by Lauren Runow
How can I do that when I don’t even have control over my own body?
When she pulls back, I try to show a brave face and hope she doesn’t notice just how weak I feel in this moment.
She curls up in my arms and says, “Everything is going to be okay. This is just a bump in the road but nowhere near a Stop sign.”
I love that she’s so optimistic when I’m anything but. This woman has really been something special to me, but what am I if I can’t be everything she needs?
I lean down and kiss her head, feeling my strength cracking and finally letting the tears I was holding back fall down my face. I don’t move or say another word, fearing she’ll see me falling apart if I do. Instead, we sit here in silence until I can face what my future holds, knowing it might change forever.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Justine
I’m trying to keep Tucker in a positive mood, but with the way he hasn’t been as talkative or playful with me, I get the feeling this diagnosis has hit him hard. I can’t blame him, as I’m sure I’d feel the same way. No one likes to hear there’s something medically wrong with them.
I’ve researched everything I possibly can about the condition, but whenever I try to talk to him about it, he gets quiet and tries to walk off, like he’s busy doing something else.
Thankfully, I’ve been able to throw myself into planning the work event, and it’s keeping me very busy.
I’ve waited to call Adam until I knew that Tucker had told Linda his diagnosis, but as I pick up my phone and dial his number, I can’t help the nervous stomach that’s turning like crazy.
I wonder if this is overstepping my boundaries—again. I know nothing about how rock stars get signed up for these things. I’m afraid he’ll think I’m using Tucker’s diagnosis to help me in my own dealings, which couldn’t be further from the truth. But will he see it that way?
I close my eyes, saying a silent prayer when I hear him answer the phone, “Helloooo,” he singsongs, drawing out the word.
We exchange our courteous hellos, and Cailin’s sweet voice chimes in on his side of the phoneline.
“How’s it going?” he asks.
I let out a tiny sigh of relief that he doesn’t seem annoyed that I’m calling him again.
“I’m good. How are you?”
“Just hanging out with my girls. What’s up?”
“Who is it, Daddy?” I hear Cailin ask.
“It’s Justine. Go run off with Sarah, so I can talk on the phone.” There’s a pause, and then he comes back to me. “Sorry about that. What’s going on? How’s the article coming along?”
“It’s great. My boss was really happy with it, and it will run in the next issue.”
“Nice. And the label sent you the pics you wanted?”
“Yep. The layout designers said they had everything they needed.” I say with apprehension.
He must hear it in my voice. “Everything okay with Tucker? I heard about his diagnosis.”
“He’s taking it okay, I guess. I mean, as well as he can. It’s still very new.”
“I can imagine.”
There’s a pause, and I realize how dumb I feel for calling him. But it’s too late, so I just blurt it out, “Hey, I’m sorry to call you like this. Now that I have you on the phone, I’m thinking I should have called your management, but I just figured since I had your number and with everything going on with Tucker, I would call you myself.”
I hear his quiet laughter come through the phone.
“Oh jeez, I’m rambling.”
He laughs more. He must be used to people getting nervous around him.
“I’m sorry.” I take a deep breath. “The reason I’m calling is because the magazine puts on an annual give-back event, and unfortunately, the main act just entered rehab. It’s totally last minute, but when I found out the charity they’re giving to is the Multiple Sclerosis Association of America, I thought maybe you might be interested in filling the space. The event will be played live on social media and treated like a telethon, so it would be great exposure to a new audience for you.”
“Yeah, sounds cool. All depends on when.”
I give him the date, and I hear him fumbling with his phone.
“Hold on. Let me put you on speaker while I pull up my calendar,” he says slowly, like he’s doing the task.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, shaking my head at how ridiculous I feel for asking him this way.
“Sure. I’m free. Where will it be held?”
I’m in shock. “Seriously?” I stand up from my seat even though no one is around me and I have no clue what I’m standing for.
He chuckles into the phone. “Sure, sounds like a good cause.”
“I, um … I’m just …” I look around, wanting to celebrate or do something but feeling like a fumbling fool.
“Surprised I’d say yes?”
I let out a nervous laugh. “No, surprised it was that easy.”
“Like I said, Tucker is family. Which makes you kind of family too. That changes this process a little. Send me the info and let me get with my people and tell them what’s going on. I take it, this is a me and Sarah thing rather than a Devil’s Breed thing, right?”
“Yes. I think you two are a better fit for the kind of vibe we’re going for.”
“I’d think so too. Okay, cool. I’ll let Sarah know, and we’ll wait for you to send me the details.”
“Oh, um, I need to know how much you charge.”
“It’s for a benefit, right? Anything I get involved with like this, I don’t charge. The money should go to the organization, not to line my pockets.”
“Seriously?” I start pacing back and forth in my parents’ kitchen, glad they’re not home so I don’t have to explain why I’m acting this way.
He lets out a loud laugh. “You like that word, don’t you?” he teases.
