Jasmine’s eyes lit up. “Fundraiser?”
I cleared my throat and blinked a few times before I could speak. “Er, yes. It’s like a, um… festival, I suppose. They put on a fair, lots of games and stalls. There’s a silent auction, and the drama students put on a play. This year it’s A Streetcar Named Desire.”
“And they collect a lot of cash from this event?”
With my mouth turned down, I nodded. “Last year they raised over a hundred thousand.”
I swear I saw her pupils change to dollar signs. “All cash?”
“Some cheques, but mostly cash, yes.”
Jasmine stood up and smiled. “Well that does sound like a nice payday. Do you know where the money gets taken at the end of the day?”
I nodded. “The principal’s office. It gets put in a safe, then taken to the bank on Monday.”
“Well aren’t you just full of wonderful surprises. We can float this with the boys over breakfast. Welcome to the family, Holland.” She leaned over and kissed me on the side of the head. The action filled me with dread and panic as I looked at Alesha, my eyes filled with horror. What has happened to you? I honestly didn’t know her anymore.
What the hell had I been thinking, extending an olive branch towards this woman? What the hell had I been wanting? I wasn’t OK with this. Remembering the horrid feeling I’d had after stealing that Mont Blanc pen was enough to sour my stomach and make me mentally kick myself for going against my own instincts. How was I going to feel knowing they’d stolen money given in charity, and that I had helped them do it?
I’m going to be sick.
Chapter Thirty
Are They What I Think They Are?
“What? No. Absolutely not. She doesn’t need to prove herself.”
My husband was my hero. Nate knew what I needed better than I did. And sensing that I’d gotten myself into this mess during a moment of weakness, he put his foot solidly on the ground and said I wasn’t to be their inside man.
I’d barely touched my breakfast, instead feeling awful at the idea of helping set up a robbery at my place of employment. Sure, it would be a robbery where no one was physically hurt, and the school did have insurance against break-ins, but would that policy cover the loss of that much cash? That cash was used every year to fund programs like drama, music and art. We were a private school, and the tuition costs were high, but the allocated funding for the arts wasn’t always the best.
“We don’t need your permission,” Sam pointed out around a mouthful of waffles. His appetite wasn’t affected at all by the thought of devastating a school full of young girls. “We know enough to plan it ourselves.” He gave me a wink as if thanking me.
“No,” Nate insisted. “Can’t we just let one member of this fucking family live a life that doesn’t revolve around the next score?” I literally swooned a little at his side.
Jasmine waited a moment before responding. “She’s either a Cartwright or she isn’t. We don’t allow freeloaders.”
“The fact that she works means she’s making her own money,” Nate returned.
“How does that benefit us?” Jasmine asked.
Toby cut in, adding his own thoughts to the situation at hand. “Maybe since Holland is the one who gave us the job, she should be the one who decides if it goes ahead.”
All eyes landed on me.
“I—” I started, gulping because I knew that my answer, whether it was a yes or no, was going to cause a shit-show.
Nate stared at me, his eyes disbelieving. “You don’t want to be like us, duchess,” he reminded me. “You’re better than we are. You’re good. Stay good.”
“Ain’t no room for good people round our table, brother,” Abbot put in.
Nate stood up immediately. “Fuck this. We’re leaving. Holland, go get your things.”
I was quick to comply, happy to get away from the uncomfortable conversation. I heard him yell at them all, threatening to rain hell down on them if they dared touch this score. Even I was scared of what he’d do.
“What possessed you to tell them that shit?” Nate demanded once we were in the car. “Now they’ll never let it go.”
“But you told them not to do it.”
“No such thing as an honest thief, duchess.”
“But you’re honest.”
He shook his head. “I’m not. The only thing that’s good and honest in my life is you. Now that’s going to be fucked up when you’re forced to lie to the cops about your involvement.”
“Why would they interview me?”
“They’ll interview everyone who knew about the money. What possessed you to mention it?” He slapped the steering wheel.
“I was asked to come up with a job. And when I couldn’t think of anything, Alesha mentioned the fundraiser. Then everything snowballed.”
“So you went out to get coffee, and they just slipped asking you to come up with a job into the conversation?”
“It wasn’t quite like that.”
“Then how was it? Explain this to me, Holland, because I can’t wrap my head around it.”
I considered not telling him how it came about, but I was never very good at lying and he knew that. I could keep a secret like the best of them, but lying? I was crap. “I was told to choose if I wanted in or out.”
He glanced at me. “Who did that?”
“Your mother.”
“She told you that you could get out if you wanted?”
“Yes.”
“Then why didn’t you take it? Why didn’t you grab my car keys and run?”
“Because of you, you idiot! I love you, you know that! How can I walk away now?” The fact that he so easily told me to leave made tears flood my eyes. I turned my head away.
“Oh, duchess,” he said softly, pulling over to the side of the road and wrapping me in his arms.
“Why don’t you want me to stay?” I sobbed.
