With trembling fingers, Mac grabbed the two pieces of jewelry. “Thank you.”
“Maybe you’ll think of us before you do something stupid. It’ll be a good legacy for us both.”
Mac let out a watery chuckle. “It’s going to be poor Idris stuck with keeping me in line, you know.”
“Fate must think he’s up to the task.”
“I doubt there’s anything Idris can’t handle.”
“Macardle, I’ve never told you how to live your life, but I don’t think you should come back to Court Stenet when I’m gone. Clean out what you want from the house. Then go to D’Vaire without looking back.”
“Mom?”
“What about her? Do you see her around? Didn’t even say two words to us after the funeral. Her mother was probably spitting nails on the other side of the veil. I’m sure the two of us are going to have quite a talk when I get there. I’ve gotta tell you—I’m looking forward to it. It’s been a long day without her.”
“First time in over two thousand years you’ve been alone.”
“You understand, I’d stay if I could live without her, right? I love you, Macardle, and it breaks my heart to know we won’t be here for you, but I need Bretta.”
Mac lifted his head and couldn’t see the stars through his tears. “I know,” he whispered as he sucked in a deep breath. “As hard as it is for me to believe I have to let go of you both, I’ve always known how strong the love is between you. I’m not mad at you for wanting to join her but damn, I’m going to miss you both.”
“I want you to love Idris the way I’ve always loved my Bretta. You might not be able to talk to us every day, but we’ll always be with you, Macardle. Right there in your heart. You and Idris are immortal, and as long as you keep us close in your thoughts, we will be too.”
“I promise you, I’ll continue to love him with every piece of me.”
“Good. It’s the only way you’ll be happy.”
“You taught me how to love, so I know I’m up to the task.”
“Macardle, I always wanted a son. A daughter’s wonderful, but a man wants to mold someone in his own image. I know you’re Moina’s, but you’re also mine. I want you to know that. Bretta and me—we always considered you our boy.”
“I was yours. Mom came and went, but you guys made me who I am.”
“Pretty good for my ego to see my boy wearing such fancy duds today. To know you’re worthy of a place like D’Vaire. That it was your own ability and honor that got you that job. Makes me feel like I might not have done such a bad job raising you.”
“I’m a D’Vaire because of you and trust me, there’s no court as great as the one I call home now.”
“Don’t you let anyone take advantage of your Idris. I know you have those parents of his sniffing around.”
Mac finished off his beer and opened a second one. “I have to let Idris make his own decisions. He’s young, and he needs to feel like I trust him enough to do that.”
“That’s all fine and good, but he also needs a partner he can rely on.”
“He can rely on me.”
“Everyone needs someone to steer them in certain situations. You’ve plenty of experience with dysfunctional families. You know his parents can’t be up to any good.”
“If it comes down to it, I’ll do what I can to keep them from interfering, but I honestly think Idris isn’t going to allow himself to be fooled into any plan they have. He’s got some deep anger about his childhood, but he’s not ready to discuss it.”
Lloyd nodded sagely. “He’ll need to get that out someday.”
“I’ll be there to listen when he is.”
“You think that boy of Alfred’s is gay?”
Mac’s head whipped to his grandfather’s profile. “Huh?”
“I like to think I’ve gotten good at figuring out when a young man fancies other men. I raised a gay son. I think that Carter’s gay.”
“For his sake, I hope not. Alfred isn’t tolerant of anything.”
“Stupid fool will lose his son if I’m right, and your mother will let another of her children slide through her fingers because she apparently doesn’t have a lick of sense. How the hell did Bretta and I go so wrong with her?”
“You didn’t. She was taught her mate goes above all else, and so he does.”
Lloyd turned to Mac and his heartsick eyes blazed with anger. “That doesn’t mean you ignore your children. It’s about balance.”
“Stop blaming yourself for the way she’s treated me.”
“I’m not sure I can do that.”
“Then you aren’t getting another beer.”
