by Green, Vicki
Fight for her.
She’s my life.
Rubbin’ my thumb across her skin, I take another deep breath. Here goes nothin’ and everythin’. I release her other arm, my hand slidin’ up and underneath her long hair until I’m cuppin’ the back of her neck.
“I couldn’t love you the way you needed. The way you deserved. I wasn’t good for you, Darlin’. I was so damaged.” Her eyes search mine, tears that had formed drop, interminglin’ with the rain pourin’ on her. “I don’t need to read the letters as they’re part of my past, my youth. Maybe someday.” I swallow hard, movin’ my thumb from the swell of her cheek down across her lower lip. I follow it with my eyes then look back into hers. “I’ve lost a lot in my life. My home. The person I thought I was. My life, my love. At times I lost my sanity, doin’ things that no longer made me respect myself. I lost myself. Not proud of that.” I grin, slightly, hopin’ she’ll understand. Hopin’ and prayin’ she’ll have me. “I’ve battled my demons, Prie, fought hard. Not sayin’ I still don’t have a ways to go but I’m so much better, stronger.” The corner of her mouth lifts, slightly. I move my hand from the back of her neck, bring it around and mimic the other one. Holdin’ her face in my hands, she searches my eyes, tears flowin’ down her soft skin and onto my hands. “I love you, Prie Greer. I don’t want anyone else, don’t think of anyone else. I think about you every second of the day, every day of the week, and every week of every damn month.” A small laugh escapes her lips. “I don’t want you to leave me, ever again. I don’t wanna live without you. I can’t live without you.”
She opens her mouth, starts to speak, but I’m afraid of what she’ll say and I can’t wait to taste her again. In overwhelmin’ anxiousness, I crush my mouth to hers, scootin’ closer until our bodies are flush, hopin’ I’m catchin’ some of the rain from hittin’ her. A moan leaves her mouth into mine as her arms raise movin’ underneath mine, her hands slidin’ up my chest until they’re around my neck, and her fingers thread through my hair. I tilt my head to the side, deepenin’ the kiss, not able to get close enough, never enough. Our chests hit each other’s with our heavy breathin’, our tongues tastin’ each other’s. My moan is caught by her mouth as I press against it harder. I barely hear her gasp for air over the loudness of the storm. I pull back, pressin’ my forehead against hers, us both tryin’ to catch our breaths. I look down and into her eyes, fire and desire burnin’ there, her cheeks flushed and wet.
“Trevor,” she whispers.
I place two fingers against her lips. “I’m scared,” I confess.
Her brows lower, her eyes changin’ to concern.
“Why?” Her word so quiet, the one question I’m afraid to answer, her lips pressin’ against my fingers.
My whole body tenses up. My eyes look deeply into hers. Fear takes hold of me, this moment, the moment that means everythin’.
“Because I’m afraid of losin’ you,” I whisper back.
Thunder roars again, the flashes of lightnin’ hits all around us. Her mouth crashes to mine. Her arms pull me in tight. We move together, frantically, never heedin’. I rub against her, my cock strainin’ for her. She pushes back, the place I want to be inside of so badly, movin’ against me. I move back but a breath, rub my face against hers. “I love you, Prie. I need you.” I hear a sob escape and turn my head, her lips findin’ mine again. Her tears flow down over our wet skin. She shivers. I reach behind me and take her hand, forcin’ my mouth to release hers. She doesn’t hesitate to follow me, the rain heavy as I take her around the house and to the porch. I open the door, leadin’ her inside where it’s warm. I start to close the door when I’m pushed against it, her mouth claimin’ mine again, hard. Her hands are pressed against my chest, fistin’ my t-shirt, while mine are interlocked in her wet and mangled hair. I briefly think I should go get her a towel when she stops kissin’ me, steppin’ backwards.
No!
