“By asking him, you doofus.”
Chapter Nineteen
It was cold out, and she’d forgotten her gloves; knocking on Eli’s door turned her fingers white and bloodless. Night had fallen. All the heat and moisture in the air had gone, leaving a bitter cold that threatened to freeze her fingers toes.
Nothing.
She knocked again, harder, and heard Rudy begin to bark and whine on the other side. Eli had to be close by.
“Please open the door Eli! I really need to talk to you!” she yelled.
Still nothing.
“Eli please.... Are you really going to let me freeze out here?”
A great cracking noise splintered through the door just before it inched open. A blast of warmth whooshed from the furnace inside.
Eli stood just inside, Rudy whining behind him.
“What do you want?” His tone flat and cold. She knew she had hurt him, which meant she also had to be the one to fix this.
“I want to talk,” she said firmly. “Can I come in.” He stepped aside—reluctantly, it seemed to her—and held the door for her. Rudy leaped on her the moment she came through the door, but Eli closed it behind her with a thud that shook the whole house.
He didn't wait for her to take off her jacket or her shoes; he headed straight back into the kitchen. She could hear glassed clinking together, and cabinets and drawers opening and shutting again. Her attention shifted to Rudy, and she knelt to pet him.
“Would you like some coffee? Tea?” Eli called from the other room. She didn't like his tone, how sad it sounded, how tired, and knowing it was because of her only added to her guilt.
“Tea would be great.”
Abby and Rudy made their way to the living room, which was incredibly inviting as the hot furnace stoked the room with heat. She sat down on the couch and looked casually at some of the book that lay scattered on the coffee table in front of her.
Brave New World. Robinson Crusoe. East of Eden.
Those books and others sat messily together, with no real order.
“Been reading a lot.”
His voice startled her. She hadn't heard him come in from the kitchen. He walked towards her, holding a mug in his right hand, and a smaller cup in his left. He handed her the tea cup.
“Do you have any sug—”
“Three cream, two sugars,” he said. “Just the way you like it. Unless your taste in tea has changed too.”
The stab hurt, but she deserved it. She’d known this wasn't going to be easy.
“Perfect.” She said. Offering a friendly smile. She could see the corner of his mouth twitch up slightly, but he forced back down.
Silence fell on the room. The only noise was the crackling fire in the furnace, and the occasional noises Abby made sipping at the hot tea.
“So... Melody's doing well,” she finally said. “She's been awake and even talking to us. The doctors say she'll probably be able to come home sometime next week.”
Eli continued staring at the fire dancing in the furnace, “That's great news,” he said, this time with a hint of genuine happiness in his voice. Even if he was still angry with Abby, he couldn't hide his affection for Melody.
Abby turned and look at Rudy, whose head shot up back her, hoping she would play with him. It made her smile, but it wasn't playtime right now.
“Eli.” She stopped, unsure how to word it. “I'm sorry.” And that was all that came out. It wasn’t enough.
He looked towards her, face wide and disbelieving. Mocking, even. “Sorry? We spend all this time together. Getting to know each other, confessing our hearts to one another, and then at the first sign of trouble you completely throw me over and treat me like I'm worth absolutely nothing to you, and all you can say is 'sorry'?”
His words hurt. She hadn't really thought about the repercussions of her actions, but now she understood—and felt even worse about what she’d done.
“I guess I made a mistake then, coming here,” she said, standing up to leave. She just couldn't face him any more. She already felt like the scum of the earth, and his constant negativity made her feel even worse. The scum of the earth on the bottom of some else’s shoe.
“Abby…. No, sit back down. Please.” His voice was strained, even through his forced politeness. “We need to work this out.”
Finally. Something they agreed on.
