In the spring of 2013, the Dennehys embarked on a cross-Canada bicycle ride called Journey for Life that focussed on an “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” making-a-difference campaign for mental health.
Kerry has devoted himself to preserving the work of the foundation, and thus the memory of our children, filling a fat binder with newspaper clippings, photographs, invitations, letters from donors and medical officials, and all manner of paraphernalia. There are pamphlets and ticket stubs from our events over the years, including a silver invitation inscribed with white orchids for the November 27, 2008, Crystal Ball at the Four Seasons Hotel in Vancouver. A 2011 newspaper clipping, topped by a beaming photograph of Riley, describes the Riley Dennehy Breathe Fore Life Yoga Teaching Training Scholarship Program, which Kerry and I set up through the Whistler Yoga Conference to commemorate her. The $1,000 grant is intended for up-and-coming yoga enthusiasts who want to pursue their spiritual and physical passion, just as Riley had done.
And there are letters of gratitude in the binder, too, some of them hard to read. One, dated June 2007, and forwarded to us by the British Columbia Transplant Society, is an unsigned card from the man who received Kelty’s liver. The recipient, a father of five and grandfather to six, wrote the message while on a ferry on his way to his sixth annual checkup. “I thank you for this wonderful gift,” he said. “May you forever be blessed.”
This is our work now, through the foundation and its outreach: to tell our family’s story, to increase awareness about depression, and to provide resources to help all those others struggling with the soul-destroying disorders that rip families apart. Our dream is that one day there will be a Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre in every major hospital across Canada and education programs in every public school in the country. We dream that depression will one day be a stigma-free disease like cancer, with the same kind of widespread awareness and funding. Our job is also to teach others that even in the face of the unthinkable, you can choose hope. That is now our way of life. We have chosen hope for others, and in doing so we are creating an ongoing legacy that means our children will never be forgotten.
People say to me, “Ginny, how do you do it? How do you keep going?” And I think, “I’m not that special. I do it because I have to.” I have chosen to live a healthy life so that I can honour my children, carry on this work on their behalf. I’m lucky; I have not only a big, close-knit family but also wonderful friends. I couldn’t do this without the LOLs, the Ladies of Leisure, a group of ten women who have been gathering once a year for decades, weathering personal storms together and supporting each other through marriage and divorce, birth and death. I belong to a book club and have another group of zany friends who put on the annual Non-Perspiring Olympics, which involves all sorts of crazy activities, such as three-legged races and scavenger hunts. There are friends from IBM and from Whistler, Winnipeg, Toronto, and Vancouver. I have relied upon each one of them. Through many a tear, they have helped me find laughter. Every single day they bring me inspiration and the will to get up and get on with things.
I get so much inspiration from Kerry. I know one day we’ll turn the foundation over to others to carry on our children’s legacy and spend more time together, more time skiing through fresh powder on the mountain, more time travelling and relaxing in the dry desert air, which is Kerry’s dream.
And, of course, I get inspiration from my children.
To lose one child seems inconceivable. To lose two is not only rare, it seems beyond human comprehension. There is always a rawness sitting on the edge of your emotions, a searing pain. The hardest parts are the indelible images, the visions of your children that are still so clear you feel you could reach out and touch them. Your beautiful boy’s sunburned face as he lay dying, your lovely daughter walking toward the airplane that would fly her out of your life forever. It has been indescribably tough for Kerry and me. Our sorrow often seems to swallow us. But life, as it must, goes on, and so must we.
I am lonely without my beautiful babies, and nothing will ever heal the hole in my heart. But I can’t focus on that hole. If I do, then I’m not doing what Kelty and Riley would want me to do. That’s the gift I got from both of them.
Today, my son and my daughter are together again, brother and sister, buried side by side in the small cemetery off Westside Road in Whistler, a secluded spot on top of a mountain thick with majestic trees and home to a cold, clear brook.
Their granite headstones are flat to the earth and simple.
Our Beautiful Boy
KELTY PATRICK DENNEHY
Nov 23/83 to Mar 2/01
Our Beautiful Babes
RILEY RAE DENNEHY
Jul 3/86 to Oct 8/09
Today, as I choose hope, I don’t just have one angel on my shoulders giving me courage and strength.
I have two.
