by Beth Miller
‘But they didn’t find anything wrong, did they?’
‘Well, no. They said she probably hadn’t eaten the nuts after all.’
‘That’s what they always say. No hospital has ever found anything wrong, all the times we’ve dashed there.’
Minette’s head was spinning. ‘Why then did Ruby …?’
‘Six million dollar question. She wouldn’t tell me. I asked her over and over that night. I’ve been trying to work it out ever since, you can imagine, and I’m none the wiser, Minette. There are mental patients, loonies, I’ve read up on them, who pretend their kids are ill, no one really knows why. For attention, or to get one over on doctors, or something. It’s an illness itself. But why would Ruby be like that? She’s smart, clever, confident, she’s even a nurse.’
‘What happened in the end?’
‘We argued. Well, I did, Ruby kind of sat there, curled up, wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t give me no explanations. I knew something at work had really got to her. But I started to get angry. I got angry about all the times we stabbed poor Esmie with an epi-pen and maybe didn’t need to, all the crazy dashes to hospital. Even all the times I’ve told Esmie “no” about food she coulda had. I say, “That poor child, I’m going to look after her myself from now on,” meaning I’m going to try and be around more, get a local job. I didn’t mean I was going to take her off Ruby. But Ruby goes berserk, runs at me, starts hitting my head. Screaming, “These are my children, mine, you’ll never get them off me!” We’re both yelling, I’m not proud of it, I called her a monster and other bad things, and she hits me again and again, and finally I hit her back. Just once, round the face, a slap not a punch, to stop her hitting me, but if I could take back one thing in my life I would take that back, that’s not who I am but it’s all you know of me.’
Minette looked at Abe, her eyes wide. He nodded encouragingly. ‘Andy, the other thing Ruby said was, this is hard to ask, she said D—, uh, your boy, I can’t remember his real name, came in during this row and you hit him too.’
Andy let out a blast of air. ‘No.’
‘That’s what she says.’
‘No, no, no. She hit him. Oh, she didn’t mean to. Adam came in all right, he’d heard us fighting. He wheeled himself between us, he was crying, “Stop, stop.” I was trying to get him out of the way, and Ruby was screaming at him, “Your father hit me.” It was such a mess, then she ran at me again and Adam pushed himself in front of her and he got a smack in the head off her that was meant for me. It was an accident and he wasn’t badly hurt. It stopped the row, that’s for sure, which might have been his intention.’
Minette felt like she too had been smacked in the head. ‘This is just so awful. I don’t know what to think.’
‘It’s her word against mine, isn’t it? I can see why you’d believe her. I hit my wife so I’m capable of anything.’ He was crying properly now. ‘I had to go back to work next day. Five day job. When I got home, they were gone.’
‘I’m so, so, sorry. Bringing it all up again.’
‘You haven’t, it’s always there, all the time.’ He moved away from the phone and she heard him blow his nose. ‘Thought I’d done all my crying. I mostly keep it together, for my parents’ sake.’
So there were grandparents on that side. ‘They must really miss the children?’
He laughed. ‘You could say that. They got old overnight. My mum keeps reading up on those cases, you know, where a parent kidnaps a child. No one can believe it happened to me. I didn’t go to the police because Ruby left me a note saying she’d tell them I hit her if I called them. I was in that much of a state, and I didn’t want my mum to find out I’d hit her, that’s not how she brought me up. Private detectives are shit, excuse my language, it’s not like on the telly, and anyway when they caught up with Gina she said she would cut off contact all together with me if I ever tried that again. I’ve had a lot of false leads, and you’re my best hope, but I’m not going to pressure you. I know what Ruby’s like, she’s very convincing, you’ll have to reach your own conclusions.’
‘Are Ruby’s parents in the picture?’
‘Her mum died years ago, before I met her. And she didn’t know her dad. He was some friend of the family, older bloke, who got her mum pregnant when she was only seventeen. Ruby reckoned it was rape but nothing was ever done about it.’ He exhaled. ‘Least, that’s what Ruby told me! Who knows? They’re probably living in a retirement home in Marbella.’
Minette knew she should ask whether he had any suspicions about Davey’s condition, but she really wanted to get off the phone. She felt she couldn’t handle any more right now.