Caprice
I’m so nervous, so scared to find out if there’s still a chance. This will help make my decision, the biggest one I’ve ever had to make. I can’t stay if he’s the same, won’t do that to myself again. He’s scared me before, hurting me without meaning to. I can’t live that way. I’ve come too far. All these thoughts fill my head as I sit on the plane, taking me back to the place I love. My friends. Family. I’m excited to see them all again at the wedding in two days. Shiloh had said she and Colby would pick me up at the airport but I thanked her and told her I’d rent a car. I don’t know how long I’m staying yet. If I stay, I’ll just have one of them follow me to the rental place to drop it off since I’ll have my car. There’s just something I have to do first and I need the drive in to think, build up my nerve.
The plane touches down, jolting me. When I get off and get my suitcase, I pull my purse strap up on my shoulder, put my backpack on my back, and walk to the car rental place. I’m all kinds of nervous inside, not sure this is my best decision. Once in the car, I set the GPS to Shiloh’s address and start driving the thirty minute drive. I take a drink of my Coke that I’d bought at the airport, my throat so dry from my anxiousness and worry. The dark sky seems almost threatening as rain begins to sprinkle on the windshield. Turning on the wipers, I start biting the inside of my cheek as I grow closer to town. As I drive through the downpour of rain, I can barely see the coffee shop or the grocery store where I worked. Every once in a while, thunder would boom and lightning would light up my surroundings for a fleeting moment. My heart starts racing as I turn onto Catur Road, water standing in spots on the dirt, turning it into mud. The closer I get the more thoughts if I’m making the right decision enter my head.
I peer out the window as I pass by their house, barely able to see the lights on in various windows. I look forward, and my resolve strengthens, even though my hands are shaking on the wheel. I turn off, fear grabbing me again, as I make my way up the drive. I park next to his truck, shut off the lights but can’t bring myself to turn off the engine. I had noticed a few lights on through the front windows. Finally, I take a deep breath, cut the engine, and open my door. Rain hits me hard, the wind blowing my long hair around me and into my face. I run to the porch and up the front steps, the overhang helping to keep some rain off me but the wind is too fierce. Standing at the door, I raise my hand, giving the wood a timid knock. He’ll never hear it with the raging storm. I knock harder, the rain soaking me as I wait. No answer. I wonder where he is. Lightning cracks as thunder booms again. I laugh, out of hysteria, as the ground vibrates with the loudness. I turn, making my way down the steps, running towards the side of the house. Maybe he’s tending his stock. I bet they’re frightened with the storm.
I forgot just how far it seems to get to the barn. The light coming out of the open doors is like a beacon in the raging and whipping rain. I’m soaked, dripping wet, by the time I reach them. I walk inside and stop in my tracks abruptly. He’s there, standing in a stall, next to a horse I’m not familiar with. I watch him remove the saddle from its back, his muscles rippling with his movements. He’s more beautiful than any man I’ve ever seen, movie stars are beneath his gorgeousness. They don’t even come close. He turns and my heart beats into overdrive, feeling it pounding against my chest. He takes my breath away as I watch him and his strength carry the heavy saddle out of the stall with ease. He sees me and stops dead.
“Trevor,” I whisper. The word flows from my mouth easily. Suddenly, I can’t breathe.
“Prie,” he chokes out my name, seeming lost in his emotions.
I watch him walk over to a rack, setting the saddle down. He picks up a towel and starts rubbing off the water, shifting his eyes my way like he doesn’t quite know what to do. I shiver at the intensity of his gaze as his eyes travel down my body then back, his eyes widening in recognition of the t-shirt of his I’m wearing. They travel up until he looks into my eyes. He tells me I look good, asks me how I am. I smile as I te
ll him I got my GED. He’s proud of me. I knew he would be. Always encouraged me, always wanted the best for me. He wants to go to his house but that may make this harder so I shake my head and take a step back. I watch him put the towel down on the table and take a step towards me. He’s afraid I’ll catch something, get sick. So caring, always looking out for me. I tell him he looks good too, that I wanted to see him before the wedding. I don’t tell him why. Not yet. My breathing is erratic, my chest moving up and down rapidly. He takes another step towards me as I take one back, almost to the door. My hands are wet and slick against the metal case behind my back. The things in there could break us, shatter us whole. Has he changed? Will he be able to handle it?
