by Ashley Love
SQUAAAAAAAAAK!
"That is the biggest fucking bird I've ever seen!"
I laugh, but Lex is clearly pissed.
"That bird just cockblocked me!" He gives the bird the finger, as if it even knows what that means, and I laugh harder.
SQUAAAAAAAAK!
"I don't have any crackers, you nasty fucker!" Lex glares at the bird menacingly and it flaps it's huge wings before waddling farther down the railing and now I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.
"I don't like that thing," he mutters and looks over at me, narrowing his eyes. "I'm glad you thought that was so fucking hilarious." And I let my laugh die to a giggle before looking around and grinning at him devilishly.
"C'mon." I grab his hand and pull him and he stumbles a bit before following me.
"What in the fuck are you doing?" he demands but I just pull him and we walk.
"Just c'mon." I drag him across the pier and stop suddenly, taking in his face as the colored lights dance across his skin and he shakes his head adamantly.
"Fuck that, I am not going on that thing." He looks up in slight astonishment at the giant ferris wheel spinning around slowly.
"Oh, c'mon! It'll be fun." I tug his jacket, trying to pull him into line, but he doesn't budge.
"That's not really my idea of fun, Leala."
I pout at him. "Aww, is wittle Lexy scared of the big bad ferris wheel?"
"I ain't scared of shit, woman." He furrows his brow at me and puffs out his chest a little.
I shake my head, laughing. "Then c'mon!"
"I told you I don't want to."
"Fine then, you big baby. I'll go by myself." I turn and traipse into line and right before I reach the end I hear him call out.
"Leala! Wait." I stop and turn around to see him walking briskly to catch up with me. "Were you really gonna go without me?"
I shrug. "Well, duh. I'm not gonna stand here and wait for you to grow up and stop thinking you have to be such a hardass all the time. I wanna have some fun. I wanna do this, so I'm gonna do it."
"And what about me?"
"You can come if you want. I know even if you don't go, you'll be waiting here for me when I get back," I answer matter-of-factly, searching his face because I don't know why he's freaking out about me going on some ride without him.
"And what if I'm not? What if something happens to me..." The tremor in his voice throws me off and I cock my head to the side, my face screwing up in confusion.
"Are we still talking about the ferris wheel, Lex?"
We stare at each other for a moment and my mind begins to twist his words. What if he's not always here for me to come back to? What if something does happen to him?
"Let's just go." He shakes his head and brushes past me to get at the end of the line.
"You're gonna get on with me?" I ask excitedly and he rolls his eyes.
"Yes. Shut up before I change my mind."
I bounce next to him in line, anxiously waiting to get on and when it's finally our turn he nervously takes a seat in the cart and I slide in giddily across from him.
"How can you be so goddamn excited about this?" He breathes uneasily, holding on to the edge of his seat, trying not to look at the ground as our cart starts to rise up and up and up.
"It's so cool!" I look over the edge to see the ground getting smaller and I grin at him. "It's not even going fast or anything. Just don't think about how high up we are."
"Yeah...thanks for mentioning that part." He gives me a blank stare and I giggle.
"You remember when we lived in the apartment?" I ask, starting a conversation just to take his mind off of it.
"Yeah, I'm still kinda pissed you got rid of it." He gives me an angry look and I just roll my eyes.
"Oh c'mon, Lex. It's not like we just have to forget everything that happened there."
"In that little tiny ass bed." He grins at me and I bust into giggles.
"Oh my God, I don't see how we both slept in that thing!"
He chuckles and I can tell he's loosened up a little now. "For like two fucking years before I got my place. God, that was crazy shit. We had a good time though, didn't we?"
"Two stupid young kids. Both of us had a whole bunch of nothing." I smile across at him.
"Well, we had each other."
I nod. "And back then that was all we wanted anyway, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess so." He grins at me and we're quiet for a minute.
"Well what about now? What do you want?"
He stutters a little and looks at me unsurely. "You mean..."
