by E. L. Todd
“Read it out loud,” I said.
“Thank you for letting your wife do me the greatest favor in the world. I already respected you for being a generous and kind man, but now you forever have my gratitude. I hope this will give you something to do tonight. P.S. Scarlet isn’t my type—I prefer blondes.” He lowered the card with a smile on his lips. “That guy isn’t so bad.”
I laughed. “That was very sweet of him.”
Monnique raised an eyebrow. “Did I miss something…?”
“It’s a long story,” I said. “You don’t want to know. Are you joining us for dinner?”
“No.” She got uncomfortable. “I just came to drop something off.”
“Oh. Well, come in,” Sean said.
“No,” she said immediately. “It will only take a second.”
She took a black envelope out of her purse. “Sean, can I speak to Scarlet alone, please?”
This wasn’t good.
“Certainly.” He walked inside and shut the door.
She took a deep breath and held the envelope with both fingers. “I need to ask you a favor.”
“Okay…”
“I decided to move back to Seattle. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”
“What? Why?”
“Several reasons,” she said sadly. “My family and friends are there. My brother is all alone and I should be with him, especially after my father passed away.” She continued to grip the letter. “Secondly, after spending the last few days with Cortland, I know there’s no hope for us. We’re never getting back together and I accept that. Frankly, he deserves someone better. While I love all of you guys and will miss you like crazy, I can’t be a part of the group anymore. I can’t stand by and watch Cortland move on and pretend I’m okay with it. I just can’t.” She breathed deeply, trying not to cry. “I need you to give this to Cortland sometime after I leave, not before. Please do this for me.”
I stared at the letter in her hands, unable to believe this was really happening. “I….um…”
She shoved the letter into my reluctant hands. “Promise me you won’t tell him I’m leaving. Scarlet, I mean it. I know what will happen. He’ll try to convince me to stay, and not because he wants to get back together. I need to leave without dealing with him. He’ll make it too hard.”
God, what the hell do I do? “You’re leaving—for good?”
She nodded. “This is what I want.”
“I have to tell him, Monnique. He deserves to know.”
She gave me a desperate look. “Please, Scarlet. Promise me.”
I took a deep breath. “I know he loves you.”
“But not in the way he used to.” Calm acceptance was on her face. “This letter will give him the closure he needs to move on. Honestly, having me around is just as painful for him as it is for me. This is the best thing for both of us.”
I felt the thick envelope in my hands, my palms starting to sweat.
“Promise me,” she pressed.
“What if he tells me he’s in love with you and wants you back?”
“He won’t,” she said sadly.
“But what if he does?”
She sighed. “Then yes, you can tell him. But that’s not going to happen. He and I have been going back and forth for months. It’s over, Scarlet. We’re done. I accept that. I made a lot of mistakes and I’ve learned from them. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn from them quick enough.”
I felt the pain in my chest. My eyes started to pool. “I don’t want you to leave…”
Her eyes mirrored my own. “I know. I’ll be back for the wedding and the birth of everyone’s kids and all that good stuff…but I can’t see you guys every day. It’s too hard.”
I tried not to cry. I was just making this harder on her. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too.” Her lips quivered. “I’m so sorry for the way I treated you when I found out about you and Cortland. I—”
“You already apologized.”
“But I mean it, Scarlet. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever known. The real reason why I was upset was because I know I’ll never even be a sliver as amazing as you are. You dwarf all of us.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. “That’s not true, Monnique.”
“Yes, it is. I let my own insecurities get in the way. I thought modeling would help my self-esteem but it just ripped me apart. My mom always wanted me to pursue modeling, and when I finally had the chance, I ruined it. I didn’t make her proud. I disgraced myself. If she were here, none of that would have happened…”
Now I understood why she went on with the modeling thing for so long, a final wish to her dead mother. I wondered if Cortland knew that.
She wiped her tears away. “Anyway, I should go. Tell everyone I love them. I would have said goodbye myself but…just saying it to you is hard enough. And that letter…broke my heart.” She sniffed again.
“I will.” Now I was crying.
She hugged me tightly. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
She held me for a moment before she turned around and walked off, not looking back. A cab was in the street, and she got inside and took off. I stood still, feeling the heavy envelope in my hands. I know I promised Monnique I wouldn’t tell him the truth, but could I really just do nothing?
I walked back into the house. “Sean, I need you to drive me somewhere.”
“Okay…”
“We’re taking the Ferrari. And I need you to haul ass.”
He didn’t question me. “Yes, wifey.”
When we stopped in front of Cortland’s building, I placed my hand on Sean’s arm. “I need you to stay here.”
“You’ll be okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’ll only be gone a few minutes.”
“Okay.”
I hadn’t told him what was going on and I knew he was desperate to find out.
“Call me if you need me.”
I left the car then headed to Cortland’s apartment. When I arrived at his door, I banged on it harder than I meant to.
He opened it, fear on his face. “Why are you trying to break down my door?”
“Can I come in?” I asked bluntly.
