by Melissa Haag
His voice, usually deep and smooth, now had a roughness to it. Almost a growl. I focused on his eyes. They remained black, but the ochre from his sclera seemed to be blending with it.
I wasn’t sure how to interpret the new color combination. Past interactions left me with the impression that brown meant he was happy, or at least content, while orange and red were angry or upset colors. Was ochre then the middle ground between the two color groups? What the heck did that mean? He was neutral?
“Are you mad at me?” I asked hesitantly. I wasn’t afraid of him even when his eyes unnerved me a little, but I didn’t like the idea of him being mad at me either.
“No, Tessa. You are frustrating me.” He let go only to gently cup my head in his large hands. “Stop stalling, and tell me what was going through this precious head of yours.”
“I wasn’t stalling,” I said before I could stop myself. More ochre pooled into his black irises. “Okay, okay.”
My face, which had cooled slightly during my confusion, flared scarlet again. Four days wasn’t enough time to really know someone I realized as panic started to rise inside me. Why had I even thought about kissing? Because I’d made up my mind to think of him as my choice. As my choice, wouldn’t it be natural to wonder? I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, not wanting to see how my next words would affect the color swirling in his irises.
“I was wondering what kissing would be like. With you.”
For a moment, nothing happened. His warm hands remained cupped along my jaw, touching just below my ear and curving around the back of my neck. It made me feel small. While I waited, his fingers twitched slightly before stilling again.
When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see him locked in place. Pure black once again claimed his irises. He looked slightly shocked, and I had a horrible sinking feeling I’d misunderstood the whole situation.
“Morik, it’s no big deal. I’m not asking you to kiss me. I was just—”
He slowly moved his thumb over my bottom lip, silencing me. His gaze followed his thumb’s back and forth movements.
“There are rules.” His voice had dropped an octave, rumbling in his chest. “Because my abilities put humans at a disadvantage, nature created a few basic laws I can’t break unless through an agreement.”
“Like a deal?”
“Yes. A part of a deal. One of the rules is that I can’t interact with humans unless they call on me. The deal with Belinda’s father gave me a loophole to get around that rule in some circumstances. Another rule is that I can’t touch humans. The original deal allows me to speak with you, to protect you, but not to touch you.” He removed his hands. “But, our deal and your touch now allow me to.” He ran his fingers through his hair then continued. “The rules are meant to protect you from my kind. To negate the natural advantages I might have.”
I wasn’t sure I followed his line of thinking and was afraid to ask the real question on my mind, which was whether he wanted to kiss me or not.
“So, if I want a kiss, I need to make a deal with you?” It’d be like forcing him to kiss me. I didn’t want that.
“No. You only need to kiss me first.”
“Oh.” All the color that had flooded my face moments earlier drained. I’d have to initiate the kiss. My first kiss. What if I messed up?
He stood there, watching me expectantly.
Instead of doing the crazy little flip that got me into this mess, my stomach hatched an army of ninja-kicking butterflies. I didn’t know what to do.
“I think I need to sit down.”
Morik scooped me into his arms and moved to a large leather chair. Instead of setting me down, he sat with me on his lap. The butterflies didn’t stop kicking.
“It’s okay,” he whispered and rubbed my back soothingly. “Kissing isn’t part of the agreement, Tessa. I never thought it would be.”
That killed every butterfly in my stomach. Did that mean he didn’t expect me to kiss him but would like it if I did, or that he didn’t want to kiss me and just told me how to kiss him because I had been curious? Having depleted my store of courage for the day, I didn’t ask for clarification. I was too worried the answer would be the latter.
We sat quietly for a few moments. Slowly, my heart rate returned to normal.
“Would you like to see my home?” he asked.
Relief flooded me. If he was willing to drop the subject, so was I.
He led me through his house, which from the view out the window appeared to be in a suburb. Each room, spaciously built and tastefully decorated in light colors with vivid accents, drew my attention. With a total of three bedrooms and three baths, the house felt empty with only him living there. It lacked pictures or any other personal items to show he had a past. Everything was pretty, but nothing felt lived in.
The open kitchen with its large breakfast bar was made for entertaining. He had a television in the living room, and he mentioned several gaming consoles that he stored elsewhere.
“How did you get all of this? Deals?”
“No. The internet allows me to obtain what I want without actually interacting with humans. Another loophole in nature’s rule.”
At the end of the tour, Morik took me home just in time to clean up the jewelry in progress before everyone returned. He stayed for dinner and another movie. While I sat beside him, my mind continued to dwell on my newest problem.
When I’d had my brilliant thought to help prod my heart along, I’d never dreamed I’d need to be the one to make the first move. What if he wasn’t interested in me like that? Not only would I be mortified if I tried kissing him and he freaked out, but I also doubted I’d be able to choose with my heart after that.
Before he left, I asked for his help to put me to sleep; I wouldn’t be able to turn off my thoughts on my own.
One thought stayed with me as I drifted off with the low murmur of his voice teasing my ears.
If I didn’t want to end up like Aunt Danielle, I needed to figure out a way to choose Morik.
