Choices of the Heart

by Daniels, Julia

  “I don’t either, Chloe Anne.” Reese turned toward her. “Daisy and Ronnie chose us. They trusted you and me with their son. Leaving me the land is one thing. They want us to raise their son. I can’t believe you would just walk away from Bobby, too.”

  “As in, I walked away from you?” Chloe turned to him, arms folded across her chest, ready for battle. “And now you think I am leaving Bobby?”

  “Sure appears that way. It seems you think a lot about yourself and not much about anyone else. Maybe it’s part of the flapper life you lead or just your immature selfishness. But whatever it is, your sister and my brother thought we—you and me”—he pointed to her and back to himself—“not me and Isabelle—were the best choice to raise their son.”

  “I am thinking about Bobby. I don’t think I would be a very good mother,” Chloe sputtered, trying to put together a coherent argument.

  “I don’t think that’s it a’tall. I think you are in love with Lincoln and the fast, free life you have there. Maybe you got men there that you’re stringing along, too. But you know what? You’re twenty-two, girl, and it’s about time you grew up and did something for someone else. Put our nephew’s needs first, ahead of your own.”

  He stood and stalked off the porch, but Chloe wouldn’t let him get away so fast.

  “That’s a load of hogwash, Reese Lloyd.” She grabbed his shoulder and turned him toward her. “I help people every day. That’s my job, healing people in need, caring for their ailments.”

  “You do it because you like it.” He crossed his arms at his chest and glared down at her. “You do it because it makes you happy.” His cheeks flushed.

  “Well, of course I like it. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t. Why do you farm?” She poked him in the chest. “Because you enjoy it.” She crossed her arms, matching his pose.

  After a deep breath, she decided it was time for another tactic. “I suggested Isabelle for your benefit and for Bobby. She lives here, and it looks like she cares about you. Surely she’d make a fine mother for Bobby.” The lump in her throat blocked the rest of what she was about to say—and a wife for you. She looked away, watched the horse she’d rode last night come near the fence, waiting for a handout. “You don’t want to marry me, Reese. You’ve begun something with Isabelle.”

  “You never asked me to come to Lincoln with you.”

  “What?” Where did that shift in conversation come from?

  “When you left here.” He shrugged. “When you left me after we made love in my bed—our bed—in the room you furnished and decorated for our life together. You never once asked me to come with you.”

  Did he realize what he was saying?

  “You would have come?” Chloe shook her head in shock. It hadn’t occurred to her that he would consider leaving the farm for her. He was right; she’d never even considered it!

  “I made good grades in school. I could have gone to the University of Nebraska while you studied nursing. Hell, maybe I could have got a veterinary degree.”

  “I never thought—”

  “You never asked, did you?” he snapped. “You didn’t think of anyone except yourself. You wanted to leave. You wanted to be a nurse. You never even considered what I might want. You never gave me the chance to make a choice. But maybe that was part of it, too. You figured you could do better than some poor sap farm boy.”

  Incredible. All this time, and she hadn’t had a clue he’d felt this way. Her stomach twisted, imagining that maybe they could have gone to Lincoln together. What would life have been like the past two years with him at her side?

  “I need to sit down.” She turned from him and walked slowly back up onto the porch, mind whirling with possibilities. When he joined her, she continued.

  “You can’t think I went looking for men, Reese. It’s simply not true. But you are right about one thing. I didn’t ever even consider you would leave the farm and come with me.” She swallowed back the bile rising from her stomach. What a huge mistake she had made. “My focus was on leaving my father’s abuse and going to the city to develop myself into something better.”

  “And finding someone new.”

  “Not that, Reese, never that,” she repeated, suppressing the tiny twinge of guilt she felt when she thought of Dr. Tom. But she hadn’t been looking for a man when she’d met Tom, so really she wasn’t lying.