I ask him how he’s been, hoping against hope that he’s try to get healed, tried to deal with his past. He tells me what all he’s done on his farm, not what I was hoping for. Not what I need to hear. So I ask him again, hoping he gets my meaning. He does. Tells me he’s better but not there yet. My heart sinks, breaks with his words. He takes another step to me and I back up again. He’s concerned that I’m cold as I shiver again, not as much with the cold as I am with fear. He wants to take me to his house but I can’t, not now. Maybe not ever. He keeps taking steps towards me. I finally hold my ground, letting him reach me. His fingers run through my matted hair. His warm palm lays against the wet skin on my face. I let him – closing my eyes to the feeling. I can’t seem to stop myself, wanting to feel him again. Needing it. Needing his touch.
I grip the metal box behind me, all the blood flowing out of my hands and fingers from the coldness and severe strength tightening around it. I open my eyes, they widen as I take a step back, his hand leaving my face cold. He looks as nervous as I am or maybe I’m imagining that. I set my resolve, knowing I need to do this as hard as it is. This could be it, the final moment, the one thing that could separate us forever and make my decision for me. I gather my strength, bring my arms out from behind me and hold the case out to him.
“I brought you something from home,” I tell him. He looks at me warily, suspiciously.
Curiously, he asks me what’s in it. My heart chokes me as I open the lid, taking a step closer to him. I swallow hard, not able to choke down the lump at the base of my throat. “It’s the letters from Hattie to you and those you sent to her.”
I watch his brows lower, clearly uncomfortable. “How can this be? Is this some kind of a joke?”
He doesn’t believe me, doesn’t believe they’re real. Shock. Dismay. My heart breaks more. I knew this was going to be hard, knew what the outcome could be but I knew I had to do it. He needs these, if nothing more than to try to help him heal, face his past. I had to do it for him even though I might lose him.
Please take them.
Don’t push me away.
“How do you have those, Prie?” His voice is angry, hurt, unbelieving.
Determination takes over, raising my chin up to him. I’ll not let him destroy what I’ve built, the healing I’ve done, how strong I’ve become. It might be the beginning of the end for us but I have to do this. For me. For us. “I sold my house. When I was going through everything, I found this in a safe in the basement. Dad must have put them in there.” I have to stand up to him, no matter how bad it hurts. Kills me. I take another step to him, lifting my hands with the case. “I thought you’d like to have them. I thought maybe it would help you to read what she wrote to you so long ago.” He’s unsure, maybe a little scared.
Don’t make me beg.
He finally takes the last step between us, taking the case from my hands. I take a step back, a little nervous of what he’ll do next. He’s never meant to hurt me, I know, but I’m not taking the chance. His eyes snap to mine as I chew on the inside of my raw mouth. He looks down at the case in his hands, gripping it tightly then looks back at me. “Don’t go.” He’s pleading, begging. I startle when the horses grow restless, the thunder making them whinny and move around in their stalls. I brush my fingers through my wet snarled hair nervously, my hand shaking.
“I should go.” I don’t want to. I so badly want him to take me in his arms, feel them around me as he tells me he’s better, that he can handle anything, everything. But I don’t think he can. I turn as he gives me a nod, telling me I’m right to leave. I give him a timid smile, letting him know I understand even though my heart breaks the rest of the way, shatters into a million pieces, never to know his love again. Never to feel those strong arms around me, breathe in his amazing smell, feel the touch of his strong but gentle hands. I walk through the doorway, the rain hitting me as soon as I get near, trying to hold my tears back. I get outside, the wind strong, pelting the rain against me harder as I take off in a run, not able to hold back my tears any longer. This might have been a mistake, the biggest one of my life, but I had to do it. For him.
It’s so dark and with the raging storm, it’s difficult to find my way. As I round the house I hear something, faint in the darkness, visibility gone. Lightning brightens the area for a brief moment. I see him in the shadows, running after me. My heart chokes me. My tears falling heavily now down my face. I turn and start running again, out of fear, desperation. I ache for him, long for him, but now know I can’t have him. He’s still too broken, too damaged. I can’t take the chance of him destroying me, destroying us, not when I’ve fought so hard to get my life back. I’m almost to the end of the house, my car right around the corner. Even through the loudest of the rain, the whipping of the limbs on the trees, I hear his heavy running footsteps as he gets nearer.
