“Yes.” Mika took a breath. “I’m attracted to you, I’m certain you’re attracted to me as well, and we have time to kill. I say we go for it.”
James frowned. “Wow, that’s romantic.”
“Does it need to be romantic? It seems to me like everything that happened today was leading up to this. Plus, you want to do something daring, and I . . .” Mika paused, uncertainty darting across his face. He seemed to be struggling with what he wanted to say. “I’m willing to help you.”
Mika’s apparent nonchalance was doing nothing for James’s libido. “Oh wow, ‘willing to help.’ That’s the sexiest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“I’m trying to be delicate about this. And to not scare you, because you look like you could spook at any moment. But if you want more explicit language, I can do that too. When we get on the plane, let’s have sex.” Mika’s blush renewed.
Something about this wasn’t quite right. Looking away, James moved to stand up. “Look, Mika, you don’t need to do me any favors. I get that you want to help, but—”
The rest of his sentence was cut off by Mika’s lips.
Right there at the airport bar, in full view of everyone around them, Mika kissed him.
James was too surprised to react at first. Mika’s lips were warm and soft. He kissed much more gently than James would have expected. Before James could think it through, he kissed Mika back, tilting his head to slot their lips more fully together. Mika made a small noise against his mouth, and pure want rolled through James in waves.
His hands found their way into Mika’s dark hair. He tugged on it, and Mika made another small, hopelessly erotic sound. James could listen to that all night—could kiss Mika all night—if there weren’t a slew of other things he’d rather be doing.
But then, Mika swiped his tongue across James’s bottom lip, and James tasted beer. Reality came rushing back to him.
He wrenched his head away with a gasp. “Mika, what are we doing?”
“Kissing.” Mika looked giddy. “I’d think that much was obvious.”
But James wasn’t amused. “You’re drunk. We both are. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“I admit I’m not as sober as I was this morning, but we both switched to water, and I wanted you long before I had a drink.” Mika paused. “But if you’re not into me, I understand. You can be honest with me, and I’ll drop it.”
That wasn’t the problem at all. It was quite the opposite. It’d only been half a day, and James already felt more connected to Mika than he had to some of the men he’d dated for months. It was bizarre that two people could be so different and yet work so well together.
More surprising than that realization was the one that hit James next: he didn’t want to hook up when it came to Mika. He wanted something more. And that was a terrifying thought. Especially because Mika had said several times that this was a no-strings-attached situation.
“I don’t think this is a good idea.” James stood up. A brutal combination of desire and anxiety made his knees wobble. “We should get back to the gate.”
Mika stood up too and caught his arm. “James, you’re doing it again. You’re running away. Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t do this.”
Boy, did James not want to have this conversation right now. He’d sobered up instantly, and his head was pounding with the beginnings of a hangover. He wanted water and alone time to sort through all this crap. How could he have developed feelings for a man he’d just met? How sad was he?
First, he needed to shake Mika. If he confessed, there was no telling how Mika would react, and James didn’t think he could handle being rejected after all this. He settled for a different truth. “I can give you three reasons. One, we’ve both been drinking. Two, having sex on an airplane is illegal, as you well know with all the traveling you’ve done. And three . . . um, airplane toilets are unsanitary.”
Okay, so that last one was a bit of a stretch, but you made your point.
James expected Mika to back off, but instead he grinned like he’d won something. “I can’t help but notice that you never said you don’t want me.”
Goddamn it.
James took a deep breath. “I won’t deny it. I’m attracted to you. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to have sex with you. I’m not like you, Mika. This isn’t a joke to me.”
Mika’s eyes shuttered as if someone had drawn the blinds behind them. “Wow, that’s almost poetic.”
James frowned. “What is?”
“The one time I’m actually serious with a guy, I still get treated like a fucking joke.” Mika turned away. “Goodbye, James.”
Before James could stop him, Mika grabbed his bag and stalked off, his back stiff and his shoulders set.
As he watched Mika walk away, James was hit by the same sinking feeling he’d gotten when David had broken up with him. And the same, inarguable knowledge that this was all his fault.
Mika’s expression must have been something to behold, because as he stomped his way back to gate three, people actually scrambled out of the way. Angry as he must look on the outside, inside he was a maelstrom of emotions: disappointment, confusion, and yeah, anger.
He didn’t care that he’d been rejected. He was a big boy; he could handle that. He was upset because no matter what he did—no matter how sincere he was—at the end of the day, people still discredited him. Lovers. Coworkers. Everyone.
When Mika had propositioned James, he hadn’t done it so James could do something spontaneous. That was just a handy excuse. He’d done it because they’d both wanted it, needed it. Or so he’d thought. As it turned out, they weren’t on the same page after all.
He’d thought James was different. James had listened to him. He’d told James things he’d never told anyone else: uncertainties and insecurities that he didn’t even like to acknowledge. James was supposed to understand him, but instead James had written him off, same as the rest of them. And to think, Mika had told him straight-up that people didn’t take him seriously.
Well, Mika was tired of it. James could take his assumptions and his awful, beautiful smile and shove it.
You know you’re not really mad at James. You’re mad at yourself.