“You’d keep it from a dying man?”
The words were said with humor, but Mac couldn’t ignore the truth of them. He flipped off the top of a bottle and handed it over. “Of course not.”
“Don’t go getting glum. I love you, Macardle, but I’m going to kick your ass if you spend what time we’ve got left together wallowing in misery. Focus on your mate. It makes me proud you’ve such a wonderful young man, and when the time comes, I’ll be celebrating on the other side of the veil as he becomes High Arcanist. I like knowing I never have to worry where you’ll land. You’ll have your king and everyone else there at D’Vaire.”
“Idris is incredible.”
“I was thinking about him while Bretta’s pyre burned. It made me think back to two decades ago. I was so mad at Fate. I couldn’t imagine what she’d been thinking. That old king of ours died, and I expected you’d be carrying his title but instead, it was Alfred who got the crown. Now I know your Idris had already been born, and Fate knew this wasn’t the place for such a fancy wizard.”
Mac smiled. “I never thought of that. I gotta admit, I thought I was going to be made king too. I’m the only black dragon here, but I figured Fate knew what she was about and perhaps I wasn’t meant for that. Now I know I wasn’t. I have two Council wizards to protect. There aren’t even kings who can say that.”
“I’m proud of you, and I love you. No matter what waits for you in life, I know you’ll be able to handle it and when you need me, find me in your heart, Macardle. I won’t lead you astray.”
“I love you too, and thank you for every gift you’ve given me in life. I’ve always known how lucky I was to have you and Grandma.”
“You’re a fine boy. Now I’m heading off to bed. I want to dream of my Bretta.”
Mac helped his grandfather to bed and as he’d watched him do to his soulmate hours before, kissed his forehead. It was impossible not to wonder if he would ever have the chance again. With his heart in his throat, Macardle flipped off the light and left him alone. More than anything, he needed Idris. Mac was going to have a good cry; then he was going to make use of his grandfather’s computer to chat with him. It wasn’t enough to hear Idris’s voice. Mac needed those beautiful indigo eyes to remind himself of all he had to live for.
Chapter 26
Idris’s potion for Immortalis failed in the portable simulator once again. Rage swept through him, and he fired a bolt of lightning at it. It shattered into tiny pieces as anger consumed him. What the hell was the point of being such a powerful magical entity when he couldn’t use any of it to help the people he loved? He’d failed in his quest to save Mac from the pain of losing his grandparents. Mac’s grandmother was dead, and it was Idris’s fault for not saving her. He wondered how long it would take Mac to move past his grief and realize what a disappointment his mate was.
Idris had no idea, but he’d do everything he could to help Mac grapple with what had to be crippling emotions. It was horrible when Idris’s grandfather had passed away. At least for Mac, he wouldn’t have to do deal with the guilt Idris found himself struggling with. When Idris was alone, he was still ashamed to say that while he’d experienced sadness, there had also been a sense of relief. Not only because his grandfather was no longer suffering but Idris had welcomed the sense of freedom. Deep down inside, he believed that made him a terrible pe
rson.
Surveying the broken shards of the simulator, Idris hung his head. His impotent fury at an inanimate object was a symptom of his immaturity. He gathered a bit of magic and repaired the device. It was time to bury all his own selfish thoughts and feelings. While he hadn’t succeeded in time to help Mac, he still needed to figure out Immortalis. Many gifts were bestowed on Idris, and it was time he started giving back.
As he was about to get back to work, Idris’s computer beeped. He raced over and was thrilled that it was Mac trying to video chat with him. Idris snatched up the device and tapped the touchpad. His mate’s tired and devastated face filled the screen. It looked like he’d been gone for weeks instead of less than a day.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hi, how’s your Grandpa?”
Mac blew out a tremulous breath. Roger flew out of his private space where he’d taken refuge and landed on the keyboard. “Hey, Roger.”
