by Green, Vicki
Smack!
I jump when he hits my side hard. Dammit! That fucking hurt! “Boy, don’t make me hurt you again. I said CUM!”
Shifting to the clock, the long hand slowly moves to the twelve. I yell out, my release hittin’ me so hard, like a dam broke. “Fuck! That was the best ever!” He’s lappin’ me up like he’s dyin’ of thirst. “Best damn stuff I’ve ever had.” He’s lickin’ my deflated cock like a Popsicle. I begin to struggle, wantin’ the hell outta here as fast as possible. “Hold on, boy.” He stands, givin’ her a look. They’re not gonna honor their deal. I’m gonna have to fight my way out. I pull on the ropes, twistin’ my hands, but they’re too tight.
Lila smacks him on the back of his head as he grabs my cock. “No. A deal’s a deal.” She looks down at me, startin’ to untie my right hand. “Right, sweet cheeks?” I give a curt nod, hopin’ she’ll hurry. She turns to him and yells. “Work on getting his feet untied. Do something worthwhile.” He lets out a huff, givin’ me a dirty look. He’s pissed. I’m finally free from the binds, standin’ up hurts like hell. Lila hands me an envelope and I open it long enough to see enough one hundred dollar bills that I figure it’s all there. I get dressed about as quick as my hurtin’ body will let me then head towards the door. I fold the envelope of cash and push it down into my back pocket. She opens the door for me and as I’m about to walk out, finally free of them, I turn and push the asshole up against the wall, my arm across his neck cuttin’ off his air supply.
“Don’t ever call me – boy.”
Lila’s pullin’ on my arm, yellin’ at me, but I hold firm lookin’ into his eyes. He tries to nod but can’t move without strugglin’ to breathe. I linger a minute more then let him go. He bends over, puttin’ his hands on his knees, breathin’ hard and heavy. I turn and give a nod to Lila as she releases my arm and walk out.
I startle and sit up, shakin’ with a sheen of sweat coverin’ my body. Damn! I hope beyond hope that’s the last of that nightmare. I get up and walk to the bathroom, turn on the water as hot as I can stand it – my new ritual. As the heat stings my skin, I remember goin’ back to the alley and sittin’ down next to my stuff. I’d covered it up so no one would notice it. I pull the envelope out of my pocket and open the flap. Pullin’ out the cash, I start countin’. I lay my head back against the brick, closin’ my eyes, and takin’ a deep breath. Four thousand, five hundred dollars. Without thinkin’, my body so tired and sore, I push myself up and grab my backpack, puttin’ my cowboy hat on my head, and walk out of the alley. The whole way to the cheap hotel I’m prayin’ that I never see another alley again unless I’m just passin’ by.
I went back to sleep for a bit, once I’d dried off. I slept like a baby, only visions of Prie’s face enterin’ my mind. Mornin’ came with the sun shinin’ through my blinds. I stretch my arms above my head and smile. Gonna be a good day. I practically jump outta bed and get dressed, light on my feet as I go downstairs. Made myself an omelet, some toast, and bacon. I ate it all, feelin’ lighter ‘bout things. It’s like a load was removed from me. Maybe this talkin’ to Kathy and relivin’ shit really helped. I kinda feel like the old me, the one before all the bad started happenin’ in my life. Almost. Sure wish Prie was here so I could tell her. I’ve been thinkin’ so much about her. Is she findin’ her peace? Is she happy? God, I want to hold her in my arms so badly. Make sweet love to her. Kiss all over her body.
I jump a bit when a knock sounds on the front door. Couldn’t be. I chuckle to myself as I walk there, thinkin’ how silly I am to think that. Secretly, I hope I’m right. I open the door and smile, my heart beatin’ so hard. “C’mon in.” I open the door all the way and watch as she walks past me and follow her to the livin’ room. She turns abruptly and folds into my arms.
“Geez, you need to have my nephew soon. Can’t even get all the way close to you anymore,” I laugh.
Shiloh pulls back and gives me a snarky grin. “I’m not that big!” She laughs and we hug again. “I’ve missed you,” she whispers into my ear. I squeeze her tighter. My friend. My family.
