Charlie stood in that street long past the time it took for Jaxon to disappear from sight. She didn’t move as sailors moved about and as a handful of wagons and carriages plodded down the street. She had no concept of time. She only felt the burning knot in her stomach growing. The overwhelming emptiness she felt as a child was swallowing her and she didn’t know how to pull herself back to the surface.
“Come on, Charlie,” she heard Morty say. “Let’s go back to the ship.”
In her fugue state, she heard the words, but it was as if he were speaking a foreign-language. She didn’t understand them. Morty put his arm around her shoulders and guided her back to her cabin on the ship.
“Go to bed, Charlie. You’ll feel better in the morning, I promise.”
Morty opened the door, pushed her gently into the room and pulled it closed behind her.
She didn’t know if she stood there for minutes or hours, but eventually Charlie’s brain began to function again in a rudimentary sort of way. Morty told her to go to bed. She knew how to do that. The first step was to lock the door. Charlie automatically reached into her pocket, but found it empty. Her keys had gone to the bottom of the ocean with Jimmy’s corpse.
How could she go to bed if she couldn’t accomplish the first step of going to bed? She had locked the door to her father’s cabin to keep Byron out before she boarded Jaxon’s ship. Her father’s keys were locked inside. And Byron’s keys went down to the bottom of the ocean—not that it mattered—he didn’t have keys to her cabin, but she supposed she could have slept in his bed if she had the key.
Jaxon Bloodworthy didn’t sleep longer than thirty minutes at a time the whole night. He kept reaching out for Charlie, but when he didn’t find her, he woke up and the memories of the evening rushed back with harsh clarity. He gave up trying to sleep when the sun came up. His decidedly foul mood forced him to look for distraction, anything that would occupy his mind and keep him from reliving the previous night’s events.
Since his ship was finally home, Jaxon decided work would be the distraction he needed. What little belongings Charlie had were at his townhouse, nothing belonging to her was on the ship and the last thing he needed was to see little reminders of her everywhere he went.
If anyone had suggested he wanted to go to his ship to get a glimpse of Charlie on hers, he would’ve growled a denial at them. His ship was back. He was captain and had duties that no doubt needed to be tended to immediately.
Jaxon stopped at the galley before heading to his cabin. Breakfast wasn’t ready yet, but he was able to secure a tankard of coffee to help him wake up. Jaxon sipped at the hot brew as he made his way down the passageway to his cabin. His leg was more than a little achy, it really hurt, probably more from the mishap on the dance floor than from chasing Charlie all over town. If it wasn’t feeling better by this evening, he’d soak it in the hot bath. But without Charlie to massage it, he didn’t know if it would help.
Jaxon reached out and grabbed the doorknob to his cabin and found it locked.
“What the hell,” he muttered under his breath. There was no reason for the door to be locked. Daniel needed access to the charts and sextant inside while he was in charge and Jaxon kept anything of value locked up in the small safe inside.
It took Jaxon less than five minutes to locate Romy in his hammock in the forecastle. He woke up his half-gypsy crewman and told him to get his lock picks and follow him. Romy wasn’t a man to talk about his past, but over the past few years, Daniel had befriended the untamed gypsy and found he was a man of many hidden secrets. One talent was the ability to pick nearly any lock.
It took Romy less than a minute to open the door to Jaxon’s cabin. Jaxon began to wonder if he was going to find a drunken tar sleeping off his cups in his bunk. Heaven help the man if he had a wench in his bunk with him. He almost hoped that was what he would find because Jaxon was in the mood to jump down someone’s throat.
“Romy, ask Vinnie to bring me breakfast in my quarters when it’s ready.”
“Aye-aye, sir.”
Jaxon entered the room, and as suspected, there was someone sleeping in his bunk, but it was who that surprised him.
Charlie.
Jaxon took a gulp of his coffee before setting it down. Had things been different, he would have watched her sleep until she woke up on her own, but he couldn’t bear the sight of her.
“Charlie!” Jaxon said loudly, not trusting himself to touch her to wake her up. “What the devil are you doing here?”
Charlie’s eyes opened immediately as she shot up to a seated position. “Jaxon, I meant to be gone before the sun came up. I guess the brandy…” She didn’t finish her thought as she threw her feet out of the bed and began pulling on the too small boots.
“Why are you here? Your ship is three berths down.”
“I-I didn’t have any way to lock my cabin door. If they still didn’t know I was female, I would’ve taken my chances.”
Charlie stood up and turned around to put the bed covers back in place.
“Leave it.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll get a locksmith out today so it won’t happen again. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”
“There is a hotel and several inns in town.”
Charlie met his eyes for the first time. There, she saw the anguish and hurt she caused him. She couldn’t hold his gaze.
“I wasn’t thinking,” she answered honestly. “I hoped you wouldn’t mind.”
In truth, he preferred she be safe and if that meant letting her use his cabin, he didn’t really mind. He just hadn’t expected to find her there. It added a bit of insult to injury. At least Morty wasn’t with her in his bed.
Charlie moved around him to the door. She had it halfway open when he reached around her, slamming it shut. She reeled around to face him. He loomed over her leaving his arm against the door.
