"No." I firmly stated, "My days of wanderlust are over. You know where I belong."
He nodded with an underline sadness,
"I know. I hope that someday I could break those chains."
I had to smile, "You already have."
Nathaniel's eye glimmered in delight. He kept watching me, and I kept watching him. Finally, we could control the excitement no longer. In the flash of a lightning strike, he pushed aside the table's decorations to meet me halfway, his lips biting mine lustfully. Bit by bit, our clothes became tattered imitations of their former glory.
His hands glided along the curves of my body, cupping my breasts as his own, sucking on them as if it were his last supper. My head tilted back as I embraced him, with a loud moan escaping into the air. Driving me to the ground, this mortal man - whose bones I could break with a mere thought, was on top of me; showing that he was indeed, my man.
Unafraid and sure, he knew he was the one for me and no one else - vampire or the like, could get in our way. His kisses felt like fire, each one storing its own commitment; telling me how much he appreciated every part of my body. The flesh between my legs would get the same treatment, till his phallus couldn't wait anymore. Entwined as one, he pushed and pushed, and pushed and I wanted every drop of the ecstasy he drove me to.
The flames grew relentless inside me. I didn't want to just lay there passively, I wanted to wrest the reins off my tamer's hand. I flipped on top of him, pinned him down in a fashion similar to the first time we met. I could see his mouth hanging in need. I kissed him deeply. The small vibrations in his pulse came dangerously close to driving me over the edge.
My fangs extended, ready to draw him in but I kept my control. Nathaniel was who I wanted. Who I needed and I was never willing to let him go...
The steam lasted for hours till we both collapsed exhausted and naked in each other's arms, looking out into the deep blue, reminiscing. I was drawing spiral shapes across his chest while my leg hugged across his body tightly, letting him know, he is mine and I, am his.
"I love you." He dropped his head to look me in the eye.
That word, 'love' hit me deeply. I kept staring at him, momentarily wondering what madness had consumed me. But I didn't let it end there. I couldn't.
"I love you too." I told him.
And to think, our hearts would condemn us.
The Order grew suspicious of my newfound attitude. They knew something was amiss. I was different; strange, by all means to what they'd found to be my usual demeanor. For, what reason did she have to smile? They probably wondered. After all, they'd assumed I'd accepted my grim fate and I wasn't at peace with it, but the knife was so far deep - I couldn't recover. So what would drive Halona to seek hope again?
Caelinus was no fool. Despite his arrogance, he was a crafty little devil. As if the complication of falling in love with a human wasn't enough to bear, Caelinus decided that it was a good time to seek me out amorously. Decades passed since the two of us became bound to each other simply out of duty, but he always wanted more. There was never a time he'd be satisfied. The power would come, and he'd already be plotting the schemes for his next play. The influence would arrive, and he'd be contemplating the ways to multiply the effect exponentially.
As for me? It was only a matter of timing, in his eyes. He would wait for the right opportunity. This is what made Caelinus a worthy adversary. My dealings with the human outsider, his contact, mind you - would be the perfect ticket to insert himself like a parasite, leeching the weakly reborn host.
"Going somewhere?" He stopped me one night in the hallways of the citadel, with folded arms and eyes that told me undoubtedly, he did not trust me. Yes, I was going somewhere. I was going to meet Nathaniel on another date. It became usual custom for me to sneak out late at night. I used to mix up the timing. I had to keep the stalkers on their toes.
"Yes." I boldly glanced at him without much desire to carry on any little game he had in mind, "I am."
"It's a bit late for our Queen to be out, isn't it? Do you not fear for your safety?" He calmly took careful steps toward me. I was amused. At the time, I felt powerful - and not only in a physical sense. I felt powerful because I felt loved.
"Should a nightwalker be afraid of what petty little humans can do?" My rebuttal came swift and laden with sarcasm.
Caelinus chuckled, "You know we have to keep you safe. More than the common nightwalker."
"I'm quite safe already."