“I want you in my life, that hasn't changed. But I don't know if I can do that if every time life gets hard you separate yourself from me. That is not how relationships are supposed to work, and I can’t be apart of one that does. We need to work together, and lean on each other when things get hard. But that requires trust—a trust that you broke. And now, honestly, I’m not sure what it will take for me to regain it. It's not a decision I can just make. I want to, but everything inside of me is yelling that if I do, I’ll get hurt again, and I—I can't have that, Abby. I don't know how much more pain I can take.”
And the worst part was, she understood. After all, she’d been lying to him, to everyone, the entire time she’d been here. Burdened by the scars of her past, desperately trying to keep them hidden and forgotten. But all that was gone now. and she knew what she needed to do.
Abby stood up. Her breathing grew shallow, and short, and she struggled to stay composed. She braced herself, trying not to think and let her mind change itself.
“There's something you need to know about me.” She said to him. Abby could tell Eli wanted to say something, but wisely chose to stay quiet. Right now, he needed to listen.
“I didn't come her to visit my grandma.” Eli's face was now completely confused. “Well, I mean, I did, but it wasn’t the main reason I came, like I led everyone to think.” She took in a deep breath, and with it took hold of all the courage stored within her small body. “You’re not the only one who knows what it's like to trust someone, trust them completely, and have them betray you. Strip you of everything, from your sanity to your dignity.” She paused, but the tears were coming. Nothing she could do about it but go on. So she did.
“Two years ago, I left New York for a man I’d fallen in love with when I was younger. His name was Tucker. Looking back on it now... well, now I know what love is. And that wasn’t it. But I wanted to prove to myself and as my parents that it was, that I was an adult, that I could live my own life, you know? So I convinced myself it was love. True love. And I left, and moved to be with him. He was an addict, but I convinced myself I could fix him, too.”
As horrible as it was for Abby to be saying this out loud, out in open for her own ears to hear, it also felt strangely good. As if weight on her shoulders was being chipped away, allowing her to breath and stand a little taller. She continued as wept.
“He came home after work one day, and I immediately knew something was wrong. I… I was so afraid, I—”
Abby couldn't go on. The pain, the terror, the memories, they were all too real! Eli stood up and made his way towards her. Holding her, comforting her, guiding her to sit back on the couch. She could feel his strength build inside of her. Giving her enough courage to continue.
“He... he grabbed me, and threw me against the wall. I didn't know what he was going to do... then I thought he might try and rape me or kill me or—I don’t know. I reached for a picture and smashed it over his head, allowing me to escape from his grasp, but only temporarily. In our struggle the house caught on fire, the Fire Marshall said one of the curtains had fallen onto a candle in the living room.”
She couldn’t have gone on without Eli's support. His strong hand holding hers. His other rubbing her back. Massaging and loosing up her tense, tired muscles. She was so tired. But this was the only way to freedom. The only way to truly heal and move on.
“He left me for dead and—and I woke up on fire.”
Abby closed her eyes, even the memory of it almost too much to take. The heat, the agony, all too vivid.
Eli clutched her to his chest. Holding her close, protecting her. Her tears
dripped onto his jeans, leaving dark circles on the fabric. He held her for... for years. For an eternity. And for the first time since that night, she felt completely at peace. Safe, in the arms of someone who fully trusted, someone she finally knew she couldn't live without. But did he feel the same way? He had just told her that she had broken his trust, that he didn't know how she could build it up again. She needed to show him how much she trusted him. Needed to show him the ugliest side of her, and see if he will stay.
She pulled back. She was a complete mess, she was sure, but that didn't seem to matter to him. He always looked at her as though she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and she was starting to finally believe it wasn't just an act, but the truth. That was how he really felt about her.
She reached down and began to spontaneously pull up her shirt and she pulled down her pants. Just enough to show him her greatest insecurity. The mark that fateful day had left on her. Her ugliest side. Her scar.
He looked at it, blankly. She couldn’t read his expression.
The moments ticked by excruciatingly slowly as he looked at the horrendous scar. She couldn't take it anymore. She needed his response. Needed to know what he was going to do, or how he would respond. Then...
