by Shelly Davis
“He came by the house regularly to check on me and to make sure my aunts were leaving me alone. After my parents’ death, the first thing they did was come and sniff around to find out how much my parents left. They wanted the cars and the trophies, my mother’s jewels, and anything else they could sell off for a profit. All I wanted was my parents back.
“One night, I was feeling particularly alone and sullen when Conall came to visit. That was the first night we were together.” She didn’t look at me, not even for a moment. She shook her head as if in disbelief. “I thought it was love. It wasn’t. I was young, stupid, and felt all alone in the world. He made me feel like he cared. Over the next two months, we started an affair. He promised to leave his wife and son, and I believed him. I thought he was going to leave his family and run away with me. I was so stupid,” she sighed.
“You weren’t stupid,” I said, my voice much more forceful than I intended. I was furious, for her. “You were young, and he took advantage of you in your weakest moment.”
“I still knew better, Cade. Anyway, after yet another argument over the fact that he still hadn’t left his family, we called it off. I don’t know why I thought he would leave his family for a seventeen-year-old girl after two months, but I did. A month later, I found out I was seven weeks pregnant, and I knew it was his child. I’d never been with anyone else. So, after weeks of gathering my courage, I walked into his office to tell him. I thought he would gather me into his arms and tell me everything would be okay, but he didn’t. He didn’t even give me the chance to tell him. He went on about how our business was now concluded. He’d transferred the rest of the money that I was supposed to get upon my eighteenth birthday into my account. He threw me out of his office without allowing me to tell him anything.
“Once the tears were dried up and I was back home, alone, I decided I would do this on my own. I gave most of my dad’s cars and my mother’s jewelry to my aunts, so they would leave me alone. I gave my dad’s trophies to a racing museum in England, I sold the house, and moved. I tried to get back into racing, but as soon as I started showing, they wouldn’t let me behind the wheel of a car. I was devastated. I didn’t have anything but this baby growing inside me.
“I kept to the amateur tracks, making sure people knew I was still around. The owner of one of the tracks and her husband took pity on me and let me help. I worked around the pits, helping other drivers and trying to show my knowledge and worth. Ina helped me get ready for the baby and acted like I imagine a grandmother would when he finally arrived. She did everything she could for me. When I was finally able to get behind the wheel again, she babysat so I could start driving. Grand Touring owners came around often for their amateur circuits. They started to talk to me about making the switch to GT racing, but Dillon made that difficult. Ina couldn’t leave her life to help me, and there wasn't anyone else, so I stayed with amateur racing.
“During that time, I also got in touch with my mother’s father, here in America. He was devastated to hear of his daughter’s death, and he desperately wanted to know me. We talked regularly, but coming to America didn’t seem like a reality. I finally made the move after Ina suddenly passed away. She had become like a mother to me, and I was devastated at the loss. Dillon and I made the move to America about two months after her death.
“I worked in my grandfather’s garage and had started racing on the amateur tracks in Virginia. When my grandfather told me about a rumor he heard that Turner Racing needing a new driver, I decided to give it a shot.”
We were both quiet for a long time. I sat there and held her, listening to her story. It was no wonder she had run when I showed too much affection to her and her son. It was no wonder she found it difficult to accept people’s help. The only goodness she was shown over the years was that of the woman who helped her when she needed. Everyone else treated this angelic woman as a means to get what they wanted.
I was angry for her, I hurt for her, I wanted to kiss away her pain and make sure she never felt unloved or unwanted again. Most of all, I wanted to protect her from this man. The jealousy I felt was shocking.
When she finally spoke, I was surprised. “Maybe I should let him see Dil,” she whispered.
“What?” I asked. “Why would you let that man back into your lives?”
“Dillon needs a father.” Her voice remained quiet, but those words killed me. “Seeing him with you makes me realize what he’s missing by not having a father in his life.”
I understood where she was coming from, but I was pissed. “I’m here for Dillon. I’m a man he can look up to and who cares about him.” I gently placed her on the couch and stood. I needed to move, needed to work through the fury that was quickly moving through my gut. “That asshole didn’t even want to know anything about you or your son. He used an innocent and trusting seventeen-year-old girl who had just lost her parents for his pleasure. And now he wants back in your lives when you’ve finally made somethin’ outta yourself? You don’t see anything wrong with that?” I paused for a moment, pacing back and forth but trying desperately to control my volume so I didn’t wake Dillon. “I’ve been here for you and Dil since the day I met you.”
“What if you change your mind?” Again, her voice was barely audible.
“Change my mind?” I growled. Kneeling in front of her, I placed my finger under her chin and tilted it, so she looked at me. “Why the hell would I change my mind? I’m in love with you, don’t you understand that? I haven’t told anyone I loved them in years and compared to what I feel for you, that wasn’t real. I love you, Harlan, and I love Dillon. You’re it for me. There’s no changin’ my mind or suddenly decidin’ I don’t want you. You and Dil are mine; you’re my heart. I want to be your husband and his daddy.”
She stared into my eyes, conflicting emotions written all over her face, but she didn’t pull away or argue. She just stared.
