Or it would go really well. Hudson would be there telling Ava that she really needs to butt out and leave us alone. She would understand, having just had the closure she needed, and we would live happily ever after. Hudson would completely understand my wanting to confront them, and he wouldn’t be upset that I drove all the way out to Malibu to find out if he was there.
Neither of those were realistic. I squeezed my eyes tight and tried to think of a more realistic scenario but nothing came to mind. Every scenario made me look like the crazy one in the end, and I knew I was far from crazy.
Before I had a chance to dream up yet another scenario, I caught a glimpse of Hudson leaving Ava’s house and getting into his car. As I silently cursed myself and prayed he wouldn’t see me, I peeled off and turned left down a small paved road with a “private drive” sign. With my car far enough away from the main road, Hudson wouldn’t see me.
While I sat parked under a canopy of lush green, I waited for him to speed past, and he did. I gave him several more minutes to get ahead of me and then typed his address into my navigation system, only something strange happened. The screen turned yellow. Then green. Then stripes covered it and it made some sort of beeping noise. I bashed the top of the dash with my hands, hoping to get it working again, but the screen only went black.
I shut the car off and turned it back on. That worked for most electronics, right? That didn’t work either. The navigation system was completely down.
With hot tears in my pathetic little eyes, I tried to remember how I got there. I’d taken so many turns it’d be damn near impossible to remember the reverse route, but I was going to try.
I headed back towards the PCH and hoped for the best. A few turns and a good hour later, I’d somehow ended up in some little beachy town. Only it wasn’t quaint or sweet. It was a little run down and scary. And no one could pay me enough to step out of my vehicle and ask someone for directions.
My phone vibrated in my lap. It was Hudson calling.
“Hello?” I answered, trying to act casual.
“Where are you?” he asked. His tone wasn’t accusatory, thank goodness, which meant he hadn’t seen me spying on him. He seemed more worried than anything else.
“I’m just driving around,” I said. “Thought it’d be a nice day for a drive. Needed to get out of the house.”
“Uh, huh,” he said. “Where?”
I looked around for a sign or a business with the town’s name on it, but I didn’t see anything.
“You still there?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I don’t know the name of the town I’m in right now.”
“Did you get lost?” he asked with a laugh. “You know you have nav, right?”
“It’s broken,” I said flatly.
“Weird,” he said. “I’ll call the dealer first thing tomorrow. Just use your phone.”
“My phone?” Being so worked up had completely fried my brain cells apparently. I hadn’t even thought to use my phone to get directions.
“Yeah. Use the nav feature on your phone or use Google Maps,” he said, drawing out his words as if he were speaking to an imbecile. “Are you okay? You seem a little…distraught.”
“I’m fine.” He could probably hear the lie in my tone. “Here’s a sign. Okay, I’m in Maplewood.”
“Maplewood?” he said. “That’s just outside of Malibu. What were you doing all the way over there?”
Busted.
I sighed. I didn’t want to lie to him anymore. I was tired of the lies. I just wanted an open dialogue between us. I couldn’t move forward without it.
“When I came home from brunch, you were gone,” I said. “And Flor wouldn’t tell me where you were.”
“I don’t usually tell her where I’m going,” he said, growing defensive.
“After the whole Ava thing…I just got worried,” I admitted. “I had to see for myself.”
“Did you find what you were looking for?” He asked. His voice was dry.
“Yep,” I replied. “Sure did.”
And then, with perfect timing, my navigation kicked back on. It was as if it had never been broken in the first place. I hung up on Hudson, fought back the tears, swallowed the dry lump in my throat, and typed Alec’s address into the system.
***
“Brynn, what are you doing here?” Alec said as I stood in front of the door to his condo. “Couldn’t get enough of me at brunch this morning?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to speak of what had just happened.
“Talk to me,” he said as he pulled me in and shut the door. “Go sit down. Do you want something to drink?”
I shook my head no, still unable to verbalize a damn thing.
“Did something happen with Ava? Hudson?” he asked.
I nodded. We were now playing Twenty Questions.
“Did you and Hudson break up?” he asked.
I shrugged my shoulders as if to say I just didn’t know.
“Okay, you need to talk to me, honey,” he said. “I’m too old for this guessing game nonsense.”
He crossed his arms and took a seat next to me, studying my eyes.
“All men are pigs,” I sobbed. “No offense.”
“Oh, honey, none taken,” he smirked as he waved his hand. “What happened though?”
“I just want to understand,” I said. “Nothing makes sense.”
“What? What doesn’t make sense?” I could tell he was growing frustrated with me. My thoughts were a little all over the place, and naturally so were my words.
“Everything was going so well for us,” I said as I reached for a tissue from his coffee table and dabbed my eyes. “I came home from brunch today expecting to see him, but he was gone. I drove out to Malibu – “
“You drove out to Malibu?” He interrupted me. “Don’t tell me you went to Ava’s house…”
I nodded.
“And Hudson’s car was there,” I said. Just saying those words made my lip tremble, but I managed to fight it off. “What was he doing there, Alec?”
He looked just as perplexed as me, and I could tell he didn’t want to say anything to make me feel worse.
