by Lauren Runow
I know I love him, but seeing him so afraid of being a burden that he feels he doesn’t deserve to be with anyone is just too much. He’s such a prideful man, and it breaks my heart to see him this way.
Chapter Thirty
Justine
I had to peel myself out of bed to get to work on time. I’ve been a wreck since Tucker left, and I’ve heard nothing from him.
I’m thankful I have so much to do that it’s keeping me busy, but I feel like every ten minutes, I’m checking my phone to see if he’s responded to my text messages or the voice mail I left him.
By three o’clock, I can’t take it anymore and sneak away to call him again. After two rings, it goes to voice mail.
I send him a text message.
Please let me know that you got home okay.
The text bubbles pop up instantly, and I feel some kind of relief even if it is short-lived.
I’m home.
Wow. That’s all I get. I’m home? Is he being serious?
I know the last thing he wants is for me to bug him, so no matter how much I want to call him, I put my phone away and get back to work, focusing on the task at hand and not trying to worry about what’s going to happen.
“Hey, Justine,” Susan says as she enters my office. “You got a second?”
I look up, trying to put on a fake smile while I lean back in my chair, giving her my attention. “Yeah?”
She sits down at the chair next to my desk. “How are things going?”
“Good. I’ve gotten the caterer all set up with where they’ll—”
She places her hand over mine. “I meant, with you. How has it been, being back in New York?”
I close my eyes, trying to fight the tears that sting them instantly. I feel horrible about not telling her about Tucker and him leaving, but she doesn’t need to hear all of my drama. If she thinks I’m having a hard time because of what happened when I lived here, then so be it.
I open them and take a deep inhale. “I’ve been okay. Keeping busy has definitely helped. And I can’t thank you enough for putting me up in the hotel. I think that’s what’s helping me the most.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.” She grins, and I know it’s one of sympathy more than happiness. “Now, about that hotel …”
“Yeah?” I can sense she’s beating around the bush about something.
“We just feel there is too much to do, and we want you to stay here until the event. Is that possible? We can pay to have anything you left back in Montana overnighted. And I already have approval for you to stay at the hotel until the event is over.”
I bite the inside of my lip while I think. She’s right. I still have so much to do, but I need to get back to Mason Creek to talk to Tucker in person.
Knowing that they are budgeting my hotel stay for the next week is huge though. I owe this company so much for being willing to work with me through everything, and I know if I say no, I might not get those same luxuries in the future. I was already making a plan to pitch to them about me working remotely as a permanent thing. If I turn them down now, I might as well kiss those thoughts good-bye.
I nod. “I can do that. I really appreciate you guys helping me, so I can stay here.”
“Believe me, not as much as we appreciate you right now.” She stands to leave but stops at my door. “And your friend? Will he be staying or going back?”
My heart sinks, and I try my hardest to hide it. “He already left. This morning actually.”
“Oh. Well, okay then. I hope he had a good time while he was here.”
“Yeah, he did.”
I go back to typing away on my keyboard, and thankfully, she turns to leave. Once she’s fully gone, I let the tears flow freely.
The next few days are a blur of business and wild emotions. Every time I stop, I feel like I can’t breathe, so I just don’t stop.
I’ve called Tucker a few times, and he’s never answered, which broke my heart at first but just pisses me off now. You can’t go from loving someone to completely ignoring them.
I text him, saying they want me to stay, and he doesn’t respond. I text him, saying I hope he’s feeling okay, and nothing. When I text him, saying I miss him, he doesn’t even open the message because every time I check it, it still says Delivered and not Read.
I used to love that he kept that feature active on his phone, showing me if and when his text messages were read, but now, it’s this little thorn in my side, only making me worry more if he’s okay. My mind has gone wild with possible things that could have happened while he was all alone on his houseboat, and maybe that’s why he hasn’t opened the message.
As nighttime rolls around, I’ve finally had enough, and I pick up the phone to call Laken.
“Hey, Just. How’s the planning going?” she answers.
“There’s a lot still to do, and it’s going to be amazing. But, hey, sorry to call you like this. Have you seen Tucker?”
“Um, yeah, I actually saw him at Wren’s today. Why? Everything okay?”
I let out a sigh of relief that he is indeed alive, but then I get angry that he’s just not opening my message.
Laken doesn’t know what’s going on with him, and I know for sure he doesn’t want her to know, so I tread lightly.
“I don’t know. When he left here, it wasn’t on the best of terms, and now, he’s not answering my calls.”
“No shit? What happened?”
I let out a breath, trying to word this properly without giving away anything. “He just feels like my life is here and he’s not really a part of it.”
“And what do you think? Is your life there? I thought this was supposed to be a quick trip, and that’s why Tucker went with you. Yet you’re still there, and he’s here. Do you think you’ll come back, or are you back to city-life livin’?”
