The second their feet hit the ground, the twins darted up the walkway.
Abby met them halfway, dropped to a squat and gathered them into her arms, a place he wished he himself could be. He gave himself a quick reprimand about tormenting himself with such thoughts.
“Good morning, boys. Morning, Harrison,” she said, never once looking up at him.
That wasn’t good. He needed to have that talk with her as soon as possible.
“Did you boys sleep well?”
Both bobbed their heads.
“I’m so glad. Now, how about some cookies and milk? I know it’s not your typical breakfast food, but if it’s all right with your father, maybe he’ll let you have them just this once.” Her uncertain gaze slid up to his as did his sons’ eagerly expectant ones.
As soon as he nodded his assent, she quickly looked away, stood and brushed herself off. Hand in hand the three of them made their way up the steps and to the table. They looked so right together, like they were family, and yet Harrison knew he had no right even thinking that way.
She seated his sons at the table and placed a glass of milk and a plate with three cookies on each one in front of them. “Let’s pray and then you can eat.”
“Why do you pway, Miss Abby?” Graham asked.
She sent a quick glance Harrison’s way, searching for his approval to answer Graham’s question. Normally he wouldn’t allow someone to disillusion his children with such nonsense as prayer, but Abby strongly believed in it. And even though prayer had never done a thing for him, hers had, so he found he wanted to hear her answer to that himself. With a quick close of the eyes and a nod, he once again gave her his consent.
She offered him a half smile before turning her attention back to his sons. “Well, I pray because it makes God happy when I talk to Him. When I thank Him for the things He does for me. And, whenever I need help, I ask God for it, and He helps me. Just like your daddy helps you boys. Do you tell your daddy thank you when he helps you and takes care of you and gives you things?”
They smiled up at him and bobbed their heads. Love for his sons turned his insides to mush.
“Do you think that makes him happy when you do?”
Their eyes brightened and they nodded yes again.
“Well, it’s the same way with God. God is the One who provided this food for us to enjoy, so we need to thank Him for it.”
Josiah tilted his head, and his tiny brows gathered together. “But Who is God? And where is He?” He raised his hands, palm sides up, and looked all around. “I don’t see Him anywhere.”
“God is invisible. We can’t see Him with our eyes. We can only see Him with our hearts, but He is always here with us. He’s the One who made me and you.”
“Did he make Daddy, too?” Graham asked.
“Yes. He made everyone and everything. He made the sky, the trees, the flowers, the animals and everything else you see.”
“Even the cookies?” Josiah asked with wide-eyed wonder.
Abby smiled. “No. Not the cookies. Veronique made those. But...” She held up a finger. “God provided the ingredients she needed to make them.”
“Well, we better pray and thank Him, then, huh?” Josiah rushed out.
Harrison’s chuckle blended with Abby’s.
Those smiling eyes of hers matched the curve of her lips and lifted his heart. “Yes, we should.”
They bowed their heads, and Abby prayed a short prayer.
Breakfast was quickly devoured, and Harrison wiped the crumbs and milk mustache off his sons’ mouths. “It’s time to find Miss Zoé and go with her.”
“Aww. We wanna stay with Miss Abby.”
“I know you do. But, Miss Abby and I have things to discuss. So come with me.” He stood and gazed down at Abby. “I’ll be right back.”
She responded with only a nod.
Unable to stand the strain of tension between them, he couldn’t wait to drop his sons off with Zoé and get back here so he could clear the tense air between them.
Oh, good-night. Why did he ever kiss her?
* * *
Abby watched Harrison head into the house. Normally she and Harrison took the boys to Zoé together, but she needed these few minutes to pray and to gather her thoughts on what she would say when he returned.
For the first time in her life, she didn’t know how to act around someone. Their shared kiss had changed everything, and not for the good, either. Harrison was right. They needed to talk. Otherwise, she didn’t see how they could possibly continue to work together under this umbrella of tension.
She offered up a silent prayer, confident that God would take care of the situation between her and Harrison. A man she admired and loved enough to realize she had to let him go.
The object of her last thought stepped out of her front door, his face fraught with uncertainty. She understood exactly how he felt. She refilled his coffee cup while he sat down in the chair across from her.
Seconds ticked by until finally Harrison rested his clasped hands on the table. “Abby, about last night.” Their gazes touched. “I owe you an apology for kissing you. We were both distraught over Graham and Josiah’s disappearance and equally relieved when we found them. However, it was wrong of me to kiss you. There’s no excuse for my action, and I do not intend to try and make one. Please accept my sincere apology.”
Abby shrugged it off as if her heart wasn’t breaking inside her. “It’s like you said, I think we were both so relieved that we found the boys safe and unharmed that we just got caught up in the moment. So, there’s nothing to forgive. We’ll just forget the whole thing ever happened and go on from here.” Even the amount of conviction she managed to put into her voice hurt. The whole situation was vastly unfair to all of them.
Still, she had to tamp her inward snort down. As if she could ever forget his kisses. Kisses that had her dreaming about them and the person behind them until the wee hours of the morning.
