by E. L. Todd
She stilled then sniffed. She didn’t move from my arms but she didn’t return the affection. She simply stood there.
My hand rubbed the back of her neck and I listened to her breathing.
She pulled away and looked at me, her eyes emotional. “Why are you here?”
I thought that was obvious. “Scarlet told me what happened.”
She sighed. “It’s terrible…”
I wanted to cry because I felt so bad for her, but I kept a straight face and stayed strong. That’s what she needed. “Do you know what happened?”
She nodded. “Heart attack. According to the paramedics, it happened quickly. If he suffered, he didn’t suffer long.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, stilling her tears. When she was better, she opened them.
“I’m so sorry.” I wanted to say something better but I couldn’t think of anything.”
“Thank you.” Her voice was a whisper.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She looked at the ground and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not your problem anymore.”
“You were never my problem,” I said. “I care about you and always will.”
“You made it clear you didn’t want me to speak to you for any reason, and frankly, that’s a reasonable request. I honored it.”
“But…this is different.”
She sniffed then swallowed the lump in her throat. “I really appreciate you coming here to comfort me, but you can go now.”
What? “I don’t want to go.”
“I do.” She said it with a straight face.
“What?”
“Cortland, I know you feel obligated to be there for me. But please don’t. You came all the way here and gave me your condolences, and that’s more than enough. But now it’s time to go.”
“I’m not leaving,” I said firmly. “You need me.”
She sighed. “Cortland, it’s okay. Really. We aren’t together anymore. I will get through this on my own.”
“But I don’t want you to.”
She turned away slightly. “Please leave.”
“No.” I held my ground. “I’m not turning my back on you. I’m here now and I’m staying.”
“I don’t deserve your compassion or concern.” She said it venomously, showing all her self-loathing in just her words. “You’re better than me, Cortland. You deserve better. I want you to leave.”
I grabbed her arm and turned her to face me. “You can talk me out of it all you want, but I’m not leaving you. No matter what happens between us, I will always love you and care about you. I will be here for you through this. You’re the love of my life. That doesn’t change, even with the passing of time.”
“This is why I didn’t want you to know…”
“And I’m really glad Scarlet told me.”
“But you hate me.”
“No,” I said firmly. “I would never hate you. I said a lot of mean things in my anger, but of course I don’t hate you. I love you…”
She closed her eyes for a moment and breathed through the pain.
“So, we can sit here and argue about me leaving, or we can just stop this and let me be there for you.” I wasn’t going to leave her high and dry. No one would judge me if I turned around and left, but I wanted to be here. It didn’t matter how angry or upset I was. When it came to Monnique, I was a different person. She had her own set of rules. I made exceptions for her when I shouldn’t. Because I loved her so damn much.
She finally fell silent and didn’t argue with me.
“That’s better.” I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. Her face pressed to my chest and she started to cry, to grieve.
I stood there silently, listening to the sound of her pain. She cried for an hour while I held her, my own heart hurting. I finally scooped her up in my arms and carried her into her bedroom. Her arms hooked around my neck and she still sobbed.
I pulled her clothes off then my own, leaving on our undergarments, then crawled into the bed beside her.
She immediately cuddled with me and cried quietly, slowly starting to stop. “It’s my fault. If I never followed you here, I’d be with him. He’s been drinking and staying home all the time, depressed and unable to go out. If I were there, I could have stopped it. If I were there, I could have done CPR…something.”
I cupped her cheek and pressed my face close to hers. “No. Don’t blame yourself. This didn’t happen because of you.”
She sniffed and didn’t argue with me.
“Sometimes things happen for no reason at all. If someone is determined to keep bad habits, they’ll do it even if someone tells them not to. Do not blame yourself. I know he wouldn’t want that.”
“He died all alone…”
I ran my fingers through her hair and down her back, trying to calm her. “We all die alone, Monnique.”
She closed her eyes and squeezed a few tears out.
I pulled her close to my chest and listened to her breathe.
“Are you sleeping with me?”
“I’ll be here in the morning.”
She took a deep breath. “I don’t deserve your compassion…not after everything I did to you.”
“It doesn’t matter. You have it anyway.”
She refrained from touching me, keeping her hands to herself.
“What time does your flight leave tomorrow?”
“Eight.”
“Okay. What’s the flight number?”
“Why?” she asked.
“I need to get a ticket.”
She looked at me. “You’re coming with me?”
“Of course I am.”
“Cortland—”
“Don’t argue with me.”
She shut her mouth.
“Now get some rest. When you fall asleep, I’ll make all the arrangements.”
Silence fell in her room. She crossed her arms over her chest and kept to her side of the bed. When she tried to keep her distance, I pulled her closer to me.
When her even breathing filled the room, I left the bed and bought my plane ticket and packed. I was going back to Seattle.
Monnique was quiet the next day, stone-faced. We checked in at the airport then boarded the plane. She hardly looked at me, and when she did, she quickly turned away, like she was embarrassed to be caught looking at me.
