“If you don’t lag on your studies.”
He caught her hint. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll do both good. I promise.”
Jessie touseled his auburn hair. “You best start with cleaning those glasses so you can see, young man. They’re covered with dust and greasy fingerprints. I’m taking you with me on my next trip to a large town. We’ll see if we can’t get a better pair. Matt also suggested we talk to a bootmaker to see if he can make boots like those moccasins Navarro made.”
“Real shoes?” he said in excitement.
Jessie wished she hadn’t mentioned her love’s name. “If it’s possible.”
“You think Navarro’s coming back, Jessie?”
As the three of them sat down to eat, Jessie replied, “No, Tom, not ever. I’ll tell you a secret you can’t share with anyone. Anyone, Tom,” she stressed, and saw she had his full attention and her grandmother’s, too, whom she trusted with her life. “Navarro did some bad things when he was younger and got into trouble. The law is after him. That’s why he couldn’t stay long and can’t come back. He doesn’t want to get us into trouble for hiding him and helping him.”
“Navarro wouldn’t do nothing bad, Jessie. The law’s wrong.”
“Yes, it is, Tom, but he can’t prove it.”
“We finally proved Fletcher was bad. Navarro can find a way to clear himself.”
Before taking a bite, Jessie refuted, “It isn’t that simple for him, Tom. He got tangled up with the wrong men. When the law came to arrest the guilty ones, Navarro was with them at their hideout. The others were killed in a shootout, and the evidence of the robbery was there. No one is alive who can clear Navarro of those charges. He was tried and sent to jail. It was awful there, he said. He was beaten and starved. He busted out and was on the run when we met in San Angelo. He needed a place to hide and rest for a while; that’s why he accepted my job offer.”
“It ain’t true, Jessie. He liked us. He helped us,” the boy argued.
“Yes, he did. He does care about us. That’s why he stayed so long. He hated to leave, but he had no choice.”
“We coulda hid him and helped him.”
Jessie put down her fork and explained about Fletcher’s sketch and the detectives. “Don’t you see, Tom? He was in even more danger than before, and so were we if he stayed and they came after him. He didn’t want a shoot-out here.”
“It ain’t fair! He’s my friend. I miss him.”
“Me, too, Tom, but life isn’t always fair.”
“I know that. Look at me,” he scoffed, slapping the leg with its bad foot.
“Don’t get down on yourself again. Navarro liked you. Life hasn’t been fair to him, either, but he’s doing the best he can to survive. He wouldn’t want you to hurt over him. I only wanted you to know why it seemed like he deserted us.”
“It ain’t his fault, Jessie.”
“No, he isn’t to blame, except for making mistakes that entrapped him. Just remember the fine things about him and all the good times you shared. There’s nothing else we can do, Tom. I’m sorry it has to be this way.”
“We can tell ’em how good he is. We haveta do something.”
“If they didn’t believe us, then they’d know where to start looking for him. It could help them track him down. They might think we know where he went. We can’t risk more trouble, Tom. We can’t make things worse for him.”
“You know where he is?”
“No, honestly I don’t.” Jessie returned to her meal and drink.
“When did he tell you all about himself, Jessie?” Gran asked.
“He talked to me before he left, Gran. He wanted me to know why he couldn’t stay. It was very hard for him to confess the truth. When I hired him, I suspected something was wrong, but I didn’t care. We needed him, and I felt I could trust him, and I wasn’t wrong. Navarro isn’t guilty of that gold robbery. They shouldn’t have tortured him. In his place, I would have done anything to escape and to stay free.”
“I figured he was in some kind of trouble, too. A real shame. I liked that boy. I’m sure he’s had a rough life.” Gran passed the biscuits and gravy to Tom. “Eat, you two, before supper gets cold.”
Jessie nibbled on the fried chicken. She cut a piece of biscuit smothered in gravy and put it in her mouth. It was so strange not having her father and sister around…and her lover. As she chewed, she realized that henceforth everything was her responsibility and duty. It was scary. What if another disaster struck? Could she handle it alone? Life was back to hard work with no special love to hold her in strong, passionate arms. Navarro had made her into a woman, and she wanted to remain one. She wanted children, love, a husband; and she wanted them all with the handsome fugitive. But—
For the second time, Gran asked, “Jessie, did you hear me?”
