Follow The Wind

by Janelle Taylor

  “You’re such a rare and wonderful man. Are you sure this is what you want, Matt? Don’t get drowned trying to save a sinking person.”

  Matt clasped her face between his hands again. “I love you, woman. This is all I want and need.”

  “What would I do without you?” she murmured.

  “That’s what I’m saying. I’ll be good to you, Jessie.”

  “I know you will.” She was about to hug and kiss him when he spoke again.

  “I do have to ask one question, Jessie. What happens to us if Navarro returns?”

  “He won’t. But if he did, it wouldn’t change anything. I swear it. The baby will be born and raised as yours with your name.”

  “What if you don’t come to love me, and he wants you and the child back?”

  “We’ll be a family until death, Matt; I promise. Navarro couldn’t stay here, and we couldn’t go on the run with him. Our fates are cast. Until death do us part; you have my word of honor. I also promise to try to forget him and the past as quickly as possible, and to try to love you like you love me.”

  “I know you’re scared and hurting, Jessie. But you’re a Lane. Be strong and brave in the coming months. You can hide the pain until it’s gone.”

  “With you there beside me, Matt, I’m sure I can. Thanks.” Matt grinned. “This time I’m thanking you, Jessie.”

  Matt rode in with the preacher late Tuesday afternoon. Jessie and Gran had been working hard on preparations, and all was perfect when they arrived. The boys and Tom had collected wildflowers that were placed around the parlor. Food was ready for the party afterward.

  Jessie was nervous. Her morning sickness had passed earlier, and she was relieved. She was wearing a lovely white dress with lace and ruffles. It fit her snugly at the waist and flowed into a full skirt. Her hair was pinned up, then cascaded down her back in ringlets that Gran had helped her make with the metal iron. Despite the hot and dry August heat, her hands were cold and shaking. She fastened her grandmother’s pearls around her neck and settled them over her pounding heart. She knew she was supposed to remain in her room until summoned.

  As she spent the last remaining minutes as a single woman, she tried to keep Navarro Breed off her mind. Once she committed herself to Mathew Cordell, it would be for life. For the first time, Jessie prayed that her lost love would never return. When he left, he had said it was too late for him. If he returned, it would be too late for her, for them.

  Good-bye, my love. I’m doing this for our child. We can’t ever think of ourselves again. For the rest of my life, I’ll owe Matt loyalty for this sacrifice. I love you, Navarro Breed. Wherever you are, be safe and happy.

  Jessie heard the fiddle and harmonica begin the music the boys insisted on playing for the occasion. Her pulse raced with her increased heartbeat. Her mouth went dry. She trembled. It was time to seal her future. At the tapping signal on her door, Jessie opened it and entered the room filled with her family, friends, and future husband. She approached the minister and Matt.

  Matt took her hand in his and squeezed it. Jessie looked at him and saw love and joy written on his face. He had changed into a suit, and looked very handsome. She smiled.

  Matt felt as if his heart would burst from the elation rushing through it. Jessie looked stunning, though her icy, quivering hands revealed her anxiety and her face was a little pale, her cheeks a little rosy. But everyone would think it was merely wedding shakes. He held her hand firmly to give her strength and courage and felt her tighten her fingers around his. He focused his attention on the preacher standing before them.

  Reverend Adams motioned the music to halt. He cleared his throat, glanced at the couple, and looked down at his worn Bible. “Dear friends, we’re gathered in this home to unite this man and woman in the bonds of holy marriage in the sight of God and these witnesses. I shall read from the book of Ruth, chapter one, verses sixteen and seventeen: ’And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee or to return from following after thee; for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me.’ From Ephesians five, verses twenty-two through thirty-three: ’Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husband, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife…”

  Jessie’s thoughts drifted as those serious words sank into her mind. She heard him quote, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” Again, she could not stop her mind from questioning the right or wrong of this marriage. Soon she would be vowing to Matt, before witnesses, and unto God…

  “Mathew Cordell, do you take this woman to be your lawful wife?” Reverend Adams asked. “Will you love her, cherish her, protect her, support her, and guide her in all manners of sickness, health, in riches and in poverty, and amongst any perils unto death parts you as the Holy Scriptures command?”

