Follow The Wind

by Janelle Taylor

  “Sorry again, Navarro. Let’s finish eating and turn in. I’m tired and tomorrow’s a long day.”

  “As you said, how do you know what tomorrow will bring?” he quipped.

  “Some things in life are for certain.”

  He shrugged. “You’re right, unless you die first.”

  “Dead or alive, tomorrow will still come.”

  Jessie did her chores when she finished eating. Afterward, she washed her face and arms and tired feet in the river. She brushed her hair, which had remained loose, and braided it. Navarro was lying on his bedroll with his hat over his eyes, so she claimed hers.

  “Good night, Jessie,” he said without moving or lifting his hat.

  “Good night, Navarro,” she responded, then shifted to her side so she wouldn’t be facing him, wouldn’t be tempted to stare at him. She mused in slight annoyance; for someone who didn’t like talking and prying, he certainly did his share when it came to her. Some things in life are for certain, unless you die first, echoed through her mind. For certain, Navarro teased her heart with crazy feelings. For certain, she didn’t want to halt those budding emotions. For certain, despite his warning, she would entice him to stay. For certain, she didn’t want to die before experiencing the passions he flamed within her.

  They followed their same pattern on the trail: Navarro rode in the lead and was silent again today. He said his head was fine, and removed his bandage during their midday break. Since his dark hair concealed the wound, she took his word and didn’t insist on checking it. He liked the sorrel, and from the way it nuzzled his hands during stops, the animal took to him. Navarro stayed on alert, and Jessie was glad he was so skilled and cautious.

  But each time they halted, he seemed more and more restless. He walked around and tried to avoid her gaze. They reached the end of the river before sunset. Navarro suggested they follow one of the side creeks before camping, since anyone coming from the other direction would be eager to halt at the river nearest the road. It was still early, so Navarro took his rifle and went hunting for fresh meat.

  “I’ll be gone a while, Jessie, if you want to take advantage of the water.”

  Jessie hadn’t had a thorough bath since Monday night while Navarro was unconscious, and today was Thursday. After she hurriedly collected firewood, she gathered her clothes and looked for a private spot. Navarro had been a gentleman so far, so she trusted him not to spy on her during such a private moment. She stripped off her garments and entered the shallow water. It was chilly, and she shivered. She bathed with speed, dried off, and dressed. She freed the braid and brushed her hair, allowing it to remain unbound. The shorter pieces—cut for her disguise—she fluffed around her face, and they curled fetchingly.

  Awaiting Navarro’s return, she mixed bread to fry and put coffee on to perk. When he did appear, he was carrying a skinned rabbit in his right hand and his rifle in his left. He came to a stop when she looked up at him from her chore. He stared, then shook his head. As if suddenly reluctant to approach her, he did so slowly. He held out the rabbit, and she took it.

  “Thanks. It’ll be nice not to have salted meat again tonight.”

  As the creature was exchanged, their fingers grazed each other’s.

  “I’ll wash up while he’s cooking,” Navarro said. He moved as if anxious to get out of camp and away from her. He didn’t return until the meal was ready.

  Jessie handed him his plate of meat, bread, and beans. She noticed how he made certain their flesh didn’t make contact. He sat down with his side toward her and began to eat. Was he trying to prevent himself from making advances? Or was he trying to show he wasn’t interested in her as a woman? Or did he fear she wouldn’t be receptive? Maybe she had duped herself into thinking he was just as attracted to her as she was to him. How embarrassing it would be to entice him if he wanted to be left alone!

  The meal ended in strained silence. Jessie did her chores, then after checking Ben, she sat on her bedroll. “What’s wrong, Navarro? You’ve been quiet all day.” Usually he passed the ride in silence, but not all evening in camp.

  His tone was gruff as he replied, “You relax me too much. I say too many things. I get too comfortable around you.”

  Jessie smiled, mostly to herself. “Is that bad?”

  “A man like me can’t stay alive that way.”

  “How will us becoming friends endanger you?”

