The babies wailed in unison.
Ittai looked around and drew a sharp breath. “Babies?”
I set Jonathan’s treasures on the table and stumbled to their cradles. My knees wobbled, and I shook so violently I could not manage them. They screamed and kicked, their faces red and their mouths rooting for the breasts.
Ittai picked up the red-haired one. “Is this David’s son? Lie down, and I’ll arrange him. Don’t be shy.” The babe resembled my sister, whose coloring matched David’s.
I tucked the baby underneath my robe. He nursed greedily as I cupped his little head and stroked his cheek. Ittai held the black-haired one. The babe stopped crying and gurgled. His tiny hand grasped Ittai’s little finger.
Ittai tilted his head back. A deep laugh rumbled and broke the remnant of his sobs. “David will be so pleased. Look how strong he is.” He tickled the babe who kicked and swung his hands in the air. “Twin sons, what a lucky man.”
I said nothing. The explanation would be too painful.
Ittai’s smile widened. “This is a wonderful surprise, coming from such sad news.” He cuddled the babe. “Do you have a name for him?”
I wiped my eyes. “They’ll be circumcised soon. I suppose I should name them.” Adriel had granted both his sons to me as Merab’s last wish. “But I haven’t given much thought. My family just left for the funeral.”
“What happened?”
“My sister died last night.” My voice trailed off. God, how many have died, and how many more will die? I prayed for peace in Israel, and I prayed for David, and I grieved for the son he’d never know and the life I’d never have with him.
Naomi handed us plates of food. Ittai and I sat on the couch, a baby on each lap, and ate.
“I worried about you so much, not knowing,” I said.
“I’m not as good with the sword as I thought. Thankfully, Jonathan came back and told me you were safe.”
“Jonathan. I miss him.”
“He was a really good man.” Ittai’s voice choked. “Why did he have to die?”
“There’s been too much death. I feel like I’m floating on a cloud, and it isn’t me here. That I’m the one who’s dead.”
“No, don’t say that.” He leaned over me, a baby asleep at his chest, and his lips touched mine, kissing me softly, almost reverently. The babes squirmed but did not wake. “I’ve always loved you,” he said.
“But…”
He put a finger to my lip. “Don’t say ‘but.’ Just for this moment—”
I pulled away. “I’m a married woman.”
The baby in his arms let out a yelp. “It doesn’t make a difference to how I feel about you,” he said.
I pulled the baby from him and tucked them in their cradles. Ittai followed me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Someday, you’ll see. I’ll get my reward.”
I stiffened and hugged my chest. “I don’t know why you keep talking about rewards. I’m tired, and I need to rest before my mother returns from the burial.”
Ittai turned me to face him. His brows drawn down, he said, “I shouldn’t have made you uncomfortable. Do you want any other news before I leave?”
“Yes.” We walked back to the couch and sat side by side. “Have you seen David?”
Ittai’s lips twitched, and he tugged on his beard. “I last saw him lined up with King Achish against your father.”
“Against my father?”
“The lords of the Philistines confronted him and forced him to leave,” he said. “They were afraid David would turn on the Philistines in the middle of the battle.”
“So David did not fight for the Philistines?”
“No, he didn’t lift a sword.”
A wave of relief spread over me. “Thank God. Where is he now?”
“I suppose he’s gone home. One of his wives had an estate outside of Hebron.”
“Which one? Ahi or Abi?”
“Abigail, wife of Nabal the Carmelite,” he said. “He was a wealthy man, but loyal to your father. Fortunately for David, he died.”
Unfortunately for me, since David had married her.
“And where will you go?” I said. “Certainly you can’t go back to the Philistines.”
“No, I can’t. My father seeks my life. I’ve dishonored him by helping you escape.” He took my hand.
I squeezed his hand and rubbed the hard calluses in his palm. “So where will you go?”
He implored me with his deep, black eyes. “I will go to David and serve him as my king.”
My breath snagged. “But, I’m still in confinement. The babies are too young.”