Chapter Thirteen
When I opened my eyes the next morning, I stayed in bed. I knew I’d be late for school but didn’t care. Thinking about Morik, and how he felt about kissing me, took priority.
Taking risks wasn’t easy for me. All the rules I’d grown up with stressed the need to exercise caution. Just being with him broke that mold. I could kid myself and say this uncharted course didn’t scare me, but it did. I wasn’t afraid of a fanged, horned being with constantly changing eyes, but I was afraid of what he represented. An unknown future.
With a sigh, I got out of bed. I didn’t rush. Instead, I let my mind wander as I pulled on faded jeans, a cami, and a University of Hawaii thrift store hoodie.
As I brushed my teeth, I realized what I was doing. Stalling. I’d always known where I stood with a boy, thanks to my touch. This time, I was in the dark, and it sucked.
I rinsed then stared at myself in the mirror and wondered how Morik saw me. Was I interesting to him? Did he hope that I wouldn’t choose him? I cringed at myself in the mirror, grabbed my mom’s makeup bag, and rifled through the contents. I usually didn’t take the time to wear make-up, but since I’d need a late note anyway, I smudged on some eyeliner and brushed on mascara. Then, I stood there, hesitating.
A knock on the bathroom door almost made me scream. I opened it quickly and surprised Gran.
“Are you okay?” she asked. When she studied my eyes, she smiled lovingly. “You look very pretty.”
I hugged her and whispered that I was fine.
“Morik’s been waiting for you. I think he’s getting worried that it’s taking so long. I took pity on him and said I’d check on you.”
I nodded and turned off the light before I followed her to the kitchen. Morik stood near the table, my jacket in his hands. I couldn’t meet his eyes. Instead, I looked at the scarf, gloves, and school bag that lay in a pile on the table.
“Sorry I took so long.” I took the jacket from him and quick
ly put it on before grabbing the scarf.
“It’s no problem.” He handed me the gloves. “Everything all right?”
I took the gloves and shouldered my bag.
“Yep. All set. You ready?” I forced myself to meet his curious gaze. He studied me for a moment and then nodded.
He led the way out the door and held it for me as I called good-bye to Gran. The motorcycle waited as usual. My uncertainty ate at me as I sat behind him with my arms wrapped around his waist.
He pulled in front of an unusually quiet school. Obviously, the second bell had already rung. I got off the back of the bike and handed him the helmet with a quick thanks. He caught my hand as I turned away.
“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”
“No.” The answer popped out before I could stop it. “I’m late. I have to go.”
He released me, and I made my escape into the school. Some of the guys I passed gave me weird looks. After the lesbian rumor, I’d gotten some strange looks, but this was different. It wasn’t until a boy from my English class made a second attempt to start a conversation that I remembered I’d worn makeup.
Despite the confusing attention, my runaway thoughts continued at school. Even if Morik were interested in kissing me, it didn’t stop my worry about what my future would be with him.
Beatriz commented on my distraction several times before lunch and tried to pry the reason out of me when we finally sat down at our table. Too worried that Morik might be somewhere listening, I shrugged off her friendly concern.
After the final bell rang, I met Beatriz in the hallway and half-listened to the newest rumor she’d heard in gym class.
A random boy I’d never seen before stopped us before we reached my locker. Ignoring Beatriz’s smirk, he asked if I’d like to get something to eat after school. I reached forward out of habit to lightly touch his arm and watched our future play out in my mind. He would be good to me and our two children and would love me until the day he died.
Heart heavy, I gently declined his invitation.
“You know,” Beatriz said in an unusually serious tone, “for someone who has no boyfriend, you say no a lot.”
I wondered where she was going with her observation.
“Maybe you’re spending too much time with Morik and not giving other guys a fair chance,” she said. “I’d be more than willing to go on a double date with you if you’re worried about leaving Morik out.”
“You’re volunteering to be Morik’s date so I could date other guys?”
“Sure.” Hope lit her expression.
“Beatriz, if you want to make a play for Morik, go for it. Just don’t be upset if it doesn’t work the way you hope. He’s got some strange rules for himself that he strictly adheres to.”
“Oh, like what?”
I snorted.
“Like the girl needs to make the first move.” I pulled open my locker and started to sort through my books.
“Seriously? I could do that.”
“Without even knowing if he’s interested in you or not?” I glanced at her and caught her contemplating the main doors. She was probably picturing Morik waiting out there.
“You bet. How else will you find out?” She didn’t wait for my answer. “So you won’t be mad if I try?”
“Not a bit. Just be careful, okay?”
She nodded and pushed away from my locker. “I’ll see you outside.”
I watched her grab her coat and head toward the doors. I envied her confidence.
Not wanting to be a witness to whatever happened, I took my time to get the rest of my books together. The halls started to empty around me.
Glancing at the clock, I joined the stragglers who migrated toward the exit. Outside the doors, the sun shone brightly. Through the glare, I spotted Beatriz talking to Morik. He leaned casually against his motorcycle, his attention on her until the moment I walked out the door.
As if he sensed me, his gaze swept to the entrance and found mine. Beatriz saw his attention wander and turned in my direction. She waved goodbye to him and met me halfway.