  “It lowers my guard. You’re a beautiful and tempting woman, Jessica Lane, a damned distracting one. I’ve never known a lady before. I’m not sure how to behave around one. It isn’t good for us to be out here alone.”

  Jessie’s pulse raced. “I haven’t been told that many times. Thank you, Navarro.”

  His surprised gaze shifted to her lovely face. He felt his heartbeat increase and his body tense. “You don’t have a man at the ranch?”

  “No. The hands are like my brothers, and there aren’t many others around.”

  “Are those cowpokes blind or crazy?”

  Jessie laughed to ease the tension within her and between them. “I’ve been raised around them and work every day with them, so they think of me as Papa’s son or their little sister. I’ll be their boss one day: Papa’s leaving me the ranch. Tom can’t run it, and Mary Louise would sell it to escape.”

  “I doubt many of them see you as a sister, Jessie,” he refuted.

  “If they don’t, they keep it to themselves. Maybe they don’t want to offend me since they’ll be working for me one day. We ride herd and fence together, tend sick animals, help with foaling and calving, do roundups and branding side by side. Maybe I work them too hard for them to have time or strength to treat me as a woman. I don’t mind; it gets the job done.”

  “How do they keep their eyes and thoughts off you long enough to work?”

  Jessie glued her gaze to her half-empty plate. “When I’m filthy and dressed like them, they probably don’t remember I’m not a boy. I fooled you and the others in town. I’m not very feminine.”

  “Where did you get that crazy idea?”

  Jessie glanced up. He sounded angry. “The mirror and past experiences.”

  “Both lied to you. You only fooled everyone back there because you’re clever and you wanted to trick them. If you wanted to play the woman, you could do it better than most. You stay Papa’s son because you think it’s expected of you. You have confidence in everything, except what you are and what you want. What you want, Jessie, not your family, not your duty.”

  “My sister is very beautiful and ladylike. Nobody ever forgets she and Gran are women. It’s different with me.”

  “Only because you forget it, too.”

  “It’s hard being a ranch hand and woman at the same time, Navarro.”

  “What’s hard is being a son and a daughter at the same time.”

  “How would you know?” she snapped, irrational anger filling her.

  “By listening to you. Everything has been for your family. You would sacrifice anything for them. What would you sacrifice for yourself?”

  His last question haunted her, as she didn’t know. “I have everything I need, a good home and a wonderful family. They would do the same for me.”

  “Even your sister? Would she die for you, Jessie? Would she do anything to protect your family and home? Would your brother? Your grandmother? Your father? Or would they surrender if the odds became overwhelming?”

  Jessie knew he was serious. She asked herself what the others would do if defeat was imminent, if certain death would result if they didn’t yield. “Mary Louise would surrender, but Papa, Gran, and Tom wouldn’t. Neither would I.”

  “If your father loves you so much, why does he risk your life?”

  “He doesn’t; I do. You sound awfully cynical about home and family.”

  “I don’t have either, so how would I know about them? I’m trying to learn what drives you and them before I get there.”

  “Love, honor, pride, and the hunger for peace, Navarro. Do
you know about them?”

  “Very little.”

  “Perhaps that’s why you can’t understand them.”

  “Perhaps.”

  She put aside her plate. “I’ll teach you, if you’re willing.”

  “Like that wild stallion, I have to be willing to be corraled and tamed?”

  “That isn’t necessary. You can still have those things and be free. Some of the men at the ranch have known hard lives before they came to us. Big John was a slave. Jimmy Joe’s father beat him and worked him like one until he ran away. Miguel is probably still wanted by the law in Mexico; he was framed by a man who wanted his family’s lands. His family was killed. Then Miguel was accused of murdering one of the landgrabber’s men. If he hadn’t escaped, he’d have been hanged. Others have bad pasts, too. We’ve never judged them. The ranch is their home. They’re safe and happy there, and free to leave whenever they wish. Whatever made you so bitter, it will destroy you if you don’t get rid of those feelings. Gran says that having to fight for yourself all the time makes a man cold, hard, and ruthless. Don’t become like that. Find a place where peace lives, Navarro, before it’s too late. If not at the ranch, then somewhere else, and soon.” Her entreating gaze was locked with his tormented one.