After swallowing the milk in her mouth, the distracted redhead asked, “What?”
She repeated her request. “Tell me about your trip with Matt.”
Jessie smiled and said, “It was fun, Gran. I needed the diversion. I wore my new dress.” And she happily told them all about her journey.
The next morning, Jessie sent the three men and six thousand dollars to San Antonio. She stood at the corral with the foreman and watched them depart.
No mail had arrived from Mary Louise or Navarro Breed.
July Fourth dawned clear and hot. Many of the hands were given the day off to go into town for the celebration. It was to be a big one, as America was one hundred years old. Matt was going in the buckboard and taking Gran and Tom. They all balked when Jessie said she wasn’t accompanying them.
“Please go on,” Jessie told them. “It’s getting late. You want to make town before dusk. I don’t feel well enough to make the trip. Something I ate Sunday didn’t agree with me. Don’t worry; I’m just tired and run down. I just plan to lie around resting and reading. I might even do some sewing; I have a few things that need repairs.”
“Come with us, Jessie. You can lie in the back until we reach town. I’ll bet you’d be better by then. Don’t miss the fun,” her brother urged.
“I felt awful yesterday and last night, Tom. If it didn’t pass by the time we reached town, I’d have a terrible day. I don’t want to take such a long and hot ride to sit in a hotel room being sick. I’d rather suffer here.”
“I’ll stay with you,” her grandmother offered.
“No, Gran. You go and look at the material that came in last week. Tom needs new shirts. He’s growing faster than the yearlings. And we want to make those curtains for the kitchen. We also can use fresh vegetables. Our garden has a ways to go after what Fletcher’s boys did to it. And we’ll need more canning jars soon. Go and shop. Then Matt and Tom can help you with the packages. You need a diversion, too. Please.”
“You’re right, child. We do need some things. Take care of yourself today.”
Jessie kissed her cheek and promised she would.
As the others climbed into the buckboard, Matt approached her and asked, “You sure you’ll be all right here alone? What if somebody comes?”
Jessie grasped his worry about Navarro. “I’ll be fine, Matt. Some of the boys are around. I’d really like to be alone for a while. I need to get some things clear and settled in my head. There have been a lot of changes in my life, too much too fast. I need to think and plan.”
“I see. I’ll take care of Gran and Tom, then. Get rested. I’ll bring you a surprise.”
* * *
Jessie wandered around the house. it was so quiet with her grandmother and brother gone. Her father had been dead for six weeks, and his loss had not become any easier to accept. Navarro had been gone for three weeks, and it seemed forever. She missed them both terribly. She even missed her sister and wondered if the girl was all right. She couldn’t imagine how it would be if anything happened to Gran or to Tom.
She felt lonely and denied. Life could be cruel at times. She wished this house was filled with her own family’s laughter. She wished
a baby were nestled in her arms and her husband at her side. With all hope gone for winning Navarro, what was she supposed to do? His words haunted her: “I won’t be coming back. I’m not the settling-down kind. Be strong and never look back. Don’t ruin the rest of your life because of me.” If he wasn’t to be the man in her life, who was? When? How? Surely God wouldn’t leave her alone, as her father had been after losing her mother. Now she truly knew how lonely and heartsick Jed had been.
But Navarro wasn’t dead. How could she forget him and fall in love with someone else? How could she marry another man and make passionate love to him as she had to the fugitive who had stolen her heart? Yet, since she couldn’t spend her life with him—a reality she had to accept—she must look elsewhere for a loving mate, as Jessica Lane was the settling-down kind. She was in her mid-twenties, and life’s clock wouldn’t halt while she healed a broken heart.
Jessie’s stomach churned. She told herself to worry over this matter later.
Matt, Gran, Tom, and the hands returned the following day. Her brother was elated over the new dog in his arms.