We sat near the window on the plane, just the two of us. Monnique sighed constantly, and sometimes she would cry quietly before she regained her composure. I was beside her the entire time, comforting her when she needed me.
Once we were in Seattle, we rented a car and got on the road.
“I made reservations at a hotel.”
“We can stay with my brother.”
“Is that what you want to do?”
She nodded. “He already thinks I’m coming.”
“Okay.” I wondered if he knew we weren’t together. I didn’t want to make her more upset by asking.
We headed to the house then pulled into the driveway.
Monnique stared at it for a long time, sighing.
I squeezed her hand then popped the trunk, getting our luggage. She came to me and started to help, but I steadied her hand. “I got it. Tell your brother we’re here.”
“Okay,” she whispered. She went to the front door and rang the doorbell.
Her brother answered it, looking like a ghost. They stared at each other for a long time before they hugged. Monnique cried into his chest, and Javi got choked up a little.
I looked away and gave them their privacy.
Javi pulled away then spotted me by the trunk. He came to me and extended his hand. “Thanks for coming.”
I shook it. “Of course.”
He kept staring at me. “It means a lot to me that you’re here.” I could see the emotion in his eyes.
I always liked her brother. He was cool and easy to get along with. We played basketball together and got drinks while we watched baseball. “Your family
means a lot to me.”
“I know you and Monnique aren’t together anymore. She told me what happened.” He said it simply, like he wasn’t on her side or mine. “So the fact you’re here speaks volumes. I’m glad my sister has a great guy in her life, whether you’re together or apart.”
His words pulled at my heartstrings. I couldn’t deny my undying love for her. She was everything to me. No matter how much she hurt me, I was still obsessed with her. I wouldn’t be here if it were any other ex. Monnique was different. She would always be different. “I love her.” That was all I could say.
“I know this isn’t the time, and I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I won’t bring it up again. But, she really feels like shit for what she did. She’s called me crying several times, wishing she could do anything to take back everything. I know she loves you and would do anything for you. Since you’re here, I know you must feel the same way. What I’m trying to say is…I really hope you can work this out. Because, I’ve always wanted you as a brother. And I know my dad would have wanted you to marry her.”
I looked down, feeling the sting of his words. My greatest dream was to marry Monnique and spend the rest of my life with her. I loved her family and felt accepted the moment I met them. They teased me for being paler than the sun, but I knew their jokes came from a good place. They were my second family. I really wish I could get over the pain and trust her again. I wanted it more than anything. “Thanks…” I didn’t know what else to say.
He grabbed some of the bags and carried them to the door, dropping the subject. I carried the rest inside then set them in the living room.
“Monnique can stay in the spare bedroom, and you can have my room,” Javi offered.
“No,” I said immediately. “That won’t be necessary.”
“I don’t mind sleeping on the couch,” Javi said. “It’s pretty comfortable.”
That’s not what I meant. Monnique and I hadn’t discussed it and I knew she would never ask, but I assumed I’d sleep with her. “Monnique and I will be in the same room.”
“Oh.” He nodded. “Sure.”
Monnique stared at me until I looked at her. Then she quickly looked away, embarrassed for being caught.
Javi carried the bags to our room.
“Is that okay?” I asked.
“You don’t have to sleep with me,” she said immediately.
“I want to. If you’re okay with it…”
“Of course I am.” She didn’t look at me. “Why won’t you look at me?”
“Because I don’t deserve to,” she said simply.
That broke my heart. I placed my fingers on her chin and lifted her face, forcing her to look at me. “That’s not true, Monnique. You just made a mistake.”
Tears started to pool in her eyes. “There are two sides of you, Cortland. There’s the sweet man that says I just made a mistake. He acts like he loves me and says everything will be okay. He makes love to me. And then there’s the other Cortland, the one who is so ripped apart and broken that he screams at me and hates me. I never know which one will come out. I really hate the second one and don’t want to provoke him.”
Now I felt like shit. I didn’t mean to mess with her emotions, but I knew I had. I acted like we were getting back together one moment, and then the next, I was telling her how much I despised her. I didn’t blame her for being so nervous around me. “I’m not trying to play games with you.”
“Until the two men fused together and form a single man, I’ll always walk on egg shells.”
I didn’t want that. “Please don’t worry about that, not right now. I will be the loving and supportive man you know so well. You don’t have to be on your guard around me.”
“I wish you hadn’t come,” she said bluntly. “It’s hard knowing you’ll never be mine. If anything, it just makes me more depressed.”
I cringed. I didn’t realize how selfish I was being. I hadn’t even thought of that. “I’m just trying to help…”
“I know,” she whispered. “But, like I said, I’m not your problem anymore.” She turned away then walked to the couch.
Javi came back. “Everything is set up.”
“Thanks,” I said, being Monnique’s voice.
“No problem.”
