by E. L. Todd
“I’m Monnique, my father’s second child. Um…” She took a deep breath, trying to get through the words. “I could stand up here all day and tell you why my father was a great man and why I’ll miss him, but even that wouldn’t do it justice. So, I’m going to have to be selective.
“My earliest memory of my father was when he gave me a flower. We were in Hawaii on vacation. I was four years old, maybe five. I’m not sure. He handed me the flower and told me it was beautiful just like me, unique and unlike any other in the world. Since I wanted an ice cream instead, I threw it on the ground and told him I hated him.” The audience chuckled at her words. She even smiled. “So, he got me an ice cream and watched me eat it on the beach. After my face was covered in dessert and my hands were sticky, he cleaned me up. Then he handed me the flower, saying I was still beautiful even though I was a mess.” She took a deep breath. “Even when I was ugly, even when I was a brat, he still told me I was beautiful. And that was my first memory.”
She stared at her hands for a moment, fixing the gloves even though they were perfectly fine. “My parents didn’t have a lot of money, but they did the best they could. They managed to get me through college so I could be a nurse, my lifelong goal. The day I graduated, my father brought me a boutique of flowers. After he handed them to me, he said I was even more beautiful than all the flowers in my hand, and that I got better with age.” She blinked her eyes then sniffed, trying to stop herself from crying.
“After my mom passed away, I knew my father wasn’t doing very well. I should have been here…but I wasn’t. And I’ll always regret that until the day I die. I know my father wouldn’t want me to suffer, he was such a carefree person, but he always put me first. And I should have tried harder to do the same for him.
“The day I moved from Seattle, he gave me a necklace.” She touched the chain around her throat, a pendant of a Hawaiian flower. “He said he wouldn’t be able to give me flowers anymore, to tell me I was rare and beautiful just like the petals. So he said the necklace would have to suffice.” She stopped and closed her eyes, not letting herself cry. “And that is my last memory of him.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until I blinked. That speech dwarfed me, made me feel just as much pain and regret that circulated through her body. She left the podium then returned to her seat beside me. She stared straight ahead, not letting a tear fall. She stayed strong.
I returned my arm to her shoulders and pressed my head against hers, silently comforting her.
The pastor finished the ceremony, and then everyone walked to the grounds where the body would lay to rest. I held her hand while we walked. She said nothing and stared at the landscape, seeing the trees and the flowers. My eyes were still wet.
The tombstone had been etched with his name and years alive. Above it was her mother’s name because she would be buried beneath him. We stood by the grave and watched them lower it into the ground. My hand never left hers, trying to steady her.
Everyone formed a line and grabbed a pile of dirt then sprinkled it over the coffin. Monnique and I stayed back with Javi, watching everyone say their prayers as the dirt fell from their fingers. They said their condolences then headed to the wake. Monnique waited until every person was finished before she approached the grave. I watched her, making sure she wouldn’t fall.
Instead of grabbing a handful of dirt, she opened her clutch and pulled out a flower. It was dead and crumbled, practically breaking apart. I couldn’t identify what type of flower it was because it was so damaged. She stared at it for a long time, her tears starting to fall. Then she kissed it then dropped it into the grave.
I came behind her then wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her steady. She cried for minutes, her hands covering her face. Then she fell to her knees, still crying.
I didn’t know what to do. I kneeled slightly behind her and gave her a moment to grieve. But I hated listening to her cry. It was pure agony. I’d rather stab my thigh with a knife than listen to it.
Javi stood on the other side of the grave, his head bowed and his eyes closed.
Monnique continued to cry. An hour passed and she didn’t seem to be finished. I’d be as patient as she needed to be. Javi finally came to her side then touched her shoulder.
“We should get going,” he said gently. “People are waiting.”
She nodded then tried to fix her makeup as she stood up. I turned her toward me then used my fingers to fix her running eyeliner and mascara, making sure she looked as perfect as the day began.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Yeah.”