“I just don’t understand,” I said.
“Don’t even try.” He put his hand on my knee. “Trying to understand will only make you feel worse. Have you talked to him? Does he know you saw him?”
“Yeah,” I said. “He knows alright.”
“And what did he say?”
“I didn’t even give him a chance to explain,” I said. “He always manages to tell me what I want to hear, and I go running back to him every time. I didn’t give him the chance this time. I just hung up on him.”
Alec pursed his lips and breathed loudly through his nose. He felt sorry for me. Anyone else would’ve known better than to get involved with someone like Hudson, but not the poor little naïve country girl from Iowa. He probably saw this whole mess coming from a mile away.
“What am I supposed to do?” I asked him. “I don’t want to go back home. But I can’t stay here either.”
“And why can’t you stay here?” he asked. To him, L.A. was the center of the universe.
“I can’t afford to live here,” I huffed. “I don’t have a single penny to my name. Hudson pays for everything.”
Alec pursed his lips again and looked deep in thought.
“You can stay with me for a little bit until you get on your feet,” he offered after much deliberation.
It was as the sun had just broken through the clouds, and I realized that things didn’t have to be so shitty. Nice people did exist, and Alec was one of them.
“Are you serious?” I asked him. “You don’t have to do that for me.”
“I want to,” he said. “Besides, I was thinking of hiring an assistant.”
“An assistant?” I asked. “But I don’t know anything about styling people.”
“Brynn, give yourself a little more credit,
” he laughed. “You’ve come a long way, and there’s so much more I can teach you. In the meantime, you can sort of be my gopher. Steam clothes. Make appointments. Accompany me to job sites. Be my little bitch.”
I smiled for the first time all afternoon.
“I don’t pay much,” he said. “We’ll start you off at forty.”
“Forty?” I asked.
“Forty thousand. A year,” he said.
“F-forty thousand dollars?” I asked, unsure if I’d heard him right.
“Yeah,” he said. “Wish I could give you more than that.”
“No, no,” I said. “That’s perfectly fine.”
His salary offer was a far cry from the three bucks an hour plus tips I used to make back home.
“I don’t have benefits,” he said. “Or paid time off.”
“That’s fine,” I said, still in shock from his salary offer.
“Brynn,” he said as he locked eyes with me. “We’re friends. Don’t make me regret this.”
“Never,” I said as I threw my arms around him and gave him the biggest bear hug.
Moving on without Hudson was going to be hard, but for the first time in my life I was going to have a real career. I could make something of myself. I vowed to myself never to become dependent on a man ever again. For anything. I never wanted to feel that way again.
“Your phone’s ringing,” Alec pointed to my bag. I must have tuned out the vibrating as I was lost in thought.
I reached in and pulled out the shiny, glass phone. It was Hudson.
“It’s Hudson,” I said, shooting Alec a look of annoyance. I pressed the “ignore” button and threw the phone back in my purse.
CHAPTER 26
Reality smacked me on the face the moment I woke up Tuesday morning. With a headache reminding me that Alec and I had drank too much the night before and a crick in my neck from passing out on the sofa, I knew my life had officially veered in a completely different direction from just twenty-four hours ago.
My stomach growled, but I was too afraid to go ransacking Alec’s cabinets for something to eat. We were good friends, but we weren’t that close. It didn’t seem right, and the last thing I wanted to do was be that annoying house guest who makes themselves too much at home. He was the only thing I had in that town. I didn’t want to go wearing out my welcome quite yet.
I ventured out past the sliding glass doors that led to his little five by seven balcony. Below the jarring symphony of traffic sounds and people starting their day was a sad replacement for the chirping birds and waterfall sounds of Hudson’s back yard.
As I took a seat on one of the balcony chairs, I couldn’t get comfortable. I leaned from side to side and repositioned myself before realizing my phone was in my back pocket. I whipped it out, trying to talk myself out of checking for messages, but I couldn’t not look. It was right there. On the screen. Eleven missed calls and seven text messages all from Hudson.
I smiled, though I shouldn’t have. I needed to move on. I needed to close that chapter. I could never be with a man who wasn’t completely honest with me, no matter how wonderful he treated me. Nice cars, fancy clothes, and extravagant dinners were no substitute for the things that made a relationship solid. Things like honesty, fortitude, and openness – those were the things that were worth their weight in gold.
“Hey, what are you doing out here?” It was Alec. He looked adorable in his silky pajamas and his messy bedhead hair. He slipped some black sunglasses over his squinty eyes. “I didn’t see you on the couch when I got up. Thought for a minute you went back to Hudson.”
“No,” I laughed. “Still here…”
“When are you going to go get your things?” he asked as he took a seat next to me.
I half expected him to hand me a mug of tea or something. I’d been spoiled. And I chided myself for forgetting my roots. I was so used to being waited on hand and foot. It wouldn’t be long before that lifestyle would be a distant memory. A small blip on my timeline.
“All those things,” I said. “They don’t belong to me. He bought them. I don’t have anything over there that’s really even mine.”
“He bought them for you,” Alec argued. “Therefor they are yours.”
“I don’t want to see him,” I said. “Not yet. He’s just going to talk me into staying.”