Idris picked up his familiar, who grunted at being manhandled, and tucked him into the crook of his arm so they could both see Mac. “I guess he got excited when he heard your voice.”
“No worries. I miss you both. Grandpa’s not good. He’s already pretty far gone with heartsickness. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone lose their dragon as fast as he has. I’m scared he’s not going to wake up.”
“I miss you too. I’m so sorry, Mac. I wish there was more I could do.”
“You’re the only thing getting me through this. I’m not sure I wouldn’t have heartsickness myself if I didn’t have you waiting for me at D’Vaire.”
“Did you guys get the funeral all planned?”
Mac swiped a hand down his face. “It’s over already. Grandpa said Grandma wouldn’t have wanted to wait. So we lit her pyre today.”
“Was it nice?”
“There were lots of people. Grandpa cracked jokes through the whole thing. I should’ve been his rock. Instead, he’s the one helping me keep my shit together.”
“How’s your mom doing?”
Mac shrugged. “I don’t know. I hardly spoke with her. Grandpa doesn’t seem to want to deal with her, and I’ve got to let this be his show.”
“At least she didn’t force the issue, I guess.”
“Yeah, not exactly the time and place to make waves.”
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
Mac’s smile was weary. “You’re doing it. All I need is to see you and talk to you.”
“Did you get a chance to eat anything today?”
“There was all kinds of food at Alfred’s after the funeral. I ate some stuff. I don’t have much of an appetite.”
Idris wished he was more of a comfort to Mac. He wanted to make all his pain go away, but he’d missed his chance to save Mac’s grandparents. All he had to offer now was his soul. “I love you.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I love you too.” Roger made a loud grumble, which caused Mac to chuckle. “I love you too, Roger.”
“Sometimes I think Roger believes you’re his mate.”
“That’s too weird to even contemplate. How’s everything going at D’Vaire?”
“Fine. Dinner was pretty low-key. Then I watched a movie in Del’s room before coming in here and working on my school stuff.”
“How’s that going?”
“The same as yesterday.”
“You’ll get there.”
Too late, Idris thought. “Yeah.”
“I wish I could talk to you all night, but I’m really tired.”
“You should get some sleep.”
“I’ll try. Can I call you if I can’t sleep?”
“Yes. No matter what time, okay? I’ll put my phone right on the nightstand.”
“Okay, I’m going to miss having you next to me.”
“Me too. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Mac replied; then he ended the video. Idris heaved out a heartfelt sigh. When he got up in the morning, he was going to ask Aleksander about adding something to the memorial garden for Mac’s beloved grandparents. It was the least he could do after coming up short with the potion needed to save them. He hoped in some way it might comfort Mac.
* * *
No one was more shocked than Mac when he woke up and found his grandfather sitting in the chair his grandmother had favored. His eyes were almost all brown as his dragon was crossing the veil to be with Bretta, but he greeted Mac with a smile and a request for donuts. Mac was more than happy to go out and get the sugary treats. When he returned, his grandfather had moved out onto the deck.
Mac poured them both glasses of milk and brought their breakfast outside, so they could enjoy it in his grandfather’s favorite place. He was glad there were dragons in the sky when they took their seats. Mac knew how much his grandfather loved to watch them soar.
“I should’ve eaten this every morning,” his grandfather said after devouring two donuts. He’d barely finished speaking before he wolfed down another.
“Grandma didn’t like you having all that sugar.”
Lloyd waggled his bushy brows. “Yeah, well…it was hard for her to get her knitting done with me chasing her around the room.”
“I didn’t need to know that donuts make you horny.”
His grandfather cackled. “Never knew you were such a prude.”
“I’m not. I just don’t want to know.”
“You talk to Idris yet?”
Mac nodded as he polished off his milk. “Yeah, we did a video chat last night, and I texted him when I woke up. Then I remembered there’s a couple of hours’ time difference, so I probably should’ve waited, but he didn’t complain.”
“Did he go back to bed you think?”
