by Green, Vicki
I give her a wink and a smile back. “Aw, darlin’. I appreciate it.” She becomes a little flustered and I try to keep my chuckle inside.
Grammy used to tell me I was gonna knock the women dead when I grew up. I used to just laugh at her, thinkin’ she was a little crazy. When we got closer Shiloh used to say I was too good lookin’ for my own good. Then I thought she was a bit crazy. Over the years, I’ve had my fair share of women tryin’ to get my attention. I just started thinkin’ maybe all women were somewhat crazy. I mean. I’m just a guy, nothin’ special. Shiloh used to say that’s what made me that much more attractive. Not sure what the hell she meant by that but whatever. Thing is: even though I’ve met my needs with a few women over the years, there’s no chance any of them could ever sway me to be somethin’ I’m not. Had too much shit happen in my life – the one girl who was taken from me, never to return, ruined any kind of feelin’s I’d have for a woman that way. Oh, I love my friends and a few happen to be women but never will I have that kind of deep love again. I won’t allow it.
Now, I’ve always tried to keep fit, knowin’ with my history how at any time I may need to use some muscle in a fight, which has happened more times than I care to admit. If I didn’t work out at a gym, the work on a farm suited me just fine. I would like havin’ some gym equipment though. Maybe when things get better I can get a few things at my farm. My farm. Never thought I’d see the day I’d have one. This just makes me like my new friends that much more. Colby didn’t have to help me out that way. Didn’t know me from a hole in the ground. But he did. He did that even before he knew Shiloh and I were longtime friends. Selfless people, I tell ya. But that’s country folk for ya. This is why I’ve always wanted to come back to the country. Doesn’t mean they’re all like that. People are people. Some are good, some bad. If those that truly see the beauty of the land, really feel it – well, those are good people in my book. That’s what Grammy always told me. Held that hard against my heart.
“You’re thinking really hard,” her whisper almost unheard.
I turn my head and look over at her sittin’ at the table. Her food is untouched and that makes me worry. “You need to eat.” Prie blinks a couple of times, then looks down and picks up her fork, pushin’ her food around on the paper plate. I sigh, my concern growin’. Guess I need to be more careful how I say things to her for a bit. She’s still pretty skittish and unsure of us all. I clear my throat and she looks up at me. “I’m sorry, Prie. I guess I am thinkin’ too hard.” I run my fingers through my hair outta frustration. “Guess I’m just feelin’ really lucky. These people that have been in my life or come into my life have just been there for me, ya know?” I look down, thinkin’ again about everythin’ they’ve done for me. When I look at over at her, I see tears in her eyes and smile. “Well. Enough of that heavy talk.” The corner of her mouth lifts just a bit. I pick up the plastic spoon and take a sip of the broth. Not too bad, but maybe I’m just a tad hungry. I’m tryin’ to remember the last time I ate and I can’t.
By the time I took my last bite, I fought to keep my eyes open. Damn drugs. When I wake up, I have no idea what time it is. The room is dark but in here with no window there’s no tellin’ what it’s like outside. I turn my head and see Prie sittin’ on the couch, the small lamp on the table beside it is on, and she’s readin’ some book. I wince as I turn on my side, crookin’ my arm and layin’ my hand underneath the pillow. “Whatcha readin’?”
Her head snaps up and her lips shut tight. She looks back down, then her eyes look up at me. “Just a romance book Sadie brought.” Her voice is low, quiet. I swear I’m not even sure I’ve heard her talk loud enough to really know the sound of her voice. I bet it’s sweet.
I get comfortable, well, as much as I can. “Read to me.” She startles. Uncomfortable. Like I just asked her to take her clothes off. “I won’t be awake long, Darlin’. Just need some noise to get me there.” I smile, tryin’ to show her I don’t mean nothin’ by it. I really just want to hear her voice, feel like someone’s here with me. She barely nods and looks down at the book. “You get tired you come get in bed and get some sleep. Ya hear?” Her eyes move up and I see a faint nod before she looks down again. I know she must think I’m crazy or weird. Wantin’ her to sleep in the same bed probably doesn’t sit right with her, but she slept pretty good after she got comfortable last night. She needs to know not all men are evil. Not all men want to do her harm. For some reason, I want to be the one to show her that.