“I’ve missed you too, darlin’.”
I take her hand and lead her over to the couch. We sit and turn to face each other. She tilts her head and smiles her beautiful smile. “You seem different. Almost. Happy?” My grin appears as I shake my head. “What’s changed, Trevor?”
I look into her eyes and smile. “Just havin’ a good day.” I give her a wink.
She reaches over and puts her hand on mine. “I’m glad. How are you really? Are you finding your happiness?” Ah! She knows me too well. Always has.
I look down at our hands, her love always comfortin’ me. I let out a deep breath and look back up at her. “I’m gettin’ there. Been seein’ doc regular, fightin’ my demons. Some things I’ve never told you have been hauntin’ me pretty regular but I’m dealin’.”
She pats my hand and sits back. “Good. I’m so glad, Trev. You know, I’m not sure I even know the ‘real’ you.” She laughs and I chuckle. It gets quiet and my heart begins to beat faster. Not sure why. “You know. Prie will be coming back for the wedding.” Yep, I figured. “She may not be staying, Trevor. Will you be able to handle that?”
Will I? No, not really. It’ll kill me.
“I’ll deal, like I do with everythin’.” My heart grows heavy. Just when I was startin’ to have a good day. Now I’ll be thinkin’ about this all day, makin’ me go crazy.
She looks down, placin’ her hand on her growin’ stomach. “We’ve all had our share of demons to fight, hopin’ against the odds that we’ll win.” She looks up and smiles a sad smile. “Prie’s so young. She’s been fighting hard though.” Just the mention of her name speeds up my heart. Grabs hold of it and twists, fillin’ it so full. Her face comes into my mind. So beautiful, young. She should be carefree, livin’ a life of happiness. She’s so alone. God! I wish she was here so I could hold her, laugh with her, and watch movies together. I want a normal life, one without demons, want that for her. “She keeps in touch.” My eyes snap to hers. “She’s doing good, Trev. She’s scared about coming back.”
“Because of me,” I whisper. Not a question but somethin’ I know. Feel.
She smiles. “Partly. I guess she’s a little nervous to see you and really everyone else. She says she has some good news but didn’t want to share it until she comes back. My thinking is when people change, it’s like their new again. Maybe she feels we won’t like her like we did before. Silly, I know. But I guess I can understand that.”
“How can she think people won’t like her for bein’ her? No way. She’s special, in so many ways. She’s beautiful, intelligent, funny, and so strong.” I shake my head. My feelin’s all over the place. Damn, I miss her. I can hardly stand it.
Her face lights up. “You love her.”
I don’t hesitate. “Yep, I sure do. So much it hurts, Shiloh. I’m like a lost puppy without her. She’s in my wakin’ hours and in my dreams. She’s in my heart, my soul. I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t stay. I feel like I’m startin’ to get my life back together but without her, I’m not sure I’ll ever really live.”
She moves closer and takes me in her arms. I’m fightin’ back my tears. Men don’t cry in front of people but I’ll be damned if I can stop them. She rubs my back soothingly, her hand graspin’ the back of my neck. “Sometimes love is the hardest thing to deal with. Harder than our worst nightmares and demons. It’s something that holds on and never let’s go. It can break our hearts or fill them so full they’re ready to burst. Love can hurt us but then it can make everything right. It’s one of life’s hardest lessons.” I nod against her shoulder, feelin’ like I could break like a dam. “I know she has strong feelings for you.” My heart stills. “I know they run deep. I just don’t know where she is right now, in her heart. I truly believe that if it’s meant to be, if you are meant to be toge
ther, it will happen.” She pulls away and I look up at her. Her beautiful light colored eyes givin’ me a ray of hope. Love. “We all deserve to be happy. Trust in her. Give her time to come to terms with herself first.” I nod, knowin’ in my heart she’s right. It’s just so damn hard. I’ve never been the selfish kind. Always tried to help others, tried to be kind and carin’. Now look at me. All selfish and thinkin’ of myself. This is why I came back to my roots, to what I know.
