by Lisa Childs
Holly must have felt sick, too, because she just lay beside Kayla on the living-room floor. Their favorite cartoon played across the television screen, but Kayla really didn’t see it.
“What’s up, you two?” her mom asked from the chair she was curled up in. “You’re both so quiet. You’re not fighting, are you?”
Holly glanced at Kayla, then guiltily looked away.
“It’s not your fault,” she told her friend.
“What’s not Holly’s fault?” her mom asked. She dropped onto the floor next to them. “What’s going on?”
Tears filled Holly’s eyes, then spilled over onto her cheeks. “I’m so sorry that Uncle Holden took someone else to that stupid ball.”
Mom smiled, but somehow it looked a little sad, as if only her lips were moving. “Of course your uncle would take someone else. He and I aren’t dating. And you should give Meredith a chance. She’s a very nice woman.”
“B-but she’s not you,” Holly wailed, throwing her arms around Mom’s neck.
Kayla winced, knowing that her mom’s neck had been hurt a few weeks ago. It looked better now, just kind of yellow, and she’d stopped wearing the scarves. She hated it when her mom got hurt, but it was part of her job. And like Aunt JoJo always said, Mom was so much tougher than any bad guy.
“B-but we wanted you two to get married,” Holly confessed between sniffles.
“Oh, sweetheart,” her mom said as she patted Holly’s back, “I’m sorry, but that’s not going to happen.”
“B-but I want you to be my mom,” Holly said, her voice squeaky from crying.
Mom hugged Holly tighter, the way she always hugged Kayla, as if she was never going to let her go. “I don’t have to be married to your uncle for us to be close,” she said.
“You don’t?”
“Nope. Aunt JoJo’s dad is like my dad, even though my mom never married him,” she explained. “He still does nice things for me and spends time with me.”
“He does?”
Mom nodded. “Yes. And since you and Kayla are best friends, I’ll be spending a lot of time with you.”
But not if Uncle Holden was around, Kayla bet. Mrs. Crayden had dropped Holly off here, and last weekend Aunt JoJo had been in charge of dropping her off and picking her up from Uncle Holden’s house.
“You’re already very special to me, and that will never change,” Mom promised Holly.
“Even if my uncle marries this other woman?”
Mom’s expression changed and her face turned pale. “Even if.”
EXCEPT FOR THE KARAOKE machine, the noise in the Lighthouse Bar & Grill reminded Holden of the shelter—voices raised in conversation and smatterings of laughter. Here, there was also the aroma of good food, but even the scent of grilling burgers couldn’t tempt Holden to eat. Since the night Robbie had kicked him out of her bed a couple of weeks ago, he had lost his appetite.
Baskets of fries and sticky chicken wings and deep-fried zucchini sticks and mushrooms covered the long table where most of the CPA sat. But Holden shook his head when Marla Halliday held out one of the baskets of food.
A strong hand slapped his shoulder. “Great to see you, Holden. I’m glad you stopped by to join the rest of the group after class.”
After seeing Roberta at tonight’s session—it was the first time since they’d made love—Holden hadn’t trusted himself to go home and not head for her place, instead. He forced a smile for the watch commander. “I’m glad to be here, Lieutenant O’Donnell.”
Patrick laughed as if he’d seen right through his lie. “Just watch out for Bernie. She’ll try to talk you into singing.”
“He wants to sing?” the older woman asked, gesturing for Holden to follow her toward the game area.
He shook his head. “Karaoke is not for me. I only sing in church.” And sometimes there Holly mocked him for being off-key.
The lieutenant asked, “So are you enjoying the Citizens’ Police Academy?”
He nodded. “Yes, I’m learning a lot. Your brother was really informative tonight.” The Special Response Team sergeant had been very open about what his unit had to deal with and about the difficult choices he’d had to make in order to save innocent lives.
Patrick O’Donnell glanced toward the bar, where his younger brother was tossing back a shot glass of liquor. “Maybe a little too informative.”
“Doing what he does…” Holden shook his head. Sean O’Donnell didn’t put just his life in danger, but also his soul.