“I mean, I just figured acts like you needed to get paid to do stuff like this.”
“There are a lot of people who do but not me. You know my story. I look at it as paying back the universe that gave me Linda.”
“I love that. Okay then, I’ll send you all of the info.”
“Cool.”
“Thank you so much, Adam.”
“No problem. See ya.”
I hang up, feeling so relieved and excited that I dial my boss right away.
“This is Susan,” she answers.
“Hi, Susan. It’s Justine. Guess who I just booked to play at the benefit and at no charge.”
“No charge? Who?”
“Adam Jacobson and Sarah Russo.”
“The ones you just did the article on?”
“Yep.”
“Wow. That will be huge for the event and what a great tie-in to the article to push the magazine as well. Great job.”
“They’ll be a wonderful closer. I just had to fill you in since I was so thrilled.”
“I’m glad you did.”
We discuss more of the details, and when I hang up, I’m even more excited about the event than I was before.
When Tucker picks me up, he’s pretty quiet as we drive out of town and to his houseboat.
“Got a lot on your mind?” I ask, reaching over and grabbing his hand. “What did the doctor say about the injection you’re going to get?”
He sighs. “Nothing much. Says it should be fine. There’s a chance of flu-like symptoms, but he thought it would be no big deal. I’m not worried about it. I’m just tired, I guess. How was your day?”
“Great!” I turn to him. “I actually have the best news ever. I called Adam today, and guess what.”
“You called Adam?” he asks defensively. “What for?”
I tamp down my excitement a tad due to his tone. “For the event we’re having in New York. He agreed to play.”
He furrows his brow and turns his head to me. “He did? Not for free, I hope.”
“Um, yeah, for free. I asked how much he would charge, and he said
he wouldn’t charge anything. He said he likes to do stuff like this to give back to the universe for Linda or something like that.” I’m all frazzled by his reaction and trip up on my words.
He shakes his head and stares back at the road.
“Does that upset you?”
“He shouldn’t be doing anything for free just because of what’s going on with me. You know he wouldn’t have given the event a second thought if some random person had asked his label to do it.”
I sit back in my seat, not sure what to say. Why would something like this make him so mad?
“He said he wanted to and that he never charges for benefit causes.” I look out the window, my sails completely deflated.
“You can’t tell me he’s doing it for any other reason than me. That’s why you asked him, isn’t it? Because you knew since I was just diagnosed, he’d be more on board to help? I know for a fact that Adam doesn’t schedule anything away from home when he isn’t touring because that’s the time he spends with his daughter.”
He pauses and stares at me for a brief moment. My eyes are open wide, and I know he can read all over my face how shocked I am by his rant because I’m not trying to hide it one bit.
He throws his arms up in the air. “I just wish you hadn’t asked him, is all. I don’t need my family burdened by what’s going on with me.”
There’s a lot I want to say, but the way he’s gripping the steering wheel tells me it’d be a losing battle right now. I know he’s got a lot going on in his head, and the last thing I want to do is make his life more stressful, no matter how much it upsets me to see him like this.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Justine
As we got closer to the event, it was getting harder and harder to work from Mason Creek. When my boss suggested I come to New York for a few days, I knew I couldn’t say no, especially when she booked me a room at the Park Central Hotel, where the office is just around the corner and security is top-notch.
When I told Tucker I was going back, I was surprised by his reaction. I told him he didn’t have to come, but he refused to let me come back to New York for the first time alone.
The way he said he was my man and my protector made me melt in his arms. Knowing I had someone who would never run away and leave me alone was the exact comfort I needed to step back into the city I’d once loved.
As we exit the cab from JFK Airport, all the familiar sights and sounds hit me like a bucket of cold water. The streets are surrounded with people and noises of busses braking to let new passengers in as cabs swerve around them with mere inches in between. It’s such a stark difference to how I’ve been living this past month.
I got used to the quiet streets of Mason Creek, and I laugh to myself at just how different two worlds can be.
I look over to Tucker, who’s staring wide-eyed at everything. He said he’s never been to a bigger city than Billings, and believe me, New York City is nothing like there, especially when you’re standing in the middle of Manhattan.
Cars race by us while a guy on a bike nearly hits the cab, only moving at the last second. Horns blare as people are cut off, and the construction on the building next to us rattles our ears like a bad trombone.
We enter the lobby of Park Central Hotel, which is old-school New York with the slate stone facade on the outside and nothing but opulence on the inside.
“Whoa,” Tucker says as he looks around.
“You’re definitely not in Montana anymore,” I tease as we check in before heading up to our room.
Tucker opens the door for me and steps back, so I can enter first. I set my stuff down on the bed as Tucker walks through the room with our suitcase.
“This is a nice room. Look, we have a view of Central Park.” I open up the curtain.
Tucker comes up behind me, placing his hands on my hips, and pulls me back to him. “I like the view I have right here more.”
