by Lori Foster
He chuckled. “You think I’m trying to seduce you?”
She blanched. He could fluster her with a look, but the things he said… Feeling like a fool, she shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not…used to this sort of thing.”
He smiled. “Actually, I was only trying to distract you while the damn plane got off the ground. And it worked, didn’t it?”
Stunned, she turned to look out the window, and found only endless black sky. She drew a deep breath and faced him again. “Yes. Thank you.”
“Good.” He turned to look at her more fully, unhooking his seat belt with one hand and glancing around to make certain no one could hear them. Since most everyone was sleeping, they had some measure of privacy. Brandi released him to undo her own belt, all the while watching the way he moved, the way his shoulders flexed, how his straight dark hair brushed his collar and fell over his brow. She’d never been so intrigued by a man, by his smallest movement or gesture.
She wanted to hold his hand again. In fact, there were other places she wanted to touch him besides his hands. But it could be so risky….
“Now, about seducing you…”
Good lord, it wasn’t a topic to discuss. “Sebastian, really, there’s absolutely no need…”
“Yes, there is. I want you to understand that I won’t pressure you in any way. I know this vacation is set up to be romantic, but it doesn’t have to be if that’s not what you want. We can do whatever you like. Take walks, play chess, hell, you can tell me to leave you completely alone if that’s what you want. But if you decide you want anything from me—”
“I won’t!” The protest sounded panicked even to her own ears.
“You’ll have to tell me. What we’re doing now, talking and getting to know each other, that isn’t about sex, okay? It’s about getting comfortable with each other. I know you didn’t want to come on this trip, but I’m glad you did. So if I do anything or say anything that in any way makes you uneasy, I want you to tell me. Agreed?”
Again, she chewed her lip, then nodded. He was touching on a topic she hadn’t expected to have to face. Especially not this soon. Now that he’d brought it up, though, she couldn’t help thinking, wondering what he’d think if he knew precisely why she’d been so resistant to the vacation.
He wanted her to tell him if she wanted anything? She’d never have the nerve. But now she really wished she did.
SEBASTIAN’S ARM WAS NUMB, but he didn’t mind. He liked having her sleep against his side. The limo rode smoothly, the air was quiet and he liked seeing her this way—relaxed, without those impenetrable mental shields to protect her.
He looked down at her, carefully tucked a wayward curl behind her ear, then touched her smooth warm cheek. Being asleep, she didn’t jump away or show her displeasure over his touch.
Having her this close was playing havoc with his libido. She had one leg tucked beneath her, so her dress had hiked up, her knees were peeking out at him and he could see a bit of pale thigh. The sight held his attention for a long moment. One of her shoes had fallen off and he pondered how tiny that foot looked next to his own size fourteens. Her foot was slim, high arched…Good grief, he could hardly believe such a thing could arouse him, but there was no denying the stirring of desire.
He was in bad shape when a woman’s foot turned him on.
Warm breath bathed his throat as she sighed deeply in her sleep. Her nose touched just below his jaw, her unruly hair tickled his cheek and one small plump breast pressed into his ribs.
The stirring grew until he had a devil of a time ignoring the reactions of his own body. But she was tuckered out, poor little thing, probably as much emotionally as physically, and he had no intention of waking her. The plane ride had been difficult enough; she didn’t need to know how much he wanted her. Especially since the feeling didn’t appear to be mutual.
They’d only been in the limo for a little over fifteen minutes when she’d passed out. She didn’t fade out gradually like most people did. No, when Brandi went to sleep it was like watching someone faint dead away. One minute she’d been sitting stiff at his side and staring out the window at the moon-shadowed scenery, the next she had slumped into him, giving him all of her slight weight.
He wanted to pull her into his lap, to cuddle her…to kiss her. She was by far the most intrinsically sensual woman he’d ever known. And when she suddenly wakened, stretching along his side like a cat and yawning hugely, he couldn’t stop himself from giving her a light hug.
Her eyes snapped open and she jerked away from him. Well, he’d expected as much. She was sexy, but she wasn’t interested in him.
Sebastian forced a smile. “I hope the nap helped.”
“How long have I been sleeping?”
Her eyes were huge, wary, almost accusing. “About forty minutes. We should be at the lodge soon.”
She fussed beside him, smoothing down her hair, tugging at the hem of her dress, rubbing her hands together. Watching her made him want her, so he looked away.
“Are you okay?”
The hesitant question had him turning toward her again. “I’m fine. Why?”
“I don’t know. You seem…tense.”
Tense and aroused and…almost needy. She’d tied him into more knots tonight than he’d ever experienced while growing up dirt-poor. He’d suffered plenty of rejections as a child and he’d grown accustomed to them. But as an adult, he hadn’t allowed anyone to make him feel this way. He gave assistance, he didn’t need it.
But now he wanted a woman who didn’t want him back. The idea didn’t sit well with his adult pride. So he gave her only a partial truth.
“I’m not comfortable with all this luxury. The first-class tickets, the limo. The money could have been better spent elsewhere.”