“Of course I want you to stay,” he soothed. “I want you all the time. I love you more than anything in this world. But I see what this life is doing to you. You’re too good for it. If she’s given you an out, fucking take it. Run. Go back to what you knew and forget about our shit. Forget about me.”
“How could I possibly forget about you? I can’t just switch off my feelings and go back to being the woman I was before. I’d be heartbroken. I won’t go unless you come with me.”
“I can’t. They’ll hunt me down.”
“Not Toby. He wants out too.” Shit, I’m not supposed to repeat that. Seemed my ability to keep secrets was also compromised in that moment.
He brushed his fingers through my hair, he didn’t seem surprised to hear that. “It’s not that simple.”
“It is, Nate! We pack a bag and we run. So fast and so far that no one can catch us. We can leave everything. I have a little money invested and we could use that to get settled. We don’t need anything from this life. I can’t believe that your mother or your brothers would actually kill you if you try to leave.”
He pressed his lips together, still running his fingers through my hair. “I want you to go, duchess. This is the best choice for you.”
I flinched away from his touch. “Don’t you think I should be the one to decide what’s best for me? Hell, you dragged me into this life with your marriage plan and now you’re sending me on my way? Am I not enough for you anymore? Are you already bored? Was everything between us bullshit?”
“Jesus, duchess, no! In an ideal world, I’d be a regular guy, and we’d meet in a regular way and have a regular life together. But I’m not regular. Being with me is a risk to you. It was selfish of me to go after you, and even worse for me to keep you. And now this opportunity for you to be free is here, and I want you to take it.” He wants me to take the opportunity to leave him? He doesn’t want me to choose to be with him? What? I knew Nate was a good liar. And I had to wonder how many lies he’d been spinning to keep me, that maybe he couldn’t wait to be rid of me? Was that it? Or was I still
paranoid and a little raw? I’d lost Alesha, the brothers didn’t want me around, Toby could barely look at me, and now I’d further ostracised Jasmine. Fuck, I hate this. But… I don’t want to leave Nate. My life is him.
“I don’t want to go,” I said. “I don’t care who you are or what you do. I love you, and I want to be with you.”
He looked at me for a long moment, his eyes wide. I could see his mind churning with the stress of the situation. Then he took a breath and put the ute into gear. “I want to be with you too. But there’s something you need to see.”
We drove for nearly an hour, turning down an unmarked road that wound through thick bush and was bumpy as hell.
“Where are we going?” I asked, my hand pressed against the roof of the car to stop from hitting my head while on the uneven road.
He flattened his lips into a grave line. “You’ll see. We’re almost there.”
An earthy smell assailed my nostrils as I looked out at a sea of red. “Are they what I think they are?” I asked, my voice small and tight as I stood at the mouth of gully that was filled with flowers.
“Poppies.” Nate nodded, hands on his hips as he stood beside me.
“Poppies,” I repeated. I couldn’t believe it. “So this… this is your investment.” My voice squeaked on that last word as my head reeled. I was struggling to stay upright and conscious.
Does this mean my husband is a drug lord?
“This is my investment,” he whispered.
“And it’s for drugs, right? Not the little black seeds on bread rolls?”
“That’s right.”
I sat on the ground, unable to stay up any longer. “This is what Toby kept referring to?”
Nate nodded.
“Do the rest of them know about this?”
“Only Toby and Jasmine. We were approached at the same time. A big-time dealer needed someone to build the crop and supply them. I’m the only one who was greedy enough to do it. They didn’t want any part of it, but they hold it over my head. I help with their business, and they keep quiet over mine while letting me launder my profit through the family businesses.”
“Why are you showing me this? Why now?”
“Because you asked. You think my family is bad. They steal and they’ll kill to protect their way of life. But I’m worse. I’ll do anything for the love of money.”
“I don’t believe that,” I whispered. “Explain this away, Nate. Tell me this isn’t a field of drugs. Tell me why this is needed for the economy. Do something, say anything that will make this OK.”
“I can’t do that, duchess. I’m a monster who cares more about money than people. You’re looking at the proof.” His voice was so soft that his words had to be a lie. This couldn’t be real.
I shook my head. “I can’t believe this,” I whispered, shifting to kneel so I could stand, Nate reached down to try and help me but I shoved him away. “Don’t.” I looked again at the flowers. “Just… don’t touch me.”
I took a few steps away, shaking my head as I tried to register the full extent of the day. My brain wanted to explode. “Drugs, Nate? Drugs? All this time? We talked about this. I told you I’d hate you if you were a drug dealer. And you are. You fucking are.” I kept walking backwards, shaking, too shocked to cry but knowing there was only one option left for me.
I couldn’t be a part of this.
I couldn’t stay with him.
Not anymore.
I had to run.
Had to Leave.
Go.
I held up the keys I’d stolen from his pocket when he’d moved to help me up. “I love you, Nate. But I can’t do this. Not drugs.” He closed his eyes for a moment and nodded once. “Goodbye, Nate.”