  “There is no place like that for me, Jessie.”

  “There could be, if you allowed it.”

  “I can’t allow it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Don’t wait for me to answer, Jessie; I can’t do that, either. Let’s just turn in.”

  “All right, Navarro, we’ll drop the talk. I don’t want you losing your tongue again. More coffee?”

  He extended his cup to her and she refilled it. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” Jessie carried out her chores and claimed her bedroll. “Good night, Navarro.”

  “’Night, Jessie.” He finished his coffee, rinsed the cup, and. lay down.

  The following day they journeyed for monotonous hours over a terrain that grew desolate. The road was dry and dusty, and the countryside was deserted. Winds frequently whipped around them and tugged at their hats and clothes. The mesquites and cactus were abundant. The landscape stretched out for miles around them, offering lengthy visibility. There were no clouds to shade them, but fortunately the day wasn’t terribly hot. They passed buffalo gourds running along the rocky ground and prickly pear growing in clusters. Bunches of grass waved in the breeze. It was quiet, almost deathly quiet.

  Yuccas appeared. Soon, mesas were seen in the distance with their flat tops. Hillocks broke the flatness of the landscape, as did occasional draws and arroyos. A whirlwind played to their right, then another danced to their left.

  At noon, they ate the extra cold bread and meat that Jessie had prepared that morning in camp. They washed it down with tepid water, and didn’t build a fire to perk coffee. They spoke a few words, but hadn’t indulged in a real conversation since rising, even though they were riding side by side on the road.

  Just before reaching Horsehead Crossing, Navarro halted and lifted himself in his saddle. His keen gaze stared at the area beyond them. “Lots of dust. Somebody’s coming. Let’s get out of sight. We don’t want any trouble.” He guided her into a ravine a good distance from the road and dismounted.

  Jessie was surprised and pleased when he assisted her down, as she was a skilled rider. She watched him lead the horses into the deepest section and secure their reins to a scrub. He came back to where she awaited him and scrambled up the bank. He extended his left hand and pulled her up beside him. Their gazes touched for a moment as he steadied her, but they were pressed for time. They took their . places where they could peer over short mesquites, crouching low near the edge until it was time to jump into the ravine to hide.

  “It could be freight wagons, or soldiers, or a band of outlaws on the move,” Navarro deduced. “Too much dust for one or two men. I’m not taking any chances with you.”

  “You think they saw us?”

  “Nope. We were moving too slowly to create any signs at that distance.”

  “Is that why we’ve been traveling at this pace?”

  “Yep. It isn’t too hot for a faster one if we rested and watered the horses, but you can see a long way out here so it’s best to be careful.”

  They watched the dust and movement get closer and closer. Men with extra horses rode steadily in their direction. Sounds of the travelers finally reached their alert ears. The mesquites were shorter in this area and they were a good distance from the road, but Navarro said, “Let’s duck now.”

  He slipped over the rough edge, then helped her down beside him. They lay on their stomachs on the sloping bank. He kept her close, and his arm went over her back in a protective cover. “Don’t talk or move when they reach us,” he whispered. “Sound travels out here.”

  Jessie obeyed his gentle order. As the group neared, he gingerly slid farther down the bank and pulled her along with him. On his back, he pressed her head to his chest, and Jessie allowed the stimulating contact. Navarro remained motionless, and so did Jessie. She felt the strength of his embrace and arms. She felt the warmth of his comforting body. She heard his heart beating at a steady pace. She inhaled his manly odor. She was safe in his arms. She relaxed with her cheek against him and her arm over his stomach. She closed her eyes. He was a splendid and wild dream, and she longed to capture it, to make it real.