  Rather than sitting, she felt compelled to pace the length of the porch, thinking that somehow, the answer to this problem would fall from the sky. Reese remained silent, no doubt waiting for her to speak, but she needed to sort out the jumbled thoughts in her head.

  What did she want this time? It would take more than a few minutes to decide, but she saw Isabelle as an easy answer, if only he could see it too. Maybe she was selfish. To step back into a community that ignored her abuse for so many years, back to a place where her father could disgrace her as he pleased, whenever the mood stirred him, was ridiculous.

  But… What if…?

  “So move to Lincoln with me.” She stopped pacing and paused right in front of his chair. “Right now. You, Bobby and me. There are plenty of opportunities for hardworking men there. You could still go to veterinary school. There is plenty of money for that, and I can nurse, and we’ll raise Bobby as a family.”

  That was as far as she would go. She wouldn’t admit how excited she was about the idea. If she did, and he said no, it would just hurt more.

  “I’m too old to go to school now.”

  “Twenty-six is hardly too old, Reese,” she argued.

  He waited a beat before coming up with another excuse. “My father can’t farm all this himself,” he answered. “We’ve grown too much over the past few years.”

  “He can hire someone,” she said. “Then when you finish up school, we’ll come back. By then, hopefully my father will be in hell where he belongs, and you can do both. Farming and animal doctoring.”

  “Chloe, the farm is in my blood.” He shook his head. “I can’t leave it.”

  “And you wouldn’t have gone two years ago, either.” So, she hadn’t been wrong about what his answer would have been years earlier. He wouldn’t have left then. Disappointed, she continued, “And I can’t come back here. I won’t come back here.” She sat again and crossed her legs. “Not with my father. Not with the attitudes of the people in this town.”

  “I think you underestimate the people here. They’re honest, hardworking…”

  “Old-fashioned, judgmental, critical, hurtful gossipmongers, you mean.”

  “That’s not how I see them.” He rocked some more as he lit another cigarette. “I’m sorry you feel that way. ’Course, maybe that is how you look at me, too.”

  That caught her by surprise. Did she see him that way? He didn’t look like a hayseed. His clothing was stylish, as up-to-date as anything she’d ever seen worn by a man in the city. He had plenty of recent books lying around in piles, magazines beyond Farmer’s Almanac and seed catalogs. His house needed work but nothing a woman’s hand couldn’t cure.

  “No, that’s not true.” Chloe rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath and sighed. “I didn’t mean to offend you.” She opened her eyes and focused on him. “It’s just—”

  “What? You’re better than the folks here? Because you left Broken Bow? Suddenly, living in the city makes you all swanky and worldly?”

  “I’m leaving.” She stood abruptly and about knocked over the chair. “We’re talking in circles, and frankly, your opinion of me is offensive.” She stepped off the porch and started the short walk to his folks’ place.

  “You’re the one who called us backward. We aren’t all a bunch of bumpkins,” he called to her.

  She kept her back ramrod straight as she walked away. It hurt, what he said. It wasn’t terribly far from the truth, however. It was what she thought of the people here. So what was worse? Her opinion of them or the fact that her opinion was probably wrong—stereotypical? She’d end up eating her words. A
nd that made her mad.

  Was she selfish?

  Why the hell had she worn the fancy heeled shoes to Reese’s today? She hadn’t anticipated walking the quarter-mile to the Lloyd’s, but here she was. If Reese was a gentleman, he’d come behind her, pick her up and take her to his folks. But he was fit to be tied. And who could blame him? She’d criticized him in his own house.

  She gave of her heart every day at the hospital. Wasn’t she right to look out for herself? It wasn’t as if she ever had anyone else to look out for her. Her father beat her, her mother allowed it to happen—not that she could have stopped him, even if she’d tried—and then was beaten to death herself. And Daisy got out as soon as she could, running off with Ronnie.

  Chloe stopped walking and pulled a hanky from her wristlet to wipe her brow. It was hot, and she was stupid.

  Reese had always been there to look out for her. From when they were both little, he’d been her shadow, watching over her, caring for and about her.

