Memories of Ethan and Lindsay flood through me. The fatal night. I shiver at the thoughts now in my mind. I wish he was here for me to lean on. No, I don’t really wish that, it would all be too painful for him, coming here under the same circumstances.
A car accident.
I couldn’t ask Ethan to come here, even if he was in Scotland. I can feel a burning in the back of my throat, my eyes sting from trying to focus on something, anything.
I’m not sure how long I stand on my own before Michael rejoins me with a nurse. He wraps his arm around me, comforting not protective like Alex would do, but I know he’s trying to be helpful.
“We need to move from here, Libby; the nurse has a room for us to wait in.” I lift my head to face him. His voice is full of softness as he tries to coax me to move. “Are you okay?”
I take a deep breath and urge my feet to move from the spot they seem rooted to. With his guidance, I make the first step. I can hear the nurse speaking, but I don’t hear the words. We are taken to a private room and when the door closes I feel the panic setting in.
In here is so quiet; at least outside this door the emergency room is awash with activity and noise. People rushing about doing their jobs, patients waiting quietly to be seen, or in some cases not so quietly. No, in here the only thing that can be heard is our breathing, or rather Michaels. I feel as though I can’t breathe, as if something is strangling me from within. Every part of me seems to be twisted in knots that can’t be undone, no matter how hard I try to undo them.
Michael sits me down in a chair and kneels on the floor in front of me. “Libby, I need you to breathe. Libby look at me.” I lift my head and look at him.
“I can’t, I feel as though . . .”
“You need to stay strong not just for you, but for Alex and most importantly those babies.” The room door opens as he finishes speaking, and I think it’s the same nurse as before.
“Can I get either of you anything?” she asks just as the door opens again.
“Mrs. Mathews.” I lift my head as someone comes into the room. Another nurse.
I shiver. There’s a pain in my chest that I’m fighting against to breathe. I gasp for air. I want to close my eyes and pretend this is all a dream. Hell, maybe it is and I need someone to pinch me.
“Libby. Libby.” Michaels voice is in front of me trying to get my attention. His isn’t the attention I want right now. I want Alex with me.
My thoughts are running wild.
“Why couldn’t I have been in the car with him?” I sob.
“And have me here worrying not just about Alex, but you and those precious babies. You’re being silly. He wouldn’t wish that on you. Libby, he will be okay. He has to be okay.”
“So, Mrs. Mathews is expecting?” The question is asked to Michael by the new nurse.
“Yes, twins,” he tells her. Both nurses have a whispered conversation before one leaves the room. “How is Alex, can you tell us anything yet?”
I look at Michael who is still on the floor; he squeezes my hands.
“At the moment, doctors are still trying to assess his injuries and . . .”
“Will he be . . .”
“At the moment it’s too soon to say, I’m sure one of the doctors treating him will come and give you a full update as soon as they can. Now, is there anyone else you would like us to call for you?”
“No,” Michael says. “I will do that; his parents are in the States.”
“I will leave you both just now, but I will be back shortly to check on Mrs. Mathews.”
“Thank you,” Michael says. The nurse leaves us. “Libby, I have to phone his parents. I’m also going to phone Murphy and your parents.”
“Okay,” I say quietly nodding my head.
He doesn't leave the room like I expected.
“Phil, it’s Michael . . . Alex has been in an accident . . . I’m with Libby now . . . Not great . . . No, I’m just going to call them next . . . Okay, see you both shortly.” He ends the call. “Libby, your parents will be here shortly.”
“Okay.” I knew they would be. No doubt they will rush straight here. How much drama can our family take? I know that will be what runs through my mother’s mind.
“Richard . . . Alex has been in a car accident, he’s in a bad way . . . No, she’s fine. She wasn’t in the car . . . Well I suppose fine is the wrong word, but you know what I mean . . . I can keep you posted . . . No I understand . . . Let me know details as soon as you have them . . . No if you could let them both know as well . . . Speak to you soon . . . Of course the minute we have news I will be in touch.”
I’m glad it was Richard he got and not Sarah. I know she will panic as soon as she is told. I’m relieved Michael is here with me, because I wouldn’t be able to stay calm to speak to anyone.
“Murphy . . . Where are you? . . . Which hospital? . . . I’m with Libby here as well . . . Alex has been in a car accident . . . No we are in a private room . . . No news yet . . . See you both shortly.”
“Libby, Murphy and Joan will be here in a few minutes; they were just in the car park.”
“Yes, Joan had an appointment here today,” I answer him.
He stands and paces the floor. His shoes squeak as he moves around this room. I slump over and hold the edge of my chair. I hear Michael sigh before he takes the seat beside me. His trembling hands reach out and pry my hands from the seat, which I have been gripping tightly. He pulls me into his arms. Just like a rollercoaster, my emotions are all over the place as I sob in his arms. His hands rub my back the same way an adult would do to a child when they were upset, trying to soothe and comfort me. But there is only going to be one thing that will make this better. When the doctors tell me Alex will be fine.
Because that’s what I need to hear.
I can’t hear the words that my brother heard. My life can’t be heading in the same direction. I won’t allow history to repeat itself.
