by Faye Byrd
“Not at all,” David replies, and I breathe easier, because that subject isn’t up for debate—unless it’s between us. “This is another matter entirely, and I felt it was only appropriate to speak with you alone. At first, at least. I trust you will share it with Easy, but should you choose not to, then that is your right.”
“I don’t keep things from Easton,” I reply, confused as fuck. “But I’m not following you at all here.”
He reaches up and adjusts his glasses. “I wanted to talk to you about Cooper and Kari’s baby.”
“What about it?” I ask, feeling completely thrown off course.
“Did Kabir explain that Cooper is your exact match?” he asks, again taking a roundabout route to whatever he’s getting at.
I scratch my brow. “He didn’t, but that makes no difference for Cam, right? Neither of us are perfect matches for him.”
“That is correct,” he replies, sitting on his stool and rolling to about a foot away. “But just as it is possible for you to create a life with Easton who may be a match using cord stem cells, the same applies to Cooper and Kari. Only their child has already been conceived.”
I work through his words to make sure I understand exactly what the fuck he’s getting at before I respond. “So let me get this straight. You think that Cam can be cured using stem cells from the umbilical cord of Kari’s baby?”
He nods. “That is what I’m suggesting, yes. The only way to know, aside from waiting until the baby is born, is for Kari to undergo an amniocentesis at thirty-eight weeks. It’s a relatively safe procedure, but also one of those where you sign away all rights for retaliation if there were to be an adverse reaction.”
“Wow,” I say, leaning forward and propping my elbows on my knees as the hard facts of his statement hit me. “You don’t pull any punches.”
“I want to be as upfront as possible because this is my family, too, Trystan,” he says in a sturdy yet comforting voice. “I want Cam cured as much as everyone else, but I also understand the risks involved for Cooper’s family. I would understand completely if they refused or if you refused to even ask them. This is why I waited to speak with you alone. How you choose to proceed from here is your decision, and I am in no position to question your choices.”
“I wish you would’ve brought this up in our meeting with Dr. Sen. Please, don’t ever think I would keep something concerning Cam from Easton. We can’t be successful parents with secrets between us,” I say, making it clear that his caution isn’t necessary in the future. “If we have a difference of opinion on how to handle it, we’ll come to a compromise together.”
David stands and walks to the counter, propping his hip against it. “That’s very admirable, Trystan. It may not be my place, but I’ve noticed how eloquently you and Easy have accepted your roles as co-parents. It makes me proud, and if I’m being honest, I wonder how much further it could go.”
The simplicity of his statement hits me right in my chest. I meet his soft gaze. “I wonder the same thing, David,” I say, and as I do, I think of Easton.
I think of the stairwell and her begging me to help her save our son. I think of the first night she finally let me have her. I think of afterward when she sent me away. I think of her words at the barbeque. I think of the emotionless fucking since. I think of the last two nights and how I retired to my room before she could approach me.
I just think of her.
And right then, I realize that I can’t do it anymore.
“Are you okay?” David asks. “Did I overstep?”
“Ye … yeah, I’m fine.” I shake my head and sigh. “We’re not as good at other aspects of our life as we are at being co-parents, but we’ll work it out.” I stand and hold out my hand. “But anyway, Easton and I will discuss our next move, and I’ll keep you informed. Personally, I have no issues with asking Kari to submit to the procedure.”
David claps me on the back after he releases my hand, leading us toward the door. “And that’s step one. It will allow us to know whether this is even an option for Cameron.”
“Thanks for going the extra mile for our family.” I smile as I pull open the door.
“Like I said, Trystan, this is my family, too.”
His sentiment is heard and accepted. Our boys are lucky. They have three sets of loving grandparents in their lives. I collect the boys from playing with the toys and thank Mrs. Sanders for keeping an eye on them. As we make our way to my car, I have promising prospects on my mind, but every so often my feet falter when I remember that I can’t let myself have Easton anymore. A line has to be drawn, or she’s going to break me.
Later that night, we sit down to a dinner of my homemade spaghetti and mini meatballs with garlic bread. The conversation is light-hearted and easy with the boys being as cute as ever. I’ve decided to wait until they’re asleep to speak with Easton about what I learned today.
About half-way through dinner, Easton places her fork on her plate and clears her throat. “I have something I wanted to talk to everyone about,” she says, making eye contact with the boys first and then me.
“What is it, Mama?” Cam holds up his hands.
“Yeah, talk,” Blake adds, nodding beside his brother.
“The floor’s all yours.” I smirk and motion for her to go ahead.
“Well,” she starts, and her hands are fidgeting with her napkin. “I’ve decided I’m going to go back to work Monday. At least for a few days a week, depending on how well you guys can get along without me.”
My brows rise. Sure, we discussed it when Cam first came home, but she hasn’t mentioned it since, so I assumed she wasn’t ready. I guess her lunch with a client made her realize how much she’s needed at the company she created.
“I get to go back to Miss Char’s,” Cam says, waving his hands excitedly. Then his whole face goes wide. “What about Blake, though? He can go wif me?”
“Who Miss Char?” Blake asks.
Cam looks to him. “It where my other fwiends are.”