"No, no, just...in general," I cut him off, not meaning for him to think I was asking about our relationship.
"I guess...I dunno. I don't really need shit. I've got everything, you know." He shrugs and looks away.
"No, Lex. I'm not talking about things. I mean...what do you want?" I insist, because I'm not letting him off the hook. He needs to think about what he wants in life, not just what he has.
"I...fuck, I don't know, Leala. I just...I just wanna know where I'm gonna end up. Where we're gonna end up. What I'm supposed to do...I just want answers."
I sigh, leaning forward toward him a little. "I wish I had them for you. I really do."
He smiles at me and waits a beat before sliding over and patting the space beside him. "Come here."
I grin, hesitating for a moment before lifting myself from my seat and plopping down next to him. He throws an arm around me and gives me that charming grin and I quirk an eyebrow at him. "Why are you being so nice to me tonight?"
"What? I'm always nice to you!" He pulls back from me a little, seeming offended and I laugh softly.
"I know, but tonight is...different. You're being reeeeally nice."
He shrugs. "Well, I kinda owe it to you. I mean...fuck, that sounds shitty cause this isn't like a payment or something. I mean, I'm glad we're here and shit, but...I dunno."
"You don't have to be big bad Lex tonight?" I inquire and his eyes flit away from mine nervously.
"Maybe. I dunno. Everything is just kinda...its kinda different now, isn't it?"
I pause for a moment, my eyes looking down and I answer softly. "I dunno honestly. My head is just in so many different places right now. I don't know what anything is tonight." I look back up at him and he holds my gaze, my eyes asking him questions and his having no real answers, but he finally speaks.
"We're gonna be okay...we are." He nods softly but I hear the uncertainty in his voice.
And something inside of me still hopes he's right.
7
I never would've believed that people could get so excited about the start of a new year, but at fifteen minutes to midnight the crowd begins to grow around us like crazy. So we start pushing our way toward the front railing of the pier, shouting back and forth over the noise as we move through the mob of drunken onlookers. I had made one small comment about wanting to be next to the pier railing to get an unobstructed view of the fireworks, which is now looking more and more like an impossible task, but Lex seems determined.
"Hold on, lemme get to the front," he yells back at me as he pushes and pushes, my hand clutched in a death grip on his jacket, barely able to see over his shoulder as he trudges through the sea of people. I'm pressed close against his back but as we get closer to the front, the crowd is tighter and tighter and eventually my arm is threatening to rip from the socket as people bump my shoulders and hips. He's an arms length away, the fabric of his jacket barely between my fingers. All it takes is one good full-body smack from some drunken asshole and I'm sucked back in between a bunch of damp twenty-somethings with piercings and mohawks and I can't tell which smells stronger, the beer or sweat on their soaked T-shirts.
"Lex! Lex!" I shriek hurriedly to him over the noise, tilting my head up so my voice will carry, trying to get his attention before he pushes on too far without me and doesn't notice that I'm no longer holding on to him. I try to
fight through the crowd to at least reach him again, pushing and grunting and calling out to him, but I'm much less successful than he has been up to this point. I'm knocked off balance as I battle the horde of people in desperation, and I trip over a loose rolling beer bottle and start to go down...
Oh, fuck. I'm fucked now. But I feel a hand grab mine fast and pull me up through the bodies surrounding me.
"You okay?!" Lex's hand pulls my arm tight around his waist, another hand coming up to cup my face as he presses his body to mine in a protective manner. And I look up to see him looking at me concernedly, bending down a little so he's eye-level with me and I nod, just a little shaken up. "Hold on to me, we're getting to the damn front."
He grins at me and turns again, both of my hands coming up to fist his jacket this time. He looks at me over his shoulder, reaching back with an open hand close to my thigh and I take it, holding it tight. And he gives me another small grin before turning again to face the crowd.