“His name’s Clem, Jessie. Mrs. Mobley was going to live with her sister in North Carolina. She couldn’t take him with her.” Tom laughed and dodged the countless licks that the mongrel tried to put on his freckled face.
Jessie patted the creature’s head and grinned. “He’s sure lively. Hello, Clem.”
The new pet was quick; he lavished moisture on her hand before she could move it. Jessie laughed at the ticklish antics and rubbed the pup’s head. “You’ll like it here, Clem. Lots of room to run around and play with Tom.”
“Can he sleep with me tonight, Jessie? He stayed inside with Mrs. Mobley.”
Jessie studied the energetic brown-and-white dog. She saw how Tom’s eyes gleamed with happiness and new life. “If you give him a good bath first. You don’t want a bed of fleas.”
Tom hurried off with Biscuit Hank to tend to that chore.
Matt helped them carry the packages into the house. While Gran was putting away her things, Jessie looked at the foreman. “Thanks, Matt,” she said.
“You’re welcome, Jessie. I bumped into Mrs. Mobley and mentioned we were looking for a dog. She begged me to take Clem and give him a good home. I didn’t think you’d mind getting a grown dog instead of a puppy.”
“Not at all. Tom loves him already. It’ll be good for him to have a pet to tend. It’ll take his mind off everything that’s happened.”
“How are you?” he inquired, concern evident in his voice.
“Fine today. I needed that time alone. Thanks.”
“You don’t have to thank me for everything I do for you.”
Jessie hugged him and kissed his cheek. “Yes, I do. How else can you know I’m grateful? If I started taking you for granted, you’d look elsewhere for a job.”
“Never.” He playfully yanked on her long braid. “I know how you feel. You have eyes and a smile that do a lot of talking—do it better than most words can.”
“That’s ’cause you’ve been around me so long and know me so well. I’ll have to remember I can’t keep secrets from you,” she jested.
“No need to, Jessie; you can trust me with anything.”
She gazed into his serious eyes and said, “I know, Matt, and thanks.” The moment the word left her lips, they both laughed.
Gran returned and asked, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, Gran,” she said, then winked at the grinning foreman. “How about taking supper with us, Matt? You can all tell me about the doings in town.”
Two days later, the hands were assigned to check the stock for screwworms. Every, summer, their navels, noses, and wounds were examined for the pest that could sicken them. Any found with the larva were treated.
Jessie rode with Matt almost every day for exercise and distraction. She wondered when and if this feeling of emptiness would leave her. She warned herself she must come to terms with the changes she could not control. She knew Matt was doing his best to draw her out of her low mood, and sometimes he did make her laugh and forget for a while. But when she was alone or a certain task or object reminded her of Navarro or her father, it was difficult not to sink into her dark and lonely pit again.
On July fourteenth, the bulls and hands arrived from San Antonio. Everyone gathered around to look the beasts over and to congratulate Jessie for excellent choices. For a time, she was filled with pleasure, pride, and excitement, and she laughed and joked with the men like she used to.
Later, a letter was delivered from Mary Louise Fletcher in Boston. It briefly related her trip, her new address, and how glorious her life was in “civilization” and luxury. The blonde told them that everything she had dreamed of was coming true for her. An unbidden twinge of envy pinched at Jessie’s nerves.
“Well, at least she’s out of our hair and happy,” Jessie remarked to Gran.
“Or she claims she is. Mary Louise would never tell us if things weren’t working out for her, not after the way that girl fought to get there. It’s been so quiet and peaceful lately. Even with chores, it’s almost lazy living.”
“I guess that’s why I’ve been feeling so sluggish for the past week. We worked hard and long to get rid of Fletcher. We’re back to routine now. Matt’s giving most of the orders and taking the burdens and fears off my back. He almost makes it seem as if the ranch is running itself. The men aren’t having any problems or complaints, not even those Bar F boys we took on.”
Gran laughed and teased, “You almost make peace sound boring, Jessie. You need to get some excitement and happiness back inside you, child.”
“That’s easy to say, Gran, but so hard to do. Sometimes I feel so lonely, and edgy and listless. Everything is work, or planning future work. I want to have some fun, like Mary Louise. Not the kind she’s having, but…”
“Why don’t you have a party? That’ll liven up this place.”
