by C A Vincent
* *
Phillip listened to James rant with half an ear. He was done in and, quite frankly, didn’t give a damn what his friend believed. He wasn’t “self-destructing”. He was choosing to live his final weeks the way he wanted. That’s how much time the oncologist figured he had left. Weeks. It could turn into a couple or few months, if he followed the treatment plan he’d been prescribed, but he really didn’t want to prolong the inevitable. He knew what was coming and was determined to face it head-on. The only loose end he had to tie up was seeing Alicia taken care of.
Guilt crashed through him at the memory of the hurt he caused her yesterday. Trying to screw with her head like that had to be the stupidest thing he’d done in his life, other than saying “no” to her when she first hired on. He wasn’t proud of his most recent actions. He’d simply forgotten, for about half an hour, that he was dying and had absolutely nothing to offer her. Seeing her on the beach with Langston was the cause of his memory lapse.
“And now she hates you,” he muttered at his reflection in the mirror across the room. James’ tirade stopped short – thank Christ! – in the middle of something to do with destroying friendships. Before he could think of a suitable response, his friend, or perhaps non-friend, slammed out of the house. He scoffed. “Who the hell puts a mirror in the middle of a cluttered wall anyway?”
He looked around the jam-packed living room and decided James was a hoarder, yet one more thing he needed to seek help for. Phillip also came to the conclusion he couldn’t stand to be in the middle of such a mess anymore. He was starting to feel like the junk would swallow him whole. With considerable effort, he pushed himself from the too-soft chair he was in and headed for the door and the beach beyond. If he was lucky, he would run into Alicia. He owed her an apology.
Chapter 12
Alicia looked sightlessly at the water. It was another beautiful, sunny day out and she wasn’t even interested. Her mind kept going back to the events of yesterday. Between Phillip’s sudden arrival at her hotel room, then the unexpected visit from Elizabeth at Nate’s, the day went from bad to hugely crappy in a big hurry. What the hell did Nate’s ex mean when she called her a “gold-digging whore” anyway?
The unprovoked name-calling still made her see red, even now. To make matters worse, she’d left three messages on Nate’s phone throughout the day and he had yet to call back. She would have left a couple more, but she didn’t want to come across as clingy and insecure. Then there was the fact she wasn’t even sure why she’d called him at all. They weren’t dating and whatever they had between them would be over when they both returned to their respective lives. Maybe Elizabeth’s and Phillip’s arrivals were for the best.
“Hey,” a voice called quietly from a short distance away. Alicia came back to reality with a jerk. Blushing, she shielded her eyes against the sun to see who had called out to her. Her stomach twisted when she saw it was Phillip.
“Are you going to play head games or be straight up with me?” she asked. He looked like a stiff breeze would knock him over. “I don’t have the patience for games today, Phillip.”
“No games, Alicia. James filled you in on my ‘master plot’?” He walked over slowly as he talked. As he neared, she could see his eyes were shining with unshed tears. Her stomach lurched at the sight. There wasn’t a single time she could recall when Phillip Ostlund had cried, not even tears of joy. Torn between the betrayal and anger she’d felt toward him yesterday and the deep concern she was feeling today, she could do nothing more than look up at him as he came to stand in front of her. “Do you mind if we walk on the wet sand. It’s easier to navigate and less tiring.”
“It’s what I prefer too,” she answered, taking his arm and letting him lean on her. Surprisingly, he did. Another first for the strong, self-assured man who used to be her boss. She opened her mouth to comment but he cut her off at the pass.
“I have no pride left,” he said quietly. “It went out the window about two days before I told you I was dying. It has been replaced by the soul-consuming need to see you taken care of. I’ve come – ”
“You have to – ” Alicia cut in, suddenly exasperated. Phillip snapped at her, something he was known to do, but rarely. She almost felt like she had the old Phillip back for a few seconds. Almost. The old Phillip wouldn’t have apologized, though.