“Yeah, it’s tough.” The watch commander sighed, his face tight with concern for his brother. “So is your work down at the shelter, though. Trying to help those kids can’t be easy.”
“No,” Holden admitted. “They’re distrustful and cynical.” And as Roberta had discovered in the back alley, they were dangerous. “I appreciate the police visits.”
“Even Officer Meyers’s?” O’Donnell asked with a grin.
“Yeah, she pointed out some necessary changes and the shelter’s much safer now. And the kids love when Sergeant Brewer and his partner visit.”
Ethan dropped into the empty chair next to his. “They love Jaws. I’m just his chauffeur. Too bad we didn’t have more free time to come by.”
“I understand now how overworked you guys are,” Holden told them. “I appreciate whatever time you can give to the shelter.”
“I’d like to have you and Rafe Sanchez speak during the community-involvement class,” Patrick said. “It would be great if you two could explain your programs.”
Holden nodded. “We’d be honored.” And he was interested in learning how Rafe Sanchez had gone from gang member to the philanthropist who’d started an after-school program…for kids at risk of joining gangs.
Patrick grabbed his ringing cell phone from his belt and read the ID screen. “This is important. I have to go.” He glanced at the bar again, then turned back to Ethan. “Can you keep an eye on my little bro for me?”
“Sure thing,” Brewer promised. “Don’t worry about him.”
Patrick nodded, but Holden doubted it was because he wouldn’t worry anymore. It was impossible not to worry about a younger sibling you knew was struggling with demons. But Holden didn’t blame the SRT sergeant for having a drink, not after what he’d shared in class about his job.
“So tell me,” Ethan said, turning back to Holden once his boss had left, “is the gorgeous Meredith joining you tonight?”
“No.”
“You’re still seeing her, though,” Ethan said as if Holden would be crazy to do otherwise.
“Yes.” They had just talked about one of the kids at the shelter and about Holly. He’d like her to spend some time with his niece. While Merry would probably never become the mother Lorielle had made him promise to find for her daughter, she could become a positive female role model. So that Holly would stop gushing about Robbie.
Hearing a slight gasp, he glanced up and met Roberta’s gaze. She had joined the CPA group at the long table. Had she followed him from class? No, from the look of shock on her face, she hadn’t expected to see him. That was probably the only reason she’d come along.
“That’s great,” Ethan continued. “Meredith’s perfect for you.”
Robbie’s chair made a scraping sound as she shoved it back and jumped to her feet. “I’m going to get a drink from the bar. You two need anything?”
Ethan lifted a water bottle. “I’m set. You, Holden? Do you need anything?”
Her. He needed Robbie. But he shook his head and let her walk away.
“So when are you going out with her again?” Ethan asked.
“We never went out,” Holden said, realizing it was true. He had kissed her and made love with her, but he had never taken her out on a date. Despite her claim that he hadn’t used her, he felt as if he had—and he felt like scum because of it.
“I wasn’t talking about Robbie,” Ethan said with a chuckle, which trailed off as he studied Holden’s face. “Oh, God.”
&nb
sp; He sighed and admitted, “Yeah…”
“You’re in love with Robbie.”
Holden opened his mouth to deny it, but the words wouldn’t come out. He was in love with her.
“WHAT CAN I get you, Officer Meyers?” Brigitte Kowalczek asked from behind the bar.
Since she couldn’t have what she really wanted, a relationship with Holden Thomas, Roberta thought about settling for a drink. A strong drink.
“Decaf coffee,” she ordered, instead. Kayla was already asleep, upstairs in Brenda’s apartment. She didn’t need her mother tonight. Robbie realized now that she sometimes used her daughter as an excuse to stay home. Maybe, like Joelly, she was afraid of rejection. Of course, Holden had proved she had good reason to be afraid.
“What about you, Reverend Thomas?” Brigitte asked.
Robbie’s back tingled as she realized he stood right behind her. And her heart ached, knowing that even though he stood so close, he would never be hers.
