delaney urged, leaning forward in her chair.
Everyone watched as Damaris picked at the twine, untying the bow and folding back the brown paper. "Oh… oh my," she said softly, looking up at Ben and back down at the gift. "It's beautiful."
"What is it?" Opal asked, also bending forward. Damaris lifted it free and held the iron object on her open palm but didn't speak.
Ben shook his head, "It's supposed to be a butterfly… I know it's not very pretty but…"
"It's beautiful," Damaris said again, lifting her gaze to his. "You made this for me?"
"Yes, from those nails you threw in the fire. I pulled them out and they reminded me of a cocoon… and you… well, I wanted you to have something to remember how hard you fought to be free. I wanted you to remember that you have friends who will help you…"
"Thank you, I'll always treasure this and," she paused and looked around the table, "all of you. I couldn't have found my way if not for every one of you."
As she passed the crudely made iron butterfly to Opal to admire before passing to the next person, Nettie began placing plates of cake in front of her family. After enjoying the dessert, Ben with a big grin on his face and Tripp sharing every other bite with Delaney, Damaris spoke again.
"It's time you put me to work, Miss Jewel. It's gonna take a while to pay you and Mr. Gabe and well, everyone for their kindness, but I'm ready to start life again."
Jewel shook her head, smiling as Gabe spoke for them all. "There are no debts within a family, chiquita. You are one of us now. If you wish to work, we can find you a job, but know that you will always have a home here with us."
"Thank you," Damaris said, then smiled across the table at her sister. "I'd love a job but have one condition."
"Oh, you don't have to work upstairs," Delaney said, "I mean… um, you can work with Nettie or deal cards…"
"Either of those are fine, but that's not the condition," Damaris said, reaching across to cover Delaney's hand with her own. "I insist on only one thing… my own room."
"What? I don't mind sharing…"
"It's not only time for me to move on, you need to do so as well." Picking up the butterfly, she smiled. "We both need to take a chance and learn to trust, to fly. I've kept you from your marshal long enough and I want you to take the reward money and use it to start your new life with him…"
"No, that's not necessary," Tripp said with a grin. "That money is for you to use however you wish. However, you're right." He paused and then stood before dropping to one knee beside Delaney's chair. "I love you, Delaney. You'd make me the happiest man alive if you'd consent to be my wife."
When Delaney just sat, her mouth hanging open, Damaris laughed and patted her hand. "Trust me, little sister, I do believe the man means it."
"Yes!" Delaney finally cried, flinging herself into Tripp's arms. "Yes, yes, yes!"
Cheers went up around the table as the couple embraced, kissing again.
"I so love weddings," Opal said, looking at the pair and then at John, her cheeks flushing brightly. "Um, I mean, they are so romantic."
Jewel stood when Gabe did, coming around the table to congratulate the newly engaged couple. When Jewel bent to kiss Delaney's cheek, she whispered, "The room upstairs is still yours if you want."
Delaney pulled back and looked to where Tripp was being congratulated by Gabe. She turned back and nodded, whispering, "I do, but… there's something I need… we need to…"
"Trust yourself and trust Tripp," Jewel advised. "I promise everything will work out for the best as long as love takes the lead."
Nodding, Delaney accepted hugs and best wishes from the rest of the gems, giving Nettie a huge hug after she promised to prepare a wedding feast fit for a princess. "And I'll help," Damaris said, pulling her sister into an embrace. Lowering her head, she spoke softly. "I love you, Laney and I even love that marshal of yours, but, I'm serious. It's time for you to make things right."
"I know… I will." The two hugged again and then Delaney was pulled into Tripp's arms again. "I'll be… um… waiting… upstairs," she said softly so that only he could hear.
"Honey, I'm sure your sister didn't mean you needed to share your room with me… you don't have to…"
"Yes, I do," Delaney said. "G
ive me a few minutes and then come up… please?" He nodded, bent to kiss her cheek and then released her.
Delaney took several deep breaths as she stood inside the room where she'd spent that incredible night with Tripp. When she'd first entered, she'd been a bit terrified but his attention in the bathing room had helped ease that fear. His gentle love making and infinite patience upon discovering that she was a virgin had filled her with heart and had left her body convulsing in pleasure she'd never imagined. However, tonight would be different. Though he'd not again spoken of the punishment she'd earned weeks ago with her disobedience, she'd not forgotten it. She'd also not been able to rid herself of the guilt she felt for all of her disobedience since the day she'd ridden out after the men.
She knew she'd hurt him deeply as she'd seen it in his eyes and yet he'd not turned her over his knee. She'd honestly begun to believe that she'd had lost him but hearing him declare his love for her to Damaris and then hearing his murmur that he feared she didn't love him had broken her heart. God, she had never loved anyone more. He'd not only saved Damaris' life, he'd stood beside her every day and though he knew Delaney didn't understand, he'd done what he thought was right… what she had to admit was not only right, but had truly been a decision to bring her big sister back to her.
Pulling herself out of her thoughts, Delaney looked back towards the door and then nodded. This was something she needed to do to put her own transgressions behind her… to break out of her own cocoon of guilt to fly free with the knowledge that the man she loved with all of her heart would always be there to catch her when she stumbled.
Tripp opened the door and stood frozen at the sight awaiting him. Without speaking, he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. Delaney knelt beside the bed, her torso laying on the mattress, her arms out in front of her, her skirts and petticoats pulled up to her waist and her bloomers neatly folded on the floor beside her feet. Her knees were slightly spread, her bare bottom clenching momentarily before softening when hearing him enter the room. She was the perfect picture of submission… that of a naughty little girl awaiting her punishment.