He cradled my face between two large hands. “When you’re able to travel, I’ll ask David to let me come back for you. Right now, it’s too unsettled. I still have to move my mother to Hebron. I left her in Gibeah where it isn’t safe.”
“Your mother. I prayed for her. She’s well? I like her.”
“She likes you too. Told me to always watch for you and take care of you. She also prays for you.” He twirled a strand of my hair. “You are a remarkably kind-hearted woman.”
Before his demeanor got too mushy, I tapped his shoulder. “My mother told me I should have names for the babies before she returns. Want to help?”
I led him back to the cradles. The babies made soft, high-pitched snoring noises in tandem, so incredibly darling. I blinked back tears. Samuel had never taken a single breath.
“What about Jonathan?” Ittai said.
I sniffled. “It would be a fitting tribute, but I’d grieve every time I think of him.”
“Yes, it is too soon. Maybe Joshua? Or Moses?”
I twirled it in my mind. “I like Joshua. The LORD God saves.”
At that moment, the little black-haired babe yawned and shook his fist. Ittai rocked the cradle. “He’s going to be a mighty fine warrior. Was he born first or second?”
I rubbed his downy black hair, and he opened his eyes. “First. Go back to sleep, Joshua.”
I tickled his stomach. He made a squeaking noise. His brother startled, clasped both hands, clutched the air, and woke crying. I put him over my shoulder to rub his back. “And what shall I name you?”
“He looks like how I’d picture David as a baby.” Ittai tickled the baby’s face. “Look at those darling red curls.”
I swallowed a surge of acid. Could I pull this off? No. Adriel would speak up. So would Phalti and Mother. The babe burped and calmed as I cradled him. His golden-brown eyes focused on mine, and he reached for my breast. “Out of many calamities you came and gave me joy.”
I tucked him in my bosom and kissed the top of his head. “Beraiah. My special little boy. You almost died, didn’t you?” I wiped my tears on his forehead. Samuel and Merab lay cold and stiff inside a sepulcher. Oh, God, will this day never end?
A loud bang from the gate announced my returning family. I hustled Ittai toward the door, but he rushed to my bedroom. He looked out the window and said, “Abner’s messenger is with them. Let me grab my horse and be on my way to David.”
“Are you sure David will receive you?”
He smiled, and his white teeth gleamed. “He trusted me with you, and now I trust him as God’s anointed king. And besides, there’s iron. He needs me to bring iron working to Israel.”
“Don’t tell him about the babies yet.” It was one thing for Ittai to believe they were David’s, but should David try to claim them, Adriel would tell him the truth.
Ittai raised an eyebrow. “But wouldn’t David want to know?”
I held his hand. “Not now. I want to tell him myself. Promise me?”
He put one leg over the ledge and held my face. “Don’t worry, I will come again and take you to David when the time is right.”
He mouthed ‘I love you’ before drawing his face to mine. His eyelashes fluttered on my cheek, and he trailed kisses up my neck, to my ear, persuading my lips to open. The salt of my tears mixed with his warm, spicy taste, and I kissed him deeply. An
d for a moment, my heart opened and grief fell away.
The front door bumped, and footsteps shuffled into the front room. Abner’s messenger announced himself. Mother’s piercing shrieks vibrated through the house. I broke from Ittai’s embrace. “I need to comfort my mother.”
He flipped his other leg over the windowsill and saluted me, his grin as wide as his face. Phalti stepped into the room, and when I looked again, Ittai had disappeared. The taste of sweet bay leaves lingered on my tongue. Phalti wrapped me in his arms. “Have you heard?”
Overcome with a deluge of grief, I rested my face in his chest and sobbed. The mournful dirge of Adriel’s viol permeated the walls. The day had finally tolled to an end.
Chapter 19
2nd Samuel 3:1 Now there was long war between the house of Saul and the house of David: but David waxed stronger and stronger, and the house of Saul waxed weaker and weaker.
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On the morning of the eighth day, I rose after a sleepless night to prepare for the trip to Mahanaim where my babies would be circumcised. Joshua and Beraiah waved their tiny hands and squirmed while I dressed them in the circumcision gowns Merab had made. She had woven several borders to try the patterns Jada had taught me, spirals and mazes and checkered crosses.