‘You’ve given me a lot to think about, Andy, and I promise I will, really carefully.’
‘Thank you. Can I just ask? Are my children all right?’
‘They’re fine. I saw them very recently. I’m going to have to stop now, I have to see to my own daughter.’
‘How old?’
‘Eleven months on Monday.’
‘Wonderful. A lovely age.’
‘I’ll call you again.’
‘Please do. Hope I haven’t upset you.’
Minette clicked off her phone, and she and Abe gazed at each other. ‘Oh my fucking god,’ Abe said, ‘it’s like a thriller.’
‘It’s not, Abe, it’s horrible.’ Minette started to cry. ‘If it’s true, there are two children living next door with a psychotic, potentially dangerous mother.’
Abe put his arms round her. ‘The Miltons don’t seem so bad now, do they?’
Minette managed to laugh through her tears. ‘I didn’t really manage to keep it brief, did I?’
‘Well, he didn’t let you get a word in edgeways.’
‘What was that illness he mentioned?’
‘I was looking it up while you were talking.’ Abe read from his phone, ‘Munchausen syndrome by proxy. I saw a documentary about it, years ago. It’s where the parent pretends the child has an illness.’
‘She could have that! She clearly pretended about Lola, and she might be pretending about Davey too. Oh my god, it’s all pointing to Cath being the weirdo, but I so don’t want to believe it. We’re friends! Well, I think we’re friends.’
‘Look, we shouldn’t jump to conclusions. We only have Andy’s word for the Lola thing, don’t we?’
‘But he did sound genuine, don’t you think?’
‘I don’t know.’ Abe looked thoughtful. ‘His story was pretty pat, wasn’t it?’
‘Do you think?’ Minette wiped her eyes.
‘All that, yes, I hit her but there’s only one good reason, that’s to protect my child. It all sounded a bit, well, rehearsed. It was all told in the right order.’
‘Maybe you’re right.’ Now Minette no longer had Andy’s voice in her ear, but Cath’s, and it was saying, ‘I never thought he was the violent type. Then one night, he walloped me.’ What was the truth? ‘Oh, god, I’m going to have to talk to Cath again.’
‘Yep.’
‘Maybe I should go this evening, with a bottle of wine? Keep it friendly.’
‘And not so much like the Spanish inquisition? Yes, good plan.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘You know what you need? A day out. Let’s take Tilly to the pier. You can have a sea swim to practise for the triathlon and we can try and put all this out of our heads for a bit.’
‘I do love you, Abe.’ Minette leaned against him. For the first time in months she felt properly supported and cherished. Nothing to bring you together better, she mocked herself, than by sharing the horrors of someone else’s parenting.
‘I love you too, and I’m glad you’re not a psycho mom.’
‘I’m glad you’re not a psycho lorry driver.’
‘I could be, if I wanted. I have an HGV licence.’
‘You do not. You don’t even like Yorkies.’
‘Yorkies aren’t obligatory, you can have Wagon Wheels.’
The relief of surfacing after the intensity of the phone call ma
de Minette giggly. ‘What about having to read the Sun?’
‘I could hide the Guardian inside it. Right, I’d better check on Tills. She might be watching something unsuitable, like Peppa Pig.’
It was Tilly’s first trip to the pier, and she adored the noise and colours. They held her up to a penny falls machine in the arcade, and when a coin they pushed in for her made some other coins come out, her mouth went into a perfectly round circle of surprise. Later, Abe sat on the pebbles and fed Tilly a pot of homemade mush, while Minette ploughed up and down in the sea. Every few minutes she stopped to wave, and Tilly, who had only just learned how to do it, waved enthusiastically back.
‘How was it?’ Abe asked, as Minette came ungracefully up the beach in her wetsuit, hobbling on the stones.
‘I think I’m getting the hang of it. It’s very different from swimming in the pool. I’m having to look up all the time to see where I’m going, and make my stroke longer.’ She peeled off her wetsuit, and sat on the warm stones in her swimming costume, watching Tilly crawling about. ‘You’d think she’d hurt her knees.’
‘She’s made of tough Moncrieff stock.’ Abe passed her half a bag of chips he’d been eating. They weren’t hot, but were nice and salty. ‘Think, soon she’ll be walking.’