Jessie sank into a chair and exhaled as if exhausted. “It’s too soon after Papa’s death, Gran. It wouldn’t be respectful. Besides, I want people to take me seriously. I have to prove I can run this ranch.”
Martha walked to her side and stroked Jessie’s hair with a wrinkled hand. “You’re not Jed’s son, child. You’re a woman. You have the right to behave and feel like one. Don’t try so hard to prove you’re strong and tough. You are, Jessie, and it will show to others. Just be yourself.”
“I don’t know who or what I am any more, Gran. I was like Papa’s son for years. Just as I was becoming a woman, I had to go back to that role.”
“No, Jessie, you don’t have to.”
“Yes, Gran, I do. If I dress like a fancy woman and behave like Mary Louise does, I’ll have trouble with the seasonal wranglers and with every businessman I deal with. They wouldn’t respect a frilly woman.”
“Most of them know you, child. They like you. They know you helped my son run this ranch. A dress and loose hair won’t change their minds.”
“If you’d been in San Antonio with me and Matt when I wore that new gown and did up my hair, you wouldn’t say that. Those men didn’t see a cattle rancher; they saw a creature to chase and capture. How can I discuss business with a man when he’s eyeing my figure or face? How can I get him in the corral when he’s only wanting to get into my bed? Everything I do right, somebody else gets the credit. It was Papa when he was alive; it’ll be Matt now. I have to show everyone that I’m the Box L Ranch.”
Jessie was still in her strange mood when the next week began and she helped her grandmother with the washing and other household chores. As with each Monday, Jessie’s troubled mind marked how long it had been since the week when Navarro had left: five today. Watching the weeks move by made the redhead realize her life was miserably slipping away with daily routine: dawn’s chores, eat breakfast, chores, eat dinner, chores, eat supper, and sleep.
For months, Navarro had awakened and tantalized her desires, worked by her side, helped her defeat a terrible enemy, a
nd given her hope for love and marriage. Now all of those things were gone forever. She ached for his companionship and touch; she yearned for his smile; she wanted to feel alive again, to taste his lips, to join her pleading body with his to find pleasure and contentment. She craved to share everything with him, but she was fast draining of hope.
For months, she had stayed on alert for danger. She had lived on the edge under Fletcher’s threats of violence and death. Her wits and courage had been tested daily. Now life was back to the routine existence of running a successful ranch. She was glad the perilous trouble was over, but it had cost her the two men she loved most. And with Mathew Cordell in control and with the hands loyal and skilled, she had little out of the ordinary to do.
* * *
Something different came up at the end of the next week. Miguel sent word that most of Fletcher’s garden was ready to be picked and canned. Early Thursday, Matt helped the two women load their things, and he drove them there.
As Jessie had ordered, the house was opened so fresh air could battle the late July heat. Wood was ready for use, and plenty of water was available. Jessie and Gran set up their supplies in the kitchen, and both admired the display.
Soon, men were bringing them baskets of corn, beans, tomatoes, okra, potatoes, and other vegetables to wash, pick, and prepare for canning. Others were outside helping with shelling and shucking, as they needed extra hands during the busy and fatiguing chore. All licked their lips in anticipation of the vegetables and soups they would enjoy this winter.
Matt entered the kitchen as Jessie finished stirring the huge pot of vegetable soup and began rubbing the muscles of her lower back. “You made Gran take a nap and the boys take a rest,” he said. “Why don’t you stop for a while, too? You look tired, Jessie.”
“I have to get this work done, Matt. I don’t want Granoverdoing.”
“You can’t overdo, either, Jessie. If you keep pushing yourself like this, you’ll collapse. You have plenty of help, and it doesn’t all have to be finished today, or even tomorrow. Turn around and let me work your back.” Matt’s hands urged her around and he massaged the muscles near her waist. His fingers curled against her sides while his thumbs pressed and stroked the taut flesh beneath them. “You’re tighter than strung barbwire, Jessie. Relax. Let me ease the pain.”
Follow The Wind Page 38