I squeeze his hand and he squeezes back just as tight, holding me against his back, and it feels good, being close to him, holding his hand like this. When his palm slides against mine, turning until our fingers are aligned and he locks my fingers in his, pulling my hand closer to his hip, I wonder if he's still being protective or if he wants me close in the same way that I want to be.
I rest my cheek against his back, skin sliding against the cold slick fabric of his jacket, hand safely gripped in his large warm one as I let him guide me, stepping to the right and to the left, pausing and then pushing forward again and again until we come to an abrupt stop. That hand that's gripping mine so tightly tugs me around his body. "Okay, come here..." And once I step around him I see that we're pressed against the railing of the pier, looking out over the wide dark ocean as the cold breeze of the water rushes against my cheek, and I can't stop the giddy grin that spreads wide across my lips.
I peer over my shoulder at him, feeling eager like a little kid on Christmas morning. "I'm so excited now!" I almost squeal and he chuckles a little as he brings his hands to rest on my hips, holding me protectively as people push and sway against our shoulder. I cross my arms over my chest, shivering a little as the cold air slices through the body warmth lingering on any exposed piece of my skin.
"You cold?" His voice is low against my ear, his warm breath rushing across the cold skin of my neck and giving me a chill as he brings his arms up from my waist to wrap around my shoulders and warm me.
My cheek brushes against his nose as I nod a little, his face still lingering close to mine. I feel his hands slide back over my shoulders and down the length of my back. When he tugs gently on my shoulder, I turn to see his jacket unzipped and waiting for me to slide my arms in between the warm fabric and his body.
"Come here." He slips an arm around my waist and tugs me in against his chest, my arms sliding around his skinny waist, the warmth of his body inside the jacket piercing the chill on my hands instantly and heating my chest as it presses against his. He holds me tight to him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and he's warm and his body is hard and strong and smells good. Familiar, safe. I relax into him but I jump a little when I feel something cold press underneath my ear.
"Lex! Your nose is coooold." I shrug my shoulder up and squirm a little and he laughs into my neck before pulling his face back and grinning at me. He tugs his bottom lip in between his teeth and brushes his nose against mine.
"You gonna kiss me tonight?"
I pull back a little and grin at him shyly. "It's not midnight yet."
He chuckles at me. "Since when do we ever follow the rules?" He dips his head and smirks that crooked smirk at me, and God, I do want to kiss him. I want to jump on him and grab his face and suck on his lips and taste his tongue until I can't breathe. I've wanted to all night long, even though I know I shouldn't. That's my problem with him, he makes me irrational. He makes me want to do what feels good, and not use my head, which if I'm not mistaken is what has led me up to this very point in my life, the good and especially the bad. But fuck, his lips just look so good, and I know they feel good, and when his tongue sneaks out to wet them I remember how they feel against mine, against my skin, down my neck, over my stomach..
Ugh, I need to stop. People are counting down and I need to stop but he's leaning in, breathing my breaths and maybe if I did it just once...
BOOM!
I jump back a little and his head snaps up as the sky explodes with green and pink and my face lights up, staring up in awe as cheers erupt around us. I keep looking up, watching the colors change from blue to red, yellow to white and every color in between. Shapes and patterns and sparkles and I just watch, wrapped in his arms. It's officially New Year's now. It's a brand new year and here we are, out of L.A., away from everything, just us, and I wonder if it's true what they say about your midnight activities telling the tale of the new year to come. Something inside me hopes it's true.
Beer bottles clink and people shout around us and I'm beaming with excitement as the feeling settles over me and I take it all in. I feel one of Lex's large hands smooth up the back of my neck to hold the back of my head which is still tipped up watching the largest display of fireworks I've ever seen. But everything goes black as my eyes slide shut for just a moment when I feel his lips press against my neck. His lips smudge a trail up to my ear and his breath rushes across my skin as he whispers, "Happy New Year, baby," and I tip my face down to see him grinning widely at me.
I tighten my arms around his waist and lean in closer to him. His hand pulls my head in and I feel a large shoulder smack into mine hard, and something freezing cold and wet spills down the side of my leg, soaking into my jeans.