God, he hated it when his inner voice was right. This was his fault for not stating his intentions from the start. He liked James. He wanted to explore what was building between them. That should be the simplest fucking thing in the world. But no, Mika always had to act all cool and nonchalant. He had to play it off like this was a casual encounter, because what he really felt was terrifying.
No wonder James thought he was a joke. No wonder he’d balked when Mika had propositioned him. Which, of course, had made Mika clam up and then pull a Great Escape. What a mess.
He needed to face facts. James was attracted to him, but that didn’t mean he felt anything more. Not like Mika did. James was sweet and serious and had actual relationship experience. Mika, meanwhile, was a bitter and acerbic asshole who did nothing but drive people away. Hell, he’d done his best to drive James away from the moment they’d met. Why had he ever allowed himself to think he had a shot?
Because you’re a masochist, apparently.
Shoving his dark thoughts into a corner, Mika stopped off at a bathroom on the way back. He’d needed to go for the past hour—damn alcohol—but as invested as he’d been in his conversation with James, he’d held off.
When he looked in the mirror above the line of sinks, he was surprised to see his eyes were red. Not tired red or bloodshot. About-to-cry red. Jesus. All he needed was to have a big emotional outburst in the middle of a fucking airport. Or rather, a second one. His display back at the bar had garnered him a few odd looks. Ugh.
Mika exited the bathroom, found gate three, and plopped into the first empty seat he saw, suddenly exhausted. His eyes wanted to scan the crowd for James, but he kept them fixed on the ground. If he saw James, he didn’t know what he’d do. At this point, he just wanted to get out of th
is godforsaken airport and onto a damn plane already.
Outside the windows, night had fallen. Rain streaked the gray glass, which fit Mika’s tempestuous mood. As he fumed, it occurred to him that he might be overreacting. He wasn’t the sort to storm off, or cause a big, dramatic scene. There was a chance he wasn’t taking this rejection as well as he’d like to pretend, and unfortunately, he knew why.
Mika had realized early in their time at the bar that he had genuine feelings for James. Frightening, irrational feelings for a man he’d met earlier that day. How the hell was Mika supposed to tell James that? What could he say?
Hey, so, I know we’ve known each other for, like, a day, and we hated each other for most of that, but I think we’re kind of perfect together. Hopefully that doesn’t freak you out, even though it sure as fuck freaks me out.
The answer was simple: he couldn’t tell James. There was no way. And so, he’d done the next best thing: he’d propositioned him. Because if Mika couldn’t tell James how much he liked him, maybe he could show him.
So much for that.
Out of the corner of his eye, Mika saw movement. He looked as far over as he could without turning his head. James had appeared at the mouth of the row and was hovering there. Fuck. How had he not beaten Mika here?
He had as much to drink as you did. He probably had to hit the head too.
Whatever. It didn’t matter. Mika turned his face away and stared at the windows, which were opaque with darkness and rain. The seats on either side of him were occupied, thank God. If James had tried to sit next to him, Mika didn’t know how he’d react. He might cause another scene, or worse, he might let him.
Before he could stew for much longer, an announcement came over the PA system.
“Passengers waiting for the delayed flight from Islip to Charleston, we have good news. Your plane has arrived and is landing as we speak. Once the passengers on board have disembarked, we’ll begin boarding. We should leave in less than an hour.”
Cheers and hoots sounded from everyone in the area. Mika added some enthusiastic applause to the mix. Thrilled as he was at the news, it was bittersweet. Soon, he’d be home. Soon, he’d walk away from this airport and everyone in it. Soon, he’d probably never see James again. He hadn’t thought to get James’s phone number earlier. He couldn’t contact him if he wanted to. And right now, he had no idea what he wanted.
As if cued by his thoughts, the lady to his left got up and wandered off, leaving her seat empty. Mika tensed and stared down at the ugly carpeting. He oscillated between praying James wouldn’t take the seat and praying he would. Both prospects tied his stomach into knots.
Sure enough, someone slid into the seat next to him. Mika didn’t have to look to know it was James. His heart rate tripled when something rustled next to him and then brushed his side.
“Can we talk?”
Mika sincerely wished he hadn’t had so much to drink earlier. He’d sobered up in record time—thanks to adrenaline, no doubt—but his head was still foggy. He couldn’t think of a good enough reason to refuse, so he shrugged. “What do you want?”
“Please give me a chance to explain.”
Despite himself, Mika looked over. The second he met James’s eyes, it was like he’d been punched in the gut. There was so much sadness in them, befitting their cool, blue color.
“There’s nothing more to talk about.” Mika crossed his arms over his chest and leaned away until he couldn’t feel James’s heat next to him anymore. “I clearly read the situation wrong. No need to go over it with a fine-toothed comb. I’d like to lick my wounds in peace.”
James frowned. “What makes you think you read it wrong?”
“Oh, come on. You were clearly uncomfortable.” Mika blew out a breath and pulled together the tattered remains of his pride. “I shouldn’t have propositioned you like that. I put you way outside your comfort zone. I’m sorry.”
A hint of a smile slid across James’s lips. “Don’t apologize. You didn’t make me uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, in fact.”