We left the cemetery, hand in hand, and then joined everyone at the house. The food was catered and the waiters took care of the event. Quiet music played in the background.
While we moved through the crowd, Monnique spoke to her relatives and cried with them a few times. I was always a step behind her, being a crutch if she ever needed me.
For the next few hours, she mingled with everyone, but I could tell she didn’t want to be there. She just wanted to be alone, somewhere quiet. “I need to use the restroom,” she whispered to me.
“Okay. I’ll walk you.”
“It’s okay.”
“I insist,” I said gently.
“Okay.”
I walked with her to the bathroom then stayed outside the door. I leaned against the wall and stared at the ground, replaying the day’s events in my mind. I really wish this hadn’t happened. She didn’t deserve it.
Javi came down the hall. “Do you know where Monnique is?”
“In the bathroom. Why?”
“Lucas is waiting for her outside. He wants to talk to her.”
Lucas? Why did that name sound familiar? “Who is he again?”
“Her ex-boyfriend. I’m surprised he showed up. He came looking for her a few times, so I assume they ended on bad terms. But it seems like he just wanted to give her his condolences.”
My blood boiled immediately. Javi clearly had no idea what the fucker did to her. He had no idea how abusive he used to be. And he had the nerve to show up to her father’s funeral?
“You okay, man?”
“Yeah,” I lied. “He’s outside?”
“Yeah.”
Without thinking, I headed down the hallway and toward the front door. The idea of him hurting my girl sent me into a rage. I’d kill him. I throw his body into an empty grave then spit on his corpse. My fists clenched by my sides and my sight suddenly turned red. I was on a rampage. I needed to search and destroy.
When I got outside, I saw a man standing in jeans and a black shirt. He was dark-skinned and tall. I was already 6’2, but this guy was an inch taller than me and about the same size. I didn’t care. This guy could be the hulk and I’d still come after him.
He turned when he noticed me. “Have you seen Monnique?”
My fists collided with his face, sending his head back. I didn’t answer his question. When he stumbled back, I lifted my foot and slammed it hard into his gut, sending him to the pavement.
“Fuck!” He gripped his nose then tried to get up.
I kicked his side as hard as I could, making him yell in pain. “You hurt my girl, then you forfeit your life.” I kicked him again, certain I broke a rib or two.
“Stop!” Javi ran out then pulled me back. “What are you doing?”
My eyes were wide with rage. “He used to beat Monnique. He was pathetic and abusive, hurting something beautiful.” Spit flew out of my mouth because I was so pissed.
“What?” Javi asked. “Where are you getting this from?”
Monnique ran to me then looked down at Lucas. “Cortland, stop.”
Only she could tame me. I stepped back out of Javi’s reach.
Javi turned to her. “Is what he said true?”
She sighed and rubbed her temples. “Now is not the time to talk about this.”
Lucas sat up, gripping his head. “My ribs are broken.”
“Good,” I sa
id darkly.
Javi glared at her. “Monnique, is Cortland telling the truth?”
She gripped her skull. “Yes, but it was a long time ago. Let’s just move on.”
Javi looked more pissed than I was. “Are you fucking kidding me? And you never told me?”
“Mom and Dad knew, but I didn’t tell you because I knew how you would react.”
Javi grabbed his phone then held the butt over Lucas, ready to smash it against his face.
I wasn’t going to stop him.
“Javi, no!” Monnique stepped in the way.
Her brother was just as pissed as I was. “I’ll kill him.”
Lucas stood up.
Javi charged him.
“Stop!” Monnique held up her hands.
Lucas pushed her right into Javi, making them both fall.
And I snapped.
I was on him quicker then he could scream. I slammed my fist into his face over and over, letting the blood squirt into the sky. He moaned and tried to get away, but I didn’t let up.
“Cortland!” Monnique screamed at me. “Stop! In the name of my father, stop.”