I hear the strangled pain of a sob coming from Michael. I lift my head to see him dissolve in front of me. My friend, Alex’s friend who is always full of fun and mischief, crumbling. He’s trying hard not to let his tears fall, but it’s too late I’ve seen. His tears fall for his best friend, my husband. I need to stay strong, I’m not the only one affected by this. I wrap my arms around him and we rock back and forth offering each other some comfort.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
Michael stops suddenly. Removes his hands from me and wipes the tears away from his face. “I’m sorry,” I repeat.” This is my fault. If I . . .”
“Stop it!” Michael doesn't let me continue speaking. “I won’t let you blame yourself. It was an accident. You’re not to blame.”
“If we never met, then this . . .”
“Enough. No more, Libby. You are his world and those babies are so precious to him. He loves you. You can’t ever think like that.”
I shiver as he puts his arms back around me and pulls me back to him. My tears now fall uncontrollably; I can feel the wetness on Michael’s jacket.
“Ssh. It’s going to fine,” he repeats over and over.
I struggle and wriggle against his hold. I feel trapped. I need to move. His arms are holding me tighter, trying and unsuccessfully to hold me still. I manage to free myself from his hold. Standing, I need to move. Need to run.
“Libby . . .” Michael calls as I flee from the room, almost knocking over Murphy and Joan. I’m going to be sick.
“Leave her, I’ll go,” I hear Joan tell him.
I run in a blind panic until a nurse stops me. I tell her I need to find the toilets; she points me in the direction I need to go. Running in, I don’t even look to see if there’s anyone else in the room. I lock myself in a cubicle and throw myself on the floor, just in time. I can’t stop crying or being sick. “Mrs. Mathews. Libby dear, please come out.” Joan’s soft voice echoes in here.
“A minute,” I call out.
I leave the cubicle to be met by a v
ery concerned Joan. I walk toward the sink and wash my hands and face. I stare at my tear-stained face in the mirror. I run my tongue along the inside of my mouth, wishing I could brush my teeth, or even just have something to take the taste away. Joan searches her handbag and hands me some chewing gum. “I always keep some in my bag,” she tells me.
“Thank you.”
“Are you okay? We should go back to the waiting room, just in case there is any news.”
I know she’s right. I should be there when the doctor or nurse comes looking for me, but I’m not sure I can.
“Come on. Let’s get you back and we can get you some tea.”
Joan links her arm with mine and we walk back toward the room where Michael and Murphy will be waiting. We enter and find him and Murphy both sitting down. Michael stands and rushes to me and takes hold of me. “You don’t run out again. I need you here with me.” He kisses the side of my face.
“I won’t and I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologise, but I don’t want to hear you blame yourself either. He would be lost without you in his life, so don’t ever say that again.”
“Okay.”
“Now, come and sit down with me,” he tells me.
“Mrs. Mathews, Michael, can we go and get you anything?” Joan asks.
“Can I have a coffee?” Michael asks.
“Of course, and tea for you?” I nod. “Murphy, come and help me.”
They leave us alone and I sink into Michaels arms and close my eyes. I try to think of anything, something to distract my thoughts from my husband lying in this hospital somewhere.
“What did Richard say?” I ask.
“He said he would speak to Sarah and then arrange flights. But he wanted to speak with Sophie and Ethan first. I should drop Kirsty a text as well, unless you want to speak with her?”
“No send her a text. I will speak to her later, but I should call Kieran and clear my schedule at the hotel for a few days.”
“I can do that, if you want.” I take my phone from my jacket pocket and hand it to him.
“Kieran, it’s Michael . . . There’s been an accident . . . No not Libby, Alex has been in a car accident . . . Can you take care of things for another few days . . . We don’t know anything yet, still waiting to hear how he is . . . I’ll pass it on . . . Thanks.”
“There, the hotel is taken care of. Do you need me to do anything else?” he asks me.
“No and thank you.”
“There’s no need for thanks. It gives me something to do. Now, when was the last time you ate?”
“A couple of hours ago. I had soup with Karl,” I tell him.
“Okay, then.” Murphy and Joan come back into the room carrying those plastic cups I dislike. I’ve drank my fair amount of tea from them when Lindsay was in here. Joan hands me my cup and sits down beside me.
“Joan, how did you get on today?” I ask. I had forgotten she has been here most of the day.
“I got on just fine. All routine check-ups.”
Murphy and Michael stand over at the window, talking in low voices. Michael looks anxious; Murphy pats him on the shoulder in that manly way that seems to mean a lot. But to me it has and always seemed silly. Why is it guys feel the need to hide their emotions in times like this?
Only Michael hasn’t been able to hide his feelings today. He’s as worried as I am about Alex, his life-long friend.
I sit my cup of tea down and stand rubbing my tummy. I feel a little uncomfortable, not sure if it’s from being sick or just the whole situation.
“Mrs. Mathews, are you all right dear?” Joan asks and Michael rushes over.
“Libby!” Michael says now taking hold of me. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just uncomfortable. I also want to know what’s taking so long.” It’s true, I feel as though we’ve been in this room forever.