‘And talking, and slamming doors and asking for her ears to be pierced. Actually, I can’t wait.’
‘Hey, isn’t that whatsisname?’ Abe pointed down the beach. ‘That annoying pretty bloke?’
‘Who?’ Minette turned to see, and her heart skittered. It was Liam. He was walking hand in hand across the pebbles with Josie. Dimly, she registered what a handsome couple they were; Josie in a short mint-green summer dress, long auburn hair loose, Liam in one of his casually cool outfits, a tight-fitting blue T-shirt and grey chinos.
‘They look like they’re doing a photoshoot for Next,’ Abe said.
Minette hastily pulled on a T-shirt over her baggy old swimsuit, then turned her head away and stared at the sea, in the childlike hope that if she couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see her. But seconds later she heard Abe say, ‘Hi!’
She scrambled to her feet, and tried to look welcoming. She pulled a towel around her waist, but there was no getting away from the fact that she was wearing a naff old Oasis T-shirt and no make-up, her hair wet and scraggly. She looked at Josie, not Liam. ‘Hello! Isn’t it lovely and warm?’
‘Not warm enough for me to go in,’ Josie replied. ‘You are good.’
‘You know Abe and, er, Minette, don’t you?’ Liam said to Josie. ‘Two doors down?’
‘Liam has to tell me who everyone is, I’m hopeless.’ Josie had a beautiful smile. ‘I miss all the social occasions.’
‘I suppose you work long hours for Hilton, don’t you?’ Abe said, all puppyish enthusiasm. ‘Must be awesome working there.’
‘It is … awesome,’ she agreed. ‘They’re a good company. With great benefits.’ Unexpectedly she giggled, and for the first time Minette glanced at Liam. He was looking worriedly at Josie.
‘Good perks, huh?’ Abe said. ‘You’re lucky. The only benefit I have is working up the road so I can have lunch at home.’
‘That’s pretty nice, though,’ Josie said. ‘I’d like to give up commuting. It would be lovely to be at home in the day, like Liam.’
‘And Minette,’ Abe said.
‘Where’s Tilly?’ Liam asked, almost cutting across Abe.
‘Right behind you,’ Abe said, ‘doing very important beach work, piling stones into a cup, then emptying it out again.’
‘Oh, she’s gorgeous,’ Josie said.
Minette was conscious that Liam looked super-awkward, that he had failed to reply to eight texts, and that she hadn’t said anything since ‘Isn’t it lovely and warm’. She took a step back, and said, ‘We’d better be going, Abe. Tilly’s nap.’
‘Really?’ Abe looked at his watch. ‘She’s fine for a bit longer.’ God, he was so fucking dense sometimes.
‘We’ve got to go, anyway,’ Liam said. He seemed stunned by their unexpected meeting. ‘I need some new clothes for my teaching course.’
‘Jackets with leather patches on the elbows?’ Abe said.
‘Yeah, that kind of thing. Well, see you.’
Josie leaned towards Minette and said, ‘Hope I’ll see a bit more of you soon.’
‘That’d be great,’ Minette said in a robotic voice.
As they walked away, Josie stumbled on the pebbles in her silly platform sandals, almost turning her ankle, and Liam took her arm, saying, ‘Careful, baby.’
When they were out of earshot, Minette began berating Abe for not taking seriously her comment about Tilly’s nap. ‘I don’t say these things lightly, Abe. I could see she was getting tired.’
‘Sorry, Dougie. Let’s get going now.’ He started putting their stuff away.
‘Do you think actually that you could stop calling me Dougie?’ She hadn’t known she was going to say that, so she was as surprised as Abe. They stared at each other for a moment.
‘Oh! Sure. You should have said you didn’t like it.’
‘It’s just. Well. Other people call their partners by more loving names.’
‘Honey-bunch? Sugar-plum? That kind of thing?’
‘Forget it.’ She rammed Tilly’s toys into the rucksack and stood up.
‘Angel face? Darling-pie? Cuddle-chops?’
‘Fuck off, Abe.’
They worked together for a few moments in silence, packing everything away. Then they climbed onto the promenade and began walking towards home. ‘That bloke’s a bit odd, isn’t he?’ Abe said. He was trying to move on from their row. ‘Went to all that trouble to get Johnny’s email address, to ask about teaching, but Johnny said he never heard from him.’