  A lengthy time passed, and the group was long gone. Jessie was so calm and relaxed in his arms that Navarro wondered if she had fallen asleep. She felt wonderful cuddled in his embrace, and he hated to end it. During his eight years with his mother’s Apache people, he had seen how important women were to men, though he hadn’t learned that by the way his white father had treated Morning Tears. Although few women were given names or mourned at death, life often centered around them. The most successful man had many wives, and proved his worth by being able to support them. When he failed in a raid, the wives ignored him and taunted him, and he hung his head in shame. He redeemed himself by bringing home many goods and gifts for them. He strutted under their affection and praise, as if the most important thing in life was pleasing them, though it was never said.

  Apache women preferred a man who was a good thief over a brave warrior. They wanted to be the second, third, or fourth wife of such a successful bandit. To be a man’s only wife meant he was poor and there was more work for her to do. Since Apache women could choose their own mates, it was usually a man who already had other wives. They were selfish, greedy creatures who wanted a husband who could give them many trinkets and supplies through deceit or robbery. His bravery was only valued if the white soldiers were attacking. Navarro had never cared for those women. He had supported his mother in the village, but never sought a wife. No doubt none would have tended the horses he staked before her parents’ tepee, the sign she accepted a proposal, because he was only concerned about becoming a good warrior and surviving the white onslaught, not becoming a clever thief.

  Jessica Lane wasn’t like that. She was strong, brave, honest, and hardworking. She admired courage and honor and warrior skills. She would’want to be the one wife and partner of a man, not share him with others to lessen her chores. She didn’t seem to care about trinkets and false faces. She never shamed a man for revealing a moment of weakness, as when he was shot.

  He recalled what she had said about love, pride, and honor. Pride was important to him, but he knew little about love and honor. He had lived a dangerous and destructive life, merely existing for twenty-seven years. He had been broken in prison, but Jessie made him feel strong and unconquerable again. Her attitude made him feel worthwhile. He hadn’t realized he possessed hungers for peace and love or that he needed anybody until he met her. He wanted her, but not just sexually. She touched him, moved him, inspired him to crave a new and different life. Others had made fresh starts at her ranch after bad pasts. Could he? How long would it last before the law swooped down like a vulture and devoured him? How
would Jessie feel if she learned the truth about him, his mixed blood and criminal life?

  Sweat increased over his body, and it wasn’t because of the sun on his front or the warm earth at his back. Shu, she was one irresistible woman!

  Jessie felt the tension enter Navarro’s body. She heard his heartbeat increase. She noticed the change in his breathing. She felt the moisture on his shirt.

  “They’re gone,” he finally said, sensing the danger of lying there longer. Run, Navarro! Get clear of this powerful temptation before you’re trapped.

  Jessie lifted her head, and their gazes locked. He saw and felt her body react the same way his was doing, except her cheeks flushed and her eyes softened and glowed. The desperado wondered if she realized how she was looking at him, how she affected him. He wondered if he was reading her right. If he was mistaken and made a move toward her…

  Chapter Five

  Navarro wanted to kiss her, to hold her forever, to make her his; but such daring behavior could frighten her. He didn’t want that; he wanted more time with Jessica Lane. To have it, he must earn it. If he tried to seduce her, she might think it was an unspoken price for the aid she so desperately needed. If she yielded to him, he didn’t want it to be for that reason. He couldn’t help but think that if she knew the truth about him, she wouldn’t be looking at him with yearning in her blue gaze and she wouldn’t be tempting him to steal the treasures she possessed. He could sate himself if she were another woman, a female for hire, but she wasn’t. Jessie was a woman to love, not use.

  Love? his flustered mind echoed. What did he know of that emotion? Very little. He couldn’t start something, anything, with Jessica Lane because nothing could come of it, except anguish for both of them. Where could it lead? Nowhere. After spending days with her, he couldn’t bring himself to hurt her. If not for his dark past, Navarro admitted with bitterness, he would go after her, wouldn’t he? Yes. The strange answer flooded his mind. Here was a woman who knew how to love, to share, to hold on, to inspire self-worth. But his past did loom over him like dangerous storm clouds about to strike the land below with their cruel violence and undeserved destruction.