She clears her throat. “Mom ran the brush through my hair, telling me how everything will work out. How everything would be good again and we’d be fine as long as we’re together.” She stops and I watch her nose scrunches as she sniffs. She blinks a few times, then continues, “I’m not sure how she can say that. Dad’s gone and we’re all alone now. How can anything ever be good again?” My eyes start to get heavy and start to close until I hear a noise and look at her. She’s closed the book and sets it down on the couch beside her.
My brows lower. “Too much?” She nods and swipes a finger under her nose, lookin’ everywhere but at me. Wincin’, I push myself over and pat the hard thin mattress. “Come here, Darlin’. I think a good night’s sleep is in order right about now.” She looks at me apprehensively. “’Member? I don’t bite.” Her teeth cover her lower lip, like she’s thinkin’ real hard. She stands and walks over to the bed slowly. I pull the covers up and she climbs in, unsteadily. I drop the covers and grasp her upper arm, helpin’ her to climb in then I pull the covers over her. She doesn’t seem to want to get too close to me again so I push my arm underneath her and pull her to me, givin’ her no choice but to put her head against my chest. “Just sleepin’, Darlin’. Just pretend it’s a sleepover with one of your friends.”
Her eyes snap up to mine and a look washes over her face that’s unreadable. “I’ve never been to a sleepover or had real friends.” Again, her voice just above a whisper. “Not that I can remember.” Now that just made my heart hurt.
I tighten my arm around her. “Well, now. I know most sleepovers for a girl would be with other girls but we’ll just pretend we’ve been friends for a long time. Friends are there for each other. Comfort each other. Weird, I know. I’m sure it’s not the strangest thing that’s happened in your life.” I give out a small chuckle, tryin’ to help ease her. She shrugs slightly. Her eyes move down and I see the slight shadow from her long dark lashes underneath them. I yawn, my eyes growin’ heavy again. “Or we’ll just think of me as kind of a security blanket. My arm wrapped around you, holdin’ ya tight and keepin’ everythin’ bad away.” Silence. No sounds ‘cept her light breathin’. I look down and see she’s already asleep. I know she’s exhausted. Not sure what all she’s been through but from the way she acts, I’m sure it’s more than some can bear. I know by lookin’ at how thin she is she didn’t get much to eat. Makes me wish again that I’d been the one to kill that asshole. Still need to hear from Shiloh just what all happened after I was shot. I nestle my head against the top of hers and close my eyes.
Caprice
I open my eyes to the sound of running water. Raising my arms above my head, which is no easy task when you’re lifting a cast, I stretch. I feel like I actually had the first good night sleep of my life. Well, at least in the last few years. Pushing myself up until I’m sitting is difficult but I finally manage. I look over at the bathroom and see the door is closed. I realize this is where the sound of running water is coming from. I need to go to the bathroom. Bad. The water shuts off and I climb off the bed and walk to the couch, crossing my legs, not knowing what to do with myself. My eyes snap to the door when it opens. A male nurse helps Trevor walk out and to the bed, pulling his IV cart with him. I watch him wince as he gets into the bed, the nurse covering him and then walking around doing something to the long tube that runs from Trevor’s hand. As the nurse walks out of the room, I bow my head when he winks at me. I start fidg
eting but keep my head down. I feel like I could explode any minute.
“Darlin’?” I look up at the sound of his voice, his eyes soft and gentle. “Do you need to use the bathroom?” I nod, eagerly. “You don’t have to wait for anyone to tell you to go, Prie.” I nod slowly and stand, walking towards the bathroom quickly. “Prie.” I stop, not wanting to look at him. “You’re free now.” Free. I’m not sure how to be free. My eyes shift to his as I pull my lower lip into my mouth. His lips turn up into a smile. But it’s not a sad smile. Not a pity smile. I don’t feel that from him. At least not yet. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I look ahead and make haste to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Relief washes over me as I relieve myself, then wash my hands. Sadie left a brush and toothbrush and paste for me, so I use them quickly but I don’t look in the mirror.