"Where are you going, Alexia?" He stopped in front of me, eyeing me with accusations already boiling through his thick head.
"For a night's walk."
"Should I call the guards to escort you?"
"No, it will be fine. Thank you." I turned around, determined to get away from him as fast as possible until he grabbed my arm and spun me around to confront him.
"What do you think you're doing?" He demanded.
"Excuse me?"
His eyes grew fierce, "Do you think you can just walk outside these doors whenever you fancy? We're an Order. We have rules."
"Let go of me!" I shoved his hand away. The fire in me, rising. I was late for my date, but it would have to wait. This day was inevitable. I had to deal with it eventually - "Am I a prisoner here? Whatever happened to my free will?"
"Free will?" He mocked, "Are you still such a spoiled brat?"
"You're one to talk."
"We are damned!" He ignored my remark, "We walk in shadow! We do not go out at will. We preserve our heritage! We carry on the pain!"
"What is our heritage but an assemblage of lies? We've devolved beyond measure. Our merit cannot even withstand to call itself as much as a shade of our former glory. It's nothing more than a bloody masquerade!"
He became momentarily speechless. His jaw hung in disbelief at my ungratefulness for all he believed he graciously provided - "How dare you!" He hissed, "How dare you defile the blessings you've received. I made you what you are, and I could take it away!"
"Then you'd be doing us both a service." I tried slipping past him again but he reached for my arm and slammed me against the wall; his other hand fastened around my neck as I released an unintended, fearful yelp.
"Why do you defy me? Don't you understand? You belong to me!" His fangs extended as his hands started trailing down my body most undesirably.
"Get off me Caelinus!" I tried wringing myself out of his grasp, thinking on the repercussions the encounter would bring, but he grew more adamant.
He enjoyed the resistance. It turned him on. I was troubled - what should I do? Should I stay silent and take the abuse? Should I tear his rotten brat-prince head clean off?
"Get off me!" I warned him again.
But he did not stop. He didn't want to stop. In his eyes, I belonged to him. I owed him everything. The thought of Nathaniel standing alone in the dark, waiting for me while I was at the tip of being fornicated against my will, drove me to an almost lunatic frenzy. Caelinus' hands were already at my soft parts, determined to soothe me into submission. I was so confused. I didn't know if it was wise to let it happen or fight it.
I felt a powerful punch slam me in my stomach that rendered me completely stunned. Then he violently spun me around and pushed my head against the wall, bending my body to take his vile manhood as he ripped my beautiful dress to shreds. I couldn't believe this was happening, and the worst part of it all, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure if rebellion was the right thing. I wanted Nathaniel to be safe. My life didn't matter to me.
How could this be happening?
Why?! Why!
The undesirable, sickened twist of him getting the last laugh as he had his way with me became absolutely unbearable. His icy breath blowing on the back of my neck took it a level further and that was my breaking point - the moment it reminded me of my maker. I felt my eyes light up with pure rage. I spun around, pushing him off me with a telekinetic force that sent him flying backwards through the thick castle masonry into an adjacent room. He was
momentarily stunned and although severely injured, it was nothing that would kill him, but it would slow him down enough to facilitate my escape.
"You... " He harshly jeered as he stumbled to his feet, "You little whore! How dare you!"
I did not respond to him. I was so enraged that the next step was taking the confrontation to a life or death battle. I needed to get away, and so I did. I stormed out while he shouted a thousand curses and warned of the dark aftermath to come. I regretted my loss of control almost immediately.
It was clear to me that despite being a goddess in the eyes of my people, I held no true power in Cognati affairs. As much as my powers grew exponentially over the years, I put great care into hiding their true extent. In this maze of political intrigue and cutthroat backstage tactics, the last thing I wanted to present to those pulling the strings from the shadows, the real holders of power and influence, was a threat. It had served me well, as none of them were concerned over, or even aware of the danger a resurgent Halona would be to them, but in my moment of frenzy I had betrayed my secret and invited their scrutiny.