Monnique’s voice was dead, but she still pushed through. “We need to make the arrangements.”
“Yeah,” Javi said sadly. “I’ve called all the relatives and told them the funeral will be in about a day. They are all packing and flying out.”
She nodded. “We should go to the cemetery and get everything ready.”
I hated this. I hated knowing Monnique was in pain.
“Let’s go,” he said. “We need to do this fast.”
“How much did he leave in life insurance?” Monnique asked.
He shrugged. “Not much. I suspect it will only pay for half of the funeral.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I have some money saved.”
“And I can help,” I added.
Monnique finally looked at me then turned away. “It’s okay, Cortland. But thank you.”
The more she pushed me away, the more I wanted her. She’d really given up on me. She didn’t even want me around. I hated seeing her life without me. I hated seeing my life without her. It was too damn hard.
We left for the cemetery then met with the director. I never knew funerals were so expensive but they were. When we had to select a casket, Monnique and Javi discussed it like they were picking out furniture. Suddenly, Monnique burst into tears and left the room, the weight of the reality settling on her.
I ran after her then wrapped my arms around her, letting her cry into my shoulder.
“I can’t do this…”
“Yes, you can,” I said. “I’m here. You aren’t alone.”
“I’m so alone…my parents are both gone.”
I couldn’t imagine how she must feel. Both of my parents were healthy and well. “You aren’t alone,” I said firmly. “You have a family who loves you. And I love you.” I knew I shouldn’t keep saying that but it was the truth. I did love her, more than anything.
“I’m too young to go through this. My parents should die when I’m old, not before I’m thirty.” She stepped away and turned her back to me. “I’ve taken so much for granted. I never appreciate what I have until it’s gone.” She fell to her knees and sobbed into her hands. I knew she was mourning me as well, and that made me feel like shit.
I came behind her and pulled her into my chest, getting on the ground. I let her cry, keeping her face away from me. My hand hooked around her waist and held her steady. I wanted to say something to make this better, but I was at a loss of words.
Minutes later, Javi came back. He stared at us on the ground, saying nothing.
I stood up then pulled Monnique to her feet. “She just needed a minute.”
“I took care of everything,” he said sadly. “The funeral will be tomorrow. The director took care of the food and the transportation too. The plot has been already paid for since Dad will be buried with Mom.”
Monnique nodded, unable to speak.
Javi gripped her shoulder and held her steady. “This is hard for me too, Monnique. You aren’t alone.”
“I know.” She sniffed. “I’m sorry I’m not being stronger.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said gently. “You aren’t weak. We just express our emotions differently.”
I grabbed Monnique’s hand and rubbed my thumb over the knuckles.
“Let’s go home and get some rest before tomorrow,” Javi said. “We have a long day ahead of us.”
She nodded then let me pull her away.
6
Mike
When Scarlet invited everyone over, I didn’t think it was for any reason in particular, just dinner and game night. But I was wrong.
“Her dad passed away?” Cassandra clutched her chest while she listened to Scarlet.
Scarlet nodded sadly. “That’
s why she’s in Seattle. Cortland went with her.”
Now I felt like shit. “I feel so bad for her.”
“What should we do?” Sean asked. “Should we fly out there?”
“I don’t know,” Scarlet said. “It didn’t sound like she wanted us there.”
“Why are you telling us now?” Mike asked. “Why not a few days ago?”
Scarlet shrugged. “You and Sean had enough on your plate with your mom. I didn’t want to make it worse.”
“At least Cortland went with her,” Sean said. “That’s a relief.”
“Yeah,” Scarlet said. “I hope this puts them back together. It doesn’t feel right when they aren’t together, like something is off.”
“Yeah,” Cassandra said in agreement.
The front door opened and Ryan walked inside. But he didn’t look happy.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He came into the room with Janice behind him. “We need to talk.”
“What?” Scarlet looked panicked.
Ryan plopped down into a chair and Janice sat beside him. “Hazel came to my apartment last night. She and Flynn broke up.”
Everyone was shocked.
“What?” Scarlet’s eyes were wide. “Why?”
“They were so cute together,” Cassandra said.
Ryan had a dark look on his face. “He cheated.”
Sean raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”
“That doesn’t sound like Flynn,” I added.
Ryan nodded. “She showed me the text. Apparently, he texted Hazel instead of his ex, saying he had a great time in bed. When Hazel walked into their bedroom, women’s underwear was on the bed and the sheets were unmade.”
Now I was speechless. “That’s pretty incriminating.”
Sean wasn’t convinced so easily. “But it doesn’t sound like him. I know he used to be a playboy but I just can’t see him doing that to Hazel. They just moved in together.”
“I’m having a hard time believing it too,” Scarlet said.
Ryan shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s a difficult accusation to fight.”
“Is she staying with you?” I asked.
“Yeah. Cortland hasn’t been answering his phone and she had nowhere else to go,” Ryan said.