“What’s wrong with your lock?”
As she explained what happened to the keys, all she could think about was how close he was standing to her and how much she wanted to stretch towards him and kiss him. How was it possible someone she’d only met a month earlier had become her whole life? How could the sight of him, elicit such longing?
“They killed the mate?”
“I would have preferred they throw him in the brig, but what’s done is done. It was clearly piracy to steal the ship and he would have swung after a trial.”
“I have a man who can get you into your father’s quarters without breaking the lock.”
“Thank you, Jaxon.”
Pushing away from the door, he righted himself. “I’ll send my man over in a few minutes.”
“Thank you,” Charlie said, but made no effort to leave his company. “Jaxon, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“My brothers warned me, but I was too stubborn to listen. I have a history of jumping in with both feet—thinking my infatuation is love. Criminy, you’d think I’d learn.”
“You don’t l-love me?” Charlie looked at him wide-eyed, feeling suddenly sick to her stomach. She schooled her expression instinctively, her brain silently chanting, Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
“Apparently, I wouldn’t know real love if it bit me.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s so rare that a woman looks at me—you know what I mean—looks past the scars, that I guess I got carried away.”
“Jaxon—” Charlie’s eyes filled with tears. He didn’t love her. She always knew she loved him more than he loved—no, not loved—her.
“I put you in an unfair position. You had no options, really. You had no money, no family, and no home except what I gave you.”
“I had options,” Charlie said, her voice just above a whisper. “I could have said no. If I had asked, wouldn’t you have helped me get to Charleston?”
Jaxon turned his back on her and moved across the room. Would he have taken her to Charleston if she’d asked? Maybe after they were married or if she rejec
ted him outright.
“When are you leaving?”
Charlie felt the breath leave her body. He couldn’t wait for her to go.
“I have to hire a new captain.”
“You’re not going to assume the captaincy?”
Charlie shook her head. “At my age, I doubt many would follow me if they still thought I was a man.”
Jaxon nodded. “You’ll be lucky if you find one who’ll want to keep you on as second mate.”
“First mate,” she corrected. “My father told me a few days before he was killed, he intended to get rid of Byron and promote me.”
Jaxon’s dubious look said it all. What man would take a position as captain with the female owner as first mate? He was sure a captain desperate enough for employment would take the position, but he also knew the man that desperate, would probably be a drunk or someone incompetent.
“Take your time and hire the right man.”
“I’ll probably have to go to a larger port to find someone. I’m tempted to fire everyone, put her in dry-dock and hire a new crew when she’s been refitted.”
“Go back to your old life?”
“Aye,” she said quietly. “If I change the ship’s name, I think I could get away with it.”
Charlie could barely contain her emotions at the thought of going back to her old life. How could she go back to that lonely existence when she had tasted this other life?
“I can’t do anything until Grayson returns.”
“Of course.”
“If you’ll excuse me, my ship is a disaster.”
“I’ll send our lock picker in a minute.”
“Thank you, Jaxon,” she said as she walked through the door.
28
The knock came on her cabin door within ten minutes of her return to her ship.
“Enter,” she called out lifting her head from her task of updating her logbook.
“Sir, the captain from The Dragon’s Lair is here,” Benjy said poking his head in the door.
“Ma’am,” she heard Jaxon correcting from behind the door.
“Right, ma’am. And he’s got his locksmith with him.”
Charlie rose from her desk and came towards the door. “Assemble the men on deck in fifteen minutes, Benjy. All hands.”
“Aye, sir.”
“Ma’am,” Jaxon corrected again.
“Aye, sir. Ma’am.”
Charlie pulled the door open the rest of the way as Benjy hurried off to do her bidding. Standing next to Jaxon was the third man who had helped take her uniform. Charlie involuntarily took a step backwards and cursed before she got control of herself.
Her face became stony and she stepped forward crossing her arms across her chest. Jaxon didn’t miss the short-lived instinctual reaction to the sight of Romy and realized he must’ve been one of the men who stripped her. He didn’t understand how she could hide her emotions like that.
“How’s the shoulder?” she asked icily looking straight at Romy.
“My shoulder’s fine, it’s my ribs that still ache.”
“It’s the door at the end of the corridor.”
After Romy had stepped away, Jaxon asked if he could come in. Charlie stepped back allowing him entrance and he closed the door.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t realize he was with Daniel.”
“What’s done is done.”
Jaxon nodded absently looking around at her sparse cabin.
“Did you want something?” she asked.
“I—” Jaxon pulled at his collar. “It’s just a matter of…. Criminy, Charlie, I ruined you. I was brought up to take responsibility for my actions and….”
“I release you from your duty,” she said tersely. She didn’t want him to marry her because he felt he had to.
“But no man—”
“It doesn’t signify. I should imagine, you are the only man who will ever ask me.”
Jaxon stared at her unable to fathom why she would ever believe he was her only chance at marriage. She was beautiful and kind and had a strength and fire about her that was irresistible.
“Even if I can’t find a captain who will let me serve, I’m still half-owner and entitled to fifty percent of the owner’s cut. I don’t have to have a husband to support me like other women.”