He turned to her. His face calm, and composed. He reached out for her face, and gracefully ran his fingers softly down her cheek. It felt good.
He then began to slump down. Moving his head closer and closer to her scar.
No, she thought. But he didn't stop. He continued down, his face inching closer and closer. Abby froze, horrified. And then it happened. His lips made contact with the disfigured skin. Carefully, smoothly, with as much focus and care as though he were kissing the royal hand of the Queen of England.
Abby couldn't believe it. Why wasn't he disgusted? Why didn’t he push her away? Tell her he never wanted to see her again?
And then, suddenly, it all made sense.
She was the one who was afraid of it. She was the one who was disgusted, and embarrassed by the wound. She was the one who let it control her, and dictate how she treated those around her. And by kissing it, by giving her the most vulnerable gift a person can give, to the one place that she was most vulnerable, he set her free. He saw her worst, and treat it as if it was her best. Showing that he loved all of her. Completely. Every inch. Showing her he didn't want to change a thing.
Abby grabbed his head, pulling it up and placing his lips where they belonged, on hers. She kissed him passionately, wanting to share everything with him. To become a part of him, and for him to become a part of her. To become one, unified and bound.
She kept kissing him, hard and relentless. Her hands moving up and down his chest and back. Pressing her body towards his. Wanting nothing more than to get rid of the fabric keeping them apart.
She began to lift up his shirt, and undo his buckle. But he broke away, and the moment stilled, then died.
“What are you doing?” he asked, breathing heavily, as did she.
“I... I thought it was what you wanted.” She looked at him stunned... “Isn't it?... I mean... don't you want?...”
“No,” he said. “Well, I mean yes, but—” He shook his head. “Abby, you are the most beautiful women in the world. And everything in me wants to be with you.”
“Then what's the problem?”
“I just... I just believe in only giving myself fully to the one I love on the night of our wedding... it has nothing to do with you, or your scar. I love you. But I respect you, too—and I respect myself. So I can't in good conscious allow myself to—to—violate you like that before I pledged myself to you and no other.”
She stared at him. This time she was the one with blank expression. He didn’t seem nervous at all. He didn’t tremble as he waited for her approval. His mind was already made up.
Abby had never thought men could think like that. Could show enough respect and self-restraint to stay abstinent, even when given permission. That he loved her enough, that he was willing to give her the respect and dignity that she desired.... even if she wasn't willing to do the same for herself.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too Abby. So, so much.”
She leaned into his arms once more, not pushing herself towards him, just embracing him, whole-hearted and warm.
Chapter Twenty
Abby opened her eyes, and for a brief moment she didn't know where she was. The walls, the ceiling, the bed; everything was foreign to her.
Oh, right.
It all rushed back. Last night, Eli, the confession, everything. Time had gotten away from them, and she’d ended up just staying the night. She’d had no problem with sleeping on the couch, but Eli insisted. She would sleep on the bed, and he would take the couch. She hadn't argued, no longer feeling the need to prove herself to him.
From the other side of the cracked door, she heard the distinct sound of claws scraping against the wood flooring. Rudy. The dog came through the door at a run and didn't slow down, jumping onto the bed to greet her. After he’d licked her face and she’d scratched his head, he burrowed down against her, and made himself comfortable on the bed at her side. She continued to scratch him as she looked around the room. She hadn’t really seen this place the night before, asleep before her head hit the pillow, so mentally exhausted from everything that had happened.
There wasn't much on the walls, nothing more than in any of his other rooms, anyway. Then she turned to her left and saw his dresser. There was only one thing. A picture. A woman.
Hannah.