I tried not to burden myself with the repercussions of my carelessness. I told myself I could face the consequences and maybe negotiate my way out of my predicament. Truly, I'd say back then that I was ready to deal with it and truly, I'd say now, that I was doomed from the very start - no matter what I did.
Nathaniel waited patiently for me at the docks. I was late and I came bringing the baggage of my earlier transgression. Polluting our meeting was the least of my worries. I wanted to start fresh, but there was something else that needed to come out the dark.
"Milady." He greeted me once he identified the shadow was none other, but Nathaniel was observant. He knew something was off as he observed my dress, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I lied, and with a small struggle, I covered it with a smile - "I'm sorry I'm late."
"Don't apologize." He grinned. "You need not worry of such things. Come, I want to show you what the heavens have to offer on this wonderful night."
"Nathaniel... " I had to curb his enthusiasm. As if the event earlier weren't enough, there was another pressing matter to trouble him with. I swallowed in uncertainty. I wasn't sure if it was the right time to tell him.
"What is it Alexia? What troubles you so? You are strange today."
It was hard to hide anything from him.
"I am." I delicately traced my fingers along his working arm, holding his hand in mine. "I must tell you something."
"What is it?"
"I... " Maybe it wasn't the right time, "I... I - am with child."
"What?" He instantly grew shocked, "How is that possible? You're a blood drinker. I did not know of such miracles!"
"Miracle?" I couldn't believe what he was saying.
"Yes!" His face beamed, "Of course! Do you not feel this way too?"
"I don't understand. You are happy?"
Nathaniel excitedly wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close as he wooed in bliss, then he held me at arms-length, gazing me in an exhilarating elation.
"This is the greatest day of my life. I would've never thought this to happen."
I slowly slouched into shaking my head. Having a half-human child was considered an absolute abomination to my order, and furthermore, it was a difficult task to achieve - holding onto a human's sperm to create life? Only few could harness the power necessary. I wanted it, because I wanted him. I was willing to do whatever that would require.
And yet there I was, expecting him to curse me like never before, but he did the complete opposite. He blessed me. He was overjoyed, while I remained astonished at his acceptance that never ceased to grow. I wanted to cry. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy.
"You're so happy... " I remained dumbfounded by his nature as I traced my hand across his face, feeling his rugged skin as if I were capturing his essence one last time.
He made me feel so complete.
Nathaniel held my hands to his lips and kissed them, displaying a gentle, warm smile.
"I will become a father, and what child would have a better mother than you?"
A tear rolled down my cheek when I realized I had no choice but to return his warmth.
"I love you."
"And I love you." He firmly made sure I listened. "Forever."
Forever, he said.
Forever...
This was the single, greatest moment of my life. The complications of how to hide the child's existence would have to wait. I was excited, full of life - appreciative of destiny's wonder. At last, it came to me; that shining light that tipped the scales of euphoria in my favor. I didn't want to let go. Nathaniel and I went on to have a tremendous night, both of us simply beaming without abate. Then, the time came when we had to part ways, at least until it was safe to be wrapped in each other's arms again.
I returned to the citadel, still drunk on the excitement my lover and I shared and this made me pay no mind of the former scandal I endured. It wasn't until I arrived at the steps of the fortress that I realized the storm wasn't coming anymore. It had already arrived.
"Hello, Alexia." Caelinus greeted me, blocking my way at the bottom of the stairs. I did not reply to him, busy noticing certain members of the council gathered around me like a pack of hateful wolves.
"What is the meaning of this?" I asked, hoping they'd remember my import as their queen. None of them acknowledged me. Instead, they traded looks with the brat prince, as if he held the last say.
"This... " Caelinus took a step forward, looking at the ground in mordant regret. "Is the cleansing of the unholy."
"What?"
Before I could utter another word, I felt a sharp pain run through me from behind and in front, I could see I had been impaled with a sword - straight through the heart. Blood began soiling my beautiful dress. A tear rolled down my cheek and I gasped for breath.