“You’re right. Weird rules, but what a kiss.” She grinned and added, “Too bad it’s the only one I’ll get.”
Before I could question her, Morik started his motorcycle, and she hurried off to catch her ride. Without a word, he handed me the helmet. I climbed on, and he pulled out of the parking lot the second I wrapped my arms around him. His arms were stiff and, under my embrace, his stomach tense. Did Beatriz’s kiss upset him? It made me smile, but only for a moment. What if he didn’t like kissing in general?
Instead of turning to go home, he turned toward downtown. There wasn’t much downtown: a few shops, restaurants, a church, a couple of bars, and a few odd businesses. We drove for another few minutes, and my curiosity grew.
He slowed and pulled into the parking lot for the local bowling alley. I waited until he turned off the bike before I flipped up my visor.
“What are we doing here?” I asked.
“We’re going to bowl.” Humor laced his voice, and he reached out a hand to steady me as I climbed off the back.
Bowling? I had a hazy picture of birthday hats and pizza mixed in with memories of using two hands to push the ball down the alley. Definitely a happy memory from long ago. Curiosity piqued, I dismounted and pulled off my helmet. He tucked it under his arm, and we walked side by side to the entrance.
The sound of crashing pins and the ping of pinball machines greeted us as we walked through the second set of glass doors. I followed Morik to the counter, and we both exchanged our street shoes for special bowling ones.
While Morik stood at the counter for an extra moment to talk to the cashier, I moved to our assigned lane and quickly put on the shoes. The assortment of bowling balls that lined the back wall of the alley, creating a dotted rainbow of color, called to me. I managed to find the perfect ball. From afar, it appeared to be a solid, vivid orange. However, looking closer, I noticed that silver flecks spiraled in a random pattern around the ball. It reminded me of the color of Morik’s eyes when he was upset.
I didn’t think it’d taken me long, but when I turned, I saw Morik waiting in one of the anchored plastic chairs surrounding the score monitor. He already had his shoes on and didn’t say anything when I placed my ball on the return next to the dark blue one already there.
Above our lane, the score projector showed my name first.
The bowling alley, though not packed, had a steady flow of customers. With the screen above the lane, everyone would see how well, or poorly, I did. That worried me since I wasn’t even sure I could roll the ball with one hand like the people around me.
A few lanes down, I spotted a youth squatting to push the ball down the lane with two hands as I remembered doing. As I watched, the ball bounced off a side rail that I hadn’t noticed. I looked up at his score projector and saw a note for bumpers. Was it too late to ask for those?
“Are you sure you don’t want to go first?”
Morik snagged one of my fingers and used it to tug me toward him.
“I’m beginning to see that Beatriz is right. You don’t remember how to have fun, do you?”
I rolled my eyes, not bothering to comment, and he let me go so I could retrieve my ball. The holes in the ball were so snug I worried that my fingers might get stuck. So I picked up the ball, using both hands, and eased my middle and ring fingers into the holes. I only put them in a little bit, just between the first and second knuckles. The image of me sliding down the alley still attached to the ball had me doubting the wisdom of using the holes at all.
My palms started to sweat, and I mentally scolded myself. I had more issues than I could count. There was no way I would add a bowling phobia to the list.
Head held high, I stepped up onto the smooth wood floor and moved into position like those around me. I tentatively swung my arm back while taking a step forward. A buzzer went off. The sound scared me enough that I accidentally dropped the b
all on the forward swing rather than smoothly releasing it.
“You stepped over the foul line,” an older man from the next lane said with a kind smile. He’d just released his ball as well, but it accurately flew down the lane to crash into the pins. The group of men who waited behind him, all wearing the same shirt, watched me.
“Uh, thanks,” I said. My cheeks heated as I turned and walked toward the ball return.
Glancing at Morik, I noticed he was watching the group of men who still watched me.
I nudged his foot to get his attention and whispered, “Told you that you should have gone first.” Then, I stuck out my tongue at him playfully. It had the desired result. The orange building in his eyes behind his glasses faded instantly.
I executed the second try with more finesse than the first. The ball sailed straight down the alley and knocked over several of the pins. Relieved that my turn was over for the moment, I sat next to Morik. He grinned at me and stood to retrieve his ball.
He moved with grace and released his ball with a fluid motion that the group next to us noticed. The ball flew down the lane and hit the pins with a crash, knocking them all over. Even over the noise of the games and the music piping over the sound system, the crashing sound seemed a little harsher than the ones around us. I stared at the end of the alley and spotted a tiny piece of something in the pin area.
In the lane next to us, I overheard one of the older men speaking to his neighbor.
“Did you see that?”
When Morik came back to the ball return, I quickly popped up to whisper a warning about our audience. I wasn’t sure, but I had the feeling it wasn’t exactly normal to crack pins during bowling.
My next turn, I knocked down a total of eight pins between my two tries. Morik again threw a strike. He didn’t crack any pins this time, apparently taking my warning into consideration. The men next to us took turns watching us.
Worried that Morik’s skill on top of his already unusual appearance would draw unwanted attention, I set out to distract him from his game. Okay, fine. I just didn’t want him to score so much higher than me.