The Kelty Patrick
Dennehy Foundation
SINCE ITS ESTABLISHMENT in 2001, the Kelty Patrick Dennehy Foundation has raised $4.3 million. In the past eleven years, our grants and commitments have included the following:
> $1 million to the B.C. Children’s Hospital to create a mental health facility for youth and children specializing in treatment, education, and research
> $450,000 to create the Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre at B.C. Children’s Hospital
> $500,000 to support the establishment of a chair at the UBC/VGH Centre of Excellence for Depression Research
> a $100,000 commitment to the B.C. Crisis Centre to fund the delivery of suicide prevention and stress management workshops to youth and to support www.youthinbc.com, a one-on-one chat line, and 1-800 phone lines for youth in distress
> a $100,000 commitment, as part of a $500,000 commitment, to the Lion’s Gate Hospital Foundation toward a Kelty Dennehy Resource Centre in the new Hope Centre, to be completed in the fall of 2013
In the next five years, the foundation is determined to work closely with the B.C. government to become the leading organization in British Columbia for suicide and depression prevention.
The foundation will continue to support already established government institutions, such as the Lions Gate Hospital, B.C. Children’s Hospital, and the B.C. Crisis Centre. The overall vision for the foundation is to establish a Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre in major hospitals where needed across Canada.
Another program in development is the building of community models for awareness and prevention to be implemented in every district across the province, with an eventual goal of going Canada-wide. These culturally inclusive community models, run at both the high-school and the elementary-school level, will increase discussion about the signs of mental illness while encouraging kids and teens to fight this together.
The foundation’s fundraising initiatives will be focussed on individual donations, fundraising events, and large corporate sponsorships. The foundation is also positioning itself to receive grant funding and provincial financial support.
Getting youth involved is one of the keys to the success of the foundation. Our goals include encouraging all communities to engage young adults in a variety of annual public events that not only raise funds but also raise awareness about depression and its debilitating toll on families. Only by removing the stigma of this disease, which affects too many young people, will we win the war and end depression’s indiscriminate devastation. With this book and the ongoing work of the foundation, we are reaching out to individuals and communities at every level. We need your help, and by working together at a grassroots level, we can tackle this disease in the stark light of day. A doctor at B.C. Children’s Hospital told us that the early detection of mental illness could save the lives of many young people, and the foundation has vowed to try to do just that. With the support of the community, the medical establishment, and your help as individuals, we can make a difference.
Chances are depression will affect someone you love. Be it your daughter, son, niece, nephew, or a family friend, you can ensure they wi
ll have the resources to help them by donating to the Kelty Patrick Dennehy Foundation. We are a leader in the fight to save young lives, and your help will change the way mental health resources are accessed in this country.
The Kelty Patrick Dennehy Foundation:
www.thekeltyfoundation.org
The Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre,
B.C. Children’s Hospital: keltymentalhealth.ca
facebook.com/keltyfoundation
Twitter @keltyfoundation
Teenage Depression
and Suicide:
Warning Signs
and How to Help
THE SIGNS
There are several behavioural indicators that can help parents or friends recognize the threat of suicide in a loved one. Since mental and substance-related disorders frequently accompany suicidal behaviour, many of the cues to be looked for are symptoms associated with such disorders as depression, bipolar disorder (manic depression), anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug use, disruptive behaviour disorders, and schizophrenia.
Some common symptoms of these disorders include:
> Extreme personality changes
> Loss of interest in activities that used to be enjoyable
> Significant loss or gain in appetite
> Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep or wanting to sleep all day
> Fatigue or loss of energy
> Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
> Withdrawal from family and friends
> Neglect of personal appearance or hygiene
> Sadness, irritability, or indifference
> Having trouble concentrating
> Extreme anxiety or panic
> Drug or alcohol use or abuse
> Aggressive, destructive, or defiant behaviour
> Poor school performance
> Hallucinations or unusual beliefs
Tragically, many of these signs go unrecognized. Although suffering from one of these symptoms certainly does not imply that one is suicidal, it’s always best to communicate openly with a loved one who is demonstrating more of these behaviours, especially if these behaviours are out of character. Here are some obvious signs to look for if someone you love is contemplating suicide.
> Putting one’s affairs in order
> Giving or throwing away favourite belongings
> Talk of death or suicide
HOW TO HELP
People contemplating suicide feel so alone and helpless. The most important thing to do if you think a friend or loved one is suicidal is to communicate with them openly and frequently. Make it clear that you care and stress your willingness to listen. Be sure to take all talk of suicide seriously. Don’t assume that people who talk about killing themselves will not follow through. An estimated 80 per cent of all those who commit suicide give some warning of their intentions to a friend or family member.