I sit up and smile, wipin’ a stray tear from my eye. Time to man up. She’s right. Prie needs to find herself before she can do anythin’ else. She needs to find her happiness. If it’s one thing I got, it’s time.
“Okay. Enough of this self-pity,” I chuckle. “Have time to take a look around? Been workin’ really hard.”
She stands, takin’ my hand and pullin’ me up. “Of course I do. Actually, I came to spend the day with you. If that’s okay. Would love to see everything. I’ve missed spending time with my best friend.”
We start walkin’ towards the kitchen. “Darlin’. There’s nothin’ I’d love more.”
Caprice
The days are long, the nights even longer. Next week I leave to go back to Montana. I’m nervous, scared, excited. So many emotions hitting me, I’m not sure I can handle it. But I will. I’m so much stronger now. I’ve also been taking online courses to get my GED, something I’ve dreamed of ever since I returned home. This afternoon, Grant is taking me to where my family is buried, to say my goodbyes again. I know it’ll be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I know they’ll always be in my heart, my mind, and my soul. I’m still tackling the basement, probably the biggest part of things in the house. I’ve been trying to keep things in neat piles and boxes since the realtor has been showing the house off and on. Grant and I have become inseparable, making my decision to stay in town or leave, even harder. I still haven’t decided what to do yet.
I’m knee deep in the other storage area in the basement. So many things still left to go through. I let out a deep sigh, bending down to pick up a box in the corner. It’s heavy, straining my already sore muscles. I lift it and turn, kicking something hard. “Ow!” I yell, dropping the box down on my other foot. “Shit!” I bend down, rubbing my toe that I stubbed, and the top of my other foot, simultaneously. “What in the hell?” I turn my head and see a safe built into the floor, the big knob on top with a handle is most likely what I stubbed my toe on. “Dad. I never knew you had a safe down here. Odd.” I wonder what the combination is, what is in there. Dad was never secretive with us. It’s so weird that he never told me about this. I try several combinations, all of our birthdays, our address. I let out another sigh. I have no idea.
I sit down, take out my phone from my pocket, and call Grant.
“Morning! How’s it going?”
His voice always cheers me up, warms me. “Morning! Know a locksmith?”
He laughs, his voice so familiar now, so inviting. “Well, I can probably break into just about anything but I know one if that doesn’t work,” he laughs and I can just see his eyebrows waggling at me.
“Ha. Good. Can you come over?”
Silence then a ton of shuffling noises. “Yep. Give me a half an hour. I…. Uh….”
I cover my mouth, embarrassed that I probably caught him doing something I’d rather not think about. “Finish up…. Uh…. Whatever it is your doing.” I let out a giggle, not able to stop it from exploding from my mouth. I hear a kissing sound and can feel my face heat up.
“Yeah. I’ll be there shortly.”
The line goes dead and I hold my phone out, looking at the picture I’d put with his number and smile. Good for him. Everyone deserves love and affection. I go back to digging through the box that caused all of my hurting feet and suspicion, and try to wait patiently for Grant to come over. That’s not working very well. I keep shifting my eyes back to the safe, not really paying attention to what’s in the box in front of me. It feels like hours when the doorbell rings but looking at my phone it’s only been a half an hour. Just like he said. He’s always so prompt. I struggle to stand, my big toe shooting pain through my foot. I hobble upstairs to the door, opening it with a grimace.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” He steps in, grabbing my upper arms, looking at me full of concern.
“Oh, nothing. Just stubbed my toe on a really hard surface.”
He bends down, lifting me into his arms, like I weigh nothing. I have been eating more. Well, trying to anyway. He carries me into the family room and sets me down on the couch, picking up my foot by its heel. I look down, my face scrunching up at the blue and purple coloring covering my big toe and the one beside it. “Ouch.” I wince when he touches it.
“Looks broken to me.” He looks up at me, his scrunching face matching mine. “Medical tape?”