Dillon came running into the room and ran right at me, barreling into me as I crouched in front of his mother. I turned just in time to catch him and topple onto my ass with a chuckle. “Hey there, little man, what’s up?”
“Are you my daddy?” Dil asked, looking at me with his big brown eyes. “You said you’re my daddy.”
I stared at Harlan for a moment.
“Baby,” Harlan started. “Cade’s not really…”
But I cut her off, he asked me, and I was going to answer him. “I would love to be your daddy someday, if you want me to.”
Dillon hugged me. “I’m hungry. Can you make me dinner?”
The conversation was over, and he seemed happy with my answer. I didn’t even look toward his mother, I kept my attention on Dillon. She needed to see, this is what a dad does. He takes care of his kid, whether blood connected them or not.
“I sure can, buddy. What do you want?”
“I want a hotdog,” he said. “Can we cook it on the fire?”
“You know what, buddy. I think that’s a great idea. Let’s go outside and I’ll start the grill.”
Dillon followed me out the back door. Dillon watched intently as I unlocked the shed and gathered the charcoal and other items for him to roast his own hotdog.
“Now listen, Dil, you aren’t allowed to touch this stuff without me or your momma, do you understand?”
He watched intently, his eyes wide with wonder as he observed every step I made to light the fire. I took his hand and walked him back to the shed with me to replace the coal and lighter, securing the combination lock.
“Let’s go get the hotdogs,” I said, picking him up and taking him back in the house with me.
He wiggled free and ran to his mother, who still hadn’t moved from where I left her on the couch.
“Momma, I watched Cade make a fire and we’re gonna make hotdogs. Do you wanna come?”
Harlan stared at him. She looked confused, almost sad. I wished I knew what was going on in her head.
“I don’t think so, sweetheart. I’m not feeling well right now.”
She looked to me, pleadingly. “Cade, would you mind keeping an eye on him, so I can lie down for a few minutes?”
“Sure,” I said. She gave me a thankful look and retreated into her room.
Dillon and I made enough hotdogs to feed three people. We then ate and played. I taught him how to throw a ball and started to teach him how to catch. I made a mental note to go out and buy him a baseball glove and some soft baseballs for him to learn. Then when he got tired again, we went inside. I read him stories and we watched cartoons until he fell asleep on my lap. I sat and held him, not wanting to let him go, part of me was afraid that I was going to lose him.
Chapter Nineteen
Harlan
From my bedroom window, I watched Cade with my son. My heart was filled with so much love, I thought it would explode. This man was perfect in every way. Almost too good to be true. Was he too good to be true?
Cade and Dillon made hotdogs, played catch, and ran around the yard for hours. Dillon picked flowers, put them in a vase, and placed them on my bedside table. When they were done, I heard them come inside. They sat on the couch together, father and son, and watched cartoons.
I watched as stealthily as I could from inside my bedroom. I couldn’t believe I even considered allowing Conall to step in and take the place of Dillon’s father. Dillon should know who his biological father was, but he deserved to have someone who loved him unconditionally also, and that was Cade. I just didn’t know how to make both happen without hurting Cade, or myself.
Cade was right. He had been here for us from the moment we met, not because he had to, but because he wanted. It was that want, that desire to be everything Dillon and I needed that made me start to fall in love with Cade. When I was a kid, I thought I was in love with Conall. He took care of me and helped me, but I know now that that wasn’t love. What I felt for Cade was real love; not born out of necessity or need, but born out of mutual respect and caring. It was that nervous, fluttering butterfly feeling I got every time I saw him or simply heard his voice. That feeling I got every single time he touched me in any way, or was near. He made me feel like I was the only woman in the world.
I hid in my room, just thinking, for hours. I knew it was cowardly to hide, but I had to figure out how to make this work. At some point Dillon should meet Conall, but I needed Cade to be on board. I needed him to understand that even though Conall was Dillon’s biological father, Cade was the daddy Dillon needed. But how could I make him understand?
When I walked out into the living room, I stopped in my tracks. Cade and Dil were both passed out on the couch together. Cade had his feet up on the coffee table, Dil snuggled securely in his lap.
I let out a quiet snicker. I was worried about Dillon needing a man in his life, he chose the man he wanted to look up to, and he knew it even before I did. I just stood there and stared, and fell in love all over again. They were beautiful together.
My snicker must have been a little louder than I anticipated because Cade roused from his sleep.
“What’re you doin’? Are you feelin’ okay?” he asked groggily. I could see the worry in his eyes. Did he think I was going to throw him out? Was he worried that I’d chosen Conall over him?
“Just looking at the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.” I tried to be happy, but sadness was just under the surface.
Cade bent his knees and placed his feet back on the floor. He stood gently and easily and walked past me toward Dillon’s bedroom. I followed behind him, wordlessly, as he placed my sleeping boy in his bed and covered him, reverently. Cade turned back to me and waited. His eyes searched mine.
I grabbed his hand and led him across the hall to my room, and closed the door. Letting go, I walked to the side of my bed and sat there, hands folded in my lap. I stared down at my tangled fingers. We were quiet for several moments, Cade stayed by the door and waited.