Abby had never seen a picture of her before, and didn’t know much about her, either. Eli sometimes said things, but not much, and Abby was too nervous to pry deeper into his life. Digging up old wounds was the last thing she wanted to do. But maybe that was exactly what he needed. Maybe the reason she didn't want to talk about his past was just because she didn't want to talk about hers. She had let herself to believe she was thinking of him, but that wasn’t the case at all; she was only thinking of herself. Maybe he would enjoy talking about her with someone. Sharing her memory might help him heal. Ease the pain... maybe even feel good. A kind of catharsis.
She wasn't convinced, but it would be foolish to not at least ask him about her, and give him the opportunity to decide for himself. It was the least she could after last night. And if he would feel anything like she did after opening up, then there was nothing he should be afraid of.
She got up, and headed out towards the hallway. Already dressed, she didn't even take the time to remove any of her clothing before falling into a deep sleep. Rudy followed close behind.
She really was beautiful....
As she moved further along, Abby could smell the sweet delicious scent of pancakes. She rounded the corner and saw Eli at the stove, hard at work preparing their breakfast. Rudy ran up to him, whining. Eli laughed. “You want some buddy? Here you go. Just a little piece though.” He tossed down a torn-off chunk of one of the many pancakes in the finished stack. Rudy swallowed it down immediately, and then started begging for more. Eli looked up, and their eyes met across the kitchen.
“Didn't know you were up,” he said. “I was going to bring this to you in bed, but I guess now we can eat it together.”
“It smells delicious,” she said, stomach grumbling at just the thought of eating such rich-tasting food.
He grinned. “Thanks.”
She helped him bring the food to the table. And it wasn’t just pancakes; there were eggs, too, and toast, and tea—everything she could have wanted. And it tasted even better than it smelled. Turned out Eli was a fantastic cook, with or without a deep fryer.
They ate quickly, without saying much. The mood in the room was warm and fuzzy. They didn’t need to tell each other what they were feeling because it was obvious to anyone within the vicinity. Even Rudy was wagging his tail.
Eli put the last of his scrambled eggs into his mouth, and finished off his tea. “So, what do you want to do toda
y? I have to be at the restaurant by nine, which leaves us about an hour. I'd be more than happy to take you along with me, or drop you off wherever. Just say the word.”
Though she really didn't want to leave him, and spending the day with him at Splash, in this beautiful weather no less, would certainly be glorious. But she needed to see Melody. And she had already planned to meet up with Molly at the hospital at noon.
“Could you drop me off at the hospital?”
“Sure thing.” He crunched into a new piece of toast. “Do you want to swing by Melody's first? Grab some new clothes and freshen up?”
Abby widened her eyes at him. “Are you saying I don't look amazing right now?”
He grinned. “Well, I really didn't want to be the one to say anything... but if we’re going to be seen together, you’ve really got to do a little better than that.” Her mouth dropped, feigning offense. “In fact, you should probably cover your face before we leave. I think I have a paper bag around here somewhere.” He shifted around as if genuinely looking for it.
Abby laughed, and so did he. He then looked her straight in the eyes, melting her as always. “You are the most beautiful girl in the world,” he said, voice full of conviction. “If I had my pick of any woman in the world, all of them lined up in front of me, do you know who I'd choose?”
She blushed, biting one fingernail.
He leaned over the table towards her, taking her hand in his, and with the utmost certainty said, “I'd choose you.”
Her heart sang.
~*~
As promised, they made a quick stop at Melody's so Abby could change and freshen up, then continued on to drop her off at the hospital. He kissed her just before she jumped out of the truck, filling her with warmth and happiness. She felt like she was fifteen again.
When she arrived in Melody’s room—having practically danced her way there—she was elated to find her grandmother awake and looking stronger than ever. They talked for a few hours, and Abby filled her in on everything that had just happened with Eli. Melody was so happy for her, but after a while she grew tired and fell asleep. Abby watched her, then found some magazines to read until Molly showed up at noon, and they decided to out for a walk so Abby could fill her in on what happened without waking Melody.
Romance: The Second Chance - Contemporary Romance (Romance, Contemporary Romance, Suspense Romance Book 1) Page 12