I stare at my toes, watching them grow bigger. “Upstairs in the hall bathroom. Underneath the cabinet.” I wince again as he lowers my foot and look up as he walks towards the stairs. “Figures I break a toe or two. Ouch.” He returns quickly, stooping down in front of me. He lifts my foot by the heel again, placing it on his leg.
“Hold still. This might hurt a….”
“Ow!”
He tapes the two toes together, looking up at me with worry. “How am I going to wear high heels at the wedding next week. I’m such a klutz.” He lets out a laugh and I stick my tongue out at him playfully.
He sets my foot down on the floor. “Yes. Yes you are.”
“Gee, thanks.”
He laughs again, grasping my hands and pulling me up until I’m standing. “Don’t mention it.” He smirks. “Now. Where is this thing you need me to open?” He threads his fingers together in front of him and cracks his knuckles.
I laugh, he’s so funny. I grab his arm and start pulling him towards the stairs to the garage that will lead us to the basement. “C’mon, Houdini.” He looks at me and shrugs as we make our way down the stairs.
He follows me into the storage area, the small room loaded with boxes all over the place, having to side step around them to get to the back corner. I squat down, my toes throbbing, and point. “This.” I turn my head and look at him, squatting beside me. “Think you can get it open?”
He puts his hand over his chin and rubs, thinking. “All I can do is try.” He sits down on the cold tile floor and starts fiddling with it. “What’s in it?”
I sit down beside him, watching him intently. “I have no idea. I didn’t even know it was here. Dad never mentioned it.”
He worked on it for about twenty minutes before he turned his head and smiles at me as he turns the handle. The door swings up and I get up on my knees, looking down over his shoulder. I swallow hard, having no idea what I’ll find. He moves back so I can get closer. “Want me to leave, give you some privacy?” I don’t turn – just shake my head as I reach inside. I start pulling things out, setting them down in front of me. Papers, jewelry box, large manila envelope, but what I pull out next makes my heart stop. I just stare at the small metal box in my lap. “Another lock,” I sigh.
“Here. Let me.” He takes it from me and starts to try to get it open. “There.”
I look up and smile then open the manila envelope. Thousands and thousands of dollars in savings bonds. Some with Mom’s name, Hattie’s, and mine. “There must be one hundred thousand dollars here,” I whisper.
“Let me see. Here.” We swap, him handing me the metal box and me giving him the bonds. My heart is beating so hard as I open the lid. I gasp out loud, covering my mouth with my hand. “What is it?” I can’t move. Can’t breathe. I pick up a stack of envelopes, tied neatly with a bow, bringing them up and pressing them against my heart, closing my eyes. Tears fall, my heart soars. “Prie?” I open my eyes, blinking rapidly, causing more tears to drop. I pick up the other stack, another ribbon tied around them.<
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“I can’t believe they’re here,” I whisper.
“What?”
I look up at him through blurry eyes. “These are all the letters that Trevor wrote Hattie. The ones she wrote him that Dad never mailed.” I choke on a sob. So much time gone. It would have been so easy for him to mail them for a little girl who was heartbroken. I’ll never understand why he didn’t.
“Wow,” he whispers. “Are you gonna read them.”
Should I? No, I couldn’t. “No. It would be like an invasion of privacy. These are special, between two young kids who loved each other, thought they’d be together forever. No.” I put them back in the box and struggle to stand. I hold the box against my chest, my heart breaking again with the thought that Hattie never got to read Trevor’s letters, filled with words from a young boy who thought she was his world. I wipe my eyes with my hand and smile. “C’mon. Let’s get something to eat and then it’s time to pay everyone a visit. I’m ready.”
We eat lunch but I found I’m not very hungry. The anxiousness to go visit my family is overwhelming. I laughed when he carried me to his car, saying I shouldn’t be walking with broken toes. Personally, I think he just enjoys showing off his strength. He drives us around the cemetery. I look at all the flowers left by family members or friends by various headstones. I asked him to stop so I could get some flowers myself. Roses for my mom. Carnations for Dad. He always loved them. And daisies for Hattie. My heart stops when he stops the car. I shift my eyes to the left and see their three headstones underneath a big oak tree. Perfect spot.