“No, he said he was going to get a head start on his day. Why are you asking me all these questions?”
His grandfather’s face was somber. “You’re going to need him. I want to make sure he’s going to be there for you. I need you to fly for me, Macardle.”
“You’ve seen me shift before.”
“Haven’t been able to do it for years myself. Stupid doctors. Now my beast is gone. The last thing I want to see before I go is that beautiful black dragon of yours.”
Mac’s throat tightened. “Are you going to be here when I get back?”
“You’ve always been a smart boy. You don’t need me to answer that.”
With his knees shaking and his hands trembling, Mac rose slowly from his chair. There were a million things he wanted to say, starting with “Please don’t go,” but it would only make it harder on them both. At the core of it, he needed to stick with the three most important words. “I love you.”
His grandfather got to his feet and tugged Mac into a tight embrace. “I couldn’t love you more, Macardle. We’ve always been so proud of you.” He pulled away and smiled. “Don’t you go forgetting about me.”
Tears flowed unchecked down Mac’s face. “I couldn’t,” he choked out.
“Have that mating ceremony. Bretta and I’ll be watching. Go on now, Macardle. It’s time to fly.”
Mac didn’t want to go. He never wanted to leave the deck because when he returned, the house would be empty of everything that mattered, but he couldn’t let Lloyd down either.
As Mac memorized every line on his beloved face, his grandfather gave him a nod. He repeated his request. “Time to fly, Macardle.”
Head bowed, and his entire body wracked with emotions he couldn’t begin to contain, Mac walked down the stairs of the deck. Out of sight of his grandfather, he yanked off his clothes. His dragon, desperate to save him from the pain in his heart, took over. Mac’s shift was so fast, he barely registered the change from man to beast. His giant wings flapped, and he rose dizzyingly high in the sky, then soared down toward the lone man sitting in a deck chair taking his last breaths.
Mac said good-bye to the first man he loved and hoped to hell his grandparents both comprehended how much they meant to him. They’d made him into the man he was, and he would forever be grateful that Fat
e gave him such wonderful people. Then he handed everything—even the thinking part of his human brain—over to his dragon so he didn’t drown in grief. His beast was more than happy to come to his rescue.
For hours Mac flew and when he tried to wrestle back control, his dragon rebelled. To change back to man would be to face what awaited him below. It took the image of Idris to rein in his dragon. The thought of their mate was enough to calm the overprotective beast, and Mac gently glided to the ground. He snatched up his clothing and got dressed. Then he sucked in a deep breath, knowing what was waiting for him.
His grandparents hadn’t raised a coward, so with feet that felt weighed down with cement, he climbed the stairs. Lying peacefully against his chair was his grandfather. He’d crossed the veil and was now back where he belonged, with Bretta. Mac touched the weathered skin of his hand for the last time.
“I love you,” he whispered. “I’m going to keep you in my heart forever. I expect you to take care of Idris and me from the other side of the veil. I’m going to have that mating ceremony, and we’ll wear your rings because I want us to share the same love that you and Grandma did. It’s the love you always gave me that gives me the confidence that we will.”
Mac gave him one long last look, then fished out his phone. This time it was his turn to call his mother with the news of a death.
It took her three rings before she answered, and he’d started to fear she wouldn’t pick up at all. “Mac, everything okay?”
He remembered his grandfather telling him not to show his pain. When he spoke, his voice was calm and devoid of all his feelings. “No, I’m afraid not. You need to come over to the house.”
“He’s gone, isn’t he?”
“He’s with Grandma. I want his funeral today. He wouldn’t have wanted us to wait or fuss any more than Grandma did.”
“If that’s what you want.”
“He hated those speeches yesterday. Let’s try and keep them to a minimum today.”
“It’s Alfred’s court. I can’t tell him how to run things. He was upset yesterday he didn’t light the pyre. He is king.”
Irresistible Indigo (D'Vaire, Book 9) Page 19