“Um, yeah.” He stepped aside and let me walk in. The letter was in my purse.
“I need to talk to you.”
“I figured,” he said sarcastically. “If you want to talk about my trip with Monnique, just drop it.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m emotionally drained from it.”
That was too bad. I sat down at the table. “Cortland, talk to me.”
He sat down. “About what?”
“You and Monnique have been going back and forth for months. You were this close to getting back together when a picture changed your mind, a picture taken months ago. Cortland, she’s different now. Just be with her and be happy.”
He listened to me and didn’t speak.
“You went all the way to that funeral with her—to Seattle. You claimed you were done with her, but as soon as disaster hit, you were back to being her boyfriend, her crutch. Cortland, you’ve wasted enough time. Instead of forcing yourself to be with other women and trying to get over her, just start over. Just go back to her.”
He took a deep breath. “What if she hurts me…?”
“You think I wasn’t scared of that the day I married Sean? I said the exact same thing to Ryan. Luckily, my brother did what he does best and pulled my head out of my ass.”
He smirked slightly. “You know how much I love Monnique. Shit, everybody knows. But when I think about everything she did, I just…lose it.”
“But it’s in the past, Cortland. She isn’t that person anymore. If this were some other girl, I’d say forget her. But Monnique is the love of your life. You can’t just find someone to replace her. If she’s what you want, work it out with her. I know she loves you. And I know she won’t hurt you again.”
“But you don’t know, Scar.”
“Take a chance,” I said firmly. “I took a chance and I got everything I ever dreamed of.”
“But not everyone is like you, Scar,” he snapped. “Not everyone has an epic love story. Not all of us are going to get our happily ever after.”
I didn’t back down. “Monnique is your happily ever after. I know she is.”
He held my gaze for a long time. “I don’t know…”
“Cortland, tell me you love her and want her back.”
“But that’s the thing, I’m unsure.”
I had to push him. “This is the moment of truth right now. You need to make a decision. It’s now or never. Either take her back and start over, or let her go and never think of her again. Decide now.”
“Why do I have to decide right this second?” He raised his voice.
“If not now, when? You’ve dragged this out too long and you’ve hurt Monnique. No offense, Cortland, but I can promise you that you’ve hurt her more pulling this crap than she’s hurt you.”
The offense was in his eyes.
“Now be the perfect man you’re reputed for. Love her, or let her go.”
He rested his face in his hands and remained silent.
“This is it, Cortland. You can’t take back whatever you decide.”
He sighed then stared at the table. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love her. I hate myself for it. But no one has ever hurt me the way she has. And I hate her for that.”
“It’s the people who mean the most to you that hurt you. Every time. Is she worth the pain?”
He didn’t answer me.
“Can you really see yourself moving on with other girls? Can you really imagine being married to someone else?”
He stared at the table then shook his head slightly. “No.” I could barely hear him.
I grabbed the magazine sitting on his counter then tossed it at him. “Rip it up and let it go.”
He stared at it, anger brewing in his eyes.
“Cortland, rip it up.”
He didn’t touch it. “This will never go away, Scar. It doesn’t matter how many pieces I rip it into.”
“No. But you can forgive her and move on.” I gave him a hard stare. “Now do it.”
He stared at the magazine before he finally grasped it with both hands. He stared at the image of her practically naked on the cover. But he didn’t rip it in half.
“Monnique lost her mom less than a year ago, and when we lose the people we love, we get a little crazy. We fall apart and we do things we can’t undue. Her mother wanted her to be a model, and when Monnique had the chance, she took it. Obviously, it didn’t work out very well. She didn’t handle it with grace. But cut her some slack, Cortland. She didn’t even do anything that bad. If she fucked that guy, then I would understand your anger. But the fact is, she didn’t. And after suffering through so much, she’s entitled to fail once in a while. She’s not perfect and neither are you. Now rip it up.”
He glanced at me. “How did you know that…about her mom?”
“She told me.”
“Oh…she didn’t mention it to me.”
I changed the subject. “Cortland, rip it up.”
He clenched the paper in his hands, making his knuckles turn white, and then shred it to pieces. The paper sprinkled the kitchen, flowing over the table and onto the floor. Cortland stared at the mess, saying nothing.
“Cortland, do you want her back?”
He still wouldn’t look at me. He picked up a piece of paper and played with it in his hand. “I think so.”
“No,” I snapped. “You have to be sure. No more games.”
“I was never playing games.” His hot gaze locked onto mine.
“Are you sure?”
He sighed. “I’ll never love anyone else the way I love her. She might hurt me again, and if she does, well…she will.”
I was glad that was his response. I opened my purse and took out the letter. “I have something for you.”
He stared at the envelope. “What?”
“Monnique came to my house an hour ago and told me she was moving back to Seattle.”
Confusion clouded his eyes. “What?”
“She’s leaving tomorrow.”
He stood up. “She didn’t tell me?”
“She made me promise not to tell you. I was instructed to give this to you after she left.” I tossed it to him. “Unless you told me you want to be with her again, which you did. Now read the letter and go get her before it’s too late.”