“I’m so sorry if I hurt you,” I started. “I never expected to see Conall again, so when he showed up, I didn’t know what to do. I mean, he traveled halfway around the world to see Dil and me. I wanted him to go away, I was angry that he came here, but I had to hear him out.” I was quiet for several moments, I didn’t expect him to speak, but I kind of hoped he would tell me it was all okay. I knew better. “When you showed up, he had just grabbed my hands and gotten me to sit with him, so he could talk. I promise, there was nothing else going on.”
Cade stood there and waited without a word. I couldn’t look up at him, I feared what might be in his eyes. Maybe he’d already given up on me and just stayed with Dillon because he loved him so much.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I think Dil should get to know his biological father, at some point,” I explained.
Cade let out a long, exasperated breath. He turned and grabbed the doorknob, ready to walk away. I was screwing this up. I couldn’t let him walk away, not without finishing what I had to say. I pushed on before he could get too far. “He should know Conall, but Dillon deserves to have you in his life. He loves you, Cade. You’re the man he’s chosen to be his father.”
Cade stopped, halfway through the door as I continued. “Dil looks up to you. He adores you. And even if things don’t work out between you and me, you are still the man I want my son to have in his life. He should get to know Conall, but Dil needs to have you. Can you find a way to be okay with Dillon meeting Conall? You don’t have to like it, and you don’t even have to be around when Conall meets him, but Dil needs you, Cade. He’s going to need you to show him that it’s okay to meet Conall and that you won’t leave him.”
“On one condition,” Cade rumbled, his back still facing me. “For now, Dil only visits with… Conall when I’m here.” He said Conall’s name like he was naming a disease. He turned slightly and glanced at me. There was pain in his eyes. Pain that I put there, and I hated myself for it. “I don’t trust that prick. If I had it my way, you wouldn’t be near him either.” The stern tone of his voice let me know that he was doing his best not to get angry.
“He will be given specific days and times that he can visit, and I promise,” I said, standing and walking toward him. His blue eyes were cautious as he tracked my every step toward him. “I promise I won’t be anywhere near him either.” I took a deep breath and tried to tamp down the butterflies that fluttered in my gut. “There is only one man I want, and that’s you.”
Cade closed the door quietly as possible, and reached me in two strides. His mouth was instantly on mine, claiming and owning every part of me. He wrapped me up in his arms and pulled me so tight it felt like he was fusing us together just by sheer will. All the emotion and pain of the past few hours, boiled over and enveloped the two of us.
“You and Dillon are my family,” he whispered between kisses. “You’re my love and my passion. You understand?”
This sweet man has stood by me, and convinced me repeatedly that he cares about me, and all I’ve done is make it hard on him. I forced him to prove his feelings repeatedly, never totally believing those feelings were real. But every single time I’ve tried to push him away or have forced him to deal with yet another issue, he’s proven that his love was real.
“I’m yours,” I whispered as he kissed across my jaw to my ear. “We’re both yours.” I laced my fingers into his short blonde hair, loving the feel of his mouth on me. “I am totally and completely yours.”
His lips blazed a trail down my neck and across my collarbone, one hand laced in my long hair, the other toying with the hem of my tee shirt. When his hot, calloused fingers touched the sensitive skin on my stomach, I groaned with pleasure. Our hands were everywhere, pulling and pushing at clothes as we struggled to get closer. I knew our problems weren’t completely solved, but I also knew that with Cade, I could withstand anything life threw at us.
***
“Momma?” Dil said, trying to climb into bed. This was his usual routine, wake up before sunrise and end up cuddling in bed with me for a couple more hours. But this time, it wasn’t ju
st Dillon and me. After Cade and I talked everything out, we had made love until the wee-hours of the morning. I had been so sated, resting in his arms, that sleep had overcome my last wakefulness. It appeared the same had happened to Cade.
Cade was sleeping next to me, his chest bare, with only shorts covering his bottom half. I had fallen asleep in his huge tee shirt and a pair of shorts. Thankfully we had enough sense to get dressed.
“Momma? How come Cade’s here?” Dillon’s sweet, innocent voice pulled me from the first restful night sleep I’d had since our weekend together.
“He fell asleep, baby.” I didn’t know what else to say. How much does a four-year-old understand?
“Can Cade have a sleepover every night?” he asked, and I snapped my eyes to him.
“I don’t know, Dil. Cade has his own house, remember?”
“Yeah. I like when Cade is with us.”
“So, do I, baby.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was silent for what seemed like forever as Dillon considered me with his wide brown eyes.
“I do have my own house, Dil. But I like being with you too.” Cade said finally. He stretched over me and pulled Dillon into bed between us. Dillon nestled into us both, and waited as Cade continued. “Remember what I told you yesterday, I’m always here for you, whether we’re in the same house or not.”
“Okay.” Dillon didn’t say more. He snuggled down in the warm space between Cade and me, his head on Cade’s outstretched arm, facing toward me while he twirled my hair. Soon he fell back to sleep. The perfect little angel, who seemed to just make everything make sense.