For once her expression softened and the look she gave him had him struggling for breath. He had to swallow back a groan. The driver of the limo was silent behind his privacy window, set on his course. The shadowy darkness of the car and the quiet of the night only added to the intimacy of the whole enterprise. And if she didn’t quit looking at him like that, he’d lose control.
Brandi didn’t appear to notice his trouble. “I’m sure our vacation plan is more extravagant than anyone else’s. But then that’s Shay—extravagant to a fault, especially with the people she loves. I knew the minute she decided to involve me in the trip, she’d take a personal interest. I wouldn’t be surprised if everything was top-of-the-line.” Then she tilted her head. “Does it really bother you so much? Most people would love to be pampered with a limo and such.”
Undecided on how much to tell her, Sebastian hesitated. It was a rather personal topic, and not the easiest thing for him to talk about. But then Brandi touched his wrist and when he looked at her, his entire body tightened.
“It’s all right, Sebastian. I didn’t mean to pry.”
He went down without a whimper. He wanted to talk to her, to gain her trust. And this was as good a place to start as any. Leaning his head back against the soft leather upholstery of the seat, he said, “I grew up poor.”
“I see.”
He chuckled. “No, you don’t. I’m not saying we couldn’t afford a new car, I’m saying we barely afforded food. Half the time the electricity was turned off. Back then, hot water was a luxury, and in our neighborhood a peek at a limo would have been considered prime entertainment.”
Brandi watched him, comprehension in her wide eyes. “So, wasting money still bothers you?”
“Bothers me? Yeah, it bothers me. I guess I learned to be especially thrifty—I had to, in order to make the food last. Now, even though money isn’t an issue with me anymore, squandering it, even if it isn’t mine…Well, it makes my stomach cramp. The only thing I’ve ever been extravagant with is my house. It gives me a kind of security I can’t get anywhere else.”
He waited for her reaction. He’d never before trusted a woman enough to share those personal thoughts. Admitting to such a weakness might have
detracted from the image women had of him, and could have disillusioned anyone.
But Brandi didn’t pull away. Instead, she took his hand, entwining her fingers with his. That one small gesture was so full of understanding, so full of giving that he was prompted to go on, knowing that she wouldn’t be disillusioned by him or his truths. He wasn’t certain why he knew that, but he did.
“My mother was incredible, trying so hard to make everything work. But she’d come home so exhausted from the extra hours at below minimum wage that she wouldn’t even think of food. I tried to make certain she ate, but there were times when she was just too tired. There were also times when I couldn’t find food to offer her.”
“What about your father?”
He made a rude sound and Brandi squeezed his fingers. She was a tiny woman, half his size, but she had one hell of a grip—he felt it all the way to his heart.
“My father was a drunken, abusive bastard who only drank up what money my mother did make.” He smiled, but it wasn’t a nice smile. “He was the same type of man who keeps the women’s shelters crowded. He wouldn’t work to better his life. Hell, with the way he drank, he couldn’t have kept a job even if he’d wanted to. So he was miserable. And rather than work toward fixing things, he’d turn around and…take out his anger on my mother.”
“He hit her?” Brandi sounded appalled, but Sebastian had been pulled into his own memories, so he just shrugged. “I can’t even count the number of times I got woke up with my father cursing my mother and her crying. It would last for hours.”
Brandi sucked in a trembling breath and pulled away from him. He looked down at her, and froze. Her face shone pale in the dark interior of the car and her hands were fisted in her lap. She didn’t look merely shocked—she looked livid. Without thinking, Sebastian said, “Damn it, I’m sorry.” And he tugged her close. She was stiff, resisting his comfort, but he needed it as much as she did so he didn’t loosen his hold.
“I shouldn’t have gone on like that. Hell, I don’t even think about it all that much anymore, except for the waste of money. Brandi?” He cradled her head between his palms and turned her face up to him. “Are you okay?”
Nodding, she touched his cheek with a trembling hand. But her dark brows were still lowered and she looked almost ferocious. “I’m sorry, Sebastian. You shouldn’t have had to go through such an awful thing.”
“Me? It was my mother who had to put up with him.”
She shook her head. “And you had to worry about both of them, didn’t you?” She sniffed past her anger, a single tear glimmering in her eye.
Her reaction seemed extreme to him. Hell, it had happened long ago. He searched her face, but he saw no pity, no revulsion. There was only complete understanding, which confused him more than anything. How could a woman who’d come from a wonderful loving family really understand the coarse existence he had led?
Slowly, she pulled away from him and moved a few inches over on the seat, putting space between them. She gave him an uncertain look when he continued to watch her. “Do you ever see your father now?”
He made a sound, something between a choke and a snort. “Not a chance. Not when I was the one who chased him away.”
“You?”
“When I was about twelve, I decided I’d had enough. I waited for my father with a chunk of broken lumber from the building site down the street. I considered it an equalizer. When he reached for my mother that last time, I stopped him.”
“Extreme violence when necessary?” Her voice was a soft, gentling whisper.
He shrugged. “I took a few licks myself that day, but since my father had been disgustingly drunk, I doled out more than my fair share, too. And to a man like my father, it just wasn’t worth hanging around if he had to take any abuse himself. He knew damn well, from that day on, he’d have to contend with me every time he showed up. So he left. And he never came back.”
