by Ada Winter
I can feel it. I can feel us. We are as one.
“Celia…I….”
“Shhh, Lane…you don’t have to.”
Whispering in a calm voice now, he says, “I do, Celia. I know what you went through with Mark. I don’t know exactly what happened, but I know you loved him. I know you lost him.”
“What…how?”
“I mostly figured it out, but Tracy helped me put the pieces together. She really wanted to protect you and was reluctant to tell me anything, but she thought I should know the truth so that I could help you through it. She’s a good friend and you’re lucky to have her. I love you, Celia, and if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here. If you’ll have me back in your life, I’ll always be here for you.”
“Oh Lane, I just… I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you. I’m scared for you. I’m scared for us… didn’t know who you were that night… you were so angry and it really frightened me.”
Lane let out a long sigh. He was holding me tightly now, and with compassion and deep understanding.
“I realize that and I’m sorry. I take full responsibility for it. It’s just, my father has a way of getting under my skin. Always controlling, he treats me more like a pawn on a chessboard than his son. It’s always been that way. I’m done with him.”
“And that job with your father?”
“I told him to shove it, but in a professional way. I could never accept anything that would take me farther from you, Celia. My father and I are done. I’ll have nothing to do with him.”
“What are you saying Lane. I….”
“I did it because I love you and I need to put my past behind me. Besides, I’m done running at breakneck speeds away from my problems. That was the old Lane. The new Lane takes life head-on. That’s why I sold the Alfa Romeo. There’s an SUV out in the driveway if you don’t believe me.”
“You’re not serious are you?”
“It doesn’t go very fast. I’ll have to get used to that. It does get a five-star safety rating, which is great for families.”
“What are you saying, Lane?”
“I’m saying that you and I are going all the way and I don’t mean that in a sexual way.” We both laugh and he holds me close.
“Will you race again?” I have to ask, and I know this won’t work if he says yes.
“The way I figure it, I need to give the other guys a chance for once.” He smiles and pauses for a moment, then continues. “So no, I’ve had my last race. I’ll miss it, but I’ll be so busy making you happy and loving you that I won’t have much time for anything else.”
Wanting this perfect moment to last, I grip his arms tightly around me and feel his warmth encapsulate my body. We can both feel it now. Everything is going to be all right. Love isn’t perfect. Neither are relationships. That’s what makes us all human. We grow, we learn from one another, and we make each other better.
Lane and I had reached a crossroads, and fortunately we chose the same path. We chose each other and love will guide us always.
Chapter 61
CELIA
3 MONTHS LATER
Lane and I walk arm and arm out onto the bluff overlooking the ocean. We had kayaked here a lifetime ago, two young people falling in love. And now we stand, two hearts as one, maturing in love every day. We are happiness defined.
We make our way through the throng of friendly faces. There are the people I worked with at Acadia, Tracy and Tom, Amanda, my mom and even Sid. He needs to see this more than anyone. My happiness is his happiness and without one, there can’t be the other. Seeing me marry will heal him. Not fully, but it will help him move in the right direction.
Lane’s father is noticeably absent, but that was to be expected. He is a bitter man with an absent heart and he had not grown at all. Not like Lane. Lane’s mother Louise is here and she is all smiles at seeing her only child finally find happiness. Tracy smiles and lightly grabs my hand and squeezes as we walk past. We greet the old couple from Mama Brava’s as they hold hands together, still madly in love. I am glowing from the inside out and the warmth deep inside me is more than I have felt in a long time. More than I had felt ever.
Lane looks extremely handsome with his hair slicked back, a days’ worth of stubble, a white linen shirt pushed up to his elbows and brown khakis rolled up to reveal his bare feet. My simple white flowing dress make me feel like nature’s princess and my auburn hair flows wild and free in the early autumn ocean breezes.
We are both deeply tanned from our time spent outside together. With the sale of his Alfa Romeo, some personal belongings, bonds left to him in his grandfather’s will, and with a little money we had managed to scrape up, we started something that made the most of both of our passions.
With the purchase of sixty acres of land just outside of Portland, we had started the Twin Oaks Youth Retreat for Disadvantaged Children. Through interactions with horses including riding, jumping, and grooming, kids throughout the area had a place to go to get away from their city surroundings. To heal and grow in nature. Adding horses to the mix was financially, the key ingredient that was missing when Lane was running the center on his own. The number of grants available for programs placing children with animals is tenfold over what Lane had access to beforehand. It’s a financially viable business now and we’ve secured enough money to run the center for the next ten years.
It’s the best of both of our worlds, really. Lane has become quite good on the back of a horse in a short period of time. Of course, he likes to ride fast. I’m not going to change that in him, nor do I try. The changes Lane made in his life were ones he wanted to change, not ones that I prompted him to make.
In a way, I think we both felt we were robbed of our innocence too young. We were both forced to grow up and face adult-level problems long before we were ready. By running the youth retreat, we were doing for kids what no one had done for us. We couldn’t protect them from everything. No one can. But we can make their lives better, help them build their confidence and show them there is plenty of light in this world if you look in the right places.