“I’m only staying because of the event. I was fully prepared to ask my boss to extend my working remotely and try to make it a permanent thing. But now …”
“Now, you’re not so sure,” she finishes my sentence. “Look, I don’t know the guy very well, but I do know he’s been single for a long time. It’s not easy for a guy to go from that to being serious with somebody. I wouldn’t make any rash decisions yet. You guys are still new, and relationships take time.”
I sigh, nodding my head even though she can’t see me. “You’re right.”
“Just hang in there, okay? You guys will talk eventually, and then you can make up your mind.”
“I will. Thanks.”
“Hey, anytime.”
We hang up, and I take one last shot at texting Tucker.
Please, will you talk to me? Nothing needs to happen right away, but you at least owe me a conversation.
I stare at my phone, waiting for the bubbles to appear. When the tiny words under the message switch to say Read, my heart sinks.
I can only imagine him lying in his bed with his arm behind his head, staring at his phone. I wonder what he’s thinking. If he wants to respond or if he just cleared the message and put the phone down next to him without giving it a second thought.
To my surprise, he does neither, and instead, my phone rings with his handsome face on my screen.
“Hi,” I say, fighting back tears.
“You’re right. I’m sorry for just leaving you hanging.”
I can hear the pain in his voice, and even though it hurts me to the core, it gives me hope.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m all right.”
“No more sickness?”
“Nah. Just tired, is all.”
We sit in silence like neither one of us knows what to say.
My heart pounds uncontrollably, but I know I need to ask, “Why did you leave like that?”
I hear his sigh into the phone, and I hope I didn’t just ruin everything—if there was anything left to ruin.
“I’m sorry. I just … you have your life there, and you don’t need to be taking care of me.”
/>
“But what if I want to take care of you? Shouldn’t that be my choice?”
“No, Justine. I’m sorry, but it’s not. You don’t understand how hard this is on me. I’ve been independent for a while. And you’re so much younger. You’ll want to live your thirties and forties doing things, living a carefree life, not taking care of a sick, old man.”
“Oh, so now, the tables have turned? Fifteen years didn’t seem that big of a deal when we first met.”
“Things are different now. You know that.”
“No. I know I met someone I’m crazy about, and he’s crazy about me too. Your diagnosis changes nothing.”
“You can’t say it doesn’t. And you might think that now, but in a few years, it will be a big deal. I’m just not one to burden other people.”
“You’re not a burden, Tucker. This is a flare-up. You’re in a really bad headspace right now. It could be months until you have another episode. What happened when you were here was only from the medication. Once you figure out what works, you’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, but what about when they’re more often or stronger? The disease only progresses.”
“We’ll face it then. Together. I’m here for you.”
He sighs, and I wait with bated breath for him to say something.
“Look, I just can’t, okay? I’m sorry, but I hope you can understand that.”
We sit in another bout of silence—me in shock, fighting back tears, and him not saying another word.
After a minute, he speaks up, “I’m sorry, Justine. Take care of yourself.”
He hangs up the phone, and I drop my head back against my pillow, letting the tears flow harder than they have before.
Chapter Thirty-One
Tucker
I’m at work when a familiar voice catches my attention at the front counter.
I drop my head in both frustration and disbelief.
“Sure, he’s in the back. Go right ahead,” my boss, Henry, says.
I stand up from under the hood of the car and wipe my hands on the rag, getting ready for this little reunion, which would normally be a pleasant one but I get the feeling she’s here for other reasons.
“Well, if it isn’t my big sister here in Mason Creek,” I say when she comes around the corner.
She opens her arms out wide. “Tucker.”
We hug, and I have to admit, her embrace warms my heart. I’ve always been close with my sister even though I don’t get to see her enough.
“Hey, Linda. How come you didn’t tell me you were coming to town?”
“Because I knew you’d try to stop me.” She pulls back and gives me an I’m right, aren’t I expression.
I sigh and go back to work. Then, I remember something, and I point at her with my tool. “Matthew doesn’t know, and I’d appreciate you keeping it that way. I don’t want him to worry. He needs to go to college, and if he knows, he’ll change his plans and stay closer.”
She leans against the car I’m working on. “That I can understand, and when the time is right, we will tell him together. For now, why don’t you tell me why you’re here and Justine is in New York?”
“Because I have a job. Here. In Mason Creek. Remember?” I stand up to see her clearly when I ask, “Did she call you?”
“No. She didn’t need to. She and Adam are working together on this event. He asked her if you’d be there. When she said you had broken up with her, I knew something was up. So, here I am.”
I roll my eyes and get back to work. “People break up, Linda. Doesn’t mean you have to travel half way across the country to check on me. I’m a big boy. I can handle myself.”
“Yes, but I also know you’re a stubborn ass. I find it very odd that you finally found someone to share your life with, and then you get this diagnosis and end it with her, just like that.” She snaps her fingers, and the sound rings through my head.