“But you saved your mother.”
That was how Sebastian had consoled himself over the loss of his father, because despite everything, despite how absurd it seemed, he’d had feelings for the man. He had missed him when he’d just disappeared. For a while, it had been difficult, though those feelings had long since faded. “She never mentioned it, never said if she approved or disapproved. But she smiled more often after he’d gone. And knowing I’d managed to make a difference made me feel good too, even when I had an empty belly.”
“My father is the most gentle man you’d ever meet,” Brandi said softly. “He spoils us all, going overboard on gifts and affection. He can lecture a body crazy, but he’d never raise a hand against a woman in anger.”
“You’re lucky that your family is like that.”
“I’ve always thought so.” Then she said, “You must be very proud of all you’ve accomplished since then. You’ve overcome a very tragic background.”
“Not all that tragic, and really, not all that different from what a lot of families live through. But it is what helped me decide on my future. And why I have such a successful business now.”
“The personal protection agency?”
“Yes.” Sebastian was astounded by how incredibly easy it was to talk to Brandi. Already, she knew more about him than most people did. “I decided I needed a job to help out after my father left, even though we were probably better off without buying his booze and with one less mouth to feed. I’d gained most of my height by then and I was street tough, so I hired myself out.”
“You belonged to a gang?”
“I was my own gang.” He chuckled now, remembering how full of himself he’d been. “I was a teenager, but I thought I was as capable as anyone. If someone needed protection, I supplied it. I was a big kid and I’d learned to be mean the hard way, by necessity. But I was choosy. I worked as a defense, not an offense. I wouldn’t attack, only protect. And I made a bundle doing it.”
“Sebastian…” She hesitated, but when he waited, she finally said, “It sounds like you learned how to live with the bad, not how to get away from it.”
“True. It’s called surviving. But I did finally figure that out, though not before a few scrapes with the law and a few near misses with my general well-being. Which is why I joined the service. College was out of the question. I barely made it through high school by the skin of my teeth. I wasn’t dumb, just rebellious. And the service was structured enough to get me straightened out.”
“It’s incredible how you turned your life around.”
Startled, he looked down to see Brandi watching him, her blue eyes wide and intense in the darkness, only an occasional streetlight glimmering across her features. His heart still aching with the memories of his painful childhood, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to take comfort and give it. But the moment his gaze dropped to her mouth, she stiffened, and once again he accepted the rejection.
This would probably be the longest five days of his life. Brandi didn’t want him—might not ever want him—yet every minute with her made him want her more. He felt an affinity with her that he’d never shared with another person. It didn’t make sense, not with Brandi so petite and innocent and sweet—so much his opposite. Yet he felt it, because he felt her understanding, her concern, her giving….
Though he’d had lovers and female friends, none of them had affected him this way. Never had anyone gotten past his guard so effortlessly. Sharing so much time with her alone would be a unique form of torture.
He laughed off the discomfort. He really had no choice. “I’m incredible? Now you’re starting to sound like Shay.”
She grinned. “Heaven forbid.”
When she continued to stare at him, her expression curious, he asked, “What?”
“You’re such a…big man. I can’t quite imagine you as a little kid. Do you look like your mother?”
“No. She was small, like you, but better rounded.”
Brandi chuckled. “Shay is always telling me to eat more. But I could gain twenty pounds and still not be
rounded, at least not in the right places.”
“You’re fine just the way you are. Tell Shay to mind her own business.”
He’d said it in a teasing tone, but still Brandi looked embarrassed. “I’d like to meet your mother some day. I imagine she’s very proud of you.”
“She died years ago, Brandi. But my mother was always proud, even when I didn’t deserve it. She used to claim I was the only good thing she had to look forward to. Which, when I look back to my misspent youth, is really pretty sad.” Then he grinned, just so she wouldn’t see how the topic affected him—how she affected him. “It’s a parent’s duty to be proud, no matter how you screw up.”
In a voice so low he almost couldn’t hear her, she said, “My parents haven’t always been proud of me.”
He stared at her profile, at her downcast expression, and frowned. “That can’t be true. You’ve just said how your father dotes on you, and Shay brags about your mother all the time. They love you a lot.”
“Yes, they do. But I’ve made some pretty terrible mistakes.”
He wanted to know what kind of mistakes she was referring to. He couldn’t imagine Brandi doing anything irresponsible or reckless. She didn’t seem the type. But he also wanted her to confide in him freely. So he didn’t ask. His job had taught him patience, especially with women, and he knew that if he bided his time, if he let her get to know him, she’d learn to be more comfortable with him.
She wouldn’t look at him, and he had to cup her chin to turn her face up to him. “We all make mistakes, honey. That’s part of being human.”
“I can’t….” She hesitated, not another word forthcoming.
Sebastian gave her a small smile. “It’s okay. No pressure, remember?”
She drew a deep breath, then blurted, “I shouldn’t be here. You should have had this vacation with another woman. It was unfair of Shay to foist me off on you like this. But it’s not too late. Maybe we could—”