“Me too.” He holds me tight and I can see Joan’s usually happy face etched with concern. I want to move again, but Michael doesn’t let go of me. “The only way I’m letting you go is if you tell me you’re going to be sick again.” He smirks at me and I can’t help but smile at him, because I know he is trying to lift the mood.
The door swings open, and I turn expecting it to be a nurse, but instead it’s my parents. My mum rushes over to me and Michael does release me into my mother’s arms.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, as she pulls me into her arms and I cling onto her as my tears fall again. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Let it out.”
“Libby, he’s a strong man,” Dad says as he joins me and Mum. He runs his hand up and down my back.
A phone ringing startles me, my dad’s. He answers it.
“Ethan . . . Yes we are here with her now . . . Hold on . . . Your brother wants to speak to you.”
I reluctantly take his phone. “Ethan.”
“Libby, I’ve been trying to get you since Richard called. Is there any news yet? How are you?” Ethan rushes the words out.
“No news yet. Still waiting in this bloody private room. I’m okay I guess.”
“We are all trying to get flights home to you. I am just about packed.”
“Don’t be silly; stay with Sophie.”
“Libby, I swear to God. Do you really think I could stay here knowing you need me? And anyway, Sophie wants to be there too,” he tells me. “Richard will be in touch with Michael as soon as we have flights, but if there is any news, can someone let us know.”
“Yes of course,” I answer him. “Love you.”
“Love you too, sis.”
I end my call before I burst out crying and tell him how scared I am that history is repeating itself. Probably not what Ethan needs to hear. His sister admitting to being scared. I am scared, that I’m going to lose Alex and be faced with bringing up the twins on my own.
“Kirsty is going to come straight here from work, although she’s found herself having to work on. Someone didn’t show up for a shift,” Michael tells me.
“She doesn't need to.”
“She doesn’t, no, but she’s your friend and she wants to be here with you.”
The door opens and the nurse steps in. “Is there news?” I ask her.
“No, not yet. But I do have two CID police officers here wanting to have a quick word with you. Can I send them in?”
“Yes of course.” I look to my dad, as I wonder what they want to speak with me about. I can’t give them any information, although they might be able to shed some light on the accident for me.
They enter and introduce themselves. I sit down and it’s my dad who sits beside me this time. He’ll want to hear everything they have to say to me.
“Mrs. Mathews, we have a few quick questions.” I nod. “Why did Mr. Mathews have your car today?”
“Because Murphy needed to use Alex’s car to bring his wife,Joan, here to the hospital for an appointment today.”
“Does Mr. Mathews usually drive your car?”
“No.”
“Why all the questions about Libby’s car?” my dad asks sounding a little irritated.
“Because we believe it wasn’t an accident. I’m afraid Mrs. Mathews car was run deliberately off the road, according to witnesses.”
“B,but why?” I ask.
“We were hoping you could help with that, Mrs. Mathews? We need you to think—could there be anyone wanting to harm you?” My dad squeezes my hand and my mum now sits at the other side of me, rubbing my back.
“I have no idea. We only came back into the country yesterday from our honeymoon.” I can’t believe someone would go to such lengths. Could it be some desperate woman trying to get me out of the picture? My thoughts go straight to Katherine Hunter; she did try before. But she’s not been in touch with either me or Alex, since New York. And I don’t believe she would stoop so low, again. Then there’s . . .
“Wait a minute, I opened an email in work today, I can’t remember when it was sent,” I say.
“From whom?” my dad asks.
“What, why wouldn’t you tell me about this straight away?” The officers look between me and Dad and I realise this is news to everyone in the room.
“I tried to call, Alex but didn’t get him. I called my lawyer and sent him a copy because I couldn’t understand how he would be able to send it from inside prison.”
“I think you should give us a little of the history with this Jeff,” one of the officers says.
I leave that to my dad and fill in parts where necessary. I also access my emails and forward them a copy so they have it for their records. They tell me they will look into the email and Jeff first, but hope to speak with Alex as soon as possible. They have a few other witness statements to get as well.
“Officers, how long do we have before this makes the headlines?” Dad asks the question that I’m not sure I want to hear the answer to.
“Mr. Stewart, I understand your family will want some privacy, but we have a job to do and if making this public knowledge helps our case, that’s what we will do.” The officer speaking now shifts his attention from my dad to me. . “But we can assure you, Mrs. Mathews will be the first to know of our plans.”
“Okay that gives us some comfort,” Dad tells them.
“Mrs. Mathews, if you think of anything else, no matter how trivial, get in touch with me,” the officer says handing me his card.
Michael follows the officers out of the room.
“Do you think Jeff is behind this?” I ask to no one in particular.
“After what he did before, I wouldn’t put it past him, sweetheart. Although if he’s behind it, someone else would have had to do this for him. Let’s leave the detective work to the officers,” my mum says.
Michael enters the room. “What was that about?” I ask him.
“There was someone else you should've mentioned to the officers.”
“You’ve told them about Katherine?” I start to tremble as I speak. Surely she couldn’t be this vindictive. I already feel angry at just the mere mention of Katherine’s name. But then again, I was already angry today about Jeff getting in touch.
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