It does feel like it happened in the snap of two fingers. One day, I was heading to New York, hoping to help my girlfriend get over her fear of being there and making sure she was safe, and the next thing I knew, I was sick as a dog, feeling like I didn’t want to have anyone by my side to bring them down with me.
She leans under the hood of the car and says, “Let’s go get some lunch. Henry already said he’d give you a break.”
I stand and wipe my hands. “There’s nowhere to talk in this town.”
“I know. That’s why I grabbed your favorite sandwich from Wren’s before I showed up, and I have it in the car. Come join me.”
She walks away, and I feel like I’m a teenager again, having to go talk to my parents about something I did wrong. No matter how much I don’t want to have this conversation, I head over to the sink to wash my hands and follow her out to her car.
When I sit down, she already has my food out and waiting for me. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.” I open the container and dig in, not quite ready to talk and thankful to have the food to keep me from doing so.
Linda eats her meal, and we sit in silence for the first few minutes.
After she finishes the first half of her sandwich, she asks, “Ready to talk yet?”
“Nope,” I respond with a mouthful of food.
She laughs. “Well, sorry, dear brother of mine. That’s not an option.”
“Says who?”
“Says me, Tucker.” She turns to face me. “I’m here to help you. You need to let me help you.”
“I don’t need help.”
She places her hand on my arm, stopping me from taking my next bite. “Everyone needs help at one point or another. It’s okay to have someone help you.”
I look at her and then down at her hand, silently asking her to remove it so I can take my next bite. She does with a sigh.
I know I’m being an ass, so when I finish my bite, I wipe my mouth and close my container. “Fine, Linda. Let’s talk. What do you want to know?”
“Why did you end it with Justine?”
“Because she’s young. She’s got her whole life in front of her. She doesn’t need to be with a sick, older man.”
“Don’t you think that should be her decision?”
“No. I’m not going to hold someone down. Especially a woman like her. She lives in New York anyway. It wouldn’t have worked out. You know I would never move there.”
“No, I know you wouldn’t, but what about her staying here? It sounds like she might have done that.”
“For what? To take care of me? No, thank you. I don’t need anyone’s help.”
“Do you hear yourself right now?” she says, exasperated.
“Yes, I do, loud and clear. Do you hear me?” I stare at her, raising my eyebrows in question.
“That woman loves you. Does that not mean anything?”
I huff and open my lunch back up, taking another bite of food.
“So, let me get this straight. If the tables were turned and you’d just found out that she was diagnosed with MS, would you leave her?”
I turn to her in outrage. “You know I wouldn’t.” I clench my jaw, angry she would even suggest such a thing.
“Then, tell me why it’s okay for her to leave you?”
“She’s not. I’m—”
“Pushing her away. How would you feel if she were the one pushing you away?”
I take a bite of my sandwich, not wanting to answer her.
“Do you get it now?”
I keep my sight glued in front of me, not turning her way.
“You act like you’ve been given a death sentence. You haven’t! MS is treatable. There are things you can do and still live a normal life. Why would you not want to be happy?”
“I was just fine without her.”
“No, you weren’t. You pretended you were by living your life through Matthew. But he’s going off to college, and he’ll be living his own life. It’s time you got yours back too.”
I drop my head against the back of the seat.
She rea
ches out her hand to me again. “I don’t want you to be afraid to live. You deserve to be happy. We all want to see you happy.”
I keep my head against the headrest but turn, so I can see her. We stare at each other for a bit until she grins and pats my arm.
“Okay then, let’s finish our lunch, and then you can call Matthew, so I can see my nephew before I have to take off. I’m going to New York to help with Cailin while Adam and Sarah perform. You should be there, too, but what you do now is up to you. I’ve said my piece.”
I grin in a silent thank-you, and she nods her head, picking her sandwich back up and taking another bite.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Justine
My life has been insane these past two weeks, planning this event, but it’s finally here. Everything is set up, and now, I’m waiting for people to arrive and get this show on the road.
It was fun to meet Adam and Sarah in person when they came earlier for their sound check, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, seeing them as well. They are the only things tying me to Tucker since he left me in New York, and I hate having that connection to them.
Nothing came up about Tucker when we met in person, but it felt like this huge elephant in the room. When we’d spoken earlier in the week, I had told them that he nonchalantly broke it off. I’d thought that would make it easier. It didn’t.
I wanted to ask them if they’d spoken to him or if Linda had any news, but I knew that wasn’t appropriate for why they were here. I had to remain professional and do my job as the event coordinator of this amazing event.
Everywhere I look, I see things about multiple sclerosis and the orange ribbon that signifies the disease. At the time, I thought it would make a great decoration, but now, all I see is Tucker, and it makes me realize even more what he’s going through.
The attack on me was frightening, but I was able to overcome it, and I even feel more secure, being back here in New York. Seeing all these orange ribbons reminds me that his pain will never go away. Science says it’ll only progress.