“You got more fwiends? Are they my fwiends, too?” Blake points to himself.
“Yeah, they like you, too,” Cam answers, nodding.
“Cool,” Blake says and pops a meatball in his mouth.
Although they’re cute as shit, working through this on their own, I stay silent and allow Easton to handle this conversation. Because, of course, they’re not going to daycare, yet I still hold my breath, waiting to hear her say the words.
“Boys,” she says, gaining their attention. “You won’t be going to Miss Char’s. You’ll be staying here with your dad.” I can’t stop the beaming smile from overtaking my face.
When she notices, her brow furrows. I just give her a small shake of my head and continue smiling wide as they carry on with the conversation.
“So we gonna be home while you work?” Cam asks, pouting a little. “What about my fwiends?”
Easton sighs. “Sweetie, your friends aren’t going anywhere. You’ll get to go back, one day, but for now, you’re going to stay with your dad.” She smiles, trying to excite them. “Won’t that be fun?”
Cam pauses, thinking, before looking to me. “You gonna take us to the park and do fun stuff?”
“Oh yeah, I like the park,” Blake adds, slurping a noodle.
I chuckle. “Yeah, we can do fun stuff.”
“My daddy always does fun stuff,” Blake agrees, nodding.
“Okay, then,” Cam declares with a nod. “We stay home wif Daddy Trystan.”
After dinner, Easton takes the boys and Blue to the backyard while I clean the kitchen. This is our daily routine, and when they come in it’ll be baths and bedtime. She makes sure they get clean, and then I read them to sleep. Afterward was our time, but lately, I’ve been retiring to the guest room.
Once the boys are sound asleep, I head down to the kitchen and grab a bottle of wine and two glasses. Then I go sit on the couch and wait for Easton to come down from her shower.
When I hear her steps on
the stairs, I turn to watch her descend. I sigh just looking at her. Even in sweats and a tank with no makeup and her hair piled on her head, she’s beautiful. She looks young and innocent, but I know better. She’s a strong, smart woman who’s so far been able to not only resist the charge between us, but to reject it entirely—unless it otherwise serves a purpose.
She looks away when she notices me watching her, but she still makes her way to the other end of the couch, drawing her legs beneath her as she sits. I pour us both a glass of wine and pass one to her.
As she takes it, she smiles. “Thanks. So what’s up? You’ve been retreating to your room lately.”
I take a sip of my wine and study her face. “Yeah, I suppose I have.”
“Did you really think I wasn’t going to leave the boys with you?” she asks quietly, her finger tracing the rim of her glass. “I saw the look on your face. You were worried about my answer.”
“Not really,” I say with a sigh. “I guess I figured you’d have told me first.”
She sets her glass on the end table and faces me, crossing her arms over her chest. “I thought so, too, Trystan, but frankly, you don’t seem to want to talk unless it’s when the boys are around.”
I scoff. “I wonder why?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she demands, her voice incredulous.
I kill my glass and pour another. “Don’t play stupid, Easton. It doesn’t become you.”
She gasps. “Who do you think you’re talking to that way?
“I know exactly who I’m talking to. The mother of my sons who expects me to fuck her but not feel anything else,” I snap, standing to pace
Fuck!
This isn’t the way I wanted it to go, but goddammit, she knows what the fuck my problem is and ignoring it is what led us here. I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, and she can either jump with me or push me off, but she has to choose one or the other.
“Don’t you try to throw that off on me, Trystan! Don’t you dare!” she exclaims loudly, then glances to the stairs and lowers her voice. “You know this was never supposed to be personal. We had an agreement, and you said you understood,” she says, and her eyes are begging me to agree.
But I can’t.
Not this time.
“Well, I’m sorry I’m such a pussy. I’m sorry I started to care about the woman I’m fucking. I’m sorry for wanting something you’re apparently not capable of,” I say sarcastically, but then I regret it when her face falls. “Never mind, fuck! Forget I said anything.”
I grip my hair and start pacing more frantically. “Shit, shit, shit,” I chant to myself, realizing I’m letting my bitterness seep into my words.
One minute I’m pacing, the next she’s before me, her hands held up. “Trystan, please, just please stop and look at me.” She slowly lays them on my chest. “Listen to me. Just listen for a minute. Okay?”
I can’t refuse her when she begs me this way. “Okay.”
“I do feel it.” She places my hand on her chest. “That’s what you do to me when you’re close. You make my heart race, but I can’t risk the happiness of our boys for that feeling.” Tears gather in her eyes. “If we go beyond the physical and our relationship crumbles, it won’t just hurt us, but it’ll hurt our boys.”
I lean closer and cup her cheek with my other hand. “But what if it doesn’t crumble? What if we’re perfect for each other?”
Her tears leak down her cheeks. “It’s too big of a risk.”
I shake my head. “No risk, no reward.”
“I can’t, Trystan. I can’t risk it … even though I dream about it. I can’t gamble away the family bond we have now on a maybe,” she says, her eyes apologetic but also determined.
I place a kiss on her forehead and step back, breaking all physical contact. “I respect the reasons behind your choice, but I think you’re making the wrong one.”