One of the most common misconceptions is that talking with someone who might be contemplating suicide may make the situation worse. This is not true. There is no danger of “giving someone the idea.” Rather, the opposite is correct. Bringing up the question of suicide and discussing it without showing shock or disapproval is one of the most helpful things you can do. This openness shows that you are taking the individual seriously and responding to the severity of their distress.
Never assume that those contemplating suicide are unwilling to seek help. Studies of suicide victims show that more than half had sought medical help within six months before their deaths. It is also important that you don’t leave the suicidal person to find help alone. Never assume that someone who is determined to end his or her life can’t be stopped. Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death, wavering until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to die. Most suicidal people do not want death; they just want the pain to stop. The impulse to end it all, though, no matter how overpowering, does not last forever. The majority of young people who hear a suicide threat from a friend or loved one don’t report the threat to an adult. Take all threats seriously and remember you are not betraying someone’s trust by trying to keep them alive.
If you know of a friend or loved one who is contemplating suicide, it is essential to help him or her find immediate professional care. In Canada, call your provincial crisis centre or the national suicide hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE, which will provide immediate guidance and connect you to crisis centres and resources in your province. The national Kids Help Phone, 1-800-668-6868, also provides counselling and resources for those in need under the age of twenty. In the United States, call the NAMI HelpLine at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) for more information and to help you locate your local NAMI for area assistance. If you think the threat is immediate, call 911.
Ginny (front row left) and her sister Catherine were flower girls at the wedding of their Auntie Rae and Uncle Bob (back row right) in 1956. Their aunt and uncle adopted Ginny and her three siblings after the death of their parents, E.P. Wood and Barbara Wood (shown here top left).
Kelty babysitting his little sister, Riley, 1986.
Ginny with her beautiful boy and beautiful babes, Kelty and Riley.
Ginny and Riley at Victoria Beach on Lake Winnipeg, 1987.
Kelty and Riley with their Uncle Ted Spear, who years later wrote and sang a song for each of them at their funeral services.
Kelty, Riley, and Kerry enjoying a snack at the base of the mountain in Whistler.
Kelty and Riley sharing a laugh, 1990.
Kelty’s Hadden House preschool picture, 1987.
Ginny and the kids on the deck of their family home in West Vancouver, early 1990s.
When she was small, Riley loved swinging more than anything else.
Best friends Kelty and Riley in Florida, winter 1998.
The whole family, along with Kelly the dog, poses on the windy West Vancouver seawall.
Kelty caddying at the Skins game at Nicklaus North in 1996 with pro golf superstar Nick Faldo. Bob Huxtable, Huxtable Productions
Riley (right) and her best friend, Britt Gibbons, ready for their Grade 6 graduation.
Kelty in his Notre Dame Hounds uniform, 2000.
Riley with her mom and dad on February 14, 2001, just before the Valentine’s Day dance at Whistler Secondary School.
ATVing on Whistler Mountain after burying Kelty’s ashes at the Whistler cemetery.
The Dennehy clan at Lake George, Manitoba, after spreading some of Kelty’s ashes on the water. Kelty had spent many wonderful times at the lake with his dad and his friends.
Kelty and her dad, Kerry, on a kayak trip near Zeballos on Vancouver Island.
Riley playing hockey at the B.C. Winter Games, 2002.
Riley and her grandfather, Papa, at the Drive Fore Life dinner at the Fairmont Chateau Whistler, 2006.
Riley and her best friend, Britt, in their early twenties.
Riley bungee jumping for a modelling assignment, 2007. Photograph courtesy Whistler Bungee
Acknowledgements
TO MY AMAZING family and friends, who have always been there for me, who supported me and encouraged me even when I didn’t think I could go on.
To my loving husband, Kerry, the pillar of my strength, who has never left my side on this journey but has always allowed me to take my own path on the road to healing.
A special thanks to the Kelty Patrick Dennehy Foundation and its board and to all of our donors and supporters, including our honoured Kelty Circle members and the many participants in the Ride Fore Life, Run Fore Life, Dance Fore Life, Drive Fore Life, and Breathe Fore Life fundraising events. Your continuing dedication and generosity have helped us get to where we are today and will ensure that we get to where we need to go tomorrow.
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Choosing Hope Page 12