Mika searched James’s face for signs of dishonesty. His eyes got stuck somewhere around James’s lips. He’d suspected kissing James would be heavenly long before he’d done it, and lo and behold, he’d been right. How long was the memory of that kiss going to haunt him?
He shook his head to dispel the gloomy thought. “Will you please leave me alone? You don’t need to explain yourself. I got the message loud and clear.”
“What message?” James made a frustrated sound. “If you really want me to leave you alone, I will. But I don’t think that’s what you want.”
“Right, and having known me for—” Mika checked his phone “—six whole hours, you’re an expert.”
“Will you stop it with the sarcasm, please? I know your gambit, and it won’t work on me. You can’t chase me away with snide remarks and defensiveness. We’re going to talk about this.”
Mika rolled his eyes. “You’re so . . . mature. With your perceptiveness and your honest communication. It’s annoying. I’m trying to sulk here.”
James laughed, and the sound made Mika’s lips twitch up on reflex.
“Well, at least I know your sense of humor is intact. Dunno what I’d do without it.” James smiled. “Ready to talk now?”
Mika shifted in his seat. “I’d rather not. I’m trying to act like I’m handling this rejection well, and I’m not doing a very good job.”
“I didn’t reject you, Mika.”
“I don’t know what bar you were sitting at, but from where I was, I hit on you, and you turned me down. That’s what we in the peerage refer to as ‘rejection.’”
James tilted his head heavenward, as if seeking strength. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But I’m trying to explain. Hear me out? Please?”
“I’m not asking you to explain yourself. You don’t want to be with me? Fine. That’s all I need to know.”
“You’re not listening.” James exhaled sharply. “I do want you. That’s the whole problem.”
“Well, that makes perfect sense.” Mika sighed and looked around them. There was an older couple in the seats across the aisle who were doing a terrible job of pretending they weren’t eavesdropping. Reluctantly, Mika leaned closer to James and lowered his voice. “Do you always turn down the people you want to be with? Because that’s a little counterintuitive.”
“Look, when you suggested we—” he peeked around as well and lowered his head toward Mika until their foreheads were almost touching “—you know, I wanted to. I wanted to more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But I thought you wanted it to be a one-time thing, and I can’t do that. It would hurt too much.”
Mika blinked. “What? Why?”
“Because I like you, okay? I really like you. I think we’re weirdly perfect for each other. I know we just met, and that’s ridiculous, but it’s how I feel.” He let out a breath that ruffled the golden strands near his eyes. “Feel free to run away screaming now.”
Mika’s heart thudded hard in his chest. Was it possible he’d gotten this whole thing wrong? “Are you serious?”
“Of course I am. I may not have liked you when we first met, but I haven’t stopped thinking about you since then. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who captured my attention so thoroughly. When I’m with you, it’s like . . .” He looked around. “I don’t know, it’s like a camera lens coming into focus. Everything’s sharper, and I feel so much.”
Mika wanted so badly to believe what James was saying, to believe that James returned his feelings. But he couldn’t. Not after the conversation they’d had earlier.
He shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”
James’s eyes snapped over to him. “What? Why would you think that?”
“Because this is what you do, James. You’re the monogamy guy, remember? You don’t know how to just hook up with someone. You only know how to be in committed relationships. I believe that you like me, but I also think you’r
e falling into old habits. Bad habits. I’m not going to let you do that.”
James’s expression was horrified as he searched Mika’s face. “That’s not what this is at all. You have to believe me.”
“Well, I don’t.” Mika turned away as much as he could in his seat and stared out the windows. “We’ve both been in this airport for too long. We’ve invented a whole romance out of nothing.”
Silence. Mika fought the urge to glance back at James. If he did, what would he see? Anger? Heartbreak? He couldn’t say which would hurt him more.
After an interminable pause, James cleared his throat. “Does your offer still stand?”
Mika was so surprised, he jerked around. “What?”
James didn’t look angry or sad. He looked resolute. “Do you still want to hook up with me?”
“Uh.” Mika wet his lips. “Why?”
“Because I’ve changed, Mika. In the short time that I’ve known you, I’ve stood up for myself, pranked someone, and learned a lot. I’m not going to fall back into bad habits, and I’ll prove it. Stand up.” James climbed to his feet.
Without thinking, Mika followed. “Where are we going?”
“Shut up and follow me.” He shouldered his bag and strode down the aisle toward the main branch of the airport.
Mika grabbed his stuff as well and trailed after him, excitement and nerves coming together like reactive chemicals in his gut. He had to admit, James was extra sexy when he got all commanding.
The airport had emptied as the night wore on. Where there had once been streams of people, there were now trickles. One lone security guard was standing in line at the coffee place, facing away from them.
With unwavering confidence, James made his way to the family restroom, opened the door, and walked inside. Right before it shut behind him, he glanced back at Mika.
The message was clear: follow me.
Mika hesitated. Earlier, he’d jumped at the opportunity to have sex with James, but after what had gone down between them . . . everything had gotten so complicated. He wanted to—dear God, did he ever want to—but if James was deluding himself into thinking he had feelings for Mika, this was going to get ugly.
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