I lean my head back on him and rest there, in the comfort of his arms.
He flips me around, so I’m facing him. “You know, the best part of a hotel is hotel sex.”
He kisses me, and I melt into his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into me more. He walks us back to the bed, and right when we fall against it, my phone goes off.
I sigh as I look into Tucker’s eyes as he lies on top of me. “Sorry, I have to get that. I’m here for work, and they knew when my plane landed. I’m surprised it didn’t go off before now.”
His beard tickles my neck with the kisses he’s giving me before he rolls over with a sigh and adjusts the growing erection in his jeans. “Fine, I guess the amazing sex we were about to have can wait.”
I laugh and hop up to get my phone to see Susan calling. “Hey, Susan.”
“Oh good. You’ve landed.”
“Yep, we just got to our hotel room.”
We go over the plan for the day and our schedule for while I’m here. I glance at Tucker, feeling bad that I have so much to do.
After I end the phone call, I head over to where he is and lie beside him, wrapping my arm around him. “I’m so sorry I can’t hang out with you more.”
He tilts his head down to see me better. “It’s all good. I’m a big boy. I can tour a city on my own.”
I laugh because he’s totally right. He’s been Mr. Independent, and I’m sure he can navigate his way through the mean streets of New York.
We make a game plan of things I think he should do, and he walks me to my work. As he stares up at the huge building, I laugh at his expression.
“You really used to come here every day for work?” he asks in disbelief.
The building was originally built in 1928, but they retrofitted the top portion to be the most innovative glass-and-steel design you’ve ever seen.
“Sure did. Do you want to come inside and meet everyone?”
He glances down at his plaid shirt and his jeans with a belt buckle and then over to all of the people dressed in suits and work attire. “Nah, I’m good. You go do your thing. Call me whenever you have a break.”
I stand on my tiptoes to give him a kiss. “I will. Have fun.”
“You too.”
I head toward the building as he walks away, looking like a fish out of water. Knowing he would put himself in this situation, where I know he feels he doesn’t fit in, just for me fills me with both happiness and guilt. I love that he’s here and just hope he has a good time.
Everyone is excited to see me back in the office, and I have to explain to a ton of people where I’ve been—leaving out the reason why I’ve been gone, of course. Thankfully, they all seem to accept my working away from here and don’t push too much, which helps me in feeling more secure about being back here.
My day is spent jumping from one task to another. We tour the venue and work with the set designers on where the cameras will go in conjunction with the stage and the tables. Tickets are already being sold to the event, and major sponsors are securing their table seating.
In total, we have three other acts performing a couple of songs each with Adam and Sarah being the headliners at the end. With all of the buzz around them right now, this couldn’t be a more fitting time for them to join us.
I check in with Tucker while I stuff food in my mouth, and he seems to be having a good time, watching street performers and eating hot dogs from street carts. I can’t wait to get back to the hotel and spend some time with him, making sure he knows just how much I appreciate him coming here with me.
It’s late when I finally get to leave work. Tucker offered to come get me, but I wanted—no, needed to prove to myself that I was strong enough to be in this city alone and not be scared anymore. This is my final test, and I am up for it.
When I enter the room, I realize just how comfortable I am to be back in this city. I glance around the room and see Tucker is curled up on the bed with his arm behind his neck, watching a baseball game on TV.
I take off my shoes and curl up next to him. “So
rry I’m so late. Did you have a good day?”
He kisses the top of my head. “No biggie. Yeah, it was pretty cool.”
“Did you get lost at all?”
“Nah, I found my way just fine. How about you? Are you hungry?”
“I’m starving. Where should we go?”
“I’ve kind of had enough of the city for one day.” He nods his head. “The room service menu looked pretty good. How about we order in and watch a movie or something?”
I smile up at him. “I’d love that.”
Here we are, in the city that never sleeps, where we could do a thousand different things, yet we’re staying in. Getting to curl up and do the same thing we do almost every night sounds like the perfect way to close out my day. I may love New York but I love this man more.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Justine
The next day is just as crazy with my event planning, and when I arrive back at the hotel, I ask, “How was your day?” as I curl up with Tucker, who’s lying on the bed.
He kisses the top of my head. “I didn’t do much. Just hung out here most of the time.”
“Are you feeling okay?” I ask, taking him in more, seeing that he does look a little flush.
He blows me off. “I’m fine. I toured a lot yesterday and was shocked at how much my feet hurt from it,” he jokes. “I thought I would just take it easy today.”
I contemplate asking him more questions when my phone rings. Hopping off the bed, I grab it off the dresser and smile when I see Kylie’s name flashing across the screen. She’s been out of town and I haven’t got to see her yet.
“Hey you!” I answer, excited to hear from her.
“So, here I am, trying to pop in on my best friend at the hotel she’s staying at, but this place has some strict policy about giving out room numbers of their guests, so my entire plan is out the window,” she says.