“I’m sorry. I feel the need to unburden myself, supposedly under the guise of trying to help you understand the reason for my actions and behavior, but more than likely in order to gain your sympathy. Hell, I’ll even take pity if it means being able to spend this time with you.”
The silence which followed his admission was incredibly uncomfortable. Alicia felt tears welling up as the implication of what he’d said hit home. A feeling of hopelessness washed over her as she let them fall.
“You said you wouldn’t ask me to take care of you,” she said, remembering a conversation they had the day after he broke his horrible news to her.
They were in the kitchen, grabbing a quick bite to eat before returning to the mayhem, and she asked him what his plans were. She became upset over the fact he planned to “go it alone” since his brother wasn’t returning his calls or emails. He forestalled her offers of assistance by telling her he could never ask that of her, given their history. He promised he wouldn’t become a burden to her or anyone else in the office. Now he was going back on his promise and she didn’t know whether to be merely sad or full-on angry. Anger won out when she heard his answer.
“I’m not asking you to take care of me, Alicia. I want to take care of you. It turns out the knowledge of impending death does put things into perspective like everyone says it does. Though I don’t regret my decision to keep things strictly professional between us, it would likely have served us both better if I would have been honest about how I felt. Then you could have gone to work for a different firm and I could have pursued and corrupted you without the worry of you sabotaging my practice when or if things went south between us.
At first, my feelings for you were purely driven by lust. Then, as time passed and I came to know you better I wanted more. By then, you were seeing Lance or Larry or – I don’t know. You dated someone with a L-name, didn’t you? It doesn’t matter. You were out of reach. When we were simultaneously single again, I was a bitter, jaded fool. I didn’t need to add ‘first-rate bastard’ to that list by dating you and destroying your loving heart.”
“If you weren’t ill, I would punch and kick and scratch at you until you begged and pled for mercy,” Alicia seethed. “Damn you, Phillip Ostlund, and your constant need to run my life. How the hell dare you? I am not now, nor was I ever, some weak and fragile flower. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Maybe you should have let me decide whether I wanted to have my heart ‘destroyed’. I mean, did you ever once stop to consider that maybe we would have worked out and been happy?”
The look of pure pain that creased Phillip’s features when she finished speaking took her breath away. Alicia didn’t know whether to scream or cry as he pulled her into his arms and whispered, “Please forgive me!” over and over again. They stayed like that, holding each other at the water’s edge, for several minutes, oblivious to everything and everyone around them.
When they broke apart, Alicia realized Phillip was at the end of his endurance. She gently turned him toward the nearest set of stairs to the boardwalk and supported him as they walked over the loose, dry sand toward them.
“I’ve spent my whole life running away from serious emotion,” Phillip admitted when they reached the stairs. Alicia helped him sit so he could catch his breath. She remained quiet, sensing he had more to say.
“I did try to allow myself to consider the possibility of our being happy. I envisioned all of the things being in relationship with you would entail. The love, the babies, the sheer fullness of my life. Every single damn time, my daydream ended in some form of tragedy. So, in an effort to avoid what I thought would be inevitable pain a
nd heartache, I convinced myself I was doing you a favor.”
“And now you’re trying to make up for it by trying to choreograph the rest of my life?” Alicia asked. Phillip had the good grace to blush. It was the only color he had at the moment. “Let’s get you back to James’ place. I assume you’re staying with him?” she asked. He pulled a face.
“I am, but I’d rather check in to a hotel. He has so much junk in his house, I’m starting to feel like it’ll all glom together to become a living thing that’ll eat me.” He curled his hands into claws as he spoke and swiped them through the air. The motions were followed up by snarling-snuffling noises that made her cringe and shrink away from him. Her reaction made him grin foolishly. He quickly grew serious again and asked if she’d relocated like James told her to.
“I did,” she said, pulling a face. The hotel is supposed to be more upscale, but the rooms are nowhere near as nice. “I won’t move again, though. I’m only here for two more days. It’s not worth it.”