“I’m good,” he told the bartender. “I don’t need anything.”
After Brigitte handed her a mug of steaming coffee, Robbie turned toward Holden. “If you don’t need anything, why’d you follow me to the bar?”
“Because I need to apologize to you,” he said, his handsome face tight with concern and guilt. “I’m sorry…”
“About still seeing Meredith?” she asked, and waved a hand dismissively. “She told me that the two of you are just friends. But Brewer’s right. She is perfect for you—and Holly.”
“Holly doesn’t think so,” he said with a heavy sigh.
“I’m sure she’ll come around,” Robbie said, nearly choking on her jealousy.
“Meredith’s not perfect.”
“She’s pretty damn close to it,” Robbie said.
“But she’s not you.”
“You don’t want me,” she reminded him.
“Robbie—”
“Robbie!” someone else shouted her name. Then Sean O’Donnell slid his arm around her shoulders. “Oh, hey, Reverend…” He glanced from one to the other of them. “I’m not interrupting something here, am I?”
“No,” Robbie assured him. “Not a thing.” She turned toward the SRT sergeant, but she noticed from the corner of her eye when Holden slipped away.
“It would never work,” Sean told her.
“What?”
“You and the reverend,” he said. “Only a cop can truly understand a cop.” His arm tightened around her shoulders. “I could understand you.”
“I understand you, too,” Robbie said. Even though she hadn’t been needed at the CPA tonight, she had ducked into the back of the room to hear Sean speak. Like his brother, this O’Donnell was also a legend in Lakewood. A former Special Ops sniper, he was the go-to guy for the SRT. After the things he’d revealed about his job tonight, Robbie had suspected he might need some support. That was why she’d come to the Lighthouse. “Why don’t I give you a ride home?”
He sighed and nodded. “Sounds great.” He kept his arm around her shoulders as they walked toward the door.
Just before they passed through it, Robbie turned back and caught Holden’s gaze. She knew what he thought—that she was going home with Sean to spite him for still seeing Meredith. But really she was only taking care of a fellow officer.
“Your car-r-r is pink,” Sean murmured with a laugh as he slid into the passenger’s seat of Joelly’s SUV. “I wouldn’t have figured you for a pink car.”
“It’s not mine,” she said and then asked, “Are you staying with your brother yet?”
He shook his head. “N-no, I have my own place now.” But he slurred the directions to it so badly, she still wasn’t sure she had the right complex when she pulled into the lot.
“Is this it?”
He peered through the windshield for several long seconds as if trying to clear his vision, then finally nodded.
“It looks like a nice place.”
“It would be,” he grumbled, “if n-n-not for my neighbor.”
“I’m lucky,” she said, “my neighbor is my best friend.”
“My neighbor hates my guts,” he said as he opened the passenger door and stepped onto the asphalt of the parking lot. He stumbled back, rocking the SUV as he fell against the side of the vehicle. “Wanna come up with me?”
In addition to being the best shot in the department, Sean O’Donnell was also the biggest playboy. Of course he was probably too drunk right now to make a pass at her. And despite his size and reputation, there was a vulnerability to him tonight that struck a chord within her.
“I’ll be a gentleman,” she teased, “and show you to your door.”
His infamous grin flashed. “I can’t promise to be a gentleman.”
“I’d know you were lying if you tried,” she said.
He threw his arm around her shoulders again and they climbed the stairs to his third-floor apartment. As he fumbled his key into his door, he asked, “How come you and I never…?” He waggled his brows. “Is it because you have a kid?”
“Kayla.”
“That’s a pretty name. I bet she’s a pretty kid, too, if she looks like her mom,” he said with the kind of offhand charm that had earned him his reputation. That and all his many, many conquests. “You’re r-really pretty, Robbie…”
The door next to his opened, and a familiar face peeked through the crack. “Oh…”
“Miss Gorman, right?” Robbie asked, recognizing the teacher who was attending the CPA. Was she the neighbor who hated Sean?