But that was simply one more thing she needed to give over to God—her need to stop dreaming about Harrison Kingsley.
Another quick prayer went upward before she turned her full attention onto Harrison. “Before I forget, I want to let you know that I promise to be more careful about the things I say in front of Josiah and Graham. None of this would have happened if it hadn’t been for me and my big mouth.”
“Abby, I told you it wasn’t your fault.”
Yes, he had, but she knew better than that. Not wanting to discuss the subject any further because it hurt too much knowing she had indeed been the one responsible for the boys’ actions, she changed the subject. “I have news.”
“Oh?”
“I got a letter yesterday from the acting company I had scheduled to come from Philadelphia. They won’t be able to make it in time for the grand opening.”
“What?”
She felt bad about the concern that fell across his face. “They double-booked with another festival for the same two weeks, but they assured me they would be here the month after.”
Harrison frowned. “So what do we do until then? Delay the grand opening?”
“No.”
“What, then?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m confused. We have a grand opening coming up, and no actors. Why are you not worried?”
“Because I know that God will work it all out. Last night when I was praying, God impressed it on my heart to write my stepfather and ask him if he could send his understudies until my crew arrives.”
He still looked utterly confused. “Do you think he will?”
The peace she felt probably didn’t make sense to anyone else, but she knew this feeling. God would no doubt handle the situation with amazing insights and perfection. “I’m sure he will. He has more than enough actors and actresses in his employ. In fact, I should have listened to him in the first place. He offered to send part of his company with me, but I assured him that the traveling crew I had gotten to know very well from bac
k East would work out just fine.”
Harrison nodded and splayed his fingers across his clean-shaved chin. “You really believe in prayer, don’t you?”
“Yes. I do.” And she didn’t quite understand why he didn’t. Why anyone didn’t, for that matter. But it wasn’t her place to judge him or anyone else. Her place was to pray and leave all of the other in God’s hands.
“Did you ever have your prayers go unanswered?”
Childbearing, or rather the lack thereof, popped into her mind. So yes, she’d had her prayers go unanswered. But her faith in God and His wisdom was stronger than her feelings and her hurts. Therefore, her faith in Him remained in tact. “Yes. I have. But that doesn’t stop me from trusting God. Or from praying.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because I love Him, and I know He loves me, and that He has my best interest at heart.” God’s best interest in her not being able to bear children—she struggled with that one. “I will admit sometimes it’s hard. And I don’t always understand why things are the way they are or why He answers the way He does. His word says that His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I’ve learned to accept that. Well, most of the time, anyway.” She chuckled.
“Even so, if God never answered another one of my prayers, I would continue to pray, and continue to trust Him because my faith isn’t based on answered prayers. It’s based on a God who loved me so much He sent His Son to die on a cross for me so that I could communicate and have a relationship with Him. That’s what prayer is really all about—communicating and having a relationship with a loving God.”
“How can you call Him loving when He allows so many bad things to happen in this world? And most of the time it’s to good people.”
Abby noted the anger in Harrison’s voice and wondered what had happened to make him so bitter against God. “I don’t pretend to have all the answers, Harrison. I only know what I feel in my heart. In here.” She pressed her hand to the center of her chest.
“How can you be so sure that God even exists? You can’t see Him.”
“Oh, but I do.” At his frown, she continued. “I see Him everywhere. I see Him every time I look at the sun or the stars or the moon, and I am amazed at how they know just when to show up every day. Look around you. How do you explain the various species of birds and animals and plants and flowers that you see? And how every human being is unique and different?”
“That doesn’t prove there is a God. I can see these things, but I can’t see Him.”
“Okay, let me ask you something. Do you see the air?”
“No.”
“Then how do you know it exists?”
“Because I can feel it and breathe it.”
“Exactly. It’s the same way with God. I can’t see Him, but I feel Him.” The peace settled over and in her once again. She didn’t work for it, it just was.
“That’s different.”
“Is it? Let me ask you something else. Do you see the love you have for your children?”
“No.”
“But you feel it, right?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know that love is real? After all, you can’t see it with your eyes.”
“I just do.”
Abby pursed her lips and hiked a shoulder, letting her words sink in.
Harrison remained silent. She could tell he was thinking about what she’d said. Wanting to give him time to do just that, she closed her eyes and listened to the hummingbirds flitting by as she inhaled the pleasant menagerie of sweet scents. But mostly she prayed quietly that God would take her bumbling ways of explaining things and open Harrison’s eyes to the truth of His existence and of His amazing love.
* * *
Harrison contemplated Abby’s words. She really believed all the things she said to him. And she had a point. He couldn’t see love, and yet he knew it existed. He felt it every time he held his sons in his arms or thought of them or looked at them. He felt it when he’d met his wife, and now with Abby. Perhaps there was something to what she said, after all. He’d ponder all of that later. Today, he had something he wanted to talk to her about. “Abby, I was wondering if you could help me with something.”
“Sure. What’s that?”