A set of tortured blue eyes met mine, but he didn’t speak or do anything to stop me when I got into the driver side of the car. Didn’t move an inch as I turned the key and the engine roared to life. And when I drove away, his form becoming smaller and smaller as I increased the distance between us, he remained statue-still. He didn’t try to stop me.
I burst into tears as I turned off the dirt road and planted my foot, going where, I had no clue. I just kept driving until the petrol ran out and I found myself in a town I didn’t recognise, somewhere on the New South Wales coast. He didn’t stop me.
Chapter Thirty-One
Me Over You
Ever since I watched Pinocchio as I child, I knew a conscience was an important thing. Every time that little puppet went against the advice of Jiminy Cricket, he got himself in trouble. Heck, he’d almost been turned into a donkey! Those were some pretty severe consequences, and all that kid wanted to do was have fun with his friends. What would be the consequence if he decided that supplying the drug trade with an essential ingredient to make heroin was a good idea? I couldn’t imagine the consequences would be good, and those Disney people had really crazy imaginations. I couldn’t even reason it away as being ‘just flowers’. Because they weren’t just flowers. They were drugs.
After Nate’s ute broke down from a lack of fuel, I walked until I made it to a little town called Narooma. There wasn't much there, which was just as well because it was the perfect place to sit and think. To be honest, I spent that entire first week wallowing in my sorrows, drinking wine from a cask and watching free-to-air television. Microwave meals had become my staple. It didn’t really matter what they tasted like because I wasn’t really tasting anything; I only ate to assuage the ache in my stomach.
I’d holed up in a place called the Coastal Comfort Motel. It was nice enough and didn’t cost me a fortune considering I had no idea when I’d work up the energy to decide what to do next. The ocean was close by, and at night I would sit outside and stare out at the water, thinking about my time with Nate and how much I missed being around him—his smell, his laugh… I even missed his bad morning breath.
I missed Nate.
So.
Much.
But my husband was a thief. I accepted that much about him. I’d even deigned to live with it if it meant we could be together, but learning that my husband was also involved in the drug trade? How could I be OK with that? How could I live in that house knowing it was purchased with the proceeds from the misery of other people’s desperate addiction? I’d witnessed that addiction first-hand with Alesha’s mother. It tore families apart and turned good, normal people into the worst version of themselves.
There had to be a line somewhere. I couldn’t cross that far. I had to go.
But I missed him. My heart ached each time it beat without him. My lungs burned, trying to breathe the air he wasn’t breathing too. There were moments when I didn’t want to keep going when I knew I wouldn’t have the chance look into his eyes or touch his skin again. I was never going to be the same. I’d had true love, and now it was gone.
Why did my soulmate have to be a bad man?
Perhaps Alesha’s God could tell me that. He was supposed to be a lover of tests, after all. But what was the point of this test? What was the reason behind completing my heart and then breaking it apart again? I couldn’t understand.
Two days into the second week, I was staring at the ceiling, trying to work out if the flaking of paint near the light fitting was due to a collection of moisture or age. It was fascinating stuff, not to be outdone by the hour I’d spent trying to count how many bugs had met their doom after venturing into the light fitting. The count? Thirty-two, and an indistinctive blob of them I couldn’t decipher any individuality from. But there I was, contemplating the moisture-versus-time debate when there was a knock on my door.
There was only one person who ever knocked on my door: the daughter of the owners, who came around to vacuum and ask if I wanted any clean linens. I didn’t even want her to vacuum, but I got up to let her in nonetheless.
“How the fuck?” I muttered when I opened the door to find Toby on the other side.
“Credit card,” he replied simply, stepping into the room without being invited.
“It’s fine. I don't need anything.”
“Then what are you doing here? Please tell me you’re not planning on swooping in now that Nate and I are….” I swallowed hard, unable to say the words ‘broken up’ before tears hit my eyes.
“No, Holland,” he said gently. “That’s not who I am.”
“Then what is this? Are you running away too?”
“I wish. I actually came to pick up Nate’s ute and give you these.” He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and placed them on the table in front of me.
“Are these…? Are they my keys?”
“Your car is parked outside. You can return to your apartment—all your stuff is there—and there won’t be any consequence. Nate’s seen to it.”
“He’s seen to it,” I repeated, poking my finger through the ring in the centre of the keys. I didn’t think I even wanted to guess what that meant. “So you knew, didn’t you? About the… flowers?”
He nodded. “Nate’s been playing his own game for years. We chose not to be a part of it because the risk is far greater when you get involved with those kinds of people, but Nate’s always dreamed big and wanted more. He was like that even as kids.”
“But to what end? It’s not like he can quit if he gets bored. Seems he’ll be stuck growing those things until he either dies or gets caught. And what happens if the harvest is bad, or if the weather goes to shit and that gully floods? What happens if there’s a fire?”
Toby chuckled. “You sure do ask a lot of questions. But I’m sorry. I don’t have the answers to any of them. I stay out of the poppy business as best I can. I doubt Nate would tell me even if I asked.”
“That’s what I expected, I suppose. Nate’s need to protect is far greater than his need to share.”
Fool Me Twice_a Cartwright Brother Romance Page 23