The woman nodded. “I’m sorry. I thought someone was at my door.” But her gaze locked onto Sean until he turned toward her. Then she murmured a good-night and slammed her door shut.
“Yup, she hates me,” Sean murmured.
“But why?” If not for the SRT sergeant, Miss Gorman probably would have died a few years ago when her class had been taken hostage.
“She’s not a cop,” Sean said as if that explained everything. “She doesn’t understand—” his throat moved as he swallowed hard “—that I had to…that I had no choice…”
While sympathy for Sean gripped her, Robbie breathed an inward sigh of relief that she had never had to take a life, as he had in order to save the hostages. She’d had a few close scrapes, two of the closest just since meeting Holden, but she’d never had to make the decisions that Sean had.
“You had no choice,” she agreed. “Or the guy would have killed his teacher and classmates.”
“S-see, you’re a cop,” he said, “you understand.” Apparently Ms. Gorman believed her troubled student hadn’t had to die.
“You really believe that cops should only be with cops?”
“It sure would save a lot of hurt and confusion,” he said with an insight that caught her by surprise.
Thinking of the hurt and confusion that Holden caused her, she nodded. “You’re right.”
“So you’re coming in,” he said with a wink as he finally opened his door.
She pulled his head down, but kissed only his cheek. “Good night, Sean.”
Even if she was tempted, she wouldn’t risk getting her heart broken again.
LEAVES FLUTTERED down from the trees lining the street on which Roberta lived. The wind whipped in off the lake, cold and brisk, sending the fallen leaves skittering across the pavement and the sidewalk where Holden paced as he waited for her.
Would she spend the night with the young sergeant? Everyone who’d seen them leave together had thought so. Ethan had whistled with surprise as they’d walked out together, the sergeant’s arm around her slender shoulders.
Holden’s hands tightened into fists. He should have stopped her. He should have asked her to go home with him, instead. But he had told her so many times that they had no future. Of course she would have no future with a playboy like Sean O’Donnell, either.
The thought of Robbie with the sergeant, of her making love with him as she had with Holden, had his stomach tied in knots. Anger pulsed through him so f
iercely that he trembled with it.
Hell, he was acting like some damn, jealous kid, waiting outside her house for her to come home. He had just turned to his vehicle, which was parked at the curb, clicking open the locks, when lights shone on him and the trees as a car approached. It slowed, then pulled to the curb in front of his car.
Several moments passed before the door opened and Roberta stepped out. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
He waited until she joined him on the sidewalk and then he grabbed her, jerking her body against his. And he kissed her.
Chapter Fourteen
Robbie tasted jealousy in the intensity of his kiss. His lips parted hers, his tongue dipping into her mouth and stroking hers. She gripped his shoulders and shoved him back so she could breathe. “What are you doing here?” she repeated, between pants.
He shook his head. “I—I don’t know.”
“You don’t want me.”
He groaned. “We both know that’s not true.”
“I’m not perfect.” Not like Meredith Wallingford.
“I think you’re perfect,” he said. “You’re beautiful and smart and tough.”
With each compliment, she fell deeper in love with him. “I’m a cop, too,” she reminded him. “And I won’t quit my job.” Not even for him.
“Shh,” he said. “Let’s forget who and what we are tonight. Let’s just be lovers.”
She should send him away. She had already had her one time with him. She’d already made her memory. And yet she could always use one more…memory. “Okay.”
His eyes gleamed in the faint light of the street lamps. “Is Kayla at the sitter’s again?”
She nodded. Then she slid her hand into his and led him toward the front door of her apartment. With her free hand, she unlocked first that door and then her apartment door. She didn’t bother flipping on a light as she tugged him toward her bedroom.
She knew she was making a mistake. That this wouldn’t be just one more memory. If his compliments alone made her fall harder for him, making love with him pulled her in so deep that she would never get over him. “We shouldn’t do this…”
She was right. Holden knew it, but he couldn’t deny himself another night with her. “When you walked out of the bar with that SWAT guy—” jealousy rose again, grabbing him by the throat “—all I could think was that you’re mine.”