Naomi helped me finish the partially completed gowns, and I selected two of the fringed wraps. I shut my eyes briefly, recalling Samuel the day Phalti took him to the burial cave. The golden-red hair darkened with oil, his face had shone like alabaster, his tiny mouth puckered in a frozen kiss. And Merab, my beautiful sister had lain shrouded in her wedding gown, radiant even in death.
Joshua yelped as I attached the bold black and white crossed collar. “Hold still, little one.”
I couldn’t help but smile and tickle him. His beady, black eyes sparkled in the slant of the morning sun. I blew a kiss on his belly. “Eemah’s happy and sad.” I smoothed his hair with olive oil and rubbed his bronze face. His feet kicked nonstop, a ball of energy.
Beside him, Beraiah slept. His tiny eyes fluttered under his pink, almost transparent eyelids. “What are you dreaming about? Are you seeing your mother?” His mouth made tiny sucking motions that caused my breasts to tighten and drip.
Phalti slipped quietly to my side and took Joshua, leaving me to nurse Beraiah. The cherubic face pinked, and his honey-brown eyes poured sweetness into my heart. I loved him to the point of aching, as if he were Samuel and not my sister’s baby. I imagined David as a tiny infant, nursing at his mother’s breast. I kissed the soft spot on his head and rubbed my nose in the wispy, downy hair, inhaling his fluffy, powdery scent.
Our entire family set out toward Mahanaim where my brother Ishbaal reigned as king in place of my father. Adriel hired litters for Mother, the babies and me. I held onto little Joshua, his eyes laughing in the warm sunshine. Mother held Beraiah, her face relaxed, although tears rimmed her reddened eyes.
She kissed Beraiah’s forehead. “I see Merab in this little one. Eyes like honey, milky skin. Merab was such a pretty baby. And she slipped out so easily. I barely felt any pain. And Joshua is so much like both his grandfathers. Dark and strong.”
She squeezed my hand. “Joshua is a good name for your son.”
“Yes, my son.” I mouthed the words and hugged Joshua closer. My son. The thorn of pain pricked my heart. This would have been Samuel’s day, too. He would have been in my arms. And Merab should have been here with lilies twirled in her chestnut hair and her face pink with joy. She would have made fun of my fumbling with the babies and more likely than not taken advantage of my breast. She hated nursing and had joked more than once to make me her wet nurse.
“My sons.” I untied my robe and tucked Joshua to my breast. His suckling would ease the raw, ripping ache in my empty womb.
Mother’s eyes watered. “I remember the day we circumcised Jonathan. It was the happiest day in my life. He kept me so busy. I reused his gown for all the rest of my boys.” Her voice broke. “And now, they’re gone, their bones scattered without a resting place.”
“We’ll bring them back someday.” I didn’t know what I promised. The men of Jabesh-Gilead had taken their headless bodies off the wall of the Philistine temple and buried their bones under an oak tree. At least that was what Adriel told us.
“They should be in their grandfather Kish’s burial chamber. Does Phalti’s family have a cave? I wondered why he allowed Samuel to rest with Merab.”
“Mother, do we have to speak on these things? Gibeah and Gallim are overrun with Philistines.” Samuel should be with David’s people. But there was no point correcting her now. I wiped the milk off Joshua’s face and burped him. Beraiah squirmed and fussed in Mother’s arms, and she exchanged him for Joshua.
“Well, it’s all David’s fault.” Mother’s voice hardened. “He went with the Philistines. I wouldn’t be surprised if he cut down your father himself. To think we nursed a viper in our midst.”
“Mother.” I twisted the fringe on Beraiah’s gown and rearranged him under my robe to nurse. “David didn’t do anything.”
Her breath hissed. “Your father’s dead, and you dare defend David? Oh, I should have remembered what kind of daughter you are.” She pulled her sleeve up and hugged Joshua so tightly he shrieked.
Beraiah popped from my breast and cried in sympathy with his brother. I cuddled him over my shoulder. Joshua’s cries turned into rage.