My hand stilled. I glared at the eyes I hated then spit on him. “Get the hell out of here. If you come back, I’ll kill you.”
Lucas could barely walk. He got to his knees then stumbled. He probably shouldn’t drive but I didn’t care. Hopefully he’d drive over a cliff. He finally got to his feet then limped to this car, cursing the entire time.
My hands were red with his blood.
Monnique covered her face and breathed through the pain. “God, this is so embarrassing.”
Javi sat on the ground, catching his breath.
She finally looked at me. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“That he needed to die.” I didn’t feel bad for what I did. I hoped he had a spinal injury and I hoped he had several broken ribs.
“He could press charges,” she hissed.
“You think I care?” I snapped. “No one hurts my girl and gets away with it.”
Her eyes flashed in hurt. “I’m not your girl, Cortland.”
I breathed through the pain. “You’re always my girl.”
She looked away, unable to hold my gaze.
I didn’t care if he pressed charges. With a quick payoff, he would drop it. And if he didn’t, he still wouldn’t. I had job security for life. Being friends with the Prestons had its perks.
Monnique fixed her hair and breathed through the emotion she was trying to control. Then she walked back into the house, leaving Javi and I on the lawn. He and I met each other’s look but didn’t say anything. There was no need.
After everyone left, the house was empty and dirty. Plates and glasses were everywhere. I rolled up my sleeves and began cleaning, not wanting Monnique and her brother to worry about it. My knuckles were sore from colliding into that guy’s face, but I didn’t give a damn. It was the best pain I ever felt.
Monnique started to help me but I steadied her. “Take a shower and get into bed. I got it.”
“I don’t mind…”
I gripped her wrist. “Go relax.” I gave her a firm stare then kept cleaning.
She headed into the shower while I finished taking out the bags of garbage and tossing all the extra food. By the time I got into bed, it was late. Monnique wore her pajamas and she was reading a book.
Tired, I stripped off my clothes and got ready for bed. We were leaving early in the morning for our flight.
“I think you should sleep on the couch.” She stared at her kindle, not looking at me.
Standing in my briefs, I looked at her. “Why?”
“You know why.” Her voice was quiet.
She was referring to my encounter with Lucas. “If you want me to apologize, I won’t. I don’t feel bad for what I did. If any guy touches you, I will rip them apart. That behavior is unacceptable.”
“But it’s my father’s funeral,” she hissed.
“Well, I snapped, okay?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t want Javi to know.”
“I wasn’t thinking.”
She turned off her kindle and set it aside. “I don’t understand how you can come all the way here to be with me, sleep with me every night, and then beat my ex to a pulp and still not want to be more than just my friend.” Her voice carried her emotion. “It’s torture, Cortland. I understand that I was wrong for everything I did, but if you ask me, you’re way worse.” She still wouldn’t look at me.
I sighed while I stood by the bed. “I’m not trying to hurt you…”
“I know.” Her voice was lifeless. “But you’re never going to get over me and move on if you keep acting this way. You’re just making it worse for both of us.”
“I…I had to be here for you. You shouldn’t go through this alone.”
“We all go through pain alone,” she said bitterly. “And feeling your hand in mine just reminds me of what it was like to feel loved by you. It reminds me of how I fucked up and threw you away. And it’s just…mean.”
My heart hurt at her words. “I just wanted to be here for you. I wasn’t trying to make it harder for you.”
“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me for the past few days. I do. I’m not trying to be a selfish brat…but I think you should sleep on the couch tonight.”
If she didn’t want me in her bed, I wouldn’t force it. But I really wanted to hold her after seeing the face of her tormentor. I was in pain thinking about how he hurt her. I hated picturing it. It made me sick. But I would do whatever she asked. The last thing she needed was something else to stress about. “I understand.” I pulled on a pair of sweatpants then closed the door behind me.