"What... " I struggled to make sense of the betrayal.
The fangs of vengeful, thirsty blood drinkers pierced my neck, my arms, and soon, my whole body as they brought me to my knees; feeding off me in a frenzy - draining me relentlessly while I screamed in bitter agony. I was weakened to a pathetic frazzle, unable to defend myself as I collapsed to the floor. The thought of dying there was unacceptable. Especially since I had reason to live. A glimmer of Caelinus' wicked face as he neared me was the last thing I could remember before being backhanded into unconsciousness.
They dragged me into the citadel, one nightwalker on each side - carrying me by the arms, making sure my knees felt every painful bump up the stairs. My vision was sporadic, and the haziness of my depleted blood began getting the better of me.
I was hallucinating; unable to tell dream from reality apart. If this horrible fate were unfolding in front of me, how do I escape it? How do I save my child?
Would they really kill their Queen?
I tried resisting, fighting, kicking, screaming, biting - whatever I could muster in my weak state to fight back. Fight to survive. But I was outnumbered, outmatched and unprepared for the attack. I was drained, weak and felt life leaving me drop by drop. They took me to the sacrificial chambers and pinned me down on a Cross of St. Andrew in one of the tombs, holding me still with hateful eyes, peering into my soul and telling me how much of a disgusting shame I was to them.
"Please... " I pleaded for my child's life. "Please! Please! Stop!"
"Hold her still!" They shouted among each other.
"PLEASE!" I screamed till my voice cracked and gave out, then I screamed some more. "No, no, no, noooo!!"
Caelinus moved at the tip of my feet, with an unmatched evil in his eyes that said - I told you so.
They were pummeling me, slapping me, punching me, slashing me into submission, and yet I never wanted to give in. Blood splattered across the floor, my fangs were extended and I struggled. I struggled hard for my life. I struggled hard for my child. Caelinus did not care. He crunched his fist and made sure I paid attention.
"Plea
se... " I tried to beg him one last time, hoping he'd see through his rage; pleading for my child's life. Begging for his mercy.
All he did was smirk and in a split second, his hand pierced my lower belly, entering my womb and the horror unraveling before me took its grim fate to a new level. Blood gushed out of the wound, splashing on the faces of my malefactors. I screamed so loud, the windows shattered. Out came his bloody hand, and in it, my child. I howled in fury, enraged and saddened yet unable to prevent anything. A random thought crossed my mind, reminding me how little I controlled anything.
Reminding me, that this is the day, I let my child go.
"NOOOOOOO!" A sickened, haunted wail erupted out of my voice as I watched that demon hold my baby out for the rest of his demented followers to see.
"Look!" He preached, "See the abomination this witch has brought to our chambers!" I squealed and wailed some more, trying to save my child, trying to reach for my baby... But they held me still and made sure I witnessed the whole event. The despair couldn't have grown any greater, until he flung the fetus across the room and tossed one of the guards' torches to burn my unborn child alive.
The moment I saw the fire tip her eyes, I screamed. I screamed like it was the end of the world. I screamed like the cosmos would collapse and everything would cease to be. I screamed for my love, for my hopes, my wishes, my dreams... my future, all being ripped away from me - destined to a life of misery; destined to a life in this eternal, waking hell.
The damnation stunned every atom in my body. I screamed so much my voice couldn't keep up with the dreadful dampening that scorched the very fibers of my searing, unwanted existence. The dark gifts already began healing my womb, but I cared not to heal. I cared to die.
End it. Be over with it. You win.
This life is yours, take it and give this body rest.
Let me go. Kill me now. End it! End it!
Be over with it! KILL ME!
But no, death would be too much to ask for. They forcibly turned my head to the right, and there he was - Nathaniel, strung up by their torture devices, stabbed and depraved. Bled to the breaking point of death. He could only look over at me and give me one last gift - his precious smile, marred by tears as it was.
Cognata: A Vampire Romance Page 12