When I open the door, I stop short. Trevor’s got the book I was reading, his face full of concentration as his eyes move back and forth over the words on the page. I stiffen when his eyes move up to mine. I feel like I caught him doing something that he shouldn’t have been doing. I look down quickly. “I read ahead a bit. Seems like a pretty good book.” I nod, a smile trying to break free. I jump when the door opens and move over when Shiloh is wheeled through the doorway, Colby pushing her wheelchair.
“You look better today,” she sings as she’s moved close to the bed. I push myself against the wall watching them together. I can tell they are really good friends, even though I don’t know their whole story. She reaches over and takes the book from him, closing it and looking at the cover. “Oh, my!” She looks up and smiles at him. “You’re reading one of my first books?” What?
“Really?” He grabs it and looks at the front. “Hell, I didn’t look at the name of who wrote it.” He chuckles, low and deep. It’s like I can feel the vibration all the way over here.
She laughs. “Where on earth did you get it?” She turns her head and smiles at Colby. “Did you bring it from home?” He shakes his head, leans down and kisses her nose. She turns back around and tilts her head at Trevor, her smile so sweet, loving, as she looks at him.
He chuckles again, wincing with his movements, and cocks an eyebrow at her. “Don’t look at me, darlin’. I think Sadie raided ya’lls bookshelf. She brought it here for Prie to read.” All heads turn towards me and I quickly look down at my feet.
“Oh. Well, that’s quite all right.” My eyes lift and look at her. She’s got a kind smile, her eyes soft. She has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re like a light blue but so light they almost look white. Very unique.
“I didn’t know you wrote a book,” I half whisper. I’m really interested in her, more than ever now. She’s been through a lot from that man, the one that took me. From what Sadie told me, a lot more than what I went through. She seems so happy now, not indifferent to what she went through but yet, at peace. Maybe.
“She’s written more than one.” I shift my eyes to Colby’s smiling face. He’s proud of her.
“Hey, how would you like to take me back to my room, Prie?” I look back at her. “I think Colby and Trev would like to have some guy time. Colby’s itching to watch the football game with someone.”
“That’s a great idea.” My eyes snap to Trevor. His eyes seem to light up.
“You want me to leave?” My voice is low as I look back down. Feelings of being unwanted wash over me. My heart beats frantically as sadness fills me.
“Oh, no, sweetheart.” I look back up and into his eyes that are now sad. “I just think it’d be nice for you to have some of the girl time we talked about last night. You can stay here if you want. I didn’t mean you had to go.” His mouth turns up into a smile, and I take a deep breath. My feelings change to something else, but I’m unsure exactly what they are.
I look back at Shiloh as she speaks. “I thought maybe I could tell you more about some of my other books too. I didn’t realize you liked to read.” I am kinda curious about her being an author. Memories of sitting with my mom on my bed, her reading me stories and then as I got older I couldn’t get enough reading. Silently, I nod, walking over to her. Trevor hands her the book, then Colby steps out of the way as I place my hands on the handles of her wheelchair. “We’ll see you two in a little while. Behave,” she laughs softly. I pull back on her chair and slowly turn it around. As we get close to the doorway, his voice stops me cold.
“I’ll be here waitin’, whenever you’re ready to come back, Darlin’.”
I turn my head and see him looking at me. The softness of his blue eyes touch my heart. I feel better about leaving now and take her back to her room.
She gets adjusted in bed and I sit down on a really hard recliner beside it. She gives me the book and I set it on my lap and look down at it. Questions fill my head about her being an author. She clears her throat and I look up shyly. “So, tell me about what you like to read.” Her smile comforts me and I take a deep breath.
“I like most kinds and have read different genres but I really love romance.” I look down at my fingers that are pulling at each other. “It’s nice to make believe a man could actually love a woman, take care of her, and treat her right.” I watch her hand reach mine, covering it so I stop fidgeting. I look up and see her beautiful smile.