  What a Dumb Dora she was!

  Isabelle’s face appeared in her mind. Did Chloe want her raising Bobby? Reese was right. Daisy chose Chloe and Reese to do the job, and that’s what she would do.

  For Chloe, it was no great hardship to see herself married to Reese. He was still a dreamboat in her eyes. Handsome, smart, funny, everything she could want. The men in Lincoln had paled in comparison. She’d thought her memory of him had placed him on a false pedestal, but now she knew that it was fact.

  How in Heaven’s name would they work this out? It didn’t seem like there was a viable compromise. He wouldn’t give in, and how could she? Poor Bobby would get caught right in the middle.

  She still loved Reese. It was obvious the more time she spent with him. Her feelings were still as strong, despite the years spent apart. They might have changed but not so much that they were no longer compatible. Did he still care for her? Was that why he suggested marriage, or was it only for Bobby’s benefit?

  She stopped walking and eased her feet from the impractical shoes. Better to walk barefoot on the grass next to the gravel road. It reminded her of the days when she would walk between her home and Reese’s parents’, barefoot, without a hat, sometimes even in dungarees.

  He was still attracted to her. She’d missed his lips, the tender way he held her head in his hands while they touched. It still felt so right. But to move back here, give up the life she’d chosen, was inconceivable. Her father was obviously still abusive, and being Reese’s wife wouldn’t change that any. He couldn’t always be there to defend her. But what choice did she have? Bobby needed her, and quite possibly she needed him, too. And Reese. She needed him, too.

  The far building on the Lloyds’ place came into view as she reached the top of the hill. She would be relieved to have a cool glass of lemonade when she reached her destination.

  The clothes she wore now were heavier, older than the ones she had in Lincoln. She’d toned down her look for her stay here. No reason to shock the people of Broken Bow. Most had probably seen the pictures of girls in scandalous flapper attire but she didn’t want to be seen that way.

  One of the farm mutts came running up to her as she neared the house. She patted his mottled brown head before he went running away. She could see Bobby waiting in the distance on the porch. She stopped and considered for a moment. What, truly, would be best for Bobby?

  Dottie Lloyd would do better than Chloe, for sure. She’d raised two boys, knew what little boys need to grow into men. But she and her husband were getting up in years, and keeping up with the small boy would be a struggle.

  Isabelle and Reese were the other option. Isabelle would be a fine mother, a good housekeeper, far more organized than Chloe would ever be. There was her blind mother to consider, plus the image of Isabelle in bed with Reese made Chloe physically ill.

  When Bobby spotted her, he jumped from the porch and ran full speed toward her. It wasn’t about Chloe’s wants anymore. It was about Bobby’s future.

  Dropping her fancy shoes, she grabbed the boy and swung him up into her arms. He giggled as she spun around in a circle. When she was thoroughly dizzy, she set him down with a laugh and fell to the ground. He lay on top of her, no doubt thinking they were playing a wrestling game.

  “So, Bobby, do you want me for a mommy?”

  Chapter Nine

  “Reese, you must think of the boy,” Isabelle told him.

  He was more tired than he’d been in some time. Chloe was making his head spin, and now the surprise visit from Isabelle caught him further off guard, making him irritable.

  “I reckon my folks would be the best choice to raise him. They already raised two sons. They know what it takes.”

  “You could learn,” she insisted.

  He should be agreeing with her, should make the decision right here and now to offer Isabelle marriage. Hadn’t Chloe suggested that? Was that before or after she told him to come to Lincoln with her?

  His body tensed as Isabelle walked closer to him. He’d welcomed her attentions for months, nearly a year. They’d known each other for a long time, but when her father passed away, Reese thought it was a good time to court her. There were not all that many available women in Broken Bow, and none had managed to attract his attention.

  With Chloe back, things between he and Isabelle felt uncomfortable. Nothing had changed though, not really. He and Isabelle were still an item. Chloe had just altered things. Again.