“The benefit of being in the same hotel as Langston doesn’t outweigh the difference in comfort?” Phillip asked. Alicia blushed hotly.
“Time to go,” she answered, standing suddenly. She helped him to his feet and got him up the stairs. Before he decided to make another veiled reference, she explained about Elizabeth.
“Ah, so you’re going to give up without a fight. Bad move, sweetheart. Don’t be like me, Alicia. Don’t be a coward. Go – ” She cut him off, annoyed with the fact he was still trying to direct her life.
“This situation is different, Phillip. He and I don’t live – ”
“ – to him. Make love with him or fuck – I mean, screw his brains out, whichever you’re inclined to do,” he continued, as though she hadn’t spoken.
Alicia’s jaw dropped at Phillip’s choice of words. She started to shake her head, to object but he waved her to silence. “Consider this as well. You’re a free agent, jobwise. You can go anywhere you want. What’s to stop you from relocating to Miami, going to school for a year or two to learn the ins and outs of Florida’s legal system?”
“The fact I won’t go, even if he professes undying love for me. It’s too much, too fast, Phillip. And you know me. I don’t do the ‘quick fix’ thing. I – ”
“You would have if I hadn’t interrupted,” he interjected. She tried to think of a plausible excuse for her actions and came up empty. She was also deeply embarrassed. She tried to cover it up but Phillip knew her too well.
“Jerk!” she muttered. He chuckled.
“Go to him. Let him blow your mind, rock your world, whatever you want to call it. Contrary to the assertions I made yesterday, he looks like he’d be capable of it.” Phillip stopped walking then and looked into her face. When he saw the deep, deep blush that blossomed up her neck and into her face, he grinned a self-satisfied, male grin. “Damn but I do like catching you off-guard like that. Now go. This is my stop. I need to check in and make it to my room before I pass out.”
“I can help,” she offered. The words weren’t completely out of her mouth before he was shaking his head. All of a sudden, for reasons she couldn’t put her finger on, she felt uneasy.
“I’ll be fine,” Phillip reassured. “Enjoy your life, Alicia. I promise not to meddle anymore.” Then he turned toward the front doors to the hotel. The concierge holding them open nodded a greeting as he passed through them then gave her a wave as he followed her friend in. Hopefully Phillip wouldn’t have so much pride as to keep the concierge from assisting him.
As Alicia watched Phillip’s retreating back, she had the overwhelming sense he’d just said his goodbyes. The urge to follow after him and stay with him was so strong, she very nearly gave in to it. Only the thought of how furious he would be if she came in behind him stopped her. She didn’t want him using up what little strength he had left being mad at her. Add to that the fact they’d resolved the unexpected issues between them and perhaps it was better to let things be.
Still, she was on edge as she walked oh-so-slowly away and headed back to her hotel. The appearance of James startled her a little, but didn’t really surprise her. If they did go back as far as he indicated, it stood to reason he’d be watching out for Phillip. Alicia nodded at him as tears threatened. He nodded back.
“I’ll stay with him,” he said, stepping away from the corner of wall he was leaning against. “Go and rest. You look done in.”
Alicia heaved a shaky breath. She would have said thank you, but her emotions were getting the better of her. With another jerky, bobble-headed nod, she took off.
Chapter 13
Nate wanted to slam his fist into Phillip Ostlund’s face. If the man weren’t dying, he would seek him out and do it. That’s how angry and frustrated he was. Alicia’s soft moans and whimpers, the dazed, passion-filled look in her eyes as he started to undress her, made him feel like more of a man than he’d felt in a hell of a long time.
Then, to make matters worse, Liz showed up at his room, just as he and Alicia settled in to cuddle and watch a movie. She was ranting and raving about Alicia being a gold-digger and a whore. He’d almost slapped her, he was so furious. Raised to never strike a woman, the feeling was alien to him.
He rubbed the grit of a sleepless night out of his eyes and debated the wisdom of going out to find Alicia. He tended to be crude and obnoxious when he was this tired and he knew damn well she’d tell him to take a long hike off a short pier if he was anything but pleasant, especially after what Liz called her. He looked out across the beach, trying to spot her blonde ponytail and didn’t see her.