“I used to feel that way too.” She leans back. Sadness seems to cover her face. “When I met Trevor that changed a bit. Not all the way mind you.” Her smile grows with fondness as she looks straight ahead. “He became my guardian but most of all – a brother.” She looks back at me and her face morphs into fear, anger. “Prie. I have a new series, it captures everything I went through with Mikael. It’s not pretty but it’s helped me deal with it tremendously. I did it for me. I don’t recommend you reading it any time soon but I wonder if it would help you as well to write things down. It can be therapeutic.” I wonder if anything can really help me, if I can ever be the person I should be again. I kind of like the idea of getting it down, a journal so to speak. “I’m sure we can find a laptop for you to borrow or even a notebook, if you prefer to write.”
My brows lower as I contemplate what she’s saying. I’m not sure I could ever tell anyone what happened to me, not fully, but to write it down? Could that really help me? If it could, even a little, I have to do that. For me. “I would like that,” I whisper.
“Good.” My eyes snap to hers. “I’ll get a laptop over to you when we get home and settled. I know it will be difficult to type with your cast so I’ll send some notebooks and pens over too.”
“Why….?” My voice and all my emotions are choking me. Such kindness overwhelming me. Seems like everyone I’ve met, all of Trevor’s friends, are all being so nice to me. It’s such a strange feeling. “Why are you doing this? I mean. I appreciate it but I’m nothing special.” I look back down at my lap and start fidgeting again. One thing he always told me and made me repeat was that I’m nothing special. I’m nothing.
“Hey,” her voice is soft as she covers my hands again, making them stop. I look up at her and see tears in her eyes. I don’t like that I caused them. “You are special. You matter. We all bring something into this world that is unique to us. Don’t ever let him make you feel that way again. He is no longer here to torment you. I do this because I care. Because I’ve been where you were, where you are now. There is hope for a good life, Prie. You just have to believe and want that.”
I swallow hard. “I do. I just don’t know how.” Now I feel the wetness of my own tears flowing down my face. I feel like I could break down but I take a deep breath and shake that off. I’ve been hit so many times for feeling anything, now I’ve trained myself to suck it up.
I hear her heavy sigh and look up. “It’s okay to feel, Prie. I know he didn’t let us but he’s no longer around to dictate how we feel or what we do. It may take a bit, I know, but I also know your life is meant for bigger and better
things. For now, we take one day at a time. We heal. Then we find how to cope. You’ll find that everyone here is willing to help. They care.”
Little does she know, she really does help just by talking to me. I feel like not only do we have things in common but I feel like she does care about me, something I haven’t felt in a long time. I feel that way about Trevor too, however, he still makes me nervous. Maybe because he’s a man. Maybe there is hope for me. Maybe one day I can be whole again. Seems like that is so far off or maybe I can’t be healed. I hope I can be and will at least try. I have to – for me.
Chapter Three
Trevor
It’s been a week and I’m finally goin’ home today. Home. Haven’t had one of those in so long I can’t contain my excitement. Not to mention I’m sick of layin’ around in a bed. Can’t do too much though as I’m still mendin’. There’s still so much to do around there to be the way I want it but now all I have is time. Time. Time to mend. Time to help Prie be the person she was meant to be. Time to get my farm where it’s functional and a real home. I can’t help but feel sorry for Prie, even though I’d never show her. She doesn’t need my pity or anyone else’s. She needs love, comfort, and people showin’ her that she matters. She does matter, maybe a little too much. Somethin’ about her just gives me so many strange feelin’s. Like familiar. Like maybe I knew her in a different time, in a different place, but I can’t put my finger on it. She’s three years younger than me and I just can’t figure out when or where I could have met her. I guess maybe it’ll come to me in time or maybe I’m just imaginin’ it. My mind is still pretty foggy. I still need to find out what all happened that night. Either way, now that I’m done protectin’ Shiloh, I can concentrate on helpin’ Prie. She deserves it. But right now? She doesn’t think she does and I aim to show her.