‘Yes, that’s a bit strange,’ Minette agreed.
She spent the rest of the day in a state of disconnect. What with Andy, and Cath, and Liam and Josie, the world seemed very bewildering. Who was truthful, who was lying, who knew what?
As evening approached, Minette felt like a condemned prisoner. She was dreading talking to Cath. ‘Do I have to go?’ she wailed to Abe.
‘No, of course not,’ he said, ever reasonable. ‘But it would be good to put what Andy said to her, see if we can work out what the hell’s going on.’
He was right. There was no other way forward than to ask some awkward questions.
‘If you’re not back by nine I’m coming round.’
‘Jeez, Abe, what do you think she might do?’
‘Nothing, Min.’ He looked serious. ‘It’ll be fine. But she might be unpredictable. Don’t drink too much. Have you set up the recording?’
Abe had downloaded an app onto Minette’s phone which would record the whole conversation.
‘I feel like I’m wearing a wire,’ Minette said. ‘I’m Big Pussy in The Sopranos.’ She clicked ‘start’ on the app and slipped the phone into her pocket.
‘Good luck, Pussy,’ Abe said. ‘Try not to get whacked.’
Minette went next door, her heart thudding, and when Cath answered her ring Minette immediately held up her peace-offering, a bottle of wine and some homemade biscuits. To her relief, Cath smiled welcomingly. ‘Ooh, I love Chardonnay. You know, I considered Chardonnay when I changed my name,’ she said as they went into the kitchen.
‘Seriously?’
‘Not really, but I did think of a lot of fancy names before I settled on Cath.’
It was encouraging that Cath was being so honest about her circumstances. ‘How did you choose it?’
Cath got out two glasses and unscrewed the bottle. ‘It was just a name without baggage. I didn’t know anyone called Cath, couldn’t think of any famous Caths.’
Minette picked up her glass. ‘Cheers.’
‘Cheers. Thanks for coming round. I didn’t like the way as how we left it yesterday.’
‘Me neither. Are the kids in bed? I brought some biscuits for Lola.’
‘Aw, that’s nice of
you. She’s already asleep. Davey’s just watching telly.’ Cath put some crisps in a bowl and set it in front of Minette. ‘He had his referral yesterday, at the neurology place.’
‘Oh yes, did it go well?’
‘Really good. Once I get the diagnosis letter from them, I can use it to get benefits, educational equipment, loads of things.’
‘That sounds extremely useful.’
‘Oh, you’ve no idea. I’ve been waiting for it for ages. So, how are things with you?’
‘Fine, thanks. How’s your training going?’ Minette said. Answer a question with a question. Cath had taught her this.
‘I’ve stopped now. Haven’t you? Only a week to go, so we need to rest.’
‘One more run, then I’m all about the carb loading.’ Minette took a gulp of wine. Come on, girl. Don’t be a pussy. Be Big Pussy. ‘So. Can I ask you …’ She stopped, unsure how to start.
‘Some fairy-tale from Andy, is it?’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘I know you spoke to him the other day. I know what he’s like, he’d say anything. You can’t believe a word.’
‘He did say rather a lot.’ Minette sipped some more wine, then remembered Abe’s warning and put down her glass.
‘Well, go on, then,’ Cath smiled. ‘Tell me what he said and I’ll tell you which bits are true. If any.’
She was making this easier than Minette had expected. ‘Thanks, Cath.’
‘Hey! We’re friends, aren’t we? You were the first person to welcome us when we moved in.’
‘OK. I’ll just say what he said, then you can tell me your version.’
‘The facts, you mean?’ Cath was still smiling.
‘Andy admitted he hit you, but only because …’
‘Ha! Here it comes, the excuse.’
‘He says he hit you because he thought you were harming Lola.’
‘And how was I harming her?’ Cath’s eyes glittered, and Minette wondered if she could go through with this.
‘He – uh – he said she doesn’t really have allergies.’
‘Bullshit. You know she does. Next.’
‘But …’ Minette drank some wine for courage, ‘how do I know she does?’
‘Oh my god, Minette, what the hell? You were there that day at nursery! You called the taxi. I was so grateful you were with me. You think that wasn’t real? That I would make something like that up?’