Maybe you should just go back to bed, he thought to himself, stepping back into his suite from the balcony. Liz was sleeping fitfully on the couch, a deep frown creasing her forehead. After her rant, she’d kept him up, telling him she had something important to say then bursting into tears every time she started to say it. It wasn’t until she passed out from sheer exhaustion at six a.m. that he was able to lie down himself. Unfortunately, sleep eluded him, thanks to the little bit of information she did manage to get out.
It involved Jared somehow, and it wasn’t good. She kept repeating the words “hurt” and “not a friend”. He tried again to reach Jared on all of his numbers. Like before, every mailbox was full. Worried, he checked his watch then placed a call in to the office. His partner should be at work already. It was eight a.m. in Trinidad and nine a.m. in Miami.
Dana, Jared’s secretary, answered on the second ring. The normally unflappable fifty-something woman sounded like she could chew nails. Nate would have asked if everything was okay, but he wasn’t in the mood to hear someone else’s problems right now. He had enough of his own.
“Hey, Dana. It’s – ”
“I know who’s calling, Mr. Langston,” Dana cut in. Before he could respond, she continued in a mad rush of verbal diarrhea. “Jared is in jail and Accounting is going over his expenses with a very fine-toothed comb. There is a considerable discrepancy between what he’s submitted for recently and the receipts he’s provided. I’ve searched his office for information on the missing expenses and have come up empty. Otherwise, everything is status quo. Oh, and please ensure you’re home for the board meeting scheduled for next Friday. With Jared unavailable, your presence is mandatory.”
Nate did his best to get a word in edgewise, but Dana said her piece then hung up. If he heard the voice in the background correctly, Marcie from Accounting was in the office, complaining about the “desperate state of things”. There was no mistaking the woman’s nasally voice.
What the hell is going on? he thought, pocketing his phone. He considered going home to get to the bottom of things and felt his stomach drop. Taking a moment, he examined the sudden unpleasant feeling and realized it had nothing to do with the warm weather and sunshine. There was plenty of that back home. No, it had everything to do with leaving Alicia. He wanted to see her again, at least one more time. He would apologize to her for Liz’ behavior and get her contact information
so they could keep in touch.
Maybe walking the beach instead of trying to see the length of it from his windows and balcony would help him find Alicia faster. If he didn’t spot her, then at least he’d get some fresh air. On his way, he stopped at her room to make sure she wasn’t just sleeping late. When she didn’t answer, he headed outside.
As early in the day as it was, the air was already hot and cloyingly humid. Given how tired he was, Nate debated going back into the hotel to stay cool, then decided he’d rather deal with the heavy moisture and heat than Liz. A tiny jab of guilt poked at his conscience at the thought but he ignored it. He would get her to spill her guts eventually, whether it was here or back at home.
It was time to concentrate on Alicia. The more he thought about her, the faster he walked. He missed her sunny smile and the sparkle of mischief in her sky-blue eyes whenever she teased him. Just spending time with her made him happy. With a jolt, he realized sex wasn’t a necessity. The promise of it, however, was a bonus; a blood-pumping, spine-tingling, mind-blowing bonus. He’d almost experienced all three simultaneously yesterday, and they hadn’t even gotten naked.
A short while later, Nate’s heart stuttered to a near stop then jackhammered into proper rhythm again when he recognized Alicia’s blonde ponytail in the distance. He also knew it was her by the way she was standing and staring out at the water, as still as a statue. It looked as though she was mesmerized by the waves. She’d told him the other day she could do that for hours if someone didn’t come along to distract her. Grinning, he started toward her, fully intending to be her distraction. With any luck, she would want to get out of the humidity and they could finally have some alone time.
He was almost close enough to call out to her without having to yell when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see who else was approaching her and stopped short. What the hell did Phillip Ostlund want now?