She brushes the tears from her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I shake my head. “You have a right to your convictions. Come sit. I have news.”
She looks skeptical. “What kind of news?”
“Possibly good news,” I tell her, trying to seem cheery. “At least a new avenue to follow.”
Her brows furrow. “I don’t understand.”
Once we’re settled and I’ve killed another glass of wine, I explain. “It seems that Coop and Kari’s unborn child could be a viable option for a match.”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
So I tell her the whole story.
The whole time, my heart is aching for an intimacy we’ll never have again.
Because it will break me.
Our original agreement has been rendered obsolete.
8 Crossroads
Easy
It hurts me to see Trystan struggle with the decision we’ve made, but I’ve never lied to him or made things seem more than they should. I want more than I should, but my children’s happiness comes before either of our wants. That’s the way I operate. It’s the only way I can live with myself.
My heart aches as I sit and listen to him relay his conversation with David. Though I’m a little stunned, there’s also another feeling stirring inside me. Slowly, it swells and replaces the ache with something positive.
Hope.
Not that I didn’t already have that, but this is new hope. A fresh possibility for our son. One that will give us an answer within months. An already tangible option, unlike the life Trystan and I hope to create.
Trystan’s voice is soft as he retells the conversation word for word. His eyes glass over as the emotion overwhelms him, and he’s never been more beautiful than in this moment. His own hope is a spark that beams from his soul.
“So this is a possible match, but one that’s already a reality, unlike …” I trail off since we both know what I mean. I reach over and grasp his hands in mine. “How do you feel about asking Kari to agree to an amniocentesis?”
“David was pretty fucking frank about the procedure, but he also said it’s safe.” He shrugs. “I can’t not ask them, Easton. This is about Cam, and I don’t see it as a very big risk for them.”
I nod along with what he’s saying. He’s right. An amnio isn’t a standard procedure for a normal pregnancy, but it’s also common enough to be considered safe. Besides that, I’m with Trystan. This is for our son, and I’d rather know as soon as possible.
“If she chooses not to do the procedure, then how should we proceed?” I ask, allowing him to lead since this is his family we’re talking about.
“I can’t imagine them saying no,” Trystan replies, his brows gathering in the center of his forehead. “Would they?”
“I’d love to think not, but the truth is, some people are very against taking any risk when it comes to their unborn child,” I say, giving his hands a supportive squeeze. “I want them to say yes. I want to know at the first possible minute, but I also understand if they choose not to undergo the procedure. As Cam is our top priority, theirs has to be their unborn baby.”
Trystan’s worried expression fades as a soft smile takes over. “Violet. They’ve named her Violet.”
“It’s beautiful,” I say, a swell of yearning gathering in my chest. “Waiting for Violet to be born is our next best option.”
His head bobs a couple times and he sighs. “I don’t think it’ll come to that, but we won’t know until we ask.”
“How will we do that?” I ask softly. “A phone call isn’t exactly the right medium for this type of conversation.”
“No, it’s not,” he replies, pulling one of his hands from mine and brushing it through his dark locks. “We have time before this would need to be scheduled. Let me think on it. Hell, it’s a two-hour flight. We may just need to make a day trip.”
“That’s doable,” I reply with a nod. “I’ll let you get it set up, and the boys can stay with my parents or Ryder and Weston when we go.”
“Thank you,” he says softly, removing his
other hand from my hold and reaching for the bottle of wine. After refilling our glasses, he holds his up for a toast. “To a new possibility for Cameron.”
I clink mine against it. “To fresh hope.”
While I only take a small sip, Trystan turns up his glass and downs his fourth helping of the night, sending a shard of pain rippling through my chest. I’ve hurt him, and that hurts me, but better us than our boys. I don’t know what to say or do to make it better.
So I offer the only part of me I can—my body.
Removing the empty glass from his hand, I set them both aside, pushing myself closer. “I’ve missed you.” I lean in and push my lips against his.
He groans and wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer. Hurt, comfort, hope and lust all swirl between us as our tongues twine together, but as passionately as it began, it ends.
Trystan stiffens and pushes me away. “I can’t do this.”
I tilt my head. “Can’t do what?”
He grips his hair and props his elbows on his knees. “I can’t continue this charade. I thought you understood.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “You said you respected my choice. And this new possibility with Violet doesn’t change anything for me. Our agreement still stands as far as I’m concerned.”
His eyes jump to mine, and what I see there rocks me to my core. “Agreement.” He snorts. “Yeah, Easton, we have an agreement, but I’m so fucking beyond that agreement I can’t even think about fucking you without my heart shattering into pieces.” He jumps up and starts pacing “I know I promised I’d help you have a baby… and I will. I just can’t do it this way … not anymore.” He stops and looks at me with watery eyes. “I thought you understood that earlier.”
I’m frozen in place, staring at his pleading expression. “I … I …”
He sighs and sits beside me, cupping my jaw. “I want you, Easton, so fucking bad, but as you’ve made your choice, so have I. A line has to be drawn, and this is me drawing it. If I don’t have a chance with you here”—he brushes his hand against my chest—“then we’re going to have to step back. Friends and co-parents only.”