"Hey!" I pull back from Lex and snap my head to the side to see a group of four guys who look like a bunch of young college assholes, all built like football players and slinging around large cups of beer, shouting curses and howling like a bunch of idiots.
"Heeeeeey!" the guy yells back, not realizing that I'm trying to get his attention, I'm not actually saying hi to him.
"You spilt shit all over me, asshole." I slide my arms out from inside Lex's jacket and turn to face him.
"Wooooah, calm the fuck down, bitch. It's the fucking New Yeeeeeear!!" he howls and his boys raise their cups, knocking them together haphazardly, spilling more beer than they're actually drinking.
"Hey, shut your fucking mouth!" I hear Lex snap from behind me and Frat Boy's eyes turn hard in an instant.
"I didn't say shit to you...bitch," he quips back and I feel Lex move forward, trying to step around me, but I press back into his chest with my shoulder. I don't need to deal with a fucking fight tonight.
"What did you say to me?"
"Lex, stop," I say over my shoulder and he looks down at me but his eyes snap back up when he hears the drunken slur.
"I saaaaaid I wasn't talking to you...biiiiiitch." The other boys snigger behind him and high five each other and I turn around and put my hand on Lex's chest, pushing him back.
"Lex, please," I say low against his ear but he doesn't hear me, answering back immediately.
"Yeah, I think you were talking to me. You called my girl a bitch, you piece of shit."
I turn to look at the guy over my shoulder and his stance is growing more and more unyielding as each argument is thrown.
"Well maybe she should watch her fucking mouth." Frat Boy's eyes rove over me and I feel Lex's posture stiffen against me as one of the other boys call out faintly behind him, "I'll give her somethin' to do with that mouth," and another guy high fives him.
Lex growls. "You wanna step to me motherfucker, that's cool. But you leave her outta this."
"I'll step to you, bitch. I'll step on you."
"Lex, don't..." I place another hand on his chest and attempt to nudge him backwards but the crowd is too tight and if he's close enough to this guy to swing on him, I know he will.
"Don't fuck with me man, you don't want this," L
ex warns and Frat Boy scoffs.
"Are you fucking serious? I'll take you down, pussy. Then I'll fuck your girl, too."
That's the final straw. I brace my hands against Lex's chest but he rushes forward, trying to swing around me. I hear grunts and stomps as the other boys try and hold that douchebag back and I pound desperately on Lex's chest trying to push him back too.
"You want some of this, bitch!?" Lex shouts over me.
"Lex stop!!" I grit my teeth and push him back through the crowd.
"Come get it!" Lex holds his hands up and signals for the guys to follow him out of the crowd but I grab at his arms, pulling them down and gripping his wrist to drag him out of the mob.
"Lex!!" I shout, pulling him along and he resists for a long time as the boys keep calling out to him.
"I'll wreck your shit!" Frat Boy yells and I hear his boys shouting, "Get him, Travis!" and "Hit that bitch!"
"You wanna fuck with me!?!"
"Lex, no! Let's go...let's fucking go...stop it!!" I drag him by one wrist and I see his other hand raised overhead flipping the bird. When we finally get to a more dispersed area near the exit of the pier I push him hard up against the railing. "What are you doing?!"
"He was trying to fight me! You saw that shit!" He gestures back toward the guys and I roll my eyes at him.
"He wasn't trying to fight you! You started talking shit to him!" I swat his chest and he narrows his eyes at me.
"He was fucking with you. You want me to just stand there or some shit?"
I sigh, practically groan, because I should've expected his from him and his overprotective ass. "Let's just...ugh, let's just go. Let's get out of here."
8
We amble down the street to the parking lot and he's pouting, shuffling his feet at a snails pace, and maybe I shouldn't have yelled at him. He was just standing up for me, but dammit I was about to kiss him and that stupid boy had to go and spill shit all over me. I should've ignored it. Damn. Dammit it all to hell.