  Matt did not hesitate. “I do, until death,” he said.

  The minister asked the redhead, “Jessica Lane, do you take this man to be your lawful husband, to love, honor, obey, and cleave only unto him in all manners of good and bad, through health and sickness, for as long as you shall live as so commanded by the Bible?”

  Jessie swallowed hard as those vows shot through her head. The baby. That was all that mattered, giving her child a name and fair chance. “I do, until death.”

  “Is there a ring?” the preacher inquired.

  Gran removed her own wedding ring and handed it to the foreman. They’d decided to borrow hers until Matt could purchase one for Jessie. The redhead looked at the woman and smiled.

  “A ring is a circle with no end, as love and marriage should be. It is the symbol of your vows before God. May your love remain as shiny and precious as this gold. Place the ring on her finger and say after me: With this ring, I thee wed.”

  Matt worked the gold band onto Jessie’s finger and repeated the words.

  “Hold his hand and say after me: I take this ring and thee I wed.”

  Jessie looked into Matt’s eyes and repeated the words.

  “By the authorities given to me by God above and by this state, I pronounce you husband and wife. As Matthew six commands: ‘Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.’ I congratulate you, Mr. and Mrs. Mathew Cordell. Let us pray.”

  All bowed their heads as the minister blessed the couple and their marriage. Afterward, the guests kissed the bride’s cheek, shook the groom’s hand, and gave them both merry advice. Tom hugged his sister and teased her, then talked with Matt. Gran and Jessie embraced for a lengthy time as the older woman whispered words of encouragement and comfort into the redhead’s ear.

  The festivities got underway with plenty of food and drink. Music and dancing started. Everyone was in a good mood.

  Matt danced with his new bride. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he murmured.

  “It was a beautiful ceremony, Matt.”

  “You’re what’s beautiful today, Jessie. It’ll work.”

  “We’ll make it work.” She snuggled close to him as she told herself this was the beginning of her new life. The preacher hadn’t asked if anyone objected to the marriage, and no one had been there to do so. Navarro had left her over two months ago. If he had changed his mind, he would have returned by now. She had to face facts. That part of her life was over; Matt and the baby were her future. She was a wife and, in six and a half months, she would be a mother.

  “You all right, Jessie?” Matt asked, looking down at her.

  “Yes, my husband, I’m fine.”

  “You’ll have to start taking it easier.”

  Jessie laughed. “It’s not an illness, Matt, but I’ll be careful.”

  Carlos, Miguel, Rusty, and Jimmy Joe claimed her hand for dances when the one with Matt ended. Guest
s ate and laughed and had a good time. When the hour grew late, the hands drifted out a few at a time. Finally, only the family and preacher were left inside, and he was to spend the night.

  Gran and Jessie cleared away the food as the men and Tom chatted. Reverend Adams was shown to the room the two sisters had shared. Tom and Gran retired to theirs. Matt followed his lovely bride into Jed’s old room.

  “I was going to use Mary Louise’s room, Jessie, but Preacher Adams has to stay over till morning. You sure you don’t mind sharing with me tonight?”

  “You have to stay with me every night, Matt, or people will wonder about us.”

  “I don’t want you being uncomfortable. Who’ll know if I use your old room?”

  “Tom will be confused. I want him and everyone to believe our marriage is real and the baby is yours. We’ve known each other for years, and you are my husband. Hush now. We’re both exhausted.”

  “I’ll turn around while you change and get into bed.”

  “Always a gentleman,” she teased, but was glad he was as she removed her dress and stood clad only in her chemise. “If I were always a lady, this wouldn’t have happened.”

  Matt turned and scolded, “Don’t ever say that again. Things like this happen, Jessie. Don’t blame yourself.”