“Well, next month is Graham and Josiah’s birthday. I’d like to do something special for them. I’ve never planned a party before, so I was wondering if you would be willing to help me. I hate to ask because I know you’re busy, but I don’t know anyone else that I would trust to help me with this.”
She smiled and the whole sun-saturated area paled in comparison. “I’d love to help you. Did you have anything specific in mind?”
He shook his head. “No. Like I said, I’ve never done this before. The nannies always took care of these things.”
“Well, let’s see.” She tugged her upper lip under her teeth, concentrating long and hard. Nothing came to mind, but she wouldn’t give up. She’d think of something. She always did. “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you, okay? Oh, and while we’re on the subject of parties, the Fourth of July is coming up. I’m planning on having a small get-together here at my place around noon.”
“Where do you find time to plan and to do all of this?”
“I make the time, and my mind is always coming up with some scheme or another. Gets me into trouble sometimes.”
“Only sometimes?” he teased.
“Hey.” She whacked him on the arm. “Yes. Only sometimes. Sometimes I come up with some pretty good ideas even if I say so myself. This place was one of them. Anyway, back to my plans for the Fourth. Closer to evening, I’m going to head to the town square. From what I’ve been told, they have a lot of festivities going on then. In fact, you might want to take Josiah and Graham. I’ve been told they have games and prizes and lots of things for the children to do. Then when the sky gets dark enough, they’re supposed to have a fireworks display. Should be a lot of fun.”
“It sounds like it. Would you mind if the boys and I tag along with you?”
“No. No. Not at all. I’d love to spend time with the boys and be able to watch them having fun.” What about me? Harrison wanted to ask, but he knew he didn’t have that right or that privilege.
The more time he spent with Abby, the harder it was becoming to keep his personal feelings in check. What a mess he’d gotten himself into...falling in love with a woman with whom he could never marry.
Chapter Fourteen
Despite the fact the sun bore down on them without mercy, Harrison was enjoying himself. Watching his boys dig for coins in the sawdust pile roped off at the town square and seeing their faces light up when they found them made his heart feel lighter than it had in years.
“They’re sure having fun, aren’t they?” Abby said from beside him. Having her next to his side felt right. More right than it had a right to.
The other day, when he and Abby had talked about the kiss they’d shared and how it should have never happened, he had thought he would easily be able to forget it and go on. But he hadn’t been able to get the kiss out of his mind. After much contemplation, he decided that the kiss hadn’t been a mistake, and he had lain awake most of the next few evenings trying to figure out a way to make things work between them. No solution came to him, so he finally decided to simply enjoy every minute with her and to make the best of the time he had left with her. He’d deal with his heartbreak later.
“They sure are. I love watching them. They give me so much joy and pleasure and happiness. And love. Everybody should have children of their own. Don’t you think?”
When Abby didn’t answer, Harrison gazed down at her. Gone was the smile that had been there just mere seconds ago. “Abby? What’s wrong?”
She glanced up at him, and if he wasn’t mistaken, he thought her eyes had a sheen to them. He wasn’t quite sure, though, because the look of sadness had been so brief.
“Daddy, Daddy! Looky what we got.” Graham and Josiah
ran up to him, holding their palms upward.
Four shiny copper pennies rested in each hand. He was glad that he’d made a large contribution to the children’s games. Fletcher had been in charge of the donations, and when he’d asked Harrison, he’d been only too glad to help out. Thinking of Fletcher, the man strode their way with Julie in tow.
“Miss Abby, look at what I got.” Julie held her dainty hand open and three copper pennies glistened in the sunlight.
Abby peered down at the girl. “That’s wonderful, Julie,” was all she said. No sparkle, no usual joyful response, nothing.
Something was wrong, and he wanted to know what it was.
“We got pennies, too, Miss Abby.” Josiah’s not-to-be-left-out voice came through.
For one so young, his son was already a very competitive child. He wanted to win at everything he did. Harrison dreaded the day Josiah lost at something. But losing was part of life. Harrison should know. He’d lost plenty. And he would lose even more when he left. Then again, how can a person lose something they never had? Abby didn’t belong to him. She didn’t belong to anyone.
Not yet, anyway.
He cut a glance toward Fletcher. While the man had made no advances toward her, Harrison could see the admiration in Fletcher’s eyes when he looked her way. And he had a feeling that Fletcher wished Abby belonged to him and Julie, too. The thought of Fletcher and Abby together drove a dagger of pain deep into Harrison’s heart.
“You sure did.”
“Miss Abby? Are you sad?” Graham, always the perceptive and caring one, asked.
She blinked, then as if it dawned on her, she gazed down at his son tenderly. “Who could be sad with you around? And you.” She looked at Josiah. “And you.” She glanced at Julie, who smiled shyly at Abby.
Josiah lunged toward Abby, threw his arms around her and hugged her. “I love you, Miss Abby.”
“I do, too.” Graham imitated his brother’s actions.
Hearing his sons declare their love for Abby, Harrison knew he had to figure out a way to make things work between them. He had to. Not only for his sons’ sake, but for his own, as well. Not once had he started out to do something that he didn’t accomplish. Now was no different.
Debra Ullrick Page 18