Lane and I are making a difference in this world and we are doing it together. We could never have reached these levels of healing, love, and life purpose without each other. That’s what love between two people does. It changes them both for the better. Our undying love for one another is proof positive that two people can heal their past, and help each other through the most challenging of life circumstances. We are both better people now.
Lane puts his hand gently in the naked small of my back and this slight touch reminds me of how much I want him. No, need him.
He leads me through the grove of pines and to the edge of the bluff. Tracy led a group of people to decorate the area with wild lavender flowers in oversized pots. Sid had hand-built a stunning wooden cupola that is hand-wrapped with wild vines and flowers. We stand in front of the small crowd and hold hands in preparation for the words that will deliver us completely into a life of love and commitment.
Of course, Lane had told me about the sudden appearance of the bald eagle just prior to the big decision regarding his father. It was my animal totem bringing Lane a sign of my presence, and reminding him of our deep connection to one another. Lane is convinced we share the same totem now, and feels aligned with me in our life's purpose. The third-generation Native American priestess who will marry us reads the words we prepared.
When a Bald Eagle reveals itself to you, it’s a symbol to be courageous. It’s a sign to be more than you ever thought you were capable of being. One must be patient with the present but hopeful for things to come. You might not be able to yet see how your life will change, but it will and for the better. The eagle spirit beckons you to fly higher than you ever thought possible as no bird flies higher than the eagle.
The eagle is the sign of renewed life, as it represents the eastern winds, and the rebirth of life. The eagle teache
s us to look from where it sees. This signifies the courage to reach heights that may seem daunting or untested. One must take full control in life and prepare oneself for a higher destiny. Eagle people are visionaries. They see things others don’t, and are willing to push the limits of self-discovery to the greatest heights possible.
Lane holds my hand throughout the ceremony and squeezes it gently at times to signify the parts that mean something extra special to him or for us. The eagle appeared to us when we first professed our love for one another on this very site, and again to Lane at a critical crossroads in his life.
The eagle led him back to me.
When our lips meet for the first time as man and wife, I feel something different that I have never felt before. I’ve found my ideal mate and know that nothing will separate us from the love of each other’s embrace.
My life experiences have shaped my destiny in so many ways, and brought me here today to marry my soul mate. To marry my Lane.
Chapter 62
CELIA
Lane rented us a yurt on the edge of the bay fashioned with a king-size bed, a small kitchen, a seating area and a bathroom and shower. He calls it The Love Shack.
It’s slightly protected above by overhanging tree branches. Our horses, Belle and Lucky, who we rode down to this spot, softly neigh from time to time to remind us of their presence.
We both lay naked, propped up on our elbows and facing each other, then enjoying our view through the clear glass doors that look out over a bay leading to the Atlantic Ocean. Married on the full moon, the energy of the universe is strong with us.
I break the silence with, “I want to make a baby with you, Lane Astor.” He chuckles and smiles.
“Well, Mrs. Astor, that’s very forward of you.”
“I have it from a good source that you would want the same.” Searching his eyes, and attempting to read him, he speaks next.
“What source would that be?”
With the sexiest smile I can muster, I confess, “My intuition.”
“I would love nothing more than to make a baby with you, Mrs. Astor. My lust for you is barely within my control. You may get your wish sooner than you think.”
Lane reaches over to caress my face with the back of his hand as he kisses me long and deep. It’s galvanizing. For the first time in my life, sex isn’t just for pleasure and deep connection. It’s about those things and so much more. This is about creating a new life cradled in our love.
His lively erection becomes readily apparent as his enormous, beautiful cock beats against my inner thigh. His blood rushes to engorge it. The build-up is driving me totally wild as our passions rise more with every touch.
I can feel the familiar wetness down in my center, waiting in eager anticipation of what is about to come. His large hands, calloused with the work of a man who is becoming accustomed to a life in the outdoors caresses my shoulders, then moves ever closer to my rock-hard nipples.
Grabbing hold of his cock, I rub my thumb over the tip while simultaneously stroking the shaft. He moans in pleasure and his breathing quickens. His free hand is working its way toward my pussy, and I can feel my lips open slightly to receive his affections.
Lane embeds one finger, then two, deep inside my heat as he probes around for the secret spots that will arouse my ire. I am so wet, as he eagerly darts in and out with hardly any friction at all. Throbbing now in the depths of me, I want his cock like most people yearn for breath.
I need it to feel alive. With my most seductive voice, I plead, “Will you kindly fuck me now, husband?”
He laughs and I chuckle to myself as the urgency of my words occurs to me.
“I think I will, wife.”
As he inserts his steel-hard throbbing cock into me, starting with just the tip then pulling out to tease me, I gasp out loud. I have never felt him flesh-on-flesh and it feels so good. My body rises to meet him and yet he teases me by giving me just the tip again, then pulling out before I can feel all of him.
“Will you fuck me, please?” My mind goes back to Lane tied up on my kitchen stool and the teasing I put him through. With that, I push him in the shoulders with all the strength I can call upon, and am surprised when his hulking upper body gives way. He is on his back now and says, “I guess you want to take control now?”
“I do.” Before he can respond, I mount him, my hands on his chest now, riding him back and forth for all I am worth. I can feel his swollen cock rubbing inside me as my energy levels find a new source.
One of his thumbs is rubbing the top of my clit as I slide back and forth over his hips. Lane is thrusting up now, and that slight difference is driving me insane with pleasure. His other hand goes to my right breast, where he rubs my rigid nipple hard between his fingers in concert to my movements.
As his hips piston faster and harder, I feel like I am riding a bucking bronco. It's difficult enough to stay on top as I squeeze my inner thighs against his outer thighs.
I am vocal now, and since no one is within ten miles of us, the sounds we make are loud and primitive. The horses stir a bit, probably worried about an unseen predator that is really Lane and I fucking like wild animals.
My head is swinging back and forth, my hair going every which way. The cool ocean breezes are welcome on my sweaty back as I lean back and grab near his knees. This angle makes the connection between us so intense, I think I will come any second. He is getting close, too, as I’ve learned to read him.
I lower my face to his and kiss him passionately as I rub his cock inside me at the lowest angle. We’re grinding now and the temperature is rising. Rock-hard now, my nipples swing slightly against his chest and that soft friction does a lot to advance me closer to orgasm. Suddenly, two or three orgasmic waves shoot through me forcing me to lose all control of my body.
I kiss him deeply as his mouth muffles my screams of pleasure. His breathing is so rapid I know he is close to bursting. Lane arches his hips up fully, and I can swear his cock has never been deeper inside me as he ejaculates hearty amounts of his seed into me. He almost bites my tongue as his teeth clench in cosmic pleasure.
I clamp my pussy muscles down on his cock to squeeze out every last bit as wave after wave comes and his member softens slightly inside me. We lay that way for a while. I want every bit of his seed inside me doing their work.
Now we are truly husband and wife, our marriage consummated through our connections － spiritual, emotional and physical － all wrapped into one in a highly-charged experience.
It’s a few minutes before either of us can speak and it is me who breaks the silence. Lane is on his side, facing me now as I shift to meet his eyes. “I was an incomplete woman before I met you. Flawed and incomplete. You have made me a better person, heart and soul, and I will always be grateful for you, for every moment in life that I am gifted with. I love you with all my heart, Lane.”
He echoes my sentiments in his own words as we smile, feeling perfectly satisfied. As we lay there in each other’s arms, our minds and souls as one, I know that everything will always be all right from now on.
There will be challenges and there will be triumphs, but with Lane by my side, I will embrace it all.
Epilogue
CELIA
13 MONTHS LATER
We pass the familiar sign to the Twin Oaks Youth Retreat for Disadvantaged Children showing children and horses together in white on a dark green background. Lane and I have a special passenger with us who will be visiting for the first time. I’d never seen Lane drive as carefully as he does now. His fast-driving days in search of escape or victory are long in the past. We roll to a stop and exit the Jeep Grand Cherokee.
I immediately go to the rear passenger side and carefully open the door. Eliza Jessica Astor coos at me softly and waves her arms she can’t yet fully control. Just over four months old now, her clear emerald eyes sparkle brightly in the early morning sunlight. She flashes a brief smile, then closes her eyes to
protect them from the light. Lane is standing next to me, and helps me get her into the baby carrier I am fastening around my shoulders and chest. She is a part of this now, and it’s important that she be exposed to what her parents have built.
As we enter, the center is already alive with activity. The recreation room is filled with young smiling faces ranging from five to eighteen years old representing both genders. Their faces light up in anticipation of seeing Eliza. They laugh and smile at her, trying to make her return their expressions of joy. She is still tired and in need of a nap, and after she fusses a bit, I promise they can see her later.
Amanda and I, now good friends, embrace as she kisses Eliza on top of her mostly bald head that is sprouting a few tiny red hairs. Yes, she is momma’s girl and Lane may have to wait until number two to get a daughter or son who shares his features.
Tyrelle stands to the side grinning and waits patiently for Amanda to go back to her work. “Hi, Celia! Man, your girl sure is beautiful. Luckily she looks like you.” Lane grabs him in a fake headlock and messes up his hair a little bit. They are both laughing and I am so proud of my husband. The center was his baby when I met him. Lane’s vision for a place where kids can get support and feel safe was a testament to what has always been in his heart.
Many of these kids are fatherless, either being abandoned at birth, or somewhere along the way. Lane is their father figure now in the truest sense of the word. He gives them advice, guides them, and I have even heard a rumor about Lane defending Tyrelle against an abusive father.
And now, he is a father to our daughter and I couldn’t ask for a better partner. He knows what good parenting looks like instinctively, and even though he had a bad example himself, he remembers what he liked and disliked and has adjusted to fatherhood.