  The redhead didn’t try to cover herself, but faced him boldly. “It required two of us, Matt, and we’re both to blame. It was reckless and foolish.”

  Matt went to her, wrapped his arms around her, and urged, “Forget it, love.”

  “I’ll try; honestly I will. I’m just so confused and shaky.”

  Matt’s fingers stroked her bare shoulders. “You’ve been very busy. You need to rest. You aren’t sorry you said yes to me, are you?”

  “No, Matt, I’m not. Just give me time and your patience.’

  “You’ll have them, Jessie,—as much as you need.”

  “I hate treating you this way. This isn’t the wedding night you expected, I’m sure.”

  “What I never expected was to win you, Jessie,” he refuted. “If it took Navarro to do that for me, I’m grateful to him. I only hope you’ll want and need me one day as much as you did him. He came along when you were vulnerable. Now I’m doing the same thing. The difference is, I won you, and I’ll never do anything to make you regret marrying me.”

  “I do love you, Matt.”

  “I know, Jessie. Get to bed.” Matt released her, and turned his back again.

  Jessie looked at her husband. She was glad she had him, and somehow she had to prove it. One day, she would, she vowed. She undressed and slipped on her nightgown. She crawled into bed and pulled the light cover to her neck. “Ready, Matt.”

  The foreman doused the lamps, undressed in the dark, and climbed in beside her. Their arms and legs touched as they settled in place, and Matt hungered to pull her into his embrace. But he must wait until she came to him.

  Jessie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She couldn’t offer herself to her new husband to appease her conscience or to show her gratitude. The minister’s words from the Bible returned to haunt her. It was her wifely duty to submit to him. But not now, not yet, her heart and mind commanded stronger than those vows.

  Soon, despite Matt’s desires and Jessie’s tensions, both were asleep.

  It was hours later when Jessie began to toss and turn. Visions of Navarro in prison flickered through her restless mind. She saw him being beaten, starved, and thrown in that black hole he had told her about. She saw bugs and rats crawling over his flesh. She saw him raging with fever, and no one came to his aid. She saw him laboring under the hot sun and pleading for water. She saw him broken, tormented, alone. She saw him praying for her not to forget him.

  Jessie bolted upright in bed, her body drenched in sweat and her heart pounding. Flashes from the nightmare shot through her head and chilled her.

  “What is it, Jessie?” Matt asked from the shadows.

  “Just a bad dream. It’s so hot.”

  “The windows are open, but no air is stirring. We need a good rain to cool things off. It’s as hot and dry as it was before that last thunderstorm.”

  “I hope we aren’t in for another one. I’m sorry I awoke you.”

  “Lie down and go back to sleep.”

  Jessie was shaking. She didn’t know why, but she had the awful feeling something was wrong, just as she had two days after Navarro left. She worried that he had been captured again. If that were true, he was…dead, hanged for murder. Could that be why he hadn’t returned or sent word? How could she learn the truth? She dared not write the authorities about him. If the worst were true, she couldn’t change it. Wasn’t it better not knowing his fate? Wasn’t it better to think he was safe and happy someplace far away?

  “Matt, will you hold me? I’m so frightened.”

  Matt gladly gathered her into his embrace. “About what, Jessie?”

  “I don’t know. I just have the feeling something terrible is about to happen.”

  “You’re safe with me, love. Relax and close your eyes.”

  Matt stroked her hair until Jessie settled down and was asleep again. It felt wonderful to have her in his reach, touching him. She smelled so fresh and was so soft. He recalled the day in the stagecoach when she had slept in his embrace. She was his wife now, and that thought thrilled him. Some day, she would turn to him, and he would be waiting there to claim her. But first, Navarro’s ghost had to be taken from between them. He didn’t know how to do that yet. All he could do was be close when she needed him.