“Stay strong, sister,” he said with a playful nudge. “Get your things and get going. Don’t stay and chat.”
“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t see that scenario being that easy though. I was always powerless around Hudson. Those lips. Those eyes. Those hands. His words. He was my kryptonite.
“Can you do me a favor?” Alec asked.
“Of course. Anything.”
“Please don’t tell him I took you in,” he said. “I really don’t want to lose him as a client.”
“He knows you’re, like, the only friend I have out here,” I said. “He’s not dumb. He’ll figure it out.”
Alec’s shoulders drooped.
“He’s not going to sabotage your career if that’s what you’re worried about,” I said. “He’s not a vindictive person. He’s not Ava.”
Alec shuddered. “Her name literally gives me the chills. She’s such an icy cold bitch.”
I laughed and leaned my head against his shoulder.
“I guess I should head over there and get it over with.” I stood up and stretched. My heart pounded at the mere thought of seeing him again. Alec was right though. I had to be strong. I had to stand my ground with him.
***
The hot leather of the white Mercedes nearly burned my skin as I headed back towards Brentwood. From stoplight to stoplight, I touched up my makeup and slicked my hair up into a messy top knot. I chewed gum like it was my job. I knew I looked a hot mess.
Nervousness and anxiety flooded through me as I approached his street and pulled into his driveway. I pulled up to the key code box and punched in the code. Nothing. I tried it again. Nothing. It hadn’t even been half a day and Hudson had already changed the code to the gate and locked me out of the house.
It seemed so unlike him. Hudson was usually so benign. Part of me assumed he still wanted me back, so it didn’t make sense that he’d change the code and essentially keep me away.
I pulled out and turned back down the street to head back to Alec’s. I was going to need a pay advance so I could build up a new wardrobe. Or at least get some toothpaste and clean underwear. The clothes on my back were officially all I had.
***
I turned right at the stoplight down the road from Hudson’s house, only to pass by Hudson himself. He was sitting at the light, waiting to turn left, and he spotted me immediately. We made eye contact for just a split second, but that was all it took. In my review mirror, I saw him pull a u-turn in the middle of the intersection, nearly get hit by oncoming traffic, and speed up until he was right behind me.
I couldn’t run from him forever. I was driving on of his cars after all. I pulled off into a nearby parking lot of a pharmacy chain store with him following behind me. I rolled my window down and remembered Alec’s words from earlier. I had to be strong.
“Brynn,” he said as he ran out of his car and came to my window.
He leaned down and rested his hands on the window ledge. I couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes. I knew it would be all over from there if I did. Instead, I stared at the gold Rolex on his wrist and watched the second hand tick by in slow motion.
“Look at me, Brynn,” he said. I still couldn’t.
“Do you want your car back?” I asked, still staring at his watch.
“My car? Brynn, God, no,” he said. “We can worry about that another time. Where did you stay last night?”
He wasted no time.
“With a friend,” I said.
“I was so worried about you,” he replied. “I know you don’t know a lot of people here. Sorry I texted and called you so much.”
He was being so sweet. Hudson was alw
ays sweet though. His sweetness was my biggest weakness. If I wasn’t so pissed at him, I would’ve jumped into his arms then and there.
“It’s okay,” I replied. I was already starting to cave. I could feel it.
“Why were you at Ava’s yesterday?” I asked the million dollar question. My hands glided over the leather-bound steering wheel, stopping to grip it tightly as I waited for his response. My palms were sweaty, and I chided myself for asking that question. He was just going to tell me what I wanted to hear.
The silence went on for too long. It wasn’t like Hudson to not have an answer for everything. I finally looked up at him to see what was taking so long, only to see him standing there with his hands covering his eyes.
“Hudson?” I asked. Was he crying?
He ran his fingers through his dark hair and took a step back.
“I can’t win with you, Brynn,” he said. He looked tired. Defeated. And slightly on the verge of tears. “Nothing I ever do is good enough for you.”
“That’s not true,” I said.
“Anytime I try to do something for you, I’m instantly accused of doing something wrong,” he said. “I give up, Brynn. If you want me, you know where to find me. But I’m tired of constantly trying to prove to you that I’m a good guy.”
He threw his hands in the air and walked backwards, his eyes filled with disappointment. He wasn’t going to fight for us. Not this time. He wasn’t going to give me a perfect little Hudson explanation. He wasn’t going to even try.
I’d royally fucked up. At least I was 95% certain.
I slipped on my sunglasses and watched as he climbed back into his Range Rover and drove home. It was really over this time. There was going to be no back and forth banter. No crazy makeup sex. No Hudson telling me how crazy he was about me and how he would do anything to make me happy.
In the short time that I’d known him, he’d whisked me away, treated me like a princess, and shown me things I’d never have seen otherwise. He took me under his wing. Gave me a car worth more than most people’s salaries. A wardrobe any girl would die for. Jewelry. Access to his personal trainer and top-notch stylists and industry professionals. He put my mom in one of the best treatment centers in the country. He’d given me the keys to his kingdom and placed the world at my fingertips. Not once did he ever ask for anything in return except for me to love him.
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