With shaky hands, he grabbed the envelope and ripped it open. He pulled out the letter and opened it.
I didn’t expect him to read it to me, but he did.
Cortland,
I know it was wrong or me to leave without saying goodbye, but I’m sure you understand why I did it. While I love you and love our friends, I can’t stand by and watch you move on. Call me a coward, call me selfish, they are both true. But this is what I want.
My family and friends are waiting for me. I need time to heal from our break up and all the wrongs I committed. In time, I’ll move on and find someone new. Obviously, he’ll never be nearly as good as you—nor will any man ever. And whoever you choose, she’s a very lucky girl. I just hope she treats you the way you deserve.
My father’s death has made me see the world in a new way. I don’t know how much time I have left to live and breathe, but I know I need to appreciate the things that matter, the people who matter. I’m just sorry I learned this lesson too late.
I hope that one day you and I can be friends—real friends. I will smile at you and be genuinely happy for you, and you will do the same for me. I love you with my whole heart and you will always be the love of my life. A day will not pass when you aren’t in my thoughts, but I hope that isn’t the same for you. Now that I’m gone, you can really move on and not be haunted by my ghost.
There’s something I want you to have. I know you wouldn’t accept it if I gave it to you in person. This way, you are forced to take something that means the world to me. I remember our first memory and all the ones in between, but I wanted this to be your last memory of me—something beautiful.”
He looked in the envelope and pulled out a necklace. It was white gold with a Hawaiian flower hanging from the chain. Cortland took a deep breath while he held it in his hand. Soon, his eyes watered.
I didn’t know what to say. The necklace obviously had a profound effect on him.
He stood up then left the apartment, not looking at me or speaking to me. I was forgotten.
15
Cortland
My heart had never beat this fast. My palms were sweating, and my eyes were wet. I ran down the sidewalk even though I should have drove. I wasn’t thinking clearly. All I knew was I had to get to her as fast as possible.
The necklace was tight in my palm and the letter was in my pocket. Emotions propelled through my body, making me weak and dizzy. I hated myself for the time I wasted. I kept pushing the blame onto Monnique, but my behavior was far worse than what she did to me. I thought she was the monster, but it was me all along. She was patient with me and waited, giving me as much time and space as I needed. There was no doubt she loved me, deeply.
I arrived at her building then took two stairs at a time. I was out of breath by the time I got to her door, covered in sweat, but I didn’t care. I banged on the door, unable to sit still. I needed to see her. I needed to talk to her.
The door finally opened. Her hair was pulled back and she looked at me in confusion. “Cortland, is everything okay?”
I walked into the apartment and crowded her backwards. I slammed the door behind me. “Don’t go.”
She looked down and saw the necklace in my hand. “She promised me…”
“And she didn’t break that promise.”
Her eyes widened slightly.
“I love you. Just you. Only you.”
Her breathing increased.
“I’m the one who should be apologizing
to you. I’m the one who’s toyed with your emotions and dragged you through the mud. You may have hurt me, but it wasn’t intentional. Everything I’ve done to you has been unfair and immature. But you’re still here…”
I took a deep breath and held her gaze. “I should be the one begging you to take me back. So, please don’t go. I love you and I need you.”
Her eyes coated with tears. “What does that mean…?”
“I’m not saying I want to be what we were before. I want to start over and be together again, take it slow. But I want it just to be you and I. In time, we’ll rebuild a stronger relationship than the one we had. I wanted to be your husband and the father of your kids.” She sniffed at my words. “But this is the last time I’m asking you this. This is the last time I’m putting my heart on the line. Neither one of us can mess around anymore. I’m in this for the long haul, wiping the slate clean for both of us. So, will you have me?”
She burst in tears. “You don’t even need to ask…”
I closed the gap between us and cupped her face, pressing my head to hers. “I love you.”
“God, I love you.” Tears fell down her face and I wiped them away with the pads of my thumbs. I knew I was crying too.
I took the necklace and clasped it around her neck. “Now this is our first memory.”
She smiled slightly, breathing deeply.
I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. “I’m yours forever, Monnique. I couldn’t stay away even if I tried.”
She hugged me tightly, crying into my shoulder. “I never thought I’d get you back.”
“Someone pulled my head out of my ass.”
She chuckled lightly then pulled away. “Do you want to know the last thing my father said about your before he died?”
I nodded, terrified to hear it. “He told me I better marry you.”
My heart squeezed at her words. “You will.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me, her lips tasting like salt. It wasn’t a kiss I’d received before. This was faint and desperate. She breathed into my mouth and didn’t move, just feeling my lips. I was too emotional to do much else.
I wasted so much time figuring out what I wanted, and I regretted the time lost. When I tried to be with other women, only Monnique was on my mind. When I tried to forget about her, she was all I could think about. I’d try over and over with this girl, doing anything to keep her. But this was the last time we’d feel this. Because I wasn’t going to let her go ever again.