  When Jessie awoke, Matt was gone. She was relieved she was alone, for she was ill this morning. She jumped from bed, pulled the chamber pot from beneath it, and heaved over the container until her sides and throat hurt. She felt awful: nauseated, tired, achy, and tense. The door opened and her grandmother—neat and smiling—entered the room.

  “I heard you stirring and thought herbal tea might settle your tummy. My ma and grandma used this recipe for years; they passed it along to me. When I was ailing with my boys those first months, it worked on my morning troubles.”

  “Thanks, Gran. I feel terrible. How long does this misery last?” Jessie took the cup, sipped the soothing liquid, praying it would stay inside.

  “Another couple of weeks. Your body’s changing. It’s nature’s way of telling you to go slow and easy for a while.”

  “What would I do without you, Gran? You’re always here when I need help the most. I’ve made so many mistakes, but you kept me from making another one.”

  “About leaving home?” the woman asked as she sat down beside the pale redhead and stroked her tangled hair.

  Jessie was glad she hadn’t said, “about running away.” “I made the right choice, Gran, thanks to your wise advice. Matt’s a wonderful man. I’ll make this marriage work.”

  “What about Navarro, Jessie?”

  “I have to forget him. I’ve settled my life. Navarro will have to do the same. We have to accept it’s over for us.”

  “Is it over for you, child?”

  “Don’t look worried, Gran. It’ll take time, but I have plenty of that. It hurts me and makes me angry that Navarro and I can’t have each other, but I won’t—I can’t—dwell on the past. I can’t become bitter. I have to give Matt the chance he deserves.”

  “That’s a wise attitude, Jessie. You’re a strong and courageous woman. You and Matt are good for each other. You’re more alike than you and Navarro. Friendship and respect are important to a successful marriage. Matt and you have had those for a long time, so love will come if you let it.”

  “Gran, what if I never come to love Matt in that special way?”

  Martha’s gaze was gentle and encouraging. “Only take and give what your heart allows, Jessie. Don’t be false with Matt. He wouldn’t want you to pretend. Even if your love is never a blind, fiery one, you two will share a good life together. Sometimes a quiet and peaceful love is more rewarding than a dangerous and passionate one. Matt and Navarro are
so different; that will help you not confuse them in your heart.”

  “I promise to give it my best, Gran; I owe Matt that much.”

  Jessie stayed in bed until her queasiness eased. She got up, bathed, and dressed. Gran prepared her a light meal so as not to upset her stomach again, which the redhead ate slowly. Afterward, she spent her time moving items to make room for her new husband’s things.

  When Matt returned after his chores, Jessie smiled and greeted him at the door. “If you’ll get your possessions from the bunkhouse, I’ll help you get moved in.”

  “You sure about this setup, Jessie?”

  She laughed and said, “Of course, I am, Mr. Cordell. How can we get to know each other as we should if we live in different rooms?”

  “I’m much obliged, Mrs. Cordell. I know this isn’t easy on you.”

  Jessie looked into his eyes. “You make it easy for me, Matt. I promise to make you the best wife possible. There’s only one difficult area, and we’ll handle that after the baby’s born. Is that all right?”

  Matt looked at her rosy cheeks and bright blue eyes. He grasped her meaning. “I can wait for that day, Jessie. You just worry about staying safe and healthy.”

  Overcome with gratitude for his understanding, Jessie hugged him.

  As Matt held her in his embrace, his spirits soared, knowing she was being honest and fair. “These next months will be busy ones, Jessie. I’m going to town next week to hire trained bronc peelers to get the cavvy broken in. If we’re lucky, I’ll find enough wranglers to hire on for the roundup and cattle drive.”

  “I’ll let you tend to everything. I’m not in shape to help out these days.”

  “I’m not trying to take your or Jed’s place, Jessie. I only want to do anything I can to take the work off you for as long as you need it.”

  “I know, Matt, and I’m grateful. I trust you completely; I always have. Besides, this ranch is ours now. You aren’t the foreman any more; you’re the boss.”