Suddenly, he grabs my arm, turning me around quickly. His other hand grabs my other arm, pushing me unsteadily up against the side of his house. I shiver – cold, wet, scared. I look up into his eyes, both of us breathing heavily from our exertion. His hands hold my arms tightly, fear builds within me even though deep down I know he’d never hurt me.
“Please,” he begs. He gasps, trying to get air inside him, much as I’m trying to do. “Please, don’t leave.”
My eyes search his as he releases his hold on one of my arms. I close my eyes as his fingers touch my arm blazing a hot trail over my collarbone, my neck, my chin, then into my hair. His palm is wet, cold to the touch as he lays it over the side of my face. I shiver but not from the coolness of the night or the rain that’s not letting up but from his body becoming flush against mine, his touch that melts me, fills me whole. He rubs his thumb over my cheek, and I open my eyes to him, his filled with care, tenderness.
“No. I’m not gonna read them.” My brows raise in question. I shake my head, not understanding. He takes a deep breath, the anticipation killing me. He releases my other arm, moving it underneath my weighted wet hair, until he grasps the back of my neck, holding me, pinning me as I search his eyes. “I couldn’t love you the way you needed. The way you deserved. I wasn’t good for you.” My heart beats frantically. No! He’s telling me to go, that he can’t love me. My heart breaks again, shatters. I might not survive this. The tears I hadn’t realized were there fall down my face, becoming mixed with the rain. “I don’t need to read the letters as they’re part of my past, my youth. Maybe someday.” He swallows hard, moving his thumb from my cheek down to my lower lip, running it across the coolness there. He watches it then moves his eyes back up to mine. “I’ve lost a lot in my life. My home. The person I thought was my life, my love.” I swallow hard, not able to move, my heart stops. “At times I lost my sanity, doin’ things that no longer made me respect myself. I lost myself. Not proud of that.” His mouth turns up into a slight grin, making me confused, my heart bleeding for him, what he’s confessing to me. “I’ve battled my demons, Prie, fought hard.” My heart starts beating again, hoping. Praying. “Not sayin’ I still don’t have a ways to go but I’m so much better, stronger.” The corner of his mouth lifts ever so slightly. He moves his hand from the back of my neck, bringing it around, holding both sides of my face now. Tenderly. Lovingl
y. “I love you, Prie Greer.” My breathing speeds up, and my chest is heaving against his. “I don’t want anyone else, don’t think of anyone else. I think about you every second of the day, every day of the week, and every week of every damn month.” I can’t stop the small laugh that escapes me. “I don’t want you to leave me, ever again. I don’t wanna live without you. I can’t live without you.”
I open my mouth to speak, wanting to say the words back to him, expel them from my full heart, but he stops me with his mouth pressing hard against mine. He pins me against the wet wood of the house with his body flush against mine. I feel his hardness against me. My hips buck and rub up and down, aching for him to be inside me. I catch his moan in my mouth, guttural, deep, making me want him even more. I gasp for air, his mouth relentless on mine, not wanting to stop. Suddenly, he pulls back, just a breath away. I feel his warm breath on my face, our chests hitting each other’s as we both try to catch our breaths.
“Trevor,” I whisper, the storm making it hard to hear.
His eyes a darker blue, filled with the passion I’m feeling, escalating, longing. They change suddenly. A hint of fear creeps in them. “I’m scared.” His voice is but a whisper, his closeness letting me hear them through the beating rain.
My eyes search his, trying to understand. How could he be afraid? He’s the strongest person I know even damaged, his demons a constant battle. “Why?” I ask curious yet hesitant to know, my own fear of what his answer could be. His body stiffens. My heart beats so hard I’m sure he can feel it against his chest. Waiting. It feels like an eternity before his mouth opens again.
“Because I’m afraid of losin’ you.” His voice soft, tender, full of the same fear that I have, that I’ve been feeling for days.