After I was on the couch, I pulled a blanket over me and stared at the ceiling. I had no idea what I was doing with Monnique. I went from hating her to being her boyfriend all over again. My emotions kept pulling me back and forth. I could only imagine how confused and hurt she must be. I realized I was being an ass to her. And I hated myself for that.
The next morning, Monnique had a long goodbye with Javi. I stayed by the car and waited for them to finish. They hugged for a long time and shared a few whispers. I knew Monnique felt guilty for leaving her brother behind at such a delicate time. I focused my gaze on the road and tried not to stare.
She finally came to the car and got into the passenger side without looking at me. Javi approached me with his hands in his pockets.
“Thanks for everything, man.”
“No problem,” I said weakly.
Instead of shaking my hand, he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. “No matter what happens with Monnique, you’re still family.” He patted my back then walked away.
Those words went straight to my heart and only caused me pain. It reminded me how perfect Monnique and I used to be before she went off the deep end. I missed everything about our relationship. It was so hard being just a fragment of what we used to be. After controlling my emotions, I walked to the car and got inside.
Monnique’s eyes were swelling with tears but they didn’t fall. I stopped staring and drove to the airport, the silence between us. After we got onto the plane, I fought the urge to hold her hand. I knew she didn’t want me to touch her, and I respected that.
When we were back in the city, I drove to her apartment then carried her luggage inside. She traveled light so I only had two bags to carry. After I set them down, I looked at her.
Her face was unreadable, completely stoic. No make up marked her face and her hair was pulled back slightly. Her eyes looked dim and lifeless. There was no fight in her, no hope.
“I can stay with you,” I whispered. “I don’t mind.”
“I’ll be fine, Cortland. You should go.”
We faced each other, a foot apart.
She held my gaze and didn’t look away. “Thanks for taking care of me. It was nice having someone look after me.”
“Yeah, of course.” I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to
stay here with her.
“Goodbye, Cortland.” Her voice carried a finality to it. I felt like she was saying bye to me forever, not just for the evening. A calm acceptance was in her eyes. It was a look I’d never seen before.
“I’ll see you later,” I whispered.
She opened the door and waited for me to walk out.
“Call me if you need anything.”
She nodded but didn’t speak.
I stared at her when I was on the other side of the door. I wanted to say something to make this better, to fix this. I wanted her to smile, not look defeated. When I didn’t speak, she shut the door in my face and locked it.
11
Hazel
My life without Flynn was exactly what I expected it to be—miserable.
I still couldn’t believe everything that happened. I thought we were happy together, but I was totally wrong. He was lying to me the entire time, right under my nose, and I had no idea. I let my guard down and I was stupid for that.
Men were all the same, lying pigs. I was done with them. I wasn’t sure what universe Cortland and his friends were from, but they certainly were unlike the men of earth. They were loyal and honest. None them were perfect by any means, but they had qualities that every girls wished men had. Putting aside their looks and money, they were incredibly sweet and trustworthy. Why couldn’t I find a guy like that?
What was wrong with me?
Why couldn’t a guy fall in love with me?
I hated thinking about it. All it did was make me depressed. Having a pity party for myself wouldn’t do me any good, but I had a moment of weakness. And what made everything worse was how much I missed Flynn. I was so happy with him that this heartbreak was totally worth it. Every day with him was magical. And as slutty as I sounded, I missed the sex. He was so good at it.
Ugh. Thinking about this wasn’t going to help me.
Sean got me a job as a secretary to one of his financial advisors. The guy was nice and always treated me with respect. I’m sure he wouldn’t even think about messing with me since I was good friends with the CEO of the company. If he wanted to keep his job, he wouldn’t pull anything stupid.
It had good pay and you couldn’t beat the hours. I had weekends off, and I was making a lot more money than I used to. I could afford a nice apartment without any roommates, and the best part, I could afford food. I could buy groceries and have something to eat. I could even go out to lunch. It was awesome.