“Give him back.” I reached for him, but she swerved so suddenly the litter almost tilted.
“No, stay away from me. You’re not my daughter. I supposed you’re glad. Now David can become king.”
“Mother, don’t say that.” I held Beraiah and cried into his gown, my heart lacerated with pain.
The bearers lowered the litter, and Phalti helped me out while Adriel retrieved Mother and Joshua. Phalti led me to the shade of an oak, a few paces away.
“She didn’t mean it,” Phalti said, hugging me along with Beraiah.
I stared at my shaking hands. “I wish I were dead like Samuel and lying at his side. Why did I live and Merab die?”
Phalti handed me a water skin and took Beraiah from me. “Rest on that rock for a bit.”
I lowered my head to my lap. My fingernails dug into my knees as I tried to block out the pain whose tentacles spread to my fingertips and toes. Phalti rubbed my back and rocked me until I calmed.
They put me back in the litter with Joshua and Beraiah. Adriel hired another one to take Mother home. She no longer wished to attend the circumcision and share a litter with me. I swallowed a hard, rising lump. Maybe she wished I had died instead of my sister.
We resumed our journey toward Mahanaim, a walled city about fifteen miles south of Abel-Meholah, where the rest of my remaining family had been evacuated. My father’s cousin Abner and my brother, Ishbaal, met us at the altar. After I made a sacrifice for my days of uncleanness, we took the babies to the priests for their circumcision.
Uncle Abner sat for my father and held Joshua and then Beraiah in his lap as the priest performed the circumcision. Adriel and Phalti made sacrifices and signed a pact. They joined arms as brothers and made a vow to protect and provide for our family in exile. I adopted Merab’s sons. The priests wrote their names in Adriel’s family scroll along with my name next to Merab’s name. The boys were now mine.
* * *
Naomi burped Beraiah while I nursed Joshua. “Have you heard?” she said. “David has been proclaimed king of Judah and reigns in Hebron.”
I tucked Joshua inside my robe and went to the kitchen. A group of loud men sat around the table with Adriel and Phalti.
“Ishbaal is the rightful king. We won’t support that upstart.”
“He’s an ally of the Philistines and the Ammonites.”
“There’ll be a civil war, mark my words. We’ll not have a king who treats foreigners better than his own people.”
“But what can we do? David’s allies surround us and have taken all the land west of the Jordan. We ar
e wedged in by the Ammonites.”
“We need to make an alliance with the king to the north, the Geshurites.”
“But Ishbaal is too weak. He just plays at being king. It’s Abner who’s in charge.”
My head swung back and forth between the men’s angry faces.
Naomi tugged me. “Come, let’s go back to your room. There’s nothing you can do.”
Joshua belched and clenched his face to cry. I hurried back and shut the door, refusing to believe the words I had heard. David would never turn against us. Didn’t David once love my father? And would he remember me now that he was king?
* * *
Weeks went by. I jumped at every noise at my window and looked at each traveler who came through town, expecting to hear Ittai’s chuckle or spy his smirk. My fingers tingled with needle pricks. How could I escape when Phalti hovered near me constantly? And my mother hated me. She acted as if I were dead.
When more time passed with no news, I despaired. I lay in bed and did not move other than to nurse my babies. I lived for their smiles, their kicks, and their tiny squeals. Everything they did reminded me of what Samuel would be doing.
Samuel. My perfect baby. He’d never know the warmth of the sun on his face nor the sweet contentment of a belly full of milk. He’d never feel the touch of my kiss nor the caress of my hand. He’d never enjoy the pleasures of being a child: the first taste of honey-cake, grubby hands and face smeared with dirt, laughing and toddling in the tall grass, splashing and squealing in a warm bath. And he’d never feel his father’s hug nor doze to the melodies of his harp.
Someone else would have David’s firstborn. Someone else would bask in his love and adoration. Someone else would be his queen. He had been made king, but he had forgotten me.
* * *
That winter, Mother fell sick and died. She never forgave me for defending David and refused to speak to me, even from her deathbed. A few weeks later, Adriel was killed by bandits not more than two miles from our gate.
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