“Perhaps not, but marriage is not always a financial decision. The man who would marry you for financial gain may be more tolerant of the fact you were not untried. But a love match will not be so forgiving.”
She knew at that moment, she would never give her heart again. How could she allow herself to fall in love and risk this kind of pain again?
“You just told me you don’t love me and you don’t want to marry me. I don’t understand these land rules. I never have.”
“Land rules?”
“You understand my meaning. The thought of marrying me now is quite abhorrent to you and yet you would do it because we engaged in marital relations.”
“I’d hardly call the thought of marrying you abhorrent.”
“Distasteful, then.”
“Stop putting words in my mouth. I am not the blackguard you are trying to make me out to be. I am trying to do right by you.”
“No,” she said quietly. “I know the blame lies with me. But you are wrong to think I don’t want to marry you because I can have my old life back.”
Just then there was a knock. Jaxon who was standing closer to the door opened it.
“It’s unlocked,” Romy said.
“Thanks,” Jaxon said and dismissed him with a curt nod. “Whatever your reasons, Charlie, I only wish you well.”
Jaxon left without another word.
Charlie bit her lip and wondered if she would ever understand these land rules. Yes, she left the party to see to Morty’s hurt feelings, but she had never said she didn’t want to marry him until he said he didn’t love her. But he acted like she had broken off the engagement. The last thing she wanted was her old life back.
Charlie went into her father’s cabin and retrieved the keys off his desk and made her way to the quarterdeck. As she looked out over the assembled men, Charlie felt a lump rise in her throat. She may have had conflict with them prior to being abandoned, but in the end, they had come back for her and for that, she was grateful. Tears threatened to come, but she forced them back. Now was the time to be strong.
“I want to thank you all for coming after me. It means more to me than you will ever know. My gratitude will be reflected when you receive your pay at the end of the month.”
Murmurs of approval came from the crew.
“Of course, this is a time of uncertainty for all of us. I will speak to the harbor master today and try to find a new captain. If I can’t find one here, we will go to a larger port and try there.”
“Are you planning on staying with the ship?” a voice called out.
Charlie sighed. She didn’t know.
“It will depend on the new captain. If I stay, it will be as first mate, not second. My father always intended for me to take the reins when I was ready. I would like to do that for him.”
“I’m not taking orders from a woman,” Fanzel said.
“Mr. Fanzel, I know you are not the only one who feels that way and I understand completely. You were not on my watch, but I feel if you talk to the men who were, you’ll find I am quite competent.”
“Why did you lock Morty up?” another man called out.
“He found out my secret.”
The men began grumbling.
“I also accosted her,” Morty jumped in. “I took liberties that were unwelcome. My punishment was fair.”
Charlie gasped. For Morty just to say that in front of the men could lead to violence. Her father had always been careful to hire family men and men of moral character.
“That’s not true. Morty did no such thing. He kissed me, that’s all. No harm done.”
His discovery had been accidental and if they thought he had done it intentionally, they mi
ght have hurt him. Offhandedly, she wondered what they’d do if they found out she had been bedded by Jaxon.
“I don’t know yet what I’m going to do. It will greatly depend on whether I can find a captain who will let me serve.”
“You should be captain,” Morty shouted.
Charlie smiled at him. “Someday, maybe, but for the time being, we need to get this ship back in order. There will be no shore leave while she looks like this. Starboard watch, you may go below. Larboard watch, it’s time to get to work. Carpenter, as soon as I have these men working, I will need your report about how the repairs are progressing.”
29
Captain Jaxon Bloodworthy cast one last glance down the pier toward Charlie’s ship. He sighed and made his way slowly away from the docks toward his townhouse. He didn’t understand how it could all go so wrong so fast. He supposed it was what happens when you act so impulsively.
How much did he truly know about Charlie? He had to concede with the exception of the lies she told to protect herself, everything she ever told him was true. She was the second mate of her ship and now half-owner. She had lived nearly her whole life on that ship—as a man. She could fight. She had medical training. And yet he could not accept that she loved him. But, he had to remind himself she also loved Thor or whatever that blonde-headed Viking god’s name was. Morty.
One thing Jaxon knew about himself was he didn’t share. What was his was his. If someone else had a claim to something he possessed, he do without rather than share. That was the way it was when he was expected to share his toy soldiers and wooden swords with Grayson. That’s the way it was now.
Why could his brothers see his life so much clearer than he could? Daniel had been right. When he came to women, Jaxon’s judgment was absolutely skewed. When he thought about how many years he gave to thinking he was in love with Millie, wanting to marry her and sure what he felt was love, he shook his head. Afterwards, he could see indications in her letters that he had ignored of what kind of person she was. But he dismissed her flaws as poor communication skills or as taken out of context. Later, when he reread the letters with clear eyes, he could see her for what she was. She was completely self-absorbed and critical of everyone and everything. She was a woman who practiced complaining as diligently as a virtuoso worked to master the pianoforte. She complained if she had to wait her turn or if someone had a dress made out of the same material as hers. When he read the letters originally, he thought they were written in a tongue-in-cheek fashion and she was being funny, but when he read them again, he realized she had no sense of humor, no patience for others and an enormous sense of entitlement.
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