  Isabelle wrapped an arm around his waist and followed his gaze off the porch. He struggled to stay there, felt trapped, like a fish on a hook. He begged his body to relax, to accept her presence. But he couldn’t. He moved away to the rocker.

  “What is it?” Isabelle followed him, sat in the matching rocker a few feet away.

  “Nothing.” He shook his head and looked away.

  “Aw, come on now.” She chuckled. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

  How could he tell her without hurting her feelings? It was damn hard letting Chloe control his life again. He’d left it up to her to decide what direction the whole family would go. Being with Isabelle, he felt he was being unfaithful to Chloe. How crazy was that? Isabelle was his girl now, even if it didn’t feel quite right anymore.

  “Reese, you’re a million miles away.”

  He didn’t deserve her gentle voice and concern. Not when he was thinking about Chloe. He stood again and walked to the rail. It was as if his body couldn’t be still. As if his nerves were energized and couldn’t shut off.

  “Reese, talk to me, please.”

  He heard her get up and soon her arms were around his waist, her hands resting just above the fly of his Levis. Isabelle loved him. Although she never said the words, they were always there, hanging invisible in the air between them. Why couldn’t it be easy? Why couldn’t he feel the same for her?

  He turned and pulled her into his arms. She was pretty, smelled so nice. If only she were the one for him. If only he hadn’t lost his heart years earlier. If only Chloe hadn’t come back and reminded him what it was like to be loved by her, touched by her.

  He pulled Isabelle closer and kissed her. Softly at first, he gradually deepened the kiss. A soft moan escaped her lips, and he joined his tongue with hers. He’d never done that to her before, but he was trying as hard as he could to feel something for Isabelle. He needed some reaction, any kind of spark to know that it would be okay if he married her. That his heart could feel something for her.

  She pulled away, breathless, cheeks flushed. “Are you kissing me, Reese, or putting on a free show?”

  “What?”

  He looked over his shoulder where Isabelle pointed out over the barnyard. Chloe was walking away, back toward his folks’ house.

  “Damn.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know she was there, Isabelle.”

  “I think she is your problem.”

  He’d never heard her voice sound quite that harsh before. “You’re right.” He pulled away and yanked a cigarett
e from his shirt pocket. After a long drag, when he could no longer see Chloe’s back through the tree line, he turned back to Isabelle. “She is a problem.” In more ways than one.

  “When is she leaving?” With dainty grace, she crossed her legs and set the chair in motion. “Surely all the paperwork has been taken care of.”

  “Jed’s new partner is drawing up papers that she has to sign. Papers that I have to take to the bank when I go to Chicago.” He blew out a stream of smoke. Why had Chloe come here? What did she want?

  “I’d like to go with you, Reese.”

  “What?” He turned, lost in wonder about Chloe.

  “To Chicago. I’d like to go along with you.”

  Oh, yes. That was what he’d mentioned. “That wouldn’t be proper, Isabelle.” He shook his head for more emphasis. “An unmarried couple shouldn’t travel together. There would be talk.”

  “Well, how about we change that?” She turned him to face her. “You need someone to help you with Bobby. You know Chloe wants nothing to do with Broken Bow. You can tell just by how she looks down her nose at everything here,” she sneered. “Your folks are too old to raise your nephew. We get along so well, Reese, enjoy our time together. Mother will be no bother. I’ll see to all her needs myself and still be able to care for both you and Bobby.”

  He frowned. That image was not at all what he wanted in his head.

  She shook his shoulder, a look of desperation in her eyes. “Surely this will be the answer.”

  Well, I’ll be damned, Reese thought, she just asked me to marry her!

  “There’s more to marriage than that, Isabelle.” Just as well say the word. They both knew what she was suggesting.

  She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up into his eyes, a flirtatious angle to her face. “There is more to our courtship than that